My daughter was a preemie and so very behind in many things. They always talked about ‘catching up’ but I really think there is so much difference between a 6 month old and a 7 month old that it seemed like she was catching up when she achieved the ‘7 month old’ milestone.
I don’t think it is catching up. There is just such an enormous different between a 12 month old and a 12 month and 2 week old that it seems like they are in completely different age groups, but there isn’t that much difference in a 6 year old and a 6 1/2 year old that we group it all as ‘6 years old.’
And really, wasting pizza? No way. That’s one smart girl.
I am not sure if y’all know our “Texodus” story, but the summary is, DD, her wife, DGS4, DGD2, me and DH (the retired grandparents), DS, DD-I-L, DGD2, all moved from Texas to western Massachusetts with the goal of living close to each other, in a beautiful location, away from the big city, and in a progressive political environment, in a location where the young adults could afford a house, and be gainfully employed.
Amazingly, it has all happened! DS and his wife just bought a house with an attached apartment for D-I-Ls parents to live in. The foundations for DD’s house and our ADU, a small detached cottage, are being dug this coming week.
Yesterday was the moment where I had that full-heart feeling and knowledge that we had collectively made a wonderful choice. We casually celebrated DS’s birthday at the local elementary school playground. The 3 GKs ran around in the soft grass, dug in the dirt, chased the dog, squabbled, fell, laughed, swung by for cuddles, ran around some more. We ate Thai takeout and lots of cake. (Picked a tick off DH and the dog. Oh, well) We adult family members leisurely chatted and laughed, talked with a neighbor who stopped by with his son, tag-teamed watching the little ones. And when the sun was setting, we packed everything up and headed on our extremely short drives home.
I know there will be ups and downs, and every moment will not be so idyllic, but this one was, and I am very grateful!
Glad your family has made the big move and have settled nicely, with a QOL and closeness you were looking for.
IDK if it makes a difference having grown up in a small town (10,000 people, county seat/largest town in the county), but there were 3 brothers that all had children - so lots of first cousins, some in the same grade at school. I was kind of amazed that the children didn’t seem to be close at all – one brother was a MD, one was a PA, and one was a hospital administrator/personnel. Also, other families with cousins also in same or close grades - because one set of cousins in my grade had parents that were brother/sister, I didn’t know they were cousins until high school class reunion many years later, and I was friends with both (one boy, one girl). But my brother and sister both had children there, and those 3 cousins are very close - girl and boy cousins in same grade and girl cousin (younger sibling of boy) a few grades behind.
TX is a very big place, and DD1/SIL/GKids are in a big city - but they have an excellent school and church community (the school has the highest SAT scores for the entire city, and we see how terrific the school is based on what we have seen with GD1/K and GS1/4K). DD2, age 28, is single and in a FL city. We will see what the housing situation will be once DD1/SIL are totally settled in this city more permanently - they are home renters right now and a nice place, so not a hurry for home ownership…waiting for right timing.
SIL’s dad has progressing Parkinson’s, and the family is in the process of having those parents move to city where a son/family is (SIL has one brother, and it looks like the city may be where SIL’s brother is). I will be helping with the Gkids for 2 weeks in June while SIL is away helping move important things.
GD gets sick in cars quit a bit. When she was walking down a street one day, she said, “I get sick in this car, this car, this car. Po-po gets sick in boat.”
Now, I felt very sick on a boat ride while on vacation with them a year ago. I don’t know how she remembered it.
Completed day 3 of 4 days watching the very active and not always compliant oldest 2 grandkids. And what were we thinking when we took them for Ghirardelli ice cream Sundays? We.Are.Exhausted.
@jym626 You are not instilling confidence in my ability to keep my 2 next month for 3 days! The 5 1/2 year old is sweet, but wild, and then there is the 15 month old; plus it is just me. The almost 5 year old that lives here is so much easier to take care of, plus I can stay in my own home which is great for me.
I am in awe of your taking on 2 by yourself! We have met up with the other grandparents , a relative in S.F. and my other s and family. So we aren’t doing all this alone! But we have been going nonstop (amusement parks, kids festivals, parks, and a hot tub it’s warm enough, to younger s’s and if it’s warm enough, to let the grands enjoy the HUGE hot tub (it’s the size of a pool) if they aren’t to bothersome to the adults). It’s been go go go. And I had help! I don’t recommend that
At least they will be at camp and daycare two of the days! I still have to get them up and out of the house on time, which will be a feat in itself! I am going to arrive a day or two earlier to see their routine as I haven’t been to their home since the baby was born as they have come here.
It does help when one has had considerable time during some of the Gkids’ young time. I was almost live in Nanny for 6 weeks during Covid daycare shut down when GD1 was almost 2 and GS1 was almost 1. They lived 100 miles from me, and they worked M - F. So I would arrive Sunday evening and leave when DD got home from work on Friday afternoon. Now those two are 6, almost 5, and their younger siblings will be 3 the end of August, and 1 on June 10th. We had visits at least several times a year, and often I would also come over a long weekend and help DD ‘catch up’ on things, especially during her DH’s Army Reserve time. They moved many states away last July when the baby was 3 weeks old, but DD had maternity leave continuing with her job transfer. I have always been able to give GS2 extra attention, and all the kids are sweet. I do things the way DD wants, and the kids have been use to having me around. My last 4 weeks with them Mar - April, getting a little acquainted with GD2.
The older two share a room (bunk beds) and the younger two share a room. their bed times and any naps are coordinated.
The kids will all be at daycare and day program (all at the same place). Older two’s school ends May 30th. So I won’t ‘run out of gas’ as I have a long daytime period w/o kids (unless one or more are sick). Actually had a few school days missed Mar/April with one being sick for a few days.
Good luck! Maybe the older child will surprise you by being grandma’s helper with the little one. I don’t often have our two GDs by myself, but I’m starting to ask the older one to help a little and she likes having a job to do. While we did a good job of baby-proofing our new house, you can’t predict everything an adventurous toddler will try. Our younger GD is a daredevil and I get nervous about making a quick trip to the bathroom some days. Except for extreme need, I don’t take my eyes off that one.
The older one loves her baby brother, maybe a bit too much! She drags him around and loves to make him laugh. It is when she is jumping off the sofa onto the floor an inch away from where he is that I suck in my breath!
The 15 month old is in the food throwing stage and the 5 year old never sits for a meal. Rules are a bit different at my house for the 5 year old, and she will know while I am in charge at her house, my rules still apply. I will not put up with the “my daddy lets me do it.”
Once when my parents were keeping the kids, I called to say we got off the expressway and would be home in 15 minutes. When I open the door to the house, their suitcase was at the door and my mother was standing in the kitchen with her purse on her shoulder!
What is worse?
My DIL doesn’t trust me to be with grandson. We flew out for second BD. Her parents had been there a month and sister a week. The little one knows them so well, as they have stayed there 7-9? Months during the first year.
I think I had half hour with him on my last day.
At least I was with someone, and we went to Sonoma for days.
I have a friend who’s in a situation like that. Her daughter’s husband only ever lets kids be alone with HIS parents. My friend has never been allowed to have her grandkids by herself, and they are 5 and 8 (ish, I can’t remember exactly). They are forced to be inside most of the summer, when my friend could easily take them to the pool or play with them outside. Very occasionally her daughter will bring them to friend’s place and let them have grandma time while she works. It’s so sad to watch, but nothing she can do.
That is so difficult. Keep trying to establish whatever relationship you can, given the situation. If it is possible, FaceTime. Send video clips of yourself talking to him - say his name a lot so he understands that you are talking right to him. Send cards. Hopefully, your DIL will loosen up as time goes on. Not sure what your relationship is with your S, but if you feel comfortable doing so, let him know that you would really like to find a way to develop a relationship with your GS. Don’t mention anything about feeling like his wife is keeping you from having that relationship … just say that you want a relationship and ask him if he has ideas about how that can happen.
