OMG, give me heart failure.
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Reducing the chances of repeat of this, make them all go to the bathroom before leaving anywhere.
We have to have GS1 count to 10 when he goes #1 because invariably, he will also then have to go #2. If he does it all that one time, it helps. And especially when there is a party or a movie and he wants to stay and ignore mother nature calling. DD had to deal with this Friday evening - mess in his pants/underwear; had to clean him up in friend’s bathroom prior to picking up her DH from a business trip on that side of town. GS2’s clean underwear went on GS1, and their bottoms were covered - she didn’t have extra clothes with her. Curb side pickup of DH and the 4 kids were asleep in the car (ages 1 - 6). Lord have mercy!
It will all work out. DD1/SIL are happy for the children, but they also have some friends that also have 3 or more children and are willing to do the chores and handle the responsibilities. Still getting use to the news.
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I bought a seat that can go on the toilet. I showed it to the 2 1/2 year old and asked if he wanted to try it. He with a straight face told me, “no, I like my diaper”. He knows when he has to go but is happy with his diapers. His Mom has a 11 month old so hasn’t pushed the potty training.
One of my grandkids has a full time nanny. She drives him to all his therapy appointments. Both parents mainly work from home and the nanny has been a huge blessing.
Another has a part time babysitter. She just started a daycare/preschool at 20 months two days a week. My daughter cut way back on her work hours until her child was 18 months. She had an understanding boss. My daughter wasn’t ready to put her in daycare and also wasn’t happy with any of the local options. She has a long commute so hates that with the babysitter she is paying for two hours a day that she isn’t getting paid for. It’s meant watching the budget. Her feeling is that they grow up so quickly that she was going to take the time off.
Other kid has two. The older goes to preschool and they have a nanny for the younger. It adds up.
@oldfort mine is so much more relaxed with the 2nd.
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LOL, I believe the technical term for that is a “surprise”. (Just kidding, I know your intended audience.)
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I think I’d feel the same way if their roles were reversed. H and I had hoped to both cut back on our hours while continuing to pursue our careers but things didn’t work out that way. We did not have any family support, finances were a much greater concern, and quality childcare was not available at the time. Various other circumstances led to me being a SAHM “wasting” my MBA (per my older sibling) but I have no real regrets other than the stress this placed on H. Later, when we began homeschooling, I met SAHDs as well as SAHMs and a few couples who managed shift work on different schedules. I am all for whatever works for each family and just wish that D and SiL could find a way for each of them to be happier as well as more involved with their kids. D has clearly not been happy with SiL, but even when she complains I am very reluctant to make any suggestions as they would not be well received.
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D1 called it an accident because of day count, miscalculation of days.
Regarding the women who decide to quit because all their income would go to paying for child care –
Women need to look at the long-term impact. Even if there’s no current net gain financially from the woman working, she’s still contributing to her Social Security and her 401(k), which will pay off big time when she’s ready to retire. Also, she’s keeping her skills up to date. Also, presumably she will get raises and promotions, so hopefully within a few years her income will exceed the cost of day care.
I hate to see women drop out of the workforce. It’s very hard to get back in at an appropriate level.
YMMV.
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I totally agree with you. I was going to post something like this, but wanted to keep this as a happy/light grandparents thread.
I know this woman who was a lawyer at a major law firm, she quit to raise her kids. Her husband was a partner, so money was no issue. But once her kids were in high school she wanted to go back to work. She couldn’t even get a job as a paralegal.
My best friend also quit her high paying banking job to be at home. She then got divorced and had to really start at the bottom again.
I always advise people to suck it up to pay for childcare and always keep their jobs, because once they are out it’s very hard to get back in.
My son in law lost his job 2 years ago. He had a really hard time finding another job and almost gave up. D1 is making 7 figure (yes, humble brag) and didn’t need his income. They would have kept their nanny even if he wasn’t working, but I told him that he needed to get a job because it was good for him. He eventually did. He is making good money in tech, but after paying for the nanny, and some household expenses there is not much left. Life is long, kids will grow up and be gone. I know he would be lost without having something of his own. He actually got choked up in telling me that he needed to have some real adults to talk to other than the nanny and a 2 year old (there were some low points). Sometimes it’s not just about money.
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Yes, staying home with our kids really was a mixed blessing. I was able to shuttle them everywhere and especially able to be adaptable and transition into part time work but my income took a huge hit that affected my now very modest SS. I did miss having a workplace where I could talk things out with other adults.
It was especially helpful that I had flexibility when both kids had chronic health problems that involved frequent medical visits and H’s career had less flexibility.
It is good when people can find a good way to raise their kids AND keep careers or whatever balance they choose to strike. My nieces are doing that high wire act now with their young kids.
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I don’t regret staying home, even if it did affect our income in the long run. I don’t think people should stay home if they don’t want to or if it’s not working for their family, but I would never make a blanket statement that it’s not wise to stay home. Like every choice in life, there is a trade off.
Off my soap box.
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I was just about to comment on this. Some moms choose to stay home with their kids. Many do not want to miss those years with their little ones and they are willing to make the professional and/or financial sacrifice. It is a choice and I respect it. Some have kids with health challenges and the moms feel more comfortable staying home with them. There is an elementary school not far from me that is known for having the most organized and successful PTA b/c most of the active moms are or were professionals (some still working, som SAHMs by choice).
I knew I couldn’t be a SAHM. It’s just not me. We were fortunate to be able to have live in help, as we have no family in the area. I have no regrets, but I also completely respect the moms who make different choices.
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Having a medical degree 1990’s- at that time I had to account for 30 days not working- yes- 30 days! to the medical board for license renewal. I took off 6 weeks for the first kid and 2 weeks for the second. I had a private practice the second time and made seriously less money than my secretary. But, I kept practicing. I knew women who had to do a year of residence if they were out of the workforce for a long time to satisfy the state medical board. That alone was reason enough to continue practice. I really hope things have changed.
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We know doctors who have had kids more recently. Some took three months off, others 2 months. None went back to work after two weeks.
I think things have changed.
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D’s OB/GYN friend took six months off after a late pregnancy loss. She ended up leaving the practice she was with, but she had no problem getting a new (better) job. It’s just a single data point, but I hope it means things have changed for the better.
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I stayed home for 10 years as it was difficult with a husband traveling for his job and no family support. Looking back, I wish I had stayed working. I liked having the time with my kids and the easier logistics, but I was not cut out to be a SAHM. We were/are fine financially, but reentering the workforce meant starting over at the bottom and being stereotyped as a “former SAHM”. Ended up doing pretty high level work but never getting either the pay, the respect or the title.
I started back as a part timer. Ended up taking more work/higher level responsibilities than my job description and having to fight to get even some of what I should have had. Part time is a wonderful thing- for the business. It can be a trap for the employee.
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I have liked a variety of recent posts with different POVs because I believe there have been valid points in all. Decisions about working are tough and best made by the individuals involved since all circumstances vary. Before my mom retired and provided the backup I needed in my early teaching days, I scraped and juggled through a year of patchwork childcare options. I don’t want that for this next generation and hope that we, as a nation, will value the importance of childcare for our young families and in how any government support seems to be investment spending in keeping our economy perking along. Hope that isn’t too political.
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Be grateful that you had choices to work, work part-time, stay at home, hire help or have family to help…choices.
Many parents don’t have choices. Must work, must pay for child care, or must stay home because of a child with medical complexities.
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Important conversation, but to get back to grandkid stories:
My D moved GS from the very touchyfeely/arty/hands-on/hippie-ish preK which she loved, to the new public preK because it’s free, and the curriculum looked good enough. But he came home every day talking about learning “computers” which was not what she was looking for, especially as she definitely limits screens severely for the kids. He also said there was no books or reading.
So…she came back from Back to School Night (we were babysitting the grands) to announce that GS is an “unreliable narrator”-- the room is filled with books, they have special reading time when they “read” to each other, and she showed us a picture of the “computer”–it’s a definitely screen-less toy cash register! And GS and best buddy like to play store together. No other computer in the room, lol.
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Unreliable narrator indeed! Glad to hear that public school is working out!
@FallGirl i can relate to so much of your story
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