Venting here is healthy. Go for it.
FWIW, I know a couple women who basically raised their grandkids. It was incredibly difficult, and they really struggled. But the kids really needed them, and they were much better off for having had their loving grandmas so involved in their lives. While your D may not be in a position to tell you, you are a blessing to her and to your grandchildren.
Good luck getting the passport picture with her eyes open!
Our kiddos managed to get a passport quality pic of their little one at 3 weeks old. 
Took them quite a few tries!
For our adopted children, we needed a photo with their eyes open and including their right ear. The kids in our group ranged from 14 months to 2.5 years. That photog knew how to click fast but some of the photos were a ‘deer in the headlights’ pose. And there were tears.
Hugs to you, @momocarly . I hope everything gets straightened out soon and you’re no longer relied on so much.
@momocarly - Sending you (and your D) hugs and strength.
Good to have a place to vent.
Perhaps the driving for grandson can get split (meet halfway) and driving from your end can be shared with others not solely falling on you.
It is sad that DD has sort of ‘burned bridges’ with friends - they possibly could have been a help so you would not have had to cancel your trip planned a year ago (before DD got pregnant).
Lots of unfortunate things happen - but it sounds like DD has made some choices with dad1 and dad2 that have not made for a stable family situation for her as a mom. It sounds like your DD is going to have to manage as a single mom to two, since she has chosen to keep this baby rather than have the baby adopted. Not that I am critical of that - as a grandmother myself I would want to have the children raised in the family if that is the best thing for the child.
The dad2 may take decades to clean up his life. Her children have 18 years of being a minor, and to be taken care of by their parents - hopefully dad1 and dad2 can be good for the children in all ways, including financially. Nana and grandpa are not parent substitutes. You have to gauge DD’s maturity on all these aspects.
Meanwhile, hopefully DD has some courses towards a college degree, has some skills that she is good at, and has a way to obtain a career that she can support herself and her children in the way she was brought up - with same opportunities she had available to her. Hopefully she is getting therapy and is properly medically managed.
Hopefully DD’s severe depression and anxiety is more situation than chronic long term. With DD seeking a job, will it pay enough for daycare? She needs to have a plan versus having circumstances shape her life. Hats off to your husband and you stepping in in major ways - but she needs to do a whole lot more now for herself and both of her children. She has youth (and youthful energy) - and your life cannot be consumed because of her choices and her drama.
Be fair to yourself and the rest of your family, while making sure your grandkids have a wonderful childhood. Love and attention.
D1 Said they have sent in the passport application already and expect to get it back in three weeks. I have seen quite a few pictures of GD2 with her eyes open. D1 said that she does sleep quite a bit though.
I am sorry about your situation. I don’t know what I would if I were in the same position. I could do hard love with my grown children, but it’s hard with babies. At the same time I think I probably would feel a bit angry because I have raised my children already and this should be my time. Feel free to vent here.
Adding my own hugs to you @momocarly. Very difficult.
I have friends who are basically raising their grandchild. They are in their 70’s and it’s so hard. We see how the husband with health issues is just plain tired.
They do it because they love their grandson. But they are worn out.
We have acquaintances who raised their oldest grandchild. Their D (the mom of the kid) has several younger kids with different dads but they couldn’t raise more grandkids and the mom appears to be getting her life together. It’s a challenge when these situations arise and the grandkids benefit when there is nurturing and stability. Sorry for you, @momocarly and all who deal with such challenging times.
@momocarly feel free to vent here. That’s one of the reasons we are here. You’re in a terrible situation as you’ve worked hard raising your kids and deserve some time for yourself. On the other hand your grandchildren have no control over their parents situation and you don’t want them to suffer. Could you put the responsibility back on Dad 1 to pick up and return his child to free up your time?
One of my daughters close friends was raised by her grandparents(her Dad’s parents).She knows in the long run how lucky she is. She has half siblings from her mom who didn’t have the support she has had. I also know several acquaintances who are raising grandchildren and it’s hard at our ages but what choice do you have if you’re able.
Thank you and everyone. Dad 1 is almost 4 hours away and we meet halfway per court order. He is unwilling to do anything other than what is in the court documents. At least he does pay child support. Dad 2 makes almost nothing. My daughter was adopted after 18 years of infertility. She is exactly like her birth mom. She is close to having Borderline personality disorder but they aren’t willing to make that diagnosis yet Her issues have been going on since middle school. She only has 6 hours of college credit. It is hard for her to keep a job but she will probably go back to working at a day care in Dec or Jan. They have lived with us most of grandson’s life except about a year when he was very little. He is very close with us. I am in a no win situation for now. If we can get to a point where we feel my daughter is stable we will get her an apartment. We tried once but she was with us more than there. We are older parents now 65. She sees a therapist but it isn’t covered by her insurance. It is all a mess but I do it for my grandson. He has some speech delay but has an IEP, free pre-k with speech therapy, and loves his teacher and school.
More hugs to you, momocarly. My 🩷 goes out to you.
You are a wonderful mother and grandmother.
I know you’re not looking for kudos, but you’re doing a great thing, for both your daughter and her kid(s).
Lots of GS time this weekend.
SIL had to work Friday evening so DW went to their house and took D and GS to dinner. It was cute to watch him toddle around the play area.
Saturday evening we went to the event that SIL had to work on Friday night–there was a band and GS was entranced. He was dancing around and at one point went to the edge of the stage.
They came over today after SIL worked (9:30-1:30 TBH–he volunteered for this once since it was leading a private tour that included one of his favorite historians in the group). After an awesome afternoon of playing, we had dinner at our neighborhood Mexican joint. We closed out with DW and I giving GS his bath before they headed home.
I’ve read that Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease is spreading through our area. Our GDs and their mom caught it. We’re waiting to see if we succumb after babysitting several days in the last week before being told the rash isn’t just a reaction to antibiotics given for ear infections as SiL initially insisted. The GDs have shared nearly every other illness, but I’m hoping we can skip this one.
Just FYI - for infant passport pictures, they don’t have to have their eye open. D1 had professional pictures done and that’s what they were told. I also just googled to confirm.
Wow, thanks! That’s a change apparently.
Just a reminder to everyone that HFMD can cause complications in pregnant women and immune comprised individuals. Be mindful not to touch your face/mouth/eyes when you’re around your cute little disease vectors or let your disease vectors touch yours. Wash hands frequently. You can transmit the HFMD virus without ever developing symptoms yourself.