Oh that’s so sad! Just unfathomable. This was in NJ a few years later.
I was so thankful when the Hib vax came out.
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Came here to check on your family and found the good news. Hoping for continued improvements in the hours and days ahead.
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Such wonderful news!
Hope her recovery is smooth sailing.
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Great news that mommy is home. And I think Grandma was brilliant in letting the kids pick out ice cream for her!
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So relieved to hear that your daughter is out of the hospital! Great news!
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No - other daughter is an engineer. But DD1 knows a lot - between her work experiences and interfacing with MDs/friends that are MDs, her inquisitive mind.
I didn’t know SIL had a ‘later start’ this morning (usually he is out the door by 4:40 am. Usually DD1 is in the kitchen getting the older two lunches going early, but no one was stirring. I got everything going, and after the kids were down for breakfast I saw SIL who said he had a ‘later’ start (out the door before 5:45 am.) The ‘morning shift’ went fine, but driving in the dark and with a lot of glare with the drizzling rain – absolutely imperative to leave the house on time. Driving back to the house, could see the traffic back up on people getting to work and school. I had laid out the older two kids’ uniforms (rather than hang them up from being laundered). They are use to me assisting a lot in the morning, and this is the 3rd time this week I have driven them to school. DD1 didn’t get out of bed and is still sleeping. We got the kids down pretty well last night, so they were good this morning. They have a continuous playing classical radio station, and we all enjoyed listening to that on the dark drive to daycare/school.
I saw my 3 grandchildren this weekend; it had been a while.They are older than most of yours–grades K to 4. At this point, My adult child and spouse rely on an au pair. Au pair hung out with the family on Sunday though it wasn’t a work day for her. A bit jealous because the kids all obviously feel closer to her than me. Intellectually though it was good to see that it’s evident that they all love her–especially the youngest.
The regulations regarding au pairs were supposed to change. The new requirements would put the program beyond their family’s means. (One proposed change was that au pairs would have to be paid minimum wage in the locale in which they work. Okay if you live in a low cost of living area; not so great if you live in a major city with a higher minimum wage.) At this point it’s unlikely that any new rules will be in place by this summer when they’ll have to have a replacement. Au pairs are expected to stay for one year and can extend for up to an additional year. They must leave after 2 years. Their current AP has been with them for over a year and a half now.
There are pros and cons to the program. It gets attacked from both the left and the right. But reality is that for many it’s a win-win. So if any of your adult kids have children who are all beyond the toddler stage, it might be an option for child care. It’s good for families who need a “split shift”–a little help getting the kids out the door and out to school in the morning and then after school or aftercare. Sometimes the APs principal duty is being a chauffeur ferrying kids to various ativities, especially sports. It’s almost impossible to find a nanny who will work from 7:45 to 8:45 am and then again from 3 to 7 pm or 5:30 (to pick up up from daycare by 6 pm) til 7:30.
I think it gets easier to hire the longer you’re in the program because AP candidates can talk to your current AP and maybe even text or email previous APs to get a sense of the family. On the other hand, a lot of APs prefer younger kids because they can just take the kids wherever the AP wants to go. And, of course, the more kids you have, the less desirable your family is to many APs.
It’s a good solution for all those times when one kid is sick and has to stay home from school or the school is closed down for something like staff development days which aren’t holidays or there’s one of those annoying half days. Since the number of hours APs can work are strictly regulated, there needs to be some adjustments when you need your AP on short notice, but usually you can work it out.
I mention APs because of the discussion in this thread of the difficulties of obtaining reliable childcare. Reality is that it really doesn’t become easy when kids are old enough for aftercare at school. Many couples have jobs which make it near impossible to guarantee that one or the other of them can do drop off at 8 to 9 am (depending on the school) and pick up by 6 pm. And the more kids you have, the more likely it is that one will get sick one morning when you really MUST go to work. The more government and corporations insist of back to the office, the harder it is for working parents.
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Terrific for a great situation with your family’s AP.
I know our DDs benefited from me being a SAHM (which I had planned to continue my career, but DH’s extensive work travel had me needing to ‘mind the store’) - and those critical times are indeed before school starts, and from school letting out until bedtime.
It may be that in the future (how far future is difficult to tell) Grandpa and I will live in same city as DD1/family and assist with activities, tutoring, etc. DD1 has told me she wants to have similar experiences for her children - so adding the music activities is a lot in addition to school sports. We are awaiting SIL’s work transition from Army to private sector work - and their stability to purchasing a home in their location. They welcome our move when the time comes, and even potentially having a wing on their purchased home for us to live.
The au pair solution is a very good one for lots of families. However, you’re required to provide them with a bedroom and, I believe, their own bathroom, which is tough for some people. Our next-door neighbor, with kids aged 11, 9, and 7, has an au pair – mainly to drive the kids to their magnet school about 15 miles away and pick them up at the end of the day.
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My daughter’s family is in an area where many families have APs or nannies, and keep them when the kids are in school because of drop-offs, illness etc. She couldn’t possibly afford that. Luckily I was in a place where retirement made sense, so I am that person. for a couple years, I did most of the watching of the younger one, and sometimes the older, and the majority of pick-ups. Now that they’re both in full time (Kindergarten and public preschool, thankfully in the same building), I’m just emergency backup now. The new public preschool program has been a godsend, as they’ve gone from paying for two kids to none in one swoop.
Editing to add, I got to be pretty friendly with the nanny crowd at the preschool and local parks when I watched more regularly!
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My daughter has several friends who have gone the au pair route. You have to have room in the house which my daughter doesn’t have. We had friends who had au pairs when our kids were growing up. After the first they would usually get a friend from the same country to replace the one who was leaving. They are still friends with a couple of the women.
The other grandmother and I had the two grandkids today. It was fun but also tiring. They will have both kids in preschool starting in the summer. I’m not sure what they will do as the youngest initially can only stay till 12:30.
My son I think would consider an au pair down the road. What they are struggling with is the extra evening help when my son is traveling for work. He has had a lot of travel the last year and it looks like this year will be similar.
@SOSConcern I can’t imagine how exhausted your daughter must feel. They are lucky you can step in and help.
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Last year D left her job in higher ed and moved to an administrative position at a small private PK-8 school. Part of the attraction is that kids will attend for free. She kept Nashville GD in current daycare to finish the year, but she will move to this school for kindergarten in the fall. Last night I was at their house to help out and D is telling her about how today is dress up day with all the children dressed as their favorite characters (a break from daily uniforms) and how they will have to figure out a costume for her next year. She said no thanks, she didn’t want to dress up. This morning D asked if they should drop the toddler at daycare and then GD could go to school with mom to see the character parade. She said no thanks, she didn’t want to miss snack. She is such a pill! She LOVES to dress up and will likely obsess over what to be next year, but she is giving her mother nothing in the way of enthusiasm. It’s a good thing we love her and find her amusing!
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Sounds like my S!
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My daughter and son-in-law got lucky and found a babysitter who is a student (they live near a university) and an education major. She does part-time babysitting and is available to pick up GD or take her to pre-school on days when D or SIL can’t. She is also willing to stay overnight.
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She’s not giving an inch that she might be missing something! This is my younger kid.
My kids went to a uniform school. They actually didn’t like ‘special dress’ days as it was too hard as there were a set of rules for those days too. My rule? If you weren’t wearing a uniform, you had to put out the alternative dress the night before and once set out, no changes or you had to wear a uniform. Friday was school t-shirt and jeans day, but my kids rarely opted for that, one because you were required to wear a belt with the jeans, the other because it was easier to wear the uniform (skort and polo rather than jeans and t-shirt? Just clothes to her.
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My DH and I were married 15 years when we had DDs - they were born the years we turned 38 and 40. I remember quite clearly about how my ‘routine’ and priorities were with DDs. We could manage two financially on one income and were able to mix in and have all the extracurricular for them. We were in our ‘forever home’ and had built up longer term savings prior to them being born.
DD1 just turned 31 and her DH is 35, so they do have ‘youth’ on their side. But it is clear to them, with my help now, that they will welcome us to help in their ‘mix’ as the children get older. They have their schedules and extra help, and we shall see how their fall goes after DD1 returns to FT work. We will be back for Christmas/New Year’s, and if I am needed before - I can come.
Once SIL makes a work transition and they purchase a home in this city, then DH and my life will make a big shift to selling our home and making a home in their city. Some unknowns lurking.
I’ve been keeping a secret for the past few weeks. D1 and SIL are expecting their first in October. They went today for the first ultrasound and all looks good. Baby is due 10/14 and if D1 is early she could have the baby on 10/11 which is her birthday. I am so excited to finally get to join the grandma club!
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Fantastic @showmom858 !
It so much fun!
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Welcome to this wonderful club 
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My oldest FL GD goes to a public elementary school that requires uniforms. She often wears the uniform components during the weekend and in summers. I haven’t figured out why, but whatever floats her boat!
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