The Grandparent Thread

Parent Cafe
5688

GS is the Norm of his private school.

I’ve been dropping him off & picking up every day for the last 3 weeks. (His sisters are in different summer program right now.)

Every time I’m walking him in or out of the school or crossing the parking garage with him, people shout " Hi WOWGrandson!" as he walks by. Other kids, parents & grandparents (whom I’ve never met or spoken with), classroom teachers and aides (who aren’t his teachers), security personnel, administrators…

Everyone knows him.

Other kids just don’t get the same recognition he does.

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5689

@WayOutWestMom - that was my S. Everyone seemed to know him. I think my GD is also like that at her daycare.

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5690

My grand niece is the fav at her daycare. Shes very high energy and cheerful, always smiling.

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5691

My 5yo grandson loooovvveesss singing Play That Funky Music White Boy…but had to be coached in the pronunciation of “Funky”.

I’ll let you imagine how he was pronouncing it :flushed_face::flushed_face::flushed_face::flushed_face::flushed_face:

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5692

This was a long time ago and IIRC, the child in the front seat was also in a car seat that couldn’t fit in the back.

But yeah, the Dad was definitely in control and when those kids were awake, there was a nanny on duty (I was the weekend nanny). He was an anesthesiologist so often on call, and she was a partner at a major law firm. But yes, she ‘ran’ the children. He did much better when the kids were old enough to go to school, just not very into the babies.

And he had a nice car.

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5693

DH is really good with older kids - he likes to show them how to do stuff in his workshop. DH is really into rocketry (he mentors HS teams, is part of a professional organization, and for years involved with college level NASA competition). When GD1 was 5 and GS1 was 4, they went to a rocketry event with Grandpa and retrieved a ‘big rocket’. One of the adults took a picture, and it went on the Facebook page for their national enthusiast group – it was a very popular picture. I had a blow up of that for DH’s office. The grandkids were adorable. GD1 ‘in charge’ had the front part of the rocket and GS1 had the back part of the rocket. They were very attentive to the rocket control area and watched everything intently.

I love the grandkids as babies and at toddler ages, as I did with our DDs. Also of course fond of older years, but DH is definitely ‘older years’ Grandpa.

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5694

I promise I love my kids and GKs, but my son and DIL parenting style, do not match mine or my daughter’s. S and family are in town for a few days as we have a family wedding and events this weekend; they always stay with me. All the kids toys stay in my living area on shelves for when the kids are here; I have one local GD. Within 5 minutes of arriving to my house, the 2 year old has pulled out almost every toy and dumped buckets of Legos and Playmobile all over the floor!

These 2 are all over the place, never playing with one toy for more that a few moments, before taking out the next. The local GD has been taught to put one toy away before getting out another. I do let her leave her Magnatile build out while doing something else, but she always boxes all the pieces back up before she goes home. I have never seen my son’s kids clean up, so I am always putting things away so I can walk without stepping on something.

The same goes for their meals. This morning the 6.5 year old had pretzels, popcorn, cereal with chocolate sprinkles and a bowl of fruit out in front of her. I think she took a couple of bites of cereal, the rest was the popcorn and pretzels. She isn’t must of an eater when it comes to real food, but lives off of cheese and milk in addition to the junk. What I find interesting is GD eats every bit of her school provided hot lunch, but if offered the same at home, she won’t touch it. The kids food gets left out so they can nibble throughout the day. The 2 yo is a better eater for now! The littles do rule the roost in their household.

As the family has left to go meet another cousin at a museum, I have a bit of quiet time, so have cleaned up breakfast, picked up toys, and taken the trash out. My son would do all this, but it would be later, and I can’t looked at it any longer! The funny thing is, my son complains has messy his in-laws house it, and how he has to do things when at their house!

Again, love my kids and GKS, but I will be ready for them to leave Monday. :face_with_peeking_eye:

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5695

On our family trip we had one grandkid that only wanted pancakes with chocolate chips and syrup and Dino nuggets with dip dip(ketchup). Luckily I had found a plant based pancake mix so she could have pancakes around her allergic cousin. On occasion will also eat pasta with red sauce. At preschool they are served breakfast and she eats whatever they serve. I have to bite my tongue about what this grandchild eats.
We do a cleanup sing along and also the kids seem to like having to clean up with a timer set.

We have one grandchild one afternoon every week. With us the kid is helpful, charming and a joy. Get the kid with his sibling and said grandkid is a terror. Pushing, pinching and kicks to sibling. A totally different kid.

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5696

Sort of like being on an airplane. :unamused_face:

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5697

I noticed GD 5yr old loves the timer. I think they use it in preschool. I had a rule when they visited- OK clean up time with a timer, then we get a snack.

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5698

I was the parent who was criticized for my parenting style (by my in-laws). Not so much when I only had D who was a very easy child, but after I had S. It was easy for them to “make suggestions” when I was exhausted dealing with a child who was anything but easy. Never slept, had some neurological issues and I had zero support. Unlike H’s sisters who had grandparent help, we lived 800 miles from any family. And H was a parent who was much better dealing with older kid issues than littles.

So while I totally get that you are exhausted (I felt like someone had beaten me up every single day when S was young), you just don’t know what challenges your S and D are facing. I appreciate that you didn’t say anything to them, especially not to your DIL.

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5699

Yes, I was criticized too. I had the 1st boy—my older sister had 3 very obedient girls and my s had a mind of his own, for sure. He was challenging in his own way. My younger sister used to offer “advice” until she was blessed with 3 boys, eldest of whom even got briefly suspended from preschool for behavioral issue. Fortunately the criticism ended.

It can be challenging but good for you for smiling and being supportive!

If you want to have some “grandparent house rules & rewards,” that’s also a possibility to consider.

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5700

My MIL’s shining moment was when we were staying at her house when D & her cousin were 5. Cousin lived within a couple hours of in laws & was their D’s kid. He was what H’s cousin termed “The Golden Child” from the get-go. The two kids did what kids do, and they got into MIL’s closet & made a mess. I will never forget her very firm admonishment of my D … just my D … and her comment that she knew it was D’s fault because cousin never did anything like that. I knew then and there what kind of grandparent I would never be.

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5701

I spent yesterday and today with D1’s family. I took care of 2 GDs this morning. I gave the kids eggs, yogurt, strawberries, cheese, bananas for breakfast. My son in law said that he didn’t understand how 3 very small people could use so many dishes, utensils and pans. I told him that he should be glad his kids were fed, and I didn’t like to use same plates for different food.

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5702

Your SIL is indeed very fortunate that you give your GDs such a fun and healthy breakfast! Did SIL do the dishes? That would be an appropriate thank you for you feeding everyone!

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5703

His comment to me was either that he uses very few dishes (as a minimalist) and he hates to do dishes, or he just hates to do dishes. Your being with the family was to help them out (I am assuming) - perhaps your DD was away for work travel or something else.

My SIL sometimes says and does things and I do have to clarify with him what the situation is - and SIL has learned to check with me before he allows the kids certain privileges. I tell them one thing, and because he is still home they ask him for a privilege to happen before I said it could happen.

I just have confirmed with DD my time with them in September, so I can plan my time at home before I go. Time is now with this trip scheduled.

5704

See my screen name?? I chose that when I joined CC because my teen-age son led a very active life and was messy. It drove me nuts - the used dishes left behind as he ran out the door to his next activity, the piles of shoes and sports equipment, lots of dirty laundry from sports, Boy Scouts and his summer construction job. He did his own laundry but on his timetable so I had to see those piles until it got done. His room was a disaster. At one point during the college search, I had an aha moment that once he left for college, all this mess would be gone (hooray!) but that I would miss him immensely and the house would be too quiet. So - my mantra was embrace the mess because soon enough it, and he, would be gone and I would be wistful for those fun and busy years we had with him under our roof.

So that’s my advise - it’s a gift to have your g-kids staying with you; embrace those special times because soon enough the legos will be put away and the kids will leave and order will be restored. And, before you know it they will be too old for legos and pretzels for breakfast and too busy to come visit! I am also sympathetic to parents of active, can’t-sit-still toddlers (my son was one and now his D is one) - it’s exhausting. Especially when the kids are outside of their regular routine. Your job is solely to love on those littles as much as possible. My mother spent way too much time be critical of her grandkids and how they were behaving, what they were eating, etc. It hurt their relationship with her and ultimately meant she saw them less. Don’t be that kind of grandmother! (But I know it is so hard to not be judgey when in the moment!!)

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5705

I have heard some parents say that their children that had various things which made their child with challenges to house cleanliness or other things, like activity level or behaviors when very young – that these kids are now raising a child very similar (thus the saying the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree).

It sounds like you raised a terrific son who embraced life, and soon enough would be more attentive to messes in the house. A hard worker too, working summer construction.

I saw a list of 10 things to have/maintain a special bond with grandkids - and I think many grandmothers do get it right, with listening carefully to the child and other things that made total sense when I was reading it. Some grandpas are ‘gruff’ and perhaps a bit grumpy - a grandma can be this way too. Being critical is not the grandparent’s place - there are gentle ways to help a child feel good about themselves, and being patient and kind will be remembered. Loving and nurturing are responded to well by children of all ages.

I was just reminiscing with a dad yesterday that is a friend of my DH’s - his only child, a son, graduated from HS in 2009. We shared a lot of stories from those school days.

I will be at my DD1/SIL for GS2’s fourth birthday, and he is very active, as is his 2 YO sister GD2. GD3 will be approaching 6 months - they change so much in early life. Look forward to special times and also giving DD1/SIL help with the many chores. Gaining more familiarity with their city to think about where ideally to purchase a home when the time is right 2026/2027.

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5706

We are trying to stuff in more and more time with GS before they move away in ten days. Yesterday they came to synagogue with us and I got to hold GS while I was called to the Torah and that was incredibly meaningful to me. He is learning how to walk and has a ton of energy. He went over to my best friend’s backpack at synagogue and saw an apple in there and was trying to take it. I didn’t let him, and later my friend said ‘of course he could have my apple,’ and I said, I figured, but it’s also OK for him to learn now as a toddler that he can’t be going into random people’s bags and eating what he finds there. It’s not like he didn’t get a different snack :slight_smile:

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5707

I hear you, and I don’t say a thing to my son, DIL or the kids. My son and daughter just have two different parenting styles; I was somewhere in the middle when raising them!

The kids are not at fault for their mess, as they have never been told to clean up. Yes, at my house we follow my rules for the most part, but I will not correct the children when their parents are around, unless something is happening that is unsafe. BUT, when I have them by myself, I will have them pick up, or not pull out another toy until others are put away. I am the one that brought the Playmobile bucket down out of the attic; I just had forgotten how many little pieces there were, and maybe not the best toy for the 2 year old! That said, he had a blast with all the cars and trucks his dad had.

My son is well aware that his sister and BIL cringe when the kids are all together. S think D is too strict, D thinks S is too carefree. Each parenting style works for each family and their lifestyle, so I don’t judge, well too much! My son was/is ADHD, and his oldest might be also, or she is just a product of her environment. Dad lets her have 5 different dishes at breakfast, none of which she eats; if he wants to waste the food and do the clean-up, that is his choice. I just found it interesting that she ate her lunch everyday at school as I assumed she was just a picky eater. If school is serving a healthy lunch, I will take that as a win that she has one good meal a day!

Just as an idea of my son and his spur of the moment ideas-I heard chatter of a trip to NYC, and me coming to stay with the kids. The trip is in 3 weeks, and if I am going, I need to book a flight and maybe move an appointment. It would be nice to know if this trip is really happening, and when they need me to come. DIL’s parent only live 3 hours away, and do come to visit for a day, but they don’t keep the kids. I think I have heard that they have said, they raise their 4 girls, they don’t need to raise the GKs. If for any reason I could not go, they have a good crew of sitters that could fill the void.

All is good and I love the kids, and enjoy their visit. I am also ready to clean my house as there is grated cheese on the sofa and crumbs everywhere! I leave town Tuesday and would like to not come home to bugs. Once they leave tomorrow, I will be getting at least the main level picked up and mopped.

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