Dare I say iPad for 3.5 yr old? pots and pans and wooden spoons for 1 year old?
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lol, I told my daughter it might be a few days of television. They only get screen time once a week. I miss typed the ages are almost 2 and 3 1/2.
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The older two grandkids like making an inside ‘fort’ with couch cushions, pillows, and blankets.
5 month-old GD3 has a combination of things going on we believe. A stomach bug perhaps, cutting teeth, and this morning a little bit of yellow snotty nose like GD2 had last week. She is not taking breast milk from the bottle yesterday or today; she did breast feed some. Mom gave her liquid Tylenol two different times, and liquid Ibuprofen this morning. At times she was biting at mom during nursing instead of nursing. She is content to sit on the lap and be held. I pick up the toddlers, GS2 and GD2 in an hour, and they will keep her amused during play time.
Mom went to work an hour later this morning due to lack of sleep. I dropped off the toddlers to daycare. GD1 and GS1’s school is close to mom’s work, so they were only a few minutes late for the start of school (8 am). Normally mom leaves with the kids at 6:15 am. The route she took with just dropping off the older two allowed her the extra time this morning. She brought me the baby at 2:15 am – I told her she should have brought her to me earlier. This morning, after just baby and me here, a short time in my lap and she was asleep. So I also took a nap! The baby’s stool wasn’t the normal breast feeding stool - and I will ask DD1 about it when she gets home. Maybe getting rid of the medication, maybe GI and extra mucous. DD1 believed the baby had extra mucous - maybe from cutting teeth. Certainly the other signs point to that.
I know her mom will come home beat tonight. Thankfully she can come directly home after picking up the older two kids. I will encourage her to let me take care of the kids and for her to get some Zzzzs.
DD1 is a real trooper - many would have called in sick.
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I hope your granddaughter feels better soon. I don’t know how you all do it.
My daughter said the kids feel totally fine. If not for the rash they wouldn’t know he was contagious. She isn’t getting much work done but the kids are happy.
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“pots and pans and wooden spoons” - do you hate your daughter that much? You can’t even lose the batteries for that noise. 
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Got a very brief text last night after Rosh Hashana ended, “[GS] was kicked out of synagogue in the first few minutes. More later.” I have no idea what happened, but I’m guessing that was some kind of exaggeration.
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D1 is playing on a volleyball team with other teachers at her school. It sounds like many of her games will be Friday nights, so DW and I will pick up our GS from daycare.
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My stepmom was in town this weekend. We decided when GS was born that her great-grandma name was “Gigi”. She and her husband (not my dad who died in 2012) had a blast hanging with GS yesterday. We all went to dinner last night and Gigi’s mom paid for dinner.
Today when I picked GS and D up for church–which is really church , afternoon and dinner so I pick up so when SIL comes from work they have only one car to get home, GS said “Gigi played at my house yesterday”, “Gigi played with me”.
Also we F*d up and had no stroller at our house so to walk to dinner, I ended up carrying his 36 pound wiggly body in backpack. It was definitely an endurance builder for me
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My month with the 5 grandkids was a great experience for me having time with them and the bonding time. Hopefully DD1 will get her DH to do more to help her with chores - he tends to have to be asked and directed. He should be doing the kids’ laundry every other day and kitchen clean-up including loading and unloading the dishwasher. DD1 makes the meals and does so much all-around that he has no clue about – but these chores he can do.
If your D doesn’t already have it and you are able, it maybe helpful to get a cleaner or a mother’s helper around dinner time to help your D out since the dad is not as helpful. I know when I am on duty, from 5 to 7 are the witching hours, between dinner, bedtime, bottle feeding, etc.
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I agree in theory, but that is really something that needs to be worked out between your D and SIL. If it bothers your D, it is up to her to bring it up with him.
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I am not putting my oar in the water about all of that - DD1 is thinking through deep cleaning ‘help’ or finding someone to regularly do certain things (clean all the floors and bathrooms for example). Right now, the older two have soccer practice Tues/Thurs and the middle child has soccer practice Thurs - and important for the kids to have enough of some kind of mini-meal before a late dinner (7 pm - 7:30 pm), especially the 2 YO and 4 YO. Because I picked GS2 and GD2 (4 YO and 2 YO) up and had them home before 3:30 pm - and was caring for the baby at home until she began daycare this past Monday, I gave them a small meal to tide them over - they perhaps ate a little less at dinnertime, but then it would not keep them up too late for bedtime or have their dinner digest some. DD1 is good at planning the meals and putting them together pretty quickly, and typically, due to logistics, she will pick up all 5 kids and leave the 2 or 3 at soccer practice (dad meets them there - he is assistant coach and also willing and eager to put effort in there) and DD1 comes home with the younger 2 or 3, starts dinner, feeds the baby, gives the other two something to eat. The other evenings are not such a push on time, but SIL definitely needs to take some responsibility. IDK if she will have him clean up the kitchen later (he does know to load and run the dishwasher) - there are the pans and cooking sheets that need to be hand-washed, table and counters to clean.
I can ‘read’ that the more outside help DD1 gets, the more ‘relaxed’ her DH gets - many men will do the minimum they need to do – however SIL’s dad made it a priority to do bath and bedtime with his two sons so SIL does some of this, but not all of it. He also tends to move slow - when the older two were little (during Covid when their daycare was shut down for 6 weeks and I was a Sun afternoon to Friday after work live in nanny), I often would scoop one of the kids out of his arms to quickly get the bath and bed done because he was so slow on it/the child was fussy, whatever and he was fine with that.
Sometimes DD1 has to ask him to do something, then ask him a second time and even 3rd time “are you going to do XYZ…” because he would dawdle so much.
SIL’s only sibling, his brother is on medication for ADD/ADHD and the medication helps him. SIL’s father I suspect had/has this issue undiagnosed/untreated. DD1/SIL deal with SIL with some non-medication actions to be aware and respond - he would not be able to be in military with having ADD/ADHD medication.
SIL IMHO flips between acting like a child with DD1 being the one with the responsibilities and direction, except there are times when he acts like ‘a boss’ - demanding she immediately send him electronically all the 3 kids soccer weekend game schedules, when she actually has compiled a composite schedule and he didn’t ask her about it until the last minute – then he got demanding like he was her boss just before Sunday afternoon games (he didn’t arrive home until after the Saturday morning games - pushing to get home to watch his college team play football Saturday afternoon, which DD1 and I split up and handled the prior weekend and last Saturday) . DD1 actually is a volunteer scheduling person for all the soccer teams in their ‘group’ - it allowed them to pay a greatly reduced fee for the 3 kids’ participation. If DD1 says something, unless he is sitting down and giving 100% attention, he might not ‘remember’.
I may have said this on the thread, but I asked DD1 “will SIL do the kids’ laundry every other day like I had been doing w/o being specially asked?” and she said “IDK”. He is responsible for his own laundry. Sometimes she will tell him to run a load which includes her scrubs.
Right now, the baby is drinking 100% breast milk, and she gets the baby’s bottle for daycare ready, the older 3 kids lunches packed, gets breakfast on the table and she leaves with all the kids at 6:15 am. At this breakfast time, typically GD2 will have a breakfast bar because she wants to eat something with the older kids, but gets breakfast at daycare. Monday was GS2’s first day with 4K with the older two and GD3/baby’s first day at daycare. DD1 has special heated breast ‘cups’ that help her with breast milk production/pumping during work hours (they fit in her bra) - that was new with this baby and seems to help with breast milk pumping. That is another thing to clean every night and then pack up in the am.
Routine, routine, routine and being organized make things work OK for DD1. But she is tired almost every day, and I would offer to do more and I would do things to help her. Does SIL do this w/o asking? I say a big fat no from what I have seen.
SIL most M - F days while in the Army, has to leave the house at 4:30 or 4:45 am for 5 am or 5:30 am drill. He only takes care of himself, but he eats breakfast and packs his lunch. DD1 typically gets up by 4:15 am to get everything ready for everyone else, get the kids breakfast (2YO gets breakfast at daycare at 8 am) and the baby breast fed, eats something, packs the kids and her lunch, fills the water bottles for kids and herself….. The older two kids need to wake up at 5:30 am, and typically have their school clothes laid out the night before to make the morning easier - and the soccer clothes to change into for practice on those days to take along. Mom keeps the soccer bag with their cleats, shin guards and socks in the car.
W/O me there, she is on her own with getting the kids ready and out the door - she had it a little easier with the 2nd adult helping.
Sunday, the older two had religious education right after Mass, so DD1, the younger 3 and I came home. DD1 was laying down as the younger ones were also napping. SIL called on his drive home (which he typically calls her often) and even though she told him she was napping he went on and on - I imagine if she said “I am napping and I am hanging up now” he would have come home mad.
Sometimes it takes very direct confrontation with SIL for him to ‘get it’ and even then, he doesn’t want to ‘get it’ IMHO. DD1 has to keep dialoging with him or get him into marriage counseling.
SIL understands I do things like DD1 likes to have things done, I take after DD1’s direction, and I do things to make DD1’s job easier. SIL understands that DD1 and DD2 turned out very well, and my parenting ways and methods are ‘tried and true’.
SIL IMHO is slowly growing as a parent. Being parents of 5 is different than parents of 1, 2 or 3. The kids are in high-need years when it comes to parental oversight and calm parenting.
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I think your D needs a crockpot and an insta-pot to make dinners self cook. And yes, SIL can clean up.
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She does have an Insta-pot, but between what she cooks on the stove and in the oven, she gets a meal going pretty quickly. They normally plate the food up for the children and themselves near the stove top. DD1 found some colored kid friendly divided plastic dinner tray/plates that are shaped like a TV dinner but less flat and a bit smaller in width - works well with a lot of dinners. Other times, some meals are with bowls, and some with large plates.
I imagine DD1 has to remind SIL about kitchen clean up after dinner otherwise he will just leave it. Remind him that that is an expectation on him.
I was happy my friend wanted me to stay a day and night on stop off after leaving my family to drive back home. My friend, her husband, and I had a good time together.
Since SIL returned Saturday evening, and he was out the door Monday at 4:45 am, I helped DD1 with her children in the morning before I headed out. I had packed up the car early and left the house early. There was no reason for me to stay the rest of the day - I had worked that out with DD1 before I accepted my friends’ invitation to stay at their place through Tuesday am. Tuesday night I stayed at a motel 200 miles from home and arrived home with an easy morning of travel today.
I am curious, here. With two people working full time, demanding jobs, the husband with executive function issues and the possibility of getting deployed at any time (as can happen in the military), why did they decide to have so many children? Having just two as working parents was exhausting for us, even though we were both able to drop many of our workdays. I can’t imagine having to get up in the wee hours five days a week, work all day and then go home to take care of five kids. Kids that are constantly getting sick, going to activities, etc, keeping them busy and away from sleep.
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Both of my daughters end up being the primary caregiver when the grandkids are sick. One of mine has two toddlers and this past 10 days has been dealing with Hand, foot and mouth. The kids can’t go to school so my daughter is the one who ends up having to miss the majority of work. My other daughter had a sick toddler this week. Luckily one of the days her husband worked from home. I can’t imagine my kid handling the kind of schedule that five kids would demand.
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Most of the women I know were primary caregivers for their kids AND the elderly loved ones in their lives (even inlaws). My SisterInLaw was the primary caregiver for her dad, even though she was single and still working.
It’s frustrating that the husbands of these very busy and tired women have to be instructed in what needs to be done and how to help some in the household. My spouse never needed to be told what to do, he took the initiative. It’s also frustrating that the husbands don’t offer to take time off of their work and stay home with the ill youngsters/elders instead of the burden falling to mom.
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My own son is a great dad. He is hands on. He takes her to the doctor, he takes turns who stays home when their daughter is ill
He’s not the fastest guy in the world. He’s not the most confident guy in the world. He’s not perfect.
But in a two working parent household, he does a lot. He may not do things the way his wife wants, he may not do things on a timetable that another would. the house may not be as clean as it could be
Their child is loved so much. In the end, that’s what is important.
My own mother was critical of my husband. It wasn’t welcomed and tbh at times made me resentful that my husband wasn’t doing enough. Even when he did plenty.
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Good food for thought.
The last thing I would ever want would be for my parents or my husbands parents giving me/us unsolicited marital/parenting advice- or judgment.
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Hand, foot and mouth disease is making the rounds at the grandkids’ school. Parents got emails yesterday from the preschool & JK teachers informing them of several cases in the various classrooms.
Grands all had fairly mild cases over the past week. Twins are both done and GS is just about over his. He only got 1 blister on his hand. But now D1 has it–and a more severe case than any of the kids had– and will probably have to call out sick from her shift at the ER tonight because she highly contagious.
Funny part is I know she had HFMD as a child in preschool because I remember her pediatrician examining her and opining “this means I’ll be seeing dozens more cases this week’” as he almost ran out of the exam room to wash his hands.
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