H, S, and I were in the hospital waiting for GS to be born. He was born after 10:00 PM and quickly taken to the NICU. We did get to gown up / scrub in to see him very late that night, but did not get to hold him until the next day, when he was about 20 hours old. We recently celebrated his ninth birthday. He is one amazing kid!
I was caring for GS when GD was born. We went to meet her a few hours after she was born. I just watched a video I made while GS was in his car seat before we left for the hospital. I was quizzing him about where we were going and who we were going to meet. He answered a few of my questions and then said, “Drive now.” GD is almost seven and is a joyful child!
They get to comply or not. My mom and my in-laws didn’t meet their great grandchildren for a while after they were born. The grandchildren don’t live in town, our parents didn’t travel much. So they met them when we or my bil took them. Not for months.
As far as your dil and son, I think that this generation wants boundaries and rules. I think it’s a different world and that my kids are more intentional about what they want and how they approach things than we were.
My husband and I let our parents make their rules. My kids make their own boundaries. Husband and I respect what our kids want. In a way I never would have imagined when we had our children.
If you live close and get to see the grandkids right away, great. If not, it’s ok also. It will work out.
That’s still VERY soon to hold an NICU baby. I didn’t get to hold mine for 4 weeks, and my mother (the grandmother) probably didn’t hold her for 3 months. I’m not sure anyone else held her while she was in NICU.
When I had my first we didn’t want anyone there once we got home. After a few days we sent out an sos as we were in over our heads.
With the first grandchild it was the middle of Covid. They were just allowed one visitor each day. They invited the other grandmother to see the baby first. I went on the 2nd day and my husband on the third. When that family had their 2nd they invited me to come first since I was 2nd the first time.
With my daughter it was a December where RSV, flu and Covid were rampant so the hospital had a one guest only the entire stay. I saw my grandchild when she was just. Few hours old. The other grandma didn’t see her till she was a week.
My other grandchild was born post Covid and they were allowed 2 visitors at a time. We saw our grandson on his 2nd day of life. I also saw him on his 4th before he was admitted to the NICU.
My friend wasn’t bow to see her grandchild for a period of time.i can’t recall what it was. Her son and DIL wanted to have special family bonding time. I don’t recall if it was a cultural thing.
Yes, we were very fortunate. GS had respiratory issues and was in the NICU only five days. We are forever grateful to the amazing medical professionals who cared for GS, D, and SIL. This was three years before Covid.
First four grandchildren were born in the city 100 miles away from us. With the first, we were in the waiting room when GD1 was born, saw her and held her later. Since I was the childcare help for the others, saw and held the baby when brought home, and saw GS1 in the hospital as well. After that was Covid so just saw at home. GD3, baby #5 was born in away state but I was there for childcare help, and saw her as soon as they came home with her - saw her at the same time her siblings saw her. GD3 was in the carrier set down on the floor and before we could grab her GD2 (a few months shy of age 2) went to sit in the carrier on top of her baby sister…. It was a process to have GD2 not try and sit in GD3’s various things that GD2 is too big for - and getting ‘stuck’ in.
Correct! DH already conveyed to his parents that they are certainly free to refuse to get immunized, and just not meet the baby anytime soon. Also told them we’d need some sort of documentation, that “I think we had those” is not sufficient.
To be clear, we did not expect to meet the baby right away. I was more not wanting them to refuse their friends’ help because DIL thought I might be offended to not be “first”.
Who is going to help them with the baby. The mom will most likely be in pain and dad will be busy taking care of mom. If they don’t want you around then they should hire a doula for at night.
D1 had a doula for few weeks and I was there a lot during the day to help out.
Her in laws also came for a while to help out.
It really does take a village.
I would just say ah-huh to everything she is saying now, but be prepared for an SOS call after few days. I would clear your calendar.
This is my worry, but otoh we had no help after delivery and managed. Her bff lives close and could certainly lend a hand; they also have a doula who will visit periodically.
She is aggressively territorial right now and it’s not how I imagined it would be, but that’s okay. Trying to see it as a test of whether we can be trusted to follow someone else’s wishes, so my goal is just to get an A+ in that. They’ve been together 10 years and we’ve had a warm and excellent relationship with her in the past so surely we can weather this.
My mother wasn’t able to come out and help until my first was a week old. We had no family nearby and my friends were all working. We managed. Several of my friends had parents/in laws who lived far away and didn’t come to help ( for various reasons). Everyone managed. No one had a doula or any paid help.
I counted on my mom to help me with the first born, but she bailed on me after few days. I had a long delivery and a C section. I remember there was one day when her dad was out of town and I just couldn’t do it by myself, I ended up calling my bff. She was a trader at a large firm. She dropped everything to get to my place. Her boss was yelling after her asking where she was going.
For my second one, I counted on no free help. I hired someone to help out with the new baby the first month.
It appears many CC’ers do a lot for their grandbabies. Our kids should feel very lucky. My parents certainly didn’t do that much.
Everyone manages, it’s matter of how you want to do it - easier or harder. In @greenbutton case, she is willing to help.
My sister’s mother in law raised 7 boys by herself. I couldn’t have done it.
D1 and SIL lived 15 minutes from us when GD was born last October. D1 had a quick labor and relatively easy birth. SIL had 4.5 months of paid paternity leave so he was there and able to help D1 a lot. We came by for short visits most days after GD was born. I would wash and fold clothes, cook or bring take out for them. H and I also stayed with GD for 30-45 minutes at a time so D1 and SIL could walk their 2 dogs once D1 felt better. D2 also lived close by and came to help out as needed.
I agree that overall our generation does more for our kids than our parents did. Maybe because so many families in our generation were larger. IDK. We moved to be closer to our kids/ grandkids with the intention of being able to help out. SIL’s parents live in another part of the country, but they visit frequently and are also genuinely helpful. My in laws visited twice a year and were very unhelpful ( even when I had an infant).
I can’t imagine having anyone in the house the first couple weeks, all of us unwashed,unslept, unprepared! I think I envy people who have people to do things for them – we were all on our own for #1, and mainly on our own for #2. I didn’t need help so much as company.
I agree, in this case there is the option of having help.
Years ago , I considered myself very fortunate I had my mom to come and help me. I didn’t have the budget for paid help and neither did any of my friends. At least three of my friends had parents and inlaws who were either unable or unwilling. It’s not always a choice.
My mom came over every day for 1st 30 days after each of my 2 kids were born. She’d chat with me and buy us a takeout lunch. After we ate lunch, she’d go home. On the 31st day, we’d go out for lunch with baby. When I had older S and infant D, she’d take older S to weekly playgroup while baby and I rested at home.
This was a funny thing…I had a very demanding job when I was pregnant with D1. I was thrilled when my new company told me they would give me 3 months maternity pay. I had a vision of waking up in the morning, having a leisure cup of coffee and reading NY Times. IRL it was inhaling my breakfast then having the baby attached to me for 12 hours, with absolutely no time for myself. Going back to work was easy compared to taking care of D1 - at least I had time to eat lunh.
In my area it is popular amongst the women in my local kids circle to hire a doula for birth and often a post birth doula who comes in and makes healthy healing meals and helps a bit with the housework. When my daughter has her 2nd she loved the woman they hired. She made lactation snacks for my daughter, big pots of soups. All foods to nourish the new mom. She also made snacks for the toddler. Even having us nearby and her mother-in-law willing to come up and help they were happier paying someone.
My older daughter also had with her first a visiting lactation specialist who came to her house for four visits after birth. Sadly the program lost its funding.
Congratulations, greenbutton! 
GD is almost seven and is a joyful child!