I wanted to post earlier but forgot. Miss Mess was visiting the other day and saw our LED Pina table lights. She wanted to play with them, but I explained that they are meant to be put on the table so people can see their food. Then we played some more, and then it was cats’ dinner time, so she helped me put food in the cat dishes. As soon as the cats started eating, she ran to the dining room, grabbed the Pina lights… and the cats ended up having a candlelight dinner! 
15 Likes
When D had her babies she was willing to let me do everything and anything ( including laundry). With a DIL I would be willing to do the same but make sure I asked if it was ok.
My mom was a champ when she visited after babies. She cooked, cleaned , did laundry and even organized the pantry! MIL did not ask and did not lift a finger to help me.
6 Likes
My mom would come and talk to me and then go and buy us takeout lunch and eat it with me and then go home. She did this after each of the two kids was born for an month and then we’d go out to a nice restaurant with baby on the 30th day (that’s when a mom under Chinese tradition could finally leave the house). She also took the older kid to playgroup when I had a baby and couldn’t leave the house for the 1st 30 days. She really didn’t do any other chores but really I didn’t need all that much help, so it was fine. She did say I should nap but I couldn’t nap when she was visiting!
4 Likes
None of our parents came after our kids were born, so I don’t have much of a template! My mom had been with us a few days prior to S2’s birth but left when he came home. My inlaws came to the hospital both times to see the baby but that was all. We weren’t really set up for guests, I think that was part of it? Seemed normal at the time 
I thought I would hate having my mom visiting the week after older S was born. I dreaded it so much. I wound up loving it. I don’t recall her cooking or cleaning, but it was just nice to have someone ooh and ahh over the baby, so he wasn’t attached to me 24-7. And someone to tell me I was doing a great job. I was nursing, so nobody could help feed.
MIL lived 0.5 mile down the street, so she didn’t stay. She was a GODSEND though, since I had to go back to work part time after 8 days. We had no daycares for kids < 2, let alone 8 days. She watched him while I worked. And she would call when he’d cry, so I’d run home - work was 5 min away, feed him, run back.. repeat over and over. Sometimes she just stayed with him outside my office while I worked. Could not have done it without her. H was a teacher, so he got out for the summer at 6.5 weeks, so he watched him then and I went back full time.
I do think it would be easier to go things like laundry if it’s your D vs DIL. I would feel comfortable doing my S’ clothes, since I did them for 18 years. I would not feel comfortable doing the DIL’s things.
6 Likes
I went over almost every day just to give the new parents a break. GD liked being held all the time, so I held her while her parents slept, took a shower, ate, walked the dog. I always tidied up anything that needed it, including the kitchen, including washing/putting away dishes. They had a Roomba, so vacuuming was taken care of (that was what I asked my MIL to do when she came after my kids were born). I always offered to do whatever they needed, and D asked me to do wash and/or fold wash a couple times.
5 Likes
I wish I had had the support you guys had after giving birth. My mother was dying – she died when S1 was five weeks old – and my MIL was a nincompoop. (Really, I’m being kind.) DH had asked her to tell the relatives on his side of the family that my mother passed away, but she *forgot*.
It was most definitely not a good time in my life, but thankfully S1 survived. As did I.
13 Likes
We also had no “helpers” after each of our three kids - but my choice. Both sets of grandparents were 40 minutes away and I know my mom would have come but I can be stubborn in the “I can do it myself” arena and well, I’m here and so are my three kids and husband so I guess we managed! 
The first baby in the family arrives in November. D is 2+ hours away. Her H’s family is in their town and I know his mom will take their cue for help. I will do the same! When and if they want me, I will help. Their decision!
I also think that “help” is sometimes determined by the amount of time of either of the parents (if there are 2) have. If one goes back to work earlier or takes “paternity” leave later they may have different needs with help.
5 Likes
Oh yeah, I went back to work after my 3 month maternity leave and H watched our S. He’d bring him every day to nurse for lunch while we’d eat takeout he’d buy near my office. Then when I got home from work, we’d all eat dinner & H would go to work for 4 hours. On Wednesdays, mom would watch our S and bring him to nurse for lunch and eat takeout with me.
After 6 weeks H had to return to work fulltime, & I quit to stay home with S and later D as well. Stayed home with both until D was in 2nd grade and a friend begged me to help at her office while her law clerk was on maternity leave.
2 Likes
My dad brought Mom (6 hr drive) all three times to stay 2 weeks and then he would come and get her. Mainly she cooked, LOL. I really don’t remember. I’m sure she must have done laundry.
2 Likes
My daughter was 3 months old when she came home, so I was healed (C-section) and had had 3 months of sleep! No one came to help. The one thing I really could have used help with was getting her to her first (out of hospital) doctor’s apt. She wasn’t on oxygen but was on an O2 monitor that weighed a million pounds (she weighed 4).
So I struggled into the office with the baby in a car seat, a diaper bag, the stupid monitor. Somehow the monitor electrodes came off as we entered the office and the alarm went off. You had to press 2 buttons at the same time to turn it off so I had to put her down and shut it off. Yes, we made quite and entrance.
For my second, who came home from China at 2.5 yrs old, my sister not only picked us up at the airport but then went to the grocery store for the necessities (milk butter, eggs, bread) to get us through a few days. I had nothing in the house since I’d been out of the country for 2 weeks.
This was before the days of widely available grocery delivery, but the milk man came 2x week and could bring many staples - milk, eggs, butter, cheese…and cookie dough!
So adjust to what the parents need. My nephew and wife had a baby 2 weeks ago and just needed to be home for the first few days. Grandparents weren’t invited over for a week (although grandmothers saw baby in hospital). I know a few of her friends dropped off meals and her mother and sisters have done a few things in the house. Grandpa cut the grass at their house the first week. The mom is taking 3-4 months off work (and may not go back into the office until next Jan) and dad is taking 6 weeks off and then will WFH a few days a week. The baby is getting ready for his first wedding on Aug 1 and second on Aug 27 (one aunt on each side). Social calendar is filling up.
1 Like
DD’s first baby is due in August. They live in Manhattan with no local help, so I’m going up for a month to help them out. Their living situation is far from ideal right now but we’re going to make the best of it and keep our fingers crossed.
They bought their first apartment last year - a pre-war unit that had never been renovated. As luck would have it, they learned they were pregnant after signing all the renovation contracts and leasing a furnished temporary studio for 9 months. All their belongings are in storage while they take the apartment down to the studs. So…they will be bringing the baby home to a glorified hotel room (with small kitchen) until the apartment is finished, hopefully in October. In a huge stroke of luck I was able to rent the apartment 2 doors from them for a month. I already feel sorry for the person in the unit between us!
From the outset I told them to tell me what they want from me because I don’t want to overstay my welcome or interfere in any plans with SIL’s family. They laughed and suggested I stay a year 
. The apartment management company requires a minimum stay of 30 days so that’s what I did. Hopefully I’ll be able to figure out how to handle all the meals with whatever equipment is supplied between our 2 little kitchens.
10 Likes
How exciting, and how lucky you were able to get the apartment virtually next door! They’ll survive in this tiny apartment, and one day they’ll look back in amazement that they did so.
10 Likes
It’s so lovely you will be there for a month.
I helped D1 and SIL a lot the first 3 months after GD was born as they lived nearby. Now that the are across the country SIL’s parents are close so they help. D1 has already said that when they decide to have a second baby she will want me to come stay at least a month. I told her of course!
4 Likes
My inlaws rented an apartment unit in the building we lived in (when MIL was recovering from a broken hip—their house was 66 steps from street to front door). It was wonderful for them and us. We could catch the elevator to their unit and saw them every day at least once/day. It was SO much easier than getting into the car, finding parking, trudging up all those steps with the kids & their gear. My inlaws loved being able to see the little ones so often & we enjoyed inlaws as well.
4 Likes
My wife and I are in the UK for 3 weeks doing a bunch of hiking (4 miles on Wednesday, 11ish Thursday and Friday, 8 today, 9–11 everyday for the next 9).
Because of the 5 hour time difference, the post daycare pickup call is not an option–after a day of hiking we are asleep by 9:30). But we are sending video messages before we go to bed. We are often waking up to replies.
In other GS news he is moving up a classroom starting on Monday. He has been splitting his time for the last 2 weeks and was supposed to split this week but the teachers decided he is ready to move. He is the only one of his class moving right now so it has definitely been a bit of a change
5 Likes
The twins have such different personalities. Took them out to the local ice cream shop after dinner the other night. We were eating our cones outside at a table, and there was another family with daughter about the same age as the twins at the next table.
Twin B was chirping about, talking to the girl at the next table and trying to make friends.
Twin A was watching the sky and said to her Dad: “Look, the moon is rising. It’s a waxing gibbous moon.” (BTW, she’s right about the phase–I google-checked it.)
(Twin A is the same kid who, at her 2 yo check-up, correctly identified picture of an okapi for her pediatrician.)
SMH
8 Likes
Ah ha! I’ve lured in another Trek fan.
I was watching Strange New Worlds this evening downstairs in my living room area. Grandson came down and wanted to watch it with me. I said no because I did’t have mom’s approval (and some ST episodes can be too violent, scary or sexy…), but I did let him watch La’An punch a dinosaur in the face. He then asked to see the whole episode from the beginning, but I said no unless we got Mom’s approval. We talked with Mom and she said yes for this episode only so GS and I watched it together, snuggling on the couch.
I failed to inculcate any Trek appreciation in my two kids, but maybe I have chance with The Next Generation. (Trek pun intended.)
10 Likes
My sister had her first grandparent babysitting duty last night (and tonight). Her DIL’s sister is getting married today. The baby is 3 weeks old and appears to not have been set down in those 3 weeks so was a little demanding.
This is the 4th sister to get married. The 3 older sisters all have children, and all had to be watched by a paternal grandparent last night. One (8 months old) stayed in Chicago with grandmother. Another, 11 months old, brought the paternal grandmother to Vail (like my sister did, traveled to Vail). The 2.5 year old is with grandfather in Vail.
A lot of grandparent duty. All to be repeated tonight.
5 Likes
My daughter’s MIL watched her son when my son got married. It was such a blessing!
We just got back from Maui with my son and his family (kids 7,5 and 3). It was really fun.
8 Likes