<p>9 days until daughter’s wedding. 7 days until almost all the important people in my life arrive in my city/my home! 2 days until her fiance’s medical school graduation in Houston, to which I am going (leaving H home to seal the driveway and have the deck stained).</p>
<p>Most things are under control. I am NOT known as “the great entertainer”, so I’m freaking out a bit. Rehearsal dinner is at our house which is where the Hatfields and McCoys reference comes in (remember the feuding families of yore??) Groom’s parents are divorced and hate each other- and I do mean HATE. DadofGroom finally stepped up to pay for rehearsal dinner which I thought H and I were going to have to pick up due to the ongoing feuding. The kids and I decided on a smaller dinner (wedding party, grandparents, siblings and clergy) followed by a big blow-out dessert reception which would include all out of town guests, be lots of fun and where the kids would perform (both are performing musicians besides being future doctor and priest). DadofGroom became appreciative and accepting of the guest list- no moves made to increase his “side” of the dinner crowd. </p>
<p>Enter Evil Grandma (of Groom- maternal). Hates DadofGroom due to ugly divorce 15 years ago. Granny ruined Groom’s college graduation with hateful remarks. Now refusing to come to rehearsal dinner unless her other daughters (3 in addition to MomofGroom) are invited. Smaller rehearsal dinner list didn’t include siblings of DadofGroom or MomofGroom but all get to come over for the main event, which is the dessert party. MomofGroom is whining and fussing about being “outnumbered” and not having her “support system” and how “Groom needs to visit with his aunts” (Groom is more than fine with the set up as is). I get along well with both Mom and Dad ofGroom and told her that she and her ex had a year to figure this out, and that when I picked it up that the kids and I agreed on a list, that DadofGroom accepted our plan and agreed to pay, and I wasn’t changing the deal now. I told her if she wanted to contact him and propose adding another table to include her siblings, his siblings and my stepsiblings, she could do so. Of course, working things out isn’t nearly as appealing as continuing the whining and drama.</p>
<p>I am able to handle such things, but I guess I just want to vent. Can you BELIEVE these people (especially Ol’ Bat Granny) are so petty and selfish that they can’t just focus on the kids and their wonderful day? I told MomofGroom that if the kids had wanted their rehearsal dinner to be at Chuckie Cheese’s and include only their friends, we should have all smiled and said “fine”. This is all just about the need to continue the animosity from the divorce. She tried to get me to pin it on DadofGroom that the sisters weren’t invited. I said, “NO- this is not about him. This is the list the kids and I came up with to limit the size given the expense and the space constraints. This is why we are having a big dessert reception.” No one in my family (or close friends) cares in the slightest. They will go out and eat a casual dinner and then come over and drink wine and eat gourmet cupcakes!</p>
<p>WildChild and his gf offered to get a margharita machine for the reception as “their gift to the wedding couple”. Well, snarky bride declined (not so politely) since “we already agreed on just beer and wine and he just wants it so he can get drunk more easily…”. (Love Thy Brother…)</p>
<p>Another reason I’m ready to just roll Ol’ Bat Granny’s wheelchair down the driveway (steep) is because my daughter is likely to have NO grandparents at the wedding. Both sets of my parents (stepparents included) are elderly and one absolutely can’t travel and one (my Dad) has a doctor appt today to determine if he can come. They have been looking forward to it for a year, so they are very disappointed. We have a good videographer, though.</p>
<p>Wow. vent away. It’s amazing how self-absorbed some people can be, isn’t it? Wouldn’t like you to tell Mom O’Groom that it’s time to move on already? I think you handled it wonderfully, for what’s that worth, but these people have had a long time to nurse their grudge and perfect their grievance. Good luck and I hope you are able to ignore them.</p>
<p>Sounds like someone (grandma of groom) needs to be reminded that this is not “her” day, it the groom’s and bride’s. Simple solution: say the rehearsal dinner is for adults only, which excludes her (based on her actions).</p>
<p>Sorry about the family upheaval, but I would have overruled the bride and told them to bring the machine, because I am the one who is going to get drunk :)</p>
<p>I like Bullet’s solution
MomOfWildChild, hang in there. You are handling it in the best possible way. Tune the feuders out and keep doing what you are doing. Take a deep breath and may be do some yoga.</p>
<p>I’m divorced. Rejoice that you and your H love one another. Have a little compassion on those for whom this event raises memories and causes emotions more painful than you can possibly imagine.</p>
<p>Also you never know groom’s folks might get on board. My folks had a horrible divorce, they hadn’t seen ea other for 8 yrs prior to my wedding. They both walked me down the aisle and remained civil all day to each other. It also helped there were 200 other people there</p>
<p>Thanks, all. We are going to have SO much fun! We have the greatest country band around, upscale barbeque (for the reception) and friends new and old joining us. </p>
<p>jonri- Our family has certainly had its ups and downs, and my own parents are divorced. As unpleasant as it was (especially back in the 50s when you just didn’t GET divorced), they (and my grandparents) would never have dreamed of behaving this way. Painful memories I can certainly understand- lack of judgment concerning your son’s wedding weekend I cannot!</p>
<p>My daughter posted on the internet “I always thought it would be MY family that was a problem on my wedding day! They are looking real good right now!”</p>
<p>Hey, if EvilGrandma isn’t paying for the dinner, she doesn’t get to decide who comes. DadofGroom is paying, so he gets to decide. That’s just the way it is. It’s DadofGroom’s party, not EvilGrandma’s. Too bad for her.</p>
<p>Now I see why so many Japanese couples have their wedding abroad. Not only does it cut down significantly on expenses (despite the additional airfare) but it also helps avoid bruised feelings on the part of those not invited to the tiny wedding ceremony…</p>
<p>I think the wedding plans sound wonderful, and you are handling it all well, too. Your D seems to have maintained a good sense of humor, and some control as well. Love the brother-sister dynamics! </p>
<p>Of course I agree with everybody else about Grandma’s whining. She’s a guest; should act like it. You are absolutely right. Since groom’s dad has stepped up to pay for it, his ex-mother-in-law should be happy she’s invited at all. Host generally decides guest list.</p>
<p>Hope this will be the worst of it, and everyone can be civil as a present to the couple. (And perhaps WildChild could consider staying sober for his present??? Okay, probably not. Funny story, though.)</p>
<p>^^ He won’t commit to staying sober but has committed to “not being obnoxious”. </p>
<p>The whole issue of the rehearsal dinner started with DadofGroom stated last December that he would not pay for any dinner that included his ex-mother in law. I thought this was absolutely horrilbe (there were some other restrictions imposed that were unacceptable, such as “no significant others of the wedding party”) which is why I very calmly took on the responsibility. I now understand the “no Grandma-from-Hell” restriction, which he obviously decided to abandon as plans progressed. </p>
<p>I get a practice-run tomorrow night when the two ex-spouses join the kids and me for pre-graduation dinner in Houston. Should be interesting. </p>
<p>I am running a lot- considered doing a short race the morning of the wedding but D nixed that plan (something about having to get my make-up done)! </p>
<p>She also nixed my beloved Golden Retriever who likes to hump the legs of guests being at the rehearsal dinner. Maybe he could “visit” with Grandma???</p>
<p>“this too shall pass…this too shall pass…” your mantra. Wedding planning extremely stressful time. A friend who is a wedding planner, has told me all variations of the family issues, and some are astounding.</p>
<p>Often this wedding planner, has to take the embittered divorced parent of the bride/groom aside, look him / her in the eye, and say “do you really want to ruin the most important day in your child’s life”…ect.
She always times this right before the ceremony, when it has most impact. She has this down to a science, and you would be shocked to know how many times she has to have this conversation. Has always worked! Timing- it’s about the timing :)</p>
<p>Hope you have beautiful weather, and you are able to enoy it, too !</p>
<p>I didn’t know we were related, that all sounds too familiar.</p>
<p>Well, easier said then done but the whole crew needs to be reminded that, as tradition has it, the wedding is the BRIDE’S day. The bride and what she wants rules the day. Everyone else needs to remember it ain’t about them and they need to give it a rest for a day or so. With that said, post #18 is probably the better advice.</p>
<p>Earlier this month we were part of a humongous southern + Greek Orthodox wedding with some similarly acrimonious background drama, and Evil Granny behavior to boot. Fortunately for me, I was just one of the doting, peacemaking aunties - did not have the responsibilities you are handling so very well.</p>
<p>I send you tons of sympathy, extra wishes for lovely weather, and enormous admiration for the way you’ve handled everything so far. And I totally agree with VeryHappy: Granny Bat and Humpy the Retriever belong together. What a shame it’ll be when everyone is chatting too happily to hear her yelling for help!</p>
What a shame it’ll be when everyone is chatting too happily to hear her yelling for help!</p>