<p>Take lots of notes. Record conversations. I’ll have WashMom write an Oscar-winning script from the notes and send you 10% of the selling price. Heck, I’ll even have WashMom mention you in her Oscar acceptance speech. Meryl Streep can play you, Robert Downey Jr can be DadofGroom, Mary Tyler Moore can be Evil Grandma (I know Mary can do evil, she just hasn’t had the chance), perhaps Rachel McAdams as bride and Shia LeBeouf as groom? Let’s have Mark Waters direct.</p>
<p>I almost forgot to cast WildChild. Who would play him?</p>
<p>Jonri, with all due respect, from what I know of you here, no matter what your personal feelings and experiences were, I can’t imagine you making demands that would make the bridal couple stressed, for the sake of drama.</p>
<p>At my wedding, the groom’s parents were also divorced. Despite some pretty ugly edges to their relationship, they pulled it together for the wedding, and pretty much tried to out-gracious each other. My lovely MIL put on the acting job of the year (had been a very good one when younger); my clueless but funloving FIL radiated nothing but heartiness and pride. I thank them still for putting their feelings aside. I was just glad to have them there and not have to worry about dramas, especially as my Mom, widowed years before and throwing the wedding in our house, didn’t have to deal with it either.</p>
<p>See you have had a hard time with the bickering. I just want to wish your D and her fiance all the best! I hope that none of this is going to take away from their day.</p>
<p>Oh, and when I saw that washdad suggested writing a movie script, it reminded me of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. If anyone hasn’t seen it, it is quite funny. Lets just say that the inlaws do not have too much in common.</p>
<p>^A couple years ago, I attended a “big fat Greek wedding.” Oh my, those folks can party! I love the part where they shower dancers with money! H and I faked the Greek dance pretty well, and made lots of dough for the happy couple.</p>
<p>MOWC - All I can say is GOOD LUCK! I’m sure everything will turn out beautifully - try not to let the pettiness of the Old Bat Grandma get to you.</p>
<p>Here are parts of my last communication to MomofGroom. (I like her quite a bit, and we get along great…)</p>
<p>I still feel that you all are missing the whole point, which is that the MAIN event is the party after the dinner. You will have everyone there from your side and all your support system. … That is completely why we are having the dessert party- because rehearsal dinners rarely provide enough of an opportunity for conversation. </p>
<p>I’m just not “getting” this “all or nothing” stuff about a 90 minute dinner which is SUPPOSED to be focused on the wedding party, clergy and immediate family. </p>
<p>For the purposes of this wedding, it doesn’t really matter whether DadofGroom is Satan reincarnated. He only has to deal with me and the kids, and as long as he can do that respectfully and appropriately, it doesn’t matter what he has done in the past. All that has to happen is that he show up, be proud of his son and happy for the two young people, keep his commitment with respect to the Friday night function and then go back home. I have no indication that he won’t do those things. Your side of the family has to leave the baggage behind for now. This is not about DadofGroom. It’s about Bride and Groom, and that is what everyone needs to remember. If they are fine with this set up for Friday night, no one else really has a right to even question any of it!</p>
<p>Garland, I also can’t imagine starting at least 2 threads criticizing my kid’s future spouse’s family with so much detail that should someone who knows that family stumble across this forum the family would be instantly recognizable. I also thought it was in bad taste when one of our younger members complained about her future MIL here regularly. Nobody agreed with me then and I doubt anyone will now. </p>
<p>The way I read the thread, MoG and GrandmaoG probably assumed that since DoG wasn’t paying for the dinner–which tradition says he should pay for-- he would not attend. They were probably looking forward to it. Suddenly, he is going to be there, and will be their host. That probably means the event will be more stressful for MoG and GoG. </p>
<p>My own mom is dead, but while I would trust myself not to ruin my kid’s wedding day, I wouldn’t have trusted my mom not to give my ex a tongue lashing if she had the chance. So, MoG is probably under a LOT of stress considering that possibility. She already lived that one at a graduation.</p>
<p>The aunts weren’t invited and grandma is annoyed about that. MoG tried to blame that on DoG, whom grandma obviously loathes–and will loathe no matter what. MoB insists on making it clear to grandma that her GRANDSON and his WIFE TO BE made this decision, along with MoB. The probable result of that is that grandma will be annoyed with her grandson and especially annoyed with his new bride. And, maybe MoB now wants her sisters there because she wants someone else to help get grandma to behave herself when the ex is around. Someone GoG can’t say “You never stood up to him” etc. </p>
<p>And meanwhile the bride is joining mom in making snarky online comments about the family of her husband to be. </p>
<p>I’ll bow out of the thread and you all can continue to make fun of the groom’s family and tell MOWC how wonderful she is.</p>
<p>^^ Sorry to offend! Guess someone got up on the wrong side of the bed. TWO threads? Is there another one? There was never any question that DadofGroom and his family would be attending the dinner. Frankly, I don’t care if anyone sees the thread. It is what it is, and if I want to lighten things up for myself by sharing with my internet “friends”, that’s my choice.<br>
I am far from wonderful, and have put my own family through drama on occasion. I just like to call things as I see them.</p>
<p>MOWC, if I may suggest the next communication to MomOfGroom -
“I’m very sorry that you feel you cannot attend the dinner without your ‘support system.’ I’m sure the kids will miss you.”</p>
<p>At my wedding, there was only one living grandparent left, and he was pretty much hors de combat. But the MoB-FoB-new-stepMoB issues were bad enough that my father-in-law didn’t speak to us for three years afterwards – and we didn’t even know that he and his wife had been upset at all until weeks after the event (when he sent us a letter breaking off communication). We’re about to have our 25th anniversary (FiL and sMiL just had theirs), and I’m not certain that the damage has ever gone away completely.</p>
<p>So . . . my advice is: do the best you can, but keep your expectations low.</p>
<p>MOWC - I’m with you on this. The wedding and all festivities involved should revolve around the bride and groom. If other relatives cannot contain their hatred and disdain for others, for whatever reason, then don’t show up.
No need to ruin the day.</p>
<p>I’m hosting a rehearsal dinner in 2 weeks…it should run smoothly. Limited guests and no blended family…but that doesn’t make it bulletproof
Hope you have a wonderful day.</p>
<p>MOWC
I think I lost some details. Who exactly is coming to family dinner, prior to dessert reception? FofG is now hosting this. Are his siblings coming? Clearly, MO of G and GM of Groom are invited.</p>
<p>Unless FA of G has LOTS of siblings coming, then why should GMofG complain? Are the aunts traveling a great distance to come to wedding?</p>
<p>Is MOofG hosting a brunch the day after wedding? Who is invited to that?</p>
<p>My questions stem from experiences with couples with divorced parents. The Friday nite dinner and Sunday brunch included OOS guests, and FAofG hosted one, and MOofG hosted the other.</p>
<p>The rehearsal dinner does NOT Include siblings of either FofGroom or MofGroom. It includes my sister for two reasons (and neither FofG or MofG has any issue with this)- 1. neice and nephew are part of wedding (usher, guest book etc) and 2. my sister IS a competent host and is helping me pull it all together. It also includes my father/stepmother (if they should be able to travel) and 1 family member to assist them, dates of the maid of honor and WildChild and 2 sets of clergy.<br>
FofGroom has a wife and two relatively young children who are included, which is partly why MofGroom feels “outnumbered”. There is also a sister of Groom who is a bridesmaid who MofGroom assigns to the Dad’s side because she and the daugher are a little on the outs right now.
Even trying to “keep it small”, this winds up being almost 30 people just for the dinner.
I agree that normally it would include all out of town guests, but since most of the attendees are “out of town” since we are all relatively new to our city, we chose not to have, essentially, two receptions.</p>
<p>No, I have seen no indication that MofGroom is hosting a brunch…Maybe Granny should step up for that!!!</p>
<p>Brunches? Receptions? Post-wedding brunches? Jeez… WashMom and I had a huge wedding (300+ people), but the rehearsal dinner was a barbecue in my mom’s backyard, and the reception was a buffet and dance at a local hotel. The day after our wedding we had brunch with WashMom’s parents (and this brunch wasn’t planned, either), opened some presents and then left on our honeymoon. The whole thing started Friday afternoon and was done Saturday night. It sounds like modern weddings are more like the invasion of Normandy than a celebration of a new life together…</p>
<p>^^ I think in a lot of ways it HAS gotten more complicated, and this might be due to the increased mobility of our society. We want to spend as much time with our family and friends who are traveling to join us as we can.</p>
<p>I want to stress that despite this thread, the main event next weekend is the church service uniting my daughter and her fiance. Our daughter is a Postulant to the priesthood, and the service is very important to all of us. The priest from her college church is flying in to officiate along with our Rector, and we are all looking forward to this memorable occasion. It will be a longer service than some might like (with a Eucharist), but nothing like some weddings.</p>
<p>Well, this thread was in danger of going off the rails but seems to have righted itself. All I can do at this point is to give MOWC my absolute best wishes. I have a sneaking suspicion that this will actually come off without a hitch. Seems like the “potential” disasters never come to fruition – it’s those whacko things out of left field that you never see coming. </p>
<p>And actually, I have to admit that the most interesting thing I’ve learned from this thread is the revelation (probably one that has been mentioned in other posts, but I never picked up on it) that WildChild has a sister who’s a Postulant? MOWC, I just can’t even imagine what it was like to watch your kids grow up together! I’m still trying to get my head around that one!</p>
<p>Kick up your heels and enjoy the day MOWC. FWIW I actually like the longer wedding services, like nuptial masses in the RC church.</p>
<p>Chedva, I had the same response to the “I won’t come unless…” threat: “We’ll miss you.”</p>
<p>Best of luck with the eventful week, MOWC! I have to say that I’ve always imagined WildChild as tall, dark, and handsome. Lance Armstrong does not fit my mental image! I don’t know who the actor you mentioned is.</p>
<p>I am also surprised at the WildChild/priest sibling pair.</p>
<p>Stand your ground where finances are concerned and keep reminding everyone that this is the Bride and Groom’s day! When they want to act catty–give them a simple reminder and quietly enforce your decisions. Take it from someone who has been there!!</p>
