We have our first wedding of a friend’s “child” soon and I am at a loss about the appropriate gift. amount. Up until now, all the weddings we have attended have been family. They are good friends of ours and the wedding will be quite high-end. Although we have known them about 10 years, we have become much closer in the past 5 years and they have included us in many of the wedding festivities. We feel very close with them (the parents) and are thrilled their daughter is so happy.
I realize there are no concrete etiquette rules for gift-giving so I am simply looking for a ballpark for what is currently customary given our relationship with them. We were thinking $200 was a safe amount? I have asked some of my friends (not attending this wedding) and have gotten suggestions from $100-$300. We are more than happy to give more than $200 if that seems appropriate.
This is sooooo variable, by region of the country, socioeconomic status, how close you are to the people involved. There are weddings where I’d give $100 and feel fine, and those where I’d give $1,000 (my nieces/nephew). For what you describe I think $200-300 feels appropriate.
D1 just went to a colleague’s wedding who was more senior to her. Her boyfriend was also invited. It was a nice NYC wedding(not that high end). She gave $200. It was short of covering the plate (I know some CC’ers are going to be offended), but she felt since she was more of a junior person, it was appropriate, but she was certain her boss gave a lot more than that.
I don’t think I’ve ever spent more than $100 on a wedding gift (giving money is something only non-family would do, around here). Shower gifts are $30-$40unless you are family, and then it turns into a contest…once saw a couple who were given 4 KitchenAid mixers and all those aunts were hotly contesting whose would be returned.
Yes, there are still showers, although they tend to be coed, which is nice, imho.
Help me out here. If there is a wedding gift, then what is the point of a couples shower gift? At least the bridal shower has historical roots in providing a dowry or trousseau for the bride.
And the latest trend is the engagement party & gift…
Although I understand these type of threads, I also loathe them. I think you have to share more info to get “accurate” feedback - though I also completely understand why you wouldn’t give more personal info.
In addition to region of country, another factor quite simply is your income. One family’s $300 check is done without a blink of an eye, another, $300 is the grocery bill for the month!
But yeah, you could TOTALLY form your CC “preferred” wedding guest list from a thread like this!
Definitely socio-economic based. Very few people I know could afford that on a regular basis. I don’t think anyone but us, grandma, and one uncle gave that kind of sum for my D’s wedding. Some did presents (definitely not worth that much) and monetary tended to be 50-100. Dang Tom, you’re in New Jersey–we definitely should have invited you.
I have two married sons. Except for family, gifts ranged from $50 from friends of the young couple to about $500. Those that gave too much scared me because their kids would soon have weddings and we can’t afford gifts like that for the children of friends or neighbors. I have three kids close in age so we’ve gone to quite a few weddings lately and sure can’t do that much for everybody. Unless you’re very well off, I think $200 is fine.
Children of close friends–$300-$500. Nieces and nephews usually $1,000-1200. Weddings where I don’t know the couple well,e.g., daughter’s best friend who was also her bridesmaid, I’ll buy something from the registry in the $150 range. I think people should give amounts that they feel good about. What I give may not be what someone else feels comfortable giving. I guess cover the plate is as good a rule as any. I still can’t figure out how you really know what the cover is. I know a reception in a church basement is not the same as one at the country club,
Definitely SES based here. D1got married last year- most gifts ~$50. Some more but only grandparents/parents were over $100 (oh yeah except one family friend). With 4 kids in prime marrying age, we are invited to many weddings. Our usual gift is $100 and double for a niece or nephew. More than that would make things awkward with friends/family. And I agree that it’s awkward if a friend gives way more than the “norm”- reciprocating is out of the question and I just give what I’m comfortable with.
