IMHO couples that can only afford a reception in a church basement need more of a wedding gift than the ones who can afford a lavish country club. One of my nieces was married in a lavish wedding. One in the back yard because that’s all their parents could afford. I certainly wasn’t going to give one more than the other.
^Right–this is why I so dislike the “cover the plate” concept–it tends to be a “rich gets richer.”
garland I have not problem giving $300 because between what I eat/drink and the things I lift from the venue I make out okay 
^^^Situation above suggests that cover the plate may not always be the best rule of thumb. Personally, I go with an amount with which I’m comfortable.
How many weddings do people attend in a year? If I go to more than one a year, it’s unusual. Last wedding I attended was last summer.
The question is if your friend were to give your kid more money than you would normally spend, what would you do when it’s your friend’s turn? And if you end up giving one friend’s kid 500+ would you then give all of other friend’s kid the same amount.
I’m in the same state as Romanig and our crew gives $50 for a friends kiddo…“we” our friends all had this discussion last summer at a reception where someone asked the group “how much did you give” and ALL of us had given the couple $50 from the CEO-CEO couple to the SAHM-middle class couple to my H & I. I also don’t think we weight the value of the gift to how much got spent on the reception. We know how much the parents make but they aren’t the ones getting married.
I wouldn’t give money at all. I’d give them something from their registry.
If the young couple has a registry (or two or three…) See what they want and wait for a sale. When junior Ellebud got married this year the presents ranged from canapé plates (about 80, barring discounts) to $1,000 cash from a family with whom we are very close.
We are going to a wedding tonight (this is written between blow out and makeup). We purchased something from their registry…Georg Jensen. around 600…and so much not my taste, but it is their taste. And it is beautiful. The parents of the bride gave my kids le crust pots…at about the same cost.
BUT, your comfort zone is the most important. I have heard that you should “cover the plate”. In Los Angeles that could easily be $400 a person. Kids can’t afford that…generally speaking. Do what makes you feel comfortable.
“IMHO couples that can only afford a reception in a church basement need more of a wedding gift than the ones who can afford a lavish country club.”
I agree completely. My gifts are based on what I want to give, not whether their budget is the Ritz or punch and cake in the living room.
Re the $1000 - I only have 4 nieces / nephews, and only 1 is getting married in the near future. But like I said, we are a small family. My niece who is getting married - we are her only aunt/ uncle and the only “source” of her cousins (my kids). It would be very different if there were 30 nieces.
Not everyone has a registry 
True, not everyone has a registry. There is no reason why (if due to finances) that the registry can’t be Target or Walmart.
I just sent a very modest gift to the daughter of a friend whose wedding we got a last minute evite to (and we cannot attend), but there was nothing much left on their registry! Generally I give in the $250 pus range.
@romanigypsyeyes, then the couple would receive a gift that I picked out that I thought would add to the graciousness of their household. I would make an attempt to pick something that I thought would accord with their taste. If they didn’t like it, they could return it and keep the money or buy something else. But I would not send a check unless I knew the couple was leaving for a year abroad or something like that immediately after the wedding.
I don’t want to start another thread, but I will if I must…
What do you give a couple who has been together for 40 years, ( they are both attorneys, also both women if that makes a difference), their house is full to the brim and I seriously doubt they physically need anything, but how do you celebrate a wedding without bringing something?
A restaurant gift card just seems silly.
For my nieces and nephews, I spend $200 or so.
So far, I haven’t had friends kids get married, but that would probably be about $50-$75.
I think our income is a bit lower than others on CC, and our family doesn’t spend much money n presents.
I would be surprised if all our presents put together ( albeit 34 years ago) totaled $500.
That wasn’t the point.
We also did not serve a sit down dinner, it was a lunch buffet, I think expecting guests to pay for their own refreshments is beyond tacky.
Better to have a potluck.
We tend to give $100 or less for most weddings and other milestone events. In my neck of the woods, that is considered generous. We tend to invited mainly to nieces, nephews and a few close friends’ weddings. When relatives had milestone birthday parties, they tended to get a gift in the amount of the birthday being celebrated. Neither of our kids have gotten married, so I’m not familiar with what the current gifting amount for these events is locally. My niece and the D of a very close friend are marrying this year, so I’ll have to be figuring out the appropriate gift soon.
Consolation, that’s your perogative. We’ve lived together for 4 years and have literally double of everything. Plus whatever we get we have to schlep to our honeymoon with us before home. What a thoughtful gift
Know what we really need? Money. And if that makes me low class or tacky to admit then fine by me. Our wedding and honeymoon are both within our budget so it’s not like we’re expecting guests to pay.
I have no idea where this idea came that the reception is supposed to pay for itself. Sheesh, that’s pretty mercenary, at what’s supposed to be a loving rite of passage. I don’t care if it’s some peoples’ “custom” to expect this or do this. I go with general good manners.
But fwiw, from The Knot (not that I consider them definitive,) *It’s a bad idea to use the price-per-plate as a measure for how much you should spend on the wedding gift – you wouldn’t give your best friend a less expensive gift just because she was having a more casual affair. Spend what you think is appropriate to your relationship to the couple, and also consider what’s reasonable in your city. While a co-worker or friend may expect a gift in the $50-75 range, someone in an urban market may have double the expectations. Here’s the ballpark you should be aiming for:
Coworker and/or a distant family friend or relative: $50-$75
Relative or friend: $75-$100
Close relative or close friend: $100-$150
Urbanite: $150-200+*
On my s’s registry they have an option to make a donation to some of their favorite charities in their name. I like that. We gave to our favorite charity-- them!
I would have it sent to your house, or your parent’s house, if you live close by. After the wedding if necessary. When it was convenient. The goal is not to complicate your life. One does not bring wedding gifts to the wedding for that very reason.
And the kind of thing I would usually give as a wedding present is not the kind of thing of which most people have “two of everything.” It is the kind of thing people would hesitate to buy for themselves because it is at least a small extravagance: an oval French copper gratin, a small Jacquard Francais tablecloth with napkins, that kind of thing. To me the point of a wedding present isn’t to provide the most basic household goods, especially when people have been living on their own for a while. It’s to, as I said above, add to the graciousness of the household. (That can take many forms.)
I said nothing about being low class or tacky.