Can i ask what sorts of charities, jym? Local or the national organization?
They are related to their interests and careers. Each picked one that was important to them. She is in public health, so selected a national charity. He was very involved in Engineers Without Borders so has that as his charity.
And to clarify-- the donations are made in the name of the person giving the gift-- not in my s/dil’s name.
EK, that’s a tough one. It’s such a momentous occasion that you want to do something but what to contribute. I think that your question got buried so I think you should start another discussion.
Maybe a contribution to charity, maybe for marriage equality? If there’s a charity that lobbies for that.
Here’s how they set up their donations. It’s through the “I do” foundation. Very clever idea. https://www.idofoundation.org/
Oh, and I am not completely sure if the donation is made in the name of the couple or the donor, but it absolutely does not matter.
EK-
Can you make a donation to a pro bono law foundation in their name?
@jym626 - I’ve been moving toward charity donation gifts when there are no apparent needs though it’s been mostly for Christmas gifts. But I think that’s a nice idea for a wedding gift to an established couple.
Consolation–all of your comments on wedding presents were exactly what was most common in my working-class, immigrant family. People brought gifts to the wedding or brought a card with cash. Gifts were practical, household items. As lovely as a French copper gratin sounds my family/relatives wouldn’t know the difference between it and Revere Ware. The attempt to make their lives more gracious would be lost on them. I gave up trying to change their views of the world–I had a very small wedding (both times) to avoid it all.
My D’s wedding was not what my family and my cousins/aunts were used to seeing, but they all traveled 1000 miles to be there and had a great time.
I like to pick something off the registry (like a nice serving piece) and add a check to it. For very close friends and relatives, I spend about $50 on a gift and write a $150 check. I like to give something tangible. Not so close friends- $100-$150 total. $1,000 would be very out of line in our neck of the woods.
I have only been to one wedding of a friend’s kid so far but have another one coming up this fall. Spent about $100 on a wedding gift (plus attended a shower and spent almost that amount for a bridal shower gift). That would probably be considered about right in our area. Would give more for a niece or nephew but would not go overboard on that either-maybe around $200 tops.
I am thankful for gift registries and like to pick something from that. I have probably made a couple missteps over the years when picking something for someone that was not registered. For instance, I bought a college roommate an Orrefors crystal bowl as a wedding gift. Nice bowl (small , good for entertaining- throwing some nuts or candies in),but it just may not have been her cup of tea. She lived out of state from me but we visited overnight a few years after she married. She had plenty of places to display things but the bowl was nowhere to be found on display and wasn’t used during our visit. I doubt she threw it in the trash but I also doubt it was used much either! I would much rather give someone something on their registry, a check, or gift card than something I’m not sure they would like or need. I do like to try to find something on the registry that is unusual or decorative if possible.
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Re the $1000 - I only have 4 nieces / nephews, and only 1 is getting married in the near future. But like I said, we are a small family. My niece who is getting married - we are her only aunt/ uncle and the only “source” of her cousins (my kids). It would be very different if there were 30 nieces.
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lol…H and I have over 45 nieces and nephews. So far, only 4 are married, but the rest will likely soon be getting married within the next 5-10 years (except for a few young ones). We had a huge family “baby boom” from about 1986-97.
I would have to be REALLY sure of an item to purchase it for the couple if it was not on their registry. Case in point, a few of the gifts mentioned above, would have gone unused/unappreciated by me when I was younger and even now. Not ungrateful, but also totally awkward to get a gift that you are not interested in using.
Many years ago, my sister received place settings of her silver (plate) pattern from her co-workers. She had no idea who contributed what or how much it cost, but thinks of them whenever she uses that silver.
A woman I worked with and didn’t know well got married the first year she worked with us. I organized everyone and each gave whatever he/she could afford and wanted to (all different amounts) and we were going to get something off the registry. Well, EVERY single thing was purchased! She lived in a small apartment and we considered getting a BBQ grill but it wasn’t allowed. So we got all the serving pieces for her ‘everyday’ china (which was still expensive) and we used a coupon and one guy’s wife worked at the department store so we got an employee discount. In the end I think we spent about $200 and got $500-600 worth of pieces, from salt and pepper shakers to serving platters. I haven’t seen her in 30 years, but I hope she remembers us when using the pieces.
Six months ago I had the pleasure/joy of attending a shower for a young woman that I truly love. There were two tables of us old ladies and 6 tables of bride’s age friends). The bride made the decision that she was opening her gifts at home. She didn’t want to make any of her guests uncomfortable.
I’m in the NY metro area. Friends who came to my S’s wedding last summer gave gifts in amounts of $250-$500, and this was after the expense of traveling cross-country for the wedding. I would give close friends’ kids ~$400 and the nieces and nephews get the big check for $1,000. I’m glad I can do this and not “break the bank.” These are all nice young people starting out and the $$ means a lot to them.
I wish I read a thread like this a month ago.
My niece got married. We gave $200.
Then my daughter got married. My niece’s father gave my daughter $1,000.
I had no idea people gave that kind of money.
I had no idea how much the cost per plate was ar my niece’s wedding until my niece’s father told me.
My niece is still talking to me. 
If she ever buys a house my niece is going to get a heck of a house warming gift.
I agree , abasket. I have only resorted to giving gifts that were not on a registry when a registry didn’t exist. In the case of the bowl, my college roommate was about 35 years old at her marriage and she married a guy about 20 years older that had plenty of money. A gift card or money just wasn’t going to work so I tried my best to think of something that was nice, small, and possibly useful to hold a few nuts! But yes, a lot of stuff does I’m sure get "unused/ unappreciated. " We got some stuff when we married 30 + years ago that we didn’t register for and rarely have used (chafing dish, etc.). One of my college roommates got us an all black huge canvas piece of artwork that had a small white tree in the middle. I am a traditional , classic type of person in terms of decorating.It was so not us but we moved it around for years in out of the way places until we finally got rid of it altogether !
How much should I give for a masters graduation gift to a friend? No party. I am seeing this family tonight.
I gave my niece a KitchenAid about $300 3-4 years ago. She likes to bake so that was useful. We didn’t attend the wedding so we thought we could be more generous. Same with my husband’s niece, we gave her close to $750 for part of a honeymoon 3-4 years ago. Again we could attend the wedding so we gave more. The couple loves to go on vacation so it’s well worth it.
I think I would take into account of inflation today.
My niece married last weekend. It was a very, very nice wedding. I asked my sister if she had ever heard of the “cover the plate” idea and she was horrified - had never occurred to her. 80% of the guests were only a few years out of college, and probably don’t have loads of money. I gave my niece two Le Creuset pots.
BTW, one of my favorite wedding gifts (way back in the day) was from a little old woman in our church. I didn’t know her well, but she picked out a favorite sugar bowl (very nice crystal) from her personal collection and presented it with a note about how she had used it in her home. I cried when I broke it many years later.