The "real" world

Parent Cafe
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<p>I’m basically here to get some mature opinion based on your personal experiences…</p>

<p>I have been going through some posts and I always notice a common trend…people telling other people how it is in the “real” world…</p>

<p>Recently I was reading a post about someone wanting to stand up for what’s right and deserving and people started saying that the OP was being “pesty” and will fail miserably in the “real” world…</p>

<p>So my question is that if the only way to apparently succeed in the “real” world is to surrender and not voice your concern for what you believe is the right thing to do? Is that how low we have reached?</p>

<p>I’m not trying to offend anyone just wondering about other real world experiences.</p>

<p>I’ll start with myself…I’m one of those people who believe that if I have a concern it should be addressed! Keeping quite isn’t going to help anyone. Without doubt you are always going to face opposition in what u do and say, but should u run away or face it? Because to me, that’s not a good enough reason to give up.</p>

<p>It’s just that I see people talk about morals and principles and how it’s important to uphold them, but more often than not, in the blink of an eye, they abandon it all in the infamous “real” world.</p>

<p>I do know that this can be quite annoying when done frequently and it’s difficult to succeed at your own terms, but isn’t it worth it? I’d rather take the harder way than climb the ladder.</p>

<p>Thoughts???(on the topic not my personal stance)</p>

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<p>We need more people like you in the “real” world.</p>

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<p>I suppose there will be as many answers to this question as there are are people. So my response is JMHO on the matter. In my view, the “real world” is that part of our existence where things happen that shouldn’t or needn’t. For example, you’re promised a promotion by your current boss who values work output. But s/he leaves and the replacement promotes someone else based on some “soft and fuzzy” criterion. It shouldn’t happen (i.e., the boss promising you a promotion and not following through) but it does. It’s not personal, and it’s not malicious … it’s just part of the world you live in.</p>

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<p>newhope33…u r right…things happen that shouldn’t or needn’t…and most of the time there’s nothing we can do about it…</p>

<p>but another way to look at this would be, to get a recommendation frm the old boss? OR try to present ur case to the new boss…even though chances r, he is going to reject it and still promote the other person…</p>

<p>i do believe that people should try rather than just sit back and take what they get!!! a majority will go against the idea, on the count that most probably u still won’t get the promotion…what they fail to notice is that it’s not entirely the promotion that’s at stake here…its ur part in attaining it!!! its ur part in trying to make things right and trying to get what u believe is rightfully urs… </p>

<p>It’s the TRYING that most people don’t wish to do, and yet they criticize people who actually do TRY!!! And they call these people (who try) pesty???</p>

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<p>Ok, first of all, I will make my stand for what is “right” and suggest that you are not texting your posts and should attempt to use standard English for the sake of the readers. </p>

<p>On the threads that you cite, who is it that is making these statements - other young people/students, or adults?</p>

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<p>I will do that.</p>

<p>As for the threads, I’m sorry I don’t wish to spark a controversy or worse offend people, I was making a general observation based on many threads and the topic was supposed to be more related to peoples thoughts and their perspective of the real world rather than the posts itself… Hope that helps :)</p>

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<p>“but another way to look at this would be, to get a recommendation frm the old boss? OR try to present ur case to the new boss…even though chances r, he is going to reject it and still promote the other person… i do believe that people should try rather than just sit back and take what they get!”</p>

<p>By all means, do those things. They’re reasonable and constructive actions. And they will be really useful bits for your data base of experience. BUT … do those things for the valuable experience, not because you believe that a well-reasoned presentation will carry the day.</p>

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<p>That’s exactly my point newhope…there’s little hope that it will move the promotion in my favour…but that still seems like a better choice to me when contrasted with doing nothing.</p>

<p>The real point of the matter is how people say that it’s not even worth trying in the real world…
And that’s something I can’t begin to comprehend.</p>

<p>Most just give up because it’s easier to not do something rather than to do it and fail…do you agree with this?</p>

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I think it’s very important in all of life to pick your battles. You may be “right” in a snapshot of real life, but may be wrong in stirring up controversy unnecessarily. A wise person will consider carefully when to act and when to be patient. Jumping in with both feet isn’t always the right thing to do. There are certainly times when one must take a stand, but careful consideration should always be given to make sure that you do, in fact, have all necessary information before acting. I’ve seen lots of young people “do something” without having all facts or when things would have resolved well without conflict. That often doesn’t end well.</p>

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<p>I cannot see putting yourself forward for a promotion as a matter of principle for which you should congratulate yourself. Certainly there is nothing wrong with doing so, and certainly finding that one’s hopes and expectations are dashed, often unfairly, is part of living in the “real” world.</p>

<p>I guess I’m a little confused about what kinds of things you mean to talk about here.</p>

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<p>What do you mean by “a concern”? I do not think that every concern that one has deserves to be voiced. I do not think that every concern that one has is worth taking up other people’s time and energy. This smacks of narcissism.</p>

<p>Now, there are things that need to be addressed each and every time they occur, even if it annoys other people. My H’s family, for example, were in the habit of making antisemitic statements. I <em>always</em> called them on it. They didn’t like me for it, but too bad. Silence=consent. Some people would say that in the “real world” one needs to shut up and just let such things pass. I disagree.</p>

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<p>The thing is, we all have our own inner visions of how things should be, how people should act, what is fair, what is good, what is bad. It forms as we grow up in a particular family and community with particular values and ideas. This is each of our “worlds.” </p>

<p>This “real world” that everyone speaks of is the place where all of our personal worlds collide, and as we go out into that “real world” we learn that our world is not always the same as other people’s worlds. Our morals and principles are not necessarily valued by others, and very often these others have power over you (like a boss).</p>

<p>It’s not always so easy to stand up for something that no one else gives a rat’s a$$ about, and honestly, sometimes the fight is just not worth the battle scars. And there is always the chance that what you think is right, might not be right, and someone else’s idea might be better, so you need to be open to changing your mind .Being successful in the “real world” is about learning to find our own way to merge our world with the “real world” in a way that we can live with.</p>

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<p>zoosermom…I agree… we should always get our facts right before we do anything. Jumping to conclusions doesn’t help anyone.</p>

<p>Consolation… the promotion thingy was a hypothetical situation where your ex boss had nominated you, but he left before it could be seen through. Now the new boss decided to promote someone else for the wrong reasons…now if that were to happen, i will definitely try to make my case to the new boss, even though chances are that i still won’t get promoted.</p>

<p>As for the concerns, that is true, I should have said “legitimate” concerns :)</p>

<p>Silence=consent. Some people would say that in the “real world” one needs to shut up and just let such things pass. I disagree.</p>

<p>Right on! Nicely put… I agree with your disagreement!!</p>

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<p>It’s patently false that what you describe above is the “only way to apparently succeed in the ‘real’ world.”</p>

<p>However, some people are perpetually frustrated that the world is the way that it IS rather than the way they believe it SHOULD BE. Certainly we can effect change sometimes; but we cannot win every battle, and even at times when we are in the right, we need to recognize that we have to surrender to reality. Get married and you’ll learn that real fast ;)</p>

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<p>It’s patently false that what you describe above is the “only way to apparently succeed in the ‘real’ world.”…its not how i feel…its what others imply that it is :slight_smile: i disagree with it…</p>

<p>it is true that we cant win every battle…but the question is, should we stop fighting?</p>

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<p>To me losing one battle simply lets me be better prepared for the next one :p</p>

<p>But then again, I’m “young and stupid” lol…I wonder what the more seasoned souls have to say on this!!</p>

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<p>^^I agree with this. The world is filled with injustices and insults. You need to decide which ones are worth fighting and which ones are worth letting go by.</p>

<p>If you fight every battle, insist on righting every wrong you perceive, fight to the bloody end over every insult and injustice no matter how inconsequential, you will soon exhaust yourself and, more importantly, you will soon exhaust your supply of goodwill among those around you. You will soon develop a reputation as a very disagreeable person to hang around with. </p>

<p>Plus, by vigorously fighting over everything you are, in effect, ascribing equal importance to all of them. This has the effect of trivializing the really important things. E.g. if you bring a court case and alert the news media when say someone parks in your parking space, what are you going to have left when say someone swindles the elderly or when an example blatant racism comes along? You’ve already fired your big guns over the trivial injustice of parking space. Now when you really need peoples’ help and attention they are going to ignore you.</p>

<p>Plus you will make your own life miserable. In addition to having offended and probably driven off pretty much all your friends, your whole life will devolve into one long, loud complaint. Is that the way you want to live? One complaint after another? One bloody fight after another? </p>

<p>Moreover, constantly fighting over every little point is going to make you a very difficult spouse and a good candidate for divorce court. As any married person with a successful marriage can tell you, marriage is one compromise after another, by both partners. If you insist on always being right and always fighting to prove it, it will very likely be a miserable (and short) marriage.</p>

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<p>^^true tht!</p>

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<p>The age-old marriage question: would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? :)</p>

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<p>Zooser and others make valid point about choosing your battles, and also realizing that how you fight is as important as what you fight for. Bill Joel has a song about the “Angry Young Man” who fights all these causes, loses, refuses to yield…and ends up an angry old man:)…</p>

<p>You see this with politics, where people get locked into this idea that they are right, everyone else is wrong, and when they fight it is their way or no way, compromise has no meaning to them, because they are right…what they can’t or won’t see is that when fighting the battle over something, fighting for the cause, that compromise can represent a step towards a goal…but not only that, but there is also wisdom in understanding what you can and cannot get done given the circumstances, and doing the best you can.</p>

<p>In the work world, all kinds of messed up crap happens all the time, people get promoted because of nepotism, people who are really good are stagnant because they don’t play the political games and part of the working world is learning to deal with ‘real life’ situations. With promotions, I learned the hard way that just doing a great job isn’t enough, that you need to do a lot of self promotion (managers should be doing this for their employees, but often don’t). When things come up that you think are wrong, you learn how to get the point across without coming off as arrogant or self righteous (and yep, in my younger days, there were times when I had that problem). Idealism needs to be tempered with pragmatism, even the biggest social changes happen because people are pragmatic, find ways to win the battles, to win people over, it is rare that the ideologues and the radicals really curry change, it is people who take the ideas of these people and temper them that get them through. </p>

<p>For some reason, this reminds me of an old joke, where a man is on the subway platform and is given a ticket for littering, when it was the guy next to him who did it. A lawyer comes, grabs the ticket,tears it up and tells the man “This is an injustice, you are an innocent man”…the guy is arrested for tearing up the ticket, and keeps saying “I’ll pay the fine, it is only 5 bucks”…the lawyer keeps pushing ahead, the cops offer if the guy takes a duplicate ticket, and pays the fine, he will be released, the guy is saying “I will” but the lawyer says “We’ll fight this injustice”…the cops up the charge to resisting arrest , guy is thrown in jail, he is arraigned and bail is set at 100 bucks, guy says “I’ll pay the bail, I’ll pay the ticket”, but the lawyer says “We’ll fight this injustice”…and it goes on, guy gets involved in a jail house riot, someone is killed, he gets charged with it, lawyer says “We’ll fight this injustice”, until the guy is walking to the death chamber, and is saying “please, I’ll pay the ticket”…</p>

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<p>This is the best observation on this thread, in my opinion.</p>

<p>You can’t fight everything. You’ll spread yourself too thin, and you’ll annoy people to the point where they’re likely to ignore you.</p>

<p>My father used to say “There’s a difference between a broken egg and a broken leg.” He meant that it’s important to distinguish serious issues from trivial ones and focus on the ones that matter.</p>

<p>We parents are very accustomed to picking our battles because most of us used that approach when dealing with our kids. For example, when my husband and I were raising our children, we insisted on the use of safety equipment (seat belts, bike helmets) and we made sure that our kids understood that schoolwork was to be taken seriously, but we didn’t raise a huge fuss about junk food, and we looked the other way when they went to sleepovers where the entertainment consisted of 13-year-olds watching R-rated movies all night. </p>

<p>This doesn’t mean that we didn’t care about good nutrition or appropriate entertainment. It just meant that we considered those things less important than safety and academics, and you can’t win them all. Other families, with different priorities, might make different choices.</p>