<p>And you would throw them out for a negative posting on face book???</p>
<p>Princess does not equal Gradzilla.</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone here would actually throw their child out for a “negative review” on facebook or a temper tantrum. I think teens - step, blood or whatever - can be trying and that this is a good place to vent.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Actually, I’ve seen parents refer to their Ds as gradzilla on CC. See the thread “Gradzilla” started by LasMa; it has 88 posts on it.</p>
<p>And yes, I would throw my teen-age kids out of the house for throwing that kind of temper tantrum. Not a single word, but a screaming spree of the kind described by Centh would lead to an invitation to leave MY house.
The last time my S did threw a temper tantrum, he was 3 years old, not about to graduate from high school. He stood in a corner (that’s the French way of dealing with temper tantrums, not sitting comfortably in a chair for “time out.”) After five minutes, he calmed down, apologized and we continued doing what we were supposed to do.</p>
<p>My house, my rules. And no brattish behavior.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well, you would be wrong. Just a short while ago a mom posted here describing her D as a “gradzilla.”</p>
<p>In that case, ironically, the kid was balking at having a lot of attention paid to her graduation, not demanding that all in her vicinity fall to their knees and worship.</p>
<p>“How many kids post negative comments about their parents on face book?”</p>
<p>Sorry to single out such a small piece of this entire thread, but I actually have to say that in my two years as a member of facebook, with quite a few fellow teenagers as friends, I don’t recall ever reading a negative comment about parents on any of their pages. I’ve seen negative stuff about peers, exes, teachers, and professors, but the parents have been distinctly lacking. If the people I know are having issues with their parents, as they often do, they reserve this type of discussion to private conversation via cell phone or instant messaging. As far as I can see, it doesn’t seem normal to post your mommy/daddy issues to show up in every one of your friends’ news feed.</p>
<p>It may also be that a step-parent is easier to lash out at than a biological parent.</p>
<p>While I didn’t throw tantrums, I was much more short-tempered with my parents than usual around graduation. It’s a trying time…we’re dealing with the end of everything we know and love.</p>
<p>So while it’s not acceptable for her to scream and rant at you…I’d ease up on the name-calling and just ignore her. If she’s a normal teenage girl, ignoring will calm her down a lot quicker than anything else. It takes two to tango.</p>
<p>I would also like to point out, the girl is probably over 18. Unless she is paying for rent or mortgage, then she is a guest, not to mention the fact OP’s house is not her primary resident.</p>
<p>I would treat her exactly as I treated my d at 2 when she had a tantrum: “I’m sorry, but I cannot understand you when you’re screaming. When you can talk in a normal voice, we’ll discuss your issues.” And then leave. (Or if she’s in your space, escort her out and close the door.)</p>
<p>Where is dad in all of this? Perhaps he should sit down with his daughter: “I know you’re having a tough time right now. It’s scary to leave school and your friends. College is a big, scary place. But we are not your punching bags. We will support you, but you must treat us with respect. Yelling and screaming at us when you don’t get what you want is unacceptable.”</p>
<p>This sounds more like middle school than high school behavior to me. I’d be surprised to see a high school senior post negative things about parents on Facebook, but if I did see it, I’d probably let them know that it stops or there will be consequences. She is probably only putting it there because she knows the parents read it so have Dad, step brother and Mom unfriend and she loses the intended audience. I would hope that her friends reading comments about parents are probably thinking “geez, grow up”.</p>
<p>“…until the last couple of months we all got along very well.”</p>
<p>Someone mentioned this earlier, but something has happened. The sooner OP figures out the what, the farther she will be to a solution. It sounds like something outside of the home.</p>
<p>In general, I think kayf has been making some very valid points.<br>
What it means to a child when a parent or blood sibling calls them an unflattering name versus what it means when a stepmom or other non-blood family member is very different. Step parents seldom, if ever, feel the same degree of unconditional love for the child that the parent does, and the child knows it. This girl’s behaviour may be ugly, but what’s behind it may be genuine pain and a reflection of a emotional marginalization she feels (relative to the son of her father and stepmother).</p>
<p>I don’t see any indication that the son called his stepsister “gradzilla” to her face.<br>
We don’t know everything that goes on, but it seems the step-D is getting a whole lot more attention–bigger graduation party, graduation plus birthday. Whatever the case, screaming at one’s (step) parents is a no-no.</p>
<p>But when you feel a certain way, I think it is unrealistic to believe that people cannot sense it. The step children that I have seen experiencing difficulties were given everything they could want materially - in fact, it seemed to me that the parents gave even more to them than to the new kids to compensate for an emotional distance vis a vis the children of the new union. However, all the material things in the world didn’t keep them from feeling like outsiders, and as a result unhappy.</p>
<p>Marite – we dont know – but the parties may be just a small picture. The SD may see her stepbrother getting more attention from her dad on a daily basis. There are many dynamics to a step-relationship that are hard to tell from a distance. But just the way OP puts it, it sounds like a them/me thing at times. </p>
<p>Canamer – “Step parents seldom, if ever, feel the same degree of unconditional love for the child that the parent does, and the child knows it.” - yes how true – of course we all love our children more – thats what being a mom is all about. Parents can get dissappointed in a child, but the care and concern is still there. Here, with a step, it sounds more like MY feeelings are hurt, this isnt fair to ME, not like how can I help the child.</p>
<p>Yeah I think the reality of the situation got lost somewhere in the ethernet. I don’t want to drag this out and I’m not going to get riled up about the comments directed at me here. I appreciate the insight. I honestly think she is acting this way because she likes to cause drama. I’m not going to play her game…or anyone else’s. Have a great day! :D</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That could totally be the case…perhaps nothing to do with hormones, graduation, parents’ family situation…my kids each know at least one girl (and it always seems to be a girl) who creates drama whereever she goes…the attention can be negative or it can be positive, but it must always be on her.</p>
<p>Hm… There is absolutely no indication that the dad is paying more attention to the stepbrother (he is step, not half, right, so no blood relation to her dad?).
I’m sorry but at 18, however hurt you are, you do not throw temper tantrums like a 3-year old.</p>
<p>There’s no indication that Dad pays more attention to the stepbrother ? – I assume the stepbrother lives with his mom( and ergo the Dad) for more time that the SD lives with her dad. </p>
<p>If SM considering writing something in Facebook a tantrum, seems to me she is looking for ways to critizie the SD. In any event – this situation doesnt seem to matter much, the girl will be gone soon.</p>
<p>My SD threw several memorable tantrums when she was in her late teens and early twenties. Her mom had died when she was a college freshman. I tried to stay out of it and let her dad and siblings deal with her. I knew it wasn’t really about me but there were some hurtful incidents. She eventually grew up and is a wonderful mother today.</p>
<p>One point: While I agree that if the temper tantrum thrower is in his/her space it is prudent to exit the room, I would not escort the young person out of my room. This could escalate very quickly into real violence. (Remember the terrible twos when at Mommy and Me the leader said that the child was out of control, scared and the tantrum was equally unnerving to parents as well as child?) She is younger and stronger…and could really hurt someone (forget about calling the police and claiming assault.)</p>