THE rockstar kid at my son's school just committed to a local directional

Parents Forum
61

I noticed the difference between the treatment of the son and daughter (maybe because that was always the dynamic in my own family) but mentally gave the family the benefit of doubt because something may have changed for them financially in the meantime. My husband had a stroke after our oldest committed to a college, and had been there a couple of years, so the financial changes only affected our daughters (but our son paid us back quite a bit later!).

I see families pursue only publics all the time, and guidance counselors we have worked with don’t really convey the possibilities that exist with privates, either through financial aid or merit awards.

I had a call from a friend whose daughter was feeling down because she was only applying to a state college (not a university, maybe this is what a directional is!), unlike her friends. I suggested she apply to a couple of small privates that she had a good chance at, so she could sit at the lunch table and discuss her choices with peers. The family was extremely surprised by the merit and financial aid offered when she got in to both these schools. She ended up choosing the state college in the end, but the family’s eyes were opened and the son later attended a private I believe.

The much maligned Harvard, which is actually a great experience for many, gives substantial aid to families making up to $150K (they pay 10% which is cheaper than any public). Those making under $65K go for free. There are other selective schools that give aid that is very generous. And others give merit to attract top students or those accomplished in certain areas. Private can end up being cheaper than public- but as we all know the middle group of families with incomes that seem high but cannot handle full pay, often suffer and their kids end up at publics.

If this decision reflects a lack of knowledge on the part of the family or guidance counselor, that is too bad. But there are also many good reasons to go to the directional. One of mine did that. She enjoyed the mixed ages and the more practical environment. She lived at home and then in an apartment and worked and was also able to take classes part-time, which suited her. However, I do think that the intellectual atmosphere is not optimal for some kids, and that would include motivation of peers, quality of faculty, and so on. For some kids, a school that is not challenging can actually drag them down or cause them to quit. So…it depends.

I can see why people think this is none of the original poster’s business, but I myself have felt sad watching this scenario with my kids’ classmates when I know it is because of lack of sophistication on the part of school and family. On the other hand, I have also seem some great kids thrive at the nearby state college, while living at home. The deli guy at our grocery store just finished last year and got a job with a fancy title, and he is radiant with success. Great kid, smart, hard-working, clear goals, and he is not untypical of the kids I know who went that route.

62

IMO, I think that there is not enough information regarding the school she selected , why she selected and what her future plans are to speculate about all kinds of scenarios. Quite a few people on this thread are assuming that she wasn’t advised by her GC, that she hasn’t investigated other options, that it wasn’t her choice, etc. Here’s another scenario, maybe the girl is so burnt out from being a rockstar and participating in all kinds of ECs that in order to keep sane she needs to slow down. Again, no one knows why the decision was made, and I’m fairly sure if the girl knew all the possibilities were being played out on a national forum, she would probably be less than happy.

63

Is the OP privy to the actual financial details of the older sibling or basing it on hearsay? I ask bc of the wording, “apparently.” It very well could be that the brother has scholarships from the flagship. Falling into the full pay category does not necessarily mean he is paying full rate.

The OP’s story sounds very close to our own family’s scenario. Our 11th grader’s brother is attending a large state flagship. Our 11th grader, who is an incredibly strong student, is seriously considering the local RNP directional U. Why? Bc we have met with a lot of depts, and so far, of the schools we can afford, its dept has the most to offer her for her personal goals. I can see outsiders who dont know our private matters being stunned that she is considering the local school. (Fwiw, the school where her brother is attending doesn’t offer her intended major.)

If finances are controlling the young lady’s decisions, it very well could be that all other factors are irrelevant. There may be other factors involved (our dd has health issues which have made her be hesitant about schools long distances from home.) Could one of the parents have a recently diagnosed health issue? Speculation could go on for a long time.

Will her education be the same as somewhere else? No. But it does not mean her future is destroyed either. Most people don’t have the luxury of going big bc the real life outcome is going home. Making the most of what you have is a very real world experience.

Fwiw, if the young lady is as accomplished as it sounds, I personally find it hard to believe that her parents were not supportive of her achievements all through high school. Captain, volunteer of the yr, etc, do they typically happen with zero parental support? Would they support her in high school and then suddenly stop? I suspect there is far more to the story than the parents went all in for the brother and left her with scraps.

64

With all due respect, I don’t know that many 17-18 yr old know all the options out there when it comes to college application. I would venture to say most adults do not know. For this student to make a decision this early is a clear sign sign to me that she is not exploring all of her options. I think it would make more sense if she were to wait when all results are in and she still decides on the directional school.

65

As has been stated up-thread, there are differences in ‘directionals’ from state-to-state.

I don’t think it’s about “fancy name” school vs “directional”; rather it’s about budgets, resources, priorities.

It’s a fact that many directionals, including those in CT, have low FT:PT ratio of instructional faculty (read: more PT “adjuncts” than FT faculty). These PT faculty vary WIDELY in their teaching skill, interest, and availability, but they save the state a lot of money in salaries and benefits.

It’s also a fact that the graduation rates tend to be low. In CT the HIGHEST 4-yr rate at a directional is ~40%; the highest 6-yr rate <60%.

To me, these statistics show a lower level of commitment to undergraduates.
These schools can provide a cheaper alternative to “top” kids, for 2 or 4 years, but I agree with those who suggest that a little bit of homework could lead many “top” kids to institutions where faculty and grad rates are much more impressive, and where their stats could qualify them for similarly low cost.

66

If my kid was burned out after high school (really?), I would tell her to take a year off rather than go to an easier school to chill out.

67

And I just saw the flip of the coin, a kid with top stats, possible NMF and only applying to reach schools where no merit will be forthcoming. Why? Is the name that important that paying full price (if income is too high for need based aid) is worth it? When the kid could get full tuition or full ride at several great choices?

68

^^^For us it was worth it.

As I have posted before, schools give your merit to buy your academic success.

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@oldfort I’m glad that if your child ever needed to “chill out” that you would support her in taking a year off. That’s commendable , but not every parent has that luxury. Every state is different , and to speculate what someone’s options are in another state is difficult . For example, in my state, my son would lose the highest level of scholarship money provided by the state if he didn’t enter a four year institution in the fall following his senior year. She may need to be a full year student to remain under her parent’s health insurance . My point remains, there is a lot of information regarding her and her parents decision making that we are not privy to (nor should we be) to be passing judgement on a private family decision .

70

In my state the kid who wants to be an elementary school teacher is well served by attending the directional over the (well regarded) state flagship , and only those with major money to burn would send such a kid to the elite private nearby that has a school of education.

71

As I said upstream…most directional colleges do not have early decision. This means the acceptance, and even the commitment to attend, are not binding. FR all,we know, the kid sent in a housing deposit to secure the best housing spot for incoming freshmen, many kids and their families do this.

It is very possible that this kid already has other applications sent, and is patiently waiting to see if any of the others pan out.

Both of my kids sent in housing deposits to other schools while they waited to hear from their higher choices. There is nothing wrong with doing so, especially if housing is limited.

And while the student mentioned in the OP, with those stats (and we don’t even know if that information is accurate) could get full tuition, a complete full ride (which is what she got from the directional) is less easy to come by.

I agree that students should attend the best possible within their family budget.

The school counsellors do not (in public school) ask about family finances, and are specifically prohibited to do so where I live and work.

72

I thought we could have our kids on our insurance until 26.

We may not know this kid, but I think OP may know, as I knew most of my kids’ friends in high school. I knew which kid’s father went to jail for insider trading or went into witness protection (actually happened to D1’s class), which kid had chronic illness. But overall, most kids came from fairly normal family, and if one of those top students were to go to a directional state school, it would raise few eyebrows.

D2’s best friend who was a top student decided to become a Rutgers recruit. It was well understood because the school had a good team and her father had been out of work for few years and they could no longer afford private school tuitions.

Again, I don’t understand why a decision is made so early in the game. We often talk about it here, if finance is an issue, apply to as many schools that are financially affordable and then make a decision when all results are in.

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I do not agree. Many of the students at these schools do graduate. Many go part time and work part time…so it takes longer than four or six years to complete their degrees. Many work full time and take classes a couple at the time on weekends or evenings. Students sometimes need to take time off to attend to family needs or to earn money to continue to attend.

And lastly, some of those adjuncts are actually folks working in the field in which they teach…which can be good. The absolutely WORST teachers I had in college were ones who had not worked in their field for years, and were tenured teaching faculty. As someone who was working in the field, I knew how out of touch they were with current practices.

I’m not saying all full time college faculty are poor and adjuncts great…but some are.

The directionals in CT have upped their game significantly in the last 10 years…both in facilities and in faculty.

74

" But overall, most kids came from fairly normal family, and if one of those top students were to go to a directional state school, it would raise a few eyebrows."

Yes - at an exclusive private school in NJ, belly of the beast! Public schools, esp in parts of the country where state schools predominate and aren’t seen as a “comedown” are a different story.

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“To me, these statistics show a lower level of commitment to undergraduates.”

It’s time to step out of the cc bubble. A lot of this reflects MONEY (or lack thereof) - where a kid takes off a year midway through to work and get the money for next year.

76

Flagship state schools for high stats kids would not be seen as a comedown, but to a directional school, yes.

What I described is not exclusive to a private school in NJ, but is the case at many public schools in the NE or many affluent towns. The OP is surprised tells me her school is accustom to send students to some top tier colleges.

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Is this thread about prestige, privilege or academic excellence?

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SOME students take time off to make money for tuitions, but MANY take time off due to poor performances or lack of interest.

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I was also thinking that the decision at this point may be merely a matter of having put a housing deposit down. I’ve put one down for D although she still had 2 other schools to hear from, including her first choice.

80

JustOneDad - what do you think is the purpose of this thread?
For posters who are saying this is the right choice for this student, what would you do if she was your child? Would you let your academic rock star child make a decision in Nov to go to a directional school? Or would you be responsible enough to advise your kid to look at other options?