<p>H and I didn’t have “real” engagement rings, we had no money, and I don’t like wearing anything on my hands on a daily basis, especially something with a hardness of 10 that would stick out and bother me constantly.</p>
<p>We jokingly had these ceremonial bronze African wedding rings. They were huge and sculpted and had been made using the “lost wax” method. The female one was relatively smooth on the inside, but the male one was a bit rough. And really big - it would rattle around loosely on my largest thumb but H couldn’t get it on any of his fingers. I teased him about that, and he managed to get it on one of his pinkys and of course, it got stuck!</p>
<p>He pulled on it and pulled on it, in an increasing panic and we returned home, ran his finger under warm water and poured liquid dish soap all over it but it wouldn’t come off. We went to the ER for Boston City Hospital. Oh boy, did they laugh! They didn’t even process him as a patient but just showed him around to everybody, laughing, and then had it off in about 2 seconds after wiggling some “surgi-lube” under it. Don’t pull on a stuck ring! And run your finger under COLD water, as warm or hot water will make your finger swell more than the metal. </p>
<p>P.S. All of these diamond “traditions” were the result of advertising campaigns by De Beers. Not quite the same as having a new tradition like owning a dishwasher or computer. They keep coming up with new ones too. I remember when those ads for a “10th anniversary band” started in the 1970s. Get your diamonds if you love them but don’t be fooled.</p>
<p>Trust me, bb, we’ve considered it strongly lol (and often, especially after family time with his family). But alas, my daddy wants to see his baby girl get married so we’re having a small, quiet wedding on a beach after grad school.</p>
<p>Size of : ring, body parts, paycheck, house…
These things do not matter.
Only size that matters is size of heart.</p>
<p>If you are ready to make a legal commitment to someone by becoming their partner, it should not matter how little or how much they spend on your gifts.
Is that really the best way to determine the intent?</p>
<p>Perhaps if you are the kind of person who determines worth by the dollar amount, then I can see the reasoning of expecting your partner to give you a token worth a % representative of their salary, only because they would be aware of the criteria you use to judge material goods.</p>
<p>When I see a woman who requires her partner to give her expensive jewelry to “prove” his/her affection, I see someone who is very insecure & needs a constant reminder of her worth. Especially if her peers have flashy jewelry, she feels even more pressure to “keep up”.
She is probably not even aware of the motivation behind her desire, but it explains why the gifts have to *keep coming. * She needs reassurance that she is still desired and has bought into the ad campaigns that convince her that is how it is supposed to be.
Rather than say by actions or words.</p>
<p>I think this article has very good tips on buying jewelry.
I like wedding bands myself, but if you like stones - it has good tips.</p>
<p>emeraldkity4, some of your post seems to reference my posts. As I said, I have never required or asked my partner for expensive gifts or jewlery or electronics or anything else, and I wouldn’t do it for any other gifts. I WOULD want extra effort (on all fronts- time, effort, money) to be put into an engagement ring. If you choose to judge me or any other people for wanting to go all out on ONE purchase in their life, that’s OK. But I find it pretty closed-minded.</p>
<p>Oh, and by the way, I completely agree with the first part of your post.</p>
<p>I get what you are saying. I don’t know when or how diamond engagement rings became the “thing” women want so much, but it is what it is. I never put much thought into it until my fiance gave it to me, but I was thrilled with it, and as I mentioned before, I used to become mesmerized by the sparkle when driving or when outside in the sunshine. It is a material thing which shouldn’t eclipse other more important things, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy and treasure it. :)</p>
<p>I don’t think many people have said no one should be spending a lot of money on them. Personally, the only time a given ring (or any other material thing) seems tacky to me is when it appears that the person doesn’t treasure it for its own intrinsic beauty or sentimental value, but instead is merely interested in either impressing others with it or desperately trying to keep up with the Joneses when they really can’t afford it. Like my DH’s friend, whose fiancee told him to either show up with at LEAST 2K or “don’t even bother!” That was tacky and put her fiance in a financial bind. But she didn’t care-she wanted to make sure she could hold her head up around her other friends, who apparently ALL had huge rocks. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>On the subject of specific diamond cuts, my engagement ring is a pear. At the time, I didn’t like emerald cuts at all because they didn’t have the “brilliance” of other cuts. But over time, I have come to find them very beautiful.</p>
<p>^^^Thank you Nrdsb4, that is exactly what I mean!</p>
<p>I am just amazed that people don’t seem to get it. Hasn’t anyone here ever wanted to go a little over the top on one thing? Maybe a celebration for a special event? Or a car that they wanted their whole life? Just something that doesn’t really have any practical value but maybe has special meaning in another way?</p>
<p>Why judge someone for that? Yes, saying "either show up with at LEAST 2K or “don’t even bother!” " is pretty horrible. Trying to get things to keep up with friends is definitely shallow, and, personally, I am not a fan of people like that.</p>
<p>But no, I don’t see anything wrong with a splurge on an item that you are going to have for the rest of your life that is a physical representation of something very important.</p>
<p>Acollegestudent, if you are familiar with my posting style you should have observed that when I respond to a post I quote what I am responding to, unless it is directly above mine, then I may just do this. ^^^^^^.</p>
<p>I was responding to an overall theme in advertising in my post and to some responses to that.</p>
<p>I am not telling anyone how to spend their money, only what I have observed IRL.</p>
<p>When my d’s BF took her ring shopping, her image of what she would end up with was pretty conservative and not a large center stone. HOWEVER, her (almost official) fiance’ had other ideas, and encouraged her to try on lots of things she would not have otherwise considered. Turns out, she loves the sparkle!! </p>
<p>I am so excited for her! And sue me, but I cannot wait to see her ring on her finger. I have seen pictures and even a cheesy video of the ring on the website…but she is so, so happy and excited! And we are all thrilled to gain a new family member. It becomes “official” in exactly two weeks. But don’t tell DD, it’s a surprise! :)</p>
<p>My husband spent his last cent on my engagement ring. </p>
<p>Back then he spent less than $3,500 on a 1.75 diamond (nice quality) that was appraised at like $8K at the time. (He had a diamond dealer connection.)</p>
<p>I knew back then that whatever he bought I would keep for life and to this day I would never consider changing the ring or its traditional setting in any way. It’s perfect.</p>
<p>Since then, I have talked him out of many extravagent gifts that I really did not need or want. Over time we saved money for a house and college and retirement. My ring is my one big piece of jewelry and I have never regretted the money he spent on it. Obviously, with time it has proved to be a good investment.</p>
<p>But the best part of getting the ring is knowing that my husband is willing to spend his last cent on me. And still is if I asked.</p>
<p>It turns out my mom’s diamond is 3/4 carat and DS wants to have it re-set in a new ring. They are visiting next month, and he can take care of it then. He has a pretty good handle on what she likes, so I think he has a plan.</p>
<p>He wants to propose at Harry Potter World while they are in FL in July. He is thinking about buying Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and hollowing out a square at the Unbreakable Vow chapter to present the ring. I think he saw this online. Still working out the details.</p>
<p>It is probably time for me to move over to the MOG dress thread.</p>
<p>Cute idea with the proposal, though I have to wonder if a hardcore Harry Potter fan might feel a twinge of horror upon seeing a copy of the book ruined. </p>
<p>The big Harry Potter nerd in me would envision this fantastical, incredibly silly scenario:</p>
<p>-He gets down on one knee
-Goes to reach into his pocket, and mocks as if he doesn’t have the ring
-Some dude dressed as Fawkes the phoenix comes flapping up out of nowhere and drops the sorting hat into his hands
-He pulls the ring out of the sorting hat</p>
<p>Love this idea, Julie! I also thought he could buy a chocolate frog at Honeydukes and replace the candy with the ring. The box is pretty decorative. You might be right about cutting out a section of the book. She is a big Harry Potter nerd, too. And she’s an English teacher!</p>
<p>yikes… I assume he knew this was coming though. Probably should know by the time the relationship is at that stage if the person is excessively superficial or not. If it’s a surprise, you should run the other way.</p>
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<p>btw (unrelated), when are all the feminists going to start buying guy’s multi-thousand dollar gifts when the engagement happens? equality, right?</p>
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