<p>You can’t help if you “want” something or “prefer” something over another thing. Had my DH proposed to me with a ring that I did not like or want, the feeling about the ring would be separate from how the proposal and the proposaler (yeah, I know, not a word). But if it were something important to him I 'd have graciously taken the ring and it might even have gotten more wear than my self chosen ring with that Tiffany setting that endangers the stone with the type of manual labor I tend to have to do as a housewife. I nearly lost the stone once, and the prongs went askew and few times, so the ring is relegated to the jewelry box except for special occasions. </p>
<p>My friend’s DD’s ring has a tiny stone, and is not one that is going to elicit a lot of loud “oohs and ahs” other than for what it stands for. It’s a pretty ring, and she doesn’t seem to care a bit that the stone is small. It’s the SO that makes the engagement and marriage, not the ring. It’s just a part of the background. But, yes, it can matter in that some of us will like a given ring, prefer a different ring, etc, etc. But it’s not a very important matter unless someone makes it so.</p>
<p>Cartera and Somemom you are both right about the fancy horse. A nice high jumping event horse will keep costing money long after a fancy ring is paid for. That is already a reality in our household. We are looking forward to the day D and her H are off our payroll. I don’t think this D is ever going to lose her passion for having horses. Her future mate will have to know that she is always going to want to have horses in her life. Her dream home is a ranch.
I have a lot of friends who have huge diamond rings. It is just part of who they are. I don’t think any of them wear them as a status symbol. I know some women who have large stones and prefer not to wear them because they are not comfortable in them. To each his own.
I don’t think we would give a fiance money for a ring but we would if we could afford it help them buy a home.</p>
<p>i dont wear my rings daily anymore. can’t wear at the gym for fear of hurting my hands, and taking of and on all the time is asking for them to get lost. some of my married friends don’t wear their rings daily for the same reason. my dh hasn’t worn hi wedding ring in decades. he is in construction and it can be dangerous.</p>
<p>my daughter’s wear their hs class ring, they are actually very pretty. for engagement rings, many of our friends kids are going for small stones and saving for house downpayments. i don’t think the young are all about showing off jewelery. </p>
<p>i have seenseveral older women with rocks that look like the weight the hand down. i have another acquaintence who wears gold bangles up to her elbow almost, at every event I have seen her at. her husband picks them up on his travels, and gosh darn, she is going to wear them all. they are fine, but 40 bangles is jsut odd</p>
<p>not having a ring on these days is not a sign one is single. so many married men don’t wear rings, and for various reasons. work, arthritus, lost the ring, just don’t like them</p>
<p>the whole idea of engagement rings is arcane anyway. and why they have to be so prciey and tacky is beyond me. you see celebs with these fake looking stones as if they have to prove oh she is worth 5million. i have seen elizabeth taylors rings, and while pretty, and shiney and blingy, did it meanmore that he spent money on her? guess the more you spend, its supposed to say the more you love</p>
<p>I see nice rings on girls all the time where I live/work. The only time I take my rings off is when I am taking a shower. My rings are not tacky, they are quite beautiful, a lot of people have told me that.</p>
<p>I did have my original diamond reset. It is two carats solitaire with a carat of stones around it. For our 25th Mr. Ellebud gave me a larger diamond (4 plus the 1.5 in smaller stones). And yes, he grew up in Westchester county. I grew up here. And to my knowledge no one has judged me on my rings or other things. </p>
<p>I love jewelry. Even after a few burglaries I love jewels. I guess that I do have a decent amount. I am not bragging or putting others down for what they do or don’t have/or need/or want. I also will stay away from the nonsense of who has the least expensive/more modest controversy. I sure as heck will not go the other way of saying you cant be my friend unless you have an amazing jewelry/art/car collections. </p>
<p>I do find it amusing that some contributions here seem to feel that it is somehow more virtuous to have less and are proud of it. I have read a bunch of threads here that people think that it is “better” or you are better people because you love to camp, don’t like jewelry, wash out plastic baggies…whatever.</p>
<p>To the person (way back in this thread) who asked (I assume for the same reason I look at jewelry when we are shopping) who asked to see pictures of a certain piece or pieces. No can do. My insurance company would cancel my insurance.</p>
<p>I generally don’t care about stuff at all. I don’t care about brands and think the whole concept is pretty silly. I rarely shop for clothes or jewlery. I really don’t care about how much a guy makes or any of the “status symbols” (I actually don’t like them).</p>
<p>However, an engagement ring is literally the only thing where I WOULD care about how nice it is. It’s not at all about competition. And I certainly know that you can love someone and not choose to spend the money - love is not measured by that. However, it’s the one thing that would be a physical symbol of my marriage for the rest of my life - it’s the one item that I will wear for the rest of my life and look at every day. And I would want my fiance to put a lot of thought, time, and, yes, money into selecting it. I would never ask or expect that of any other present (multiple people have told me that I am actually really easy and pleasant to give gifts to), but an engagment ring is just in a category of its own for me. And it has nothing to do with other people noticing or not noticing - I couldn’t care less about that.</p>
<p>And yeah, bevhills, I find it pretty judgmental/annoying that people think it’s somehow wrong to spend money on a wedding or a ring. I fully admit that I would much rather have a ring than something practical (if instead of a ring my fiance chose to get me a car, for example). I think it’s too bad that it makes people on this thread assume negative things from that one comment, because, as I mentioned, I am not usually into any ‘fancy’ things - the ring happens to be the exception. I am all for being practical, but there are some occasions and some gifts (for me, I guess it would be a wedding and an engagement ring) that are important enough to a person that they do want to go all out. There is nothing wrong with that, in my opinion, especially if it’s not some sort of a pattern.</p>
<p>Someone posted about the Blue Nile site and my daughter and I sat last night and scopes out the rings. It was really fun. I enjoy looking at pretty things. Some rings are so beautiful and different than back in the da. I live emerald cut and my D likes cushion or princess cut with the halo thing going on. We both like pave bands.</p>
<p>I think it is nice when a woman gets a ring she loves, whatever that looks like. An engagement ring is more sentimental that most gifts.</p>
<p>This thread keeps reminding me of the movie Titanic, when Rose shows Jack her engagement ring. Jack: "God! Look at that thing! You would’ve gone straight to the bottom. "</p>
<p>acollegestudent-so you would not get engaged to someone who didn’t have “a lot of money” for an engagement ring? Yikes. My mother married a guy who was an underling at his dad’s neighborhood store. She grew up, as I’ve said, with money-places and people I’ve only read about. I’m sure she was slumming in marrying my dad, who didn’t have “a lot of money” for a ring. After 5 kids the ring didn’t even fit. </p>
<p>I really, truly, don’t understand this line of thinking. Engagement rings weren’t even diamonds originally. We’ve been programmed to think a nice ring is “necessary”. I’d have married my H if there had been no ring at all. The “symbol” of his love is when he tells me to sit while he does the housework when I’m wiped out. Or he takes us to dinner after we’ve both had a bad day. Or he lets me complain (again and again) about the dismal Seattle weather. What would you do, really, if you fell in love with someone who didn’t have “a lot of money”?</p>
<p>“We’ve been programmed to think a nice ring is “necessary”.”</p>
<p>To play the devil’s advocate, we’ve been programmed to think that many other things are “necessary”: washing machines, dishwashers, cars, computers, college education… :)</p>
<p>"I’d have married my H if there had been no ring at all. "</p>
<p>Ditto - with some differences. In my case, there was no engagement ring at all. And he does not do house chores - go figure, but as I said, he is the best. :)</p>
<p>sseamom, NOT AT ALL!!! Oh my God, that’s why I was frustrated by this thread. No, it doesn’t mean that AT ALL. As I said, how much a guy makes doesn’t matter to me at all. In fact, I really admire people in service careers (law enforcement, teachers, etc.) and would love to marry one. When I said it would matter to me that my finance spent money on it, I meant relative to his income. No, I would not expect the same ring from someone making $30,000 and someone making $200,000 (that does NOT MEAN that I would in any way PREFER to marry someone making $200,000 - I wouldn’t), and I wouldn’t care AT ALL, as long as I knew they gave what they could! In fact, a ring that came with thought and sacrifice (saving for a while, maybe sacrificing some things he enjoys, like a lunch out, to give me this amazing gift) would mean a WHOLE LOT more than a someone who could just throw down $$$ for a ring and forget about it.</p>
<p>And I would marry someone who made very little in a hearbeat! I don’t need a fancy house (or even a house at all). I am also happy to be the one making more. I just really don’t care. I think, salary , like looks, is irrelevant when I am deciding who to marry. I know I am going to get a lot of criticism for that, but that’s what I think.</p>
<p>(it won’t be the one I get as it’s way out of my range. I want a very similar designed one though). I have no idea how you could ever add anything for a wedding ring and make it still look like I want it to. So no extra wedding stuff for me :D</p>
<p>I love looking at pretty rings. I don’t trust myself to have anything expensive. For good reason… :/</p>
<p>acollegestudent-well, you DID say you wanted your potential fiance to spend “a lot of money” on a ring. That’s not what your more recent post says at all. But even “relative to his income” I guess what you want is that he sacrifice the MONEY for it, rather than sacrifice less material things like time or action. That’s cool if it works for you. Just keep in mind that real life has a way of tipping us on our heads.</p>
<p>Bunsen (making sure it’s really you this time, lol) Well, yes, but a ring can’t wash clothes or freeze food. Some of your other “needs” are certainly not needs at all, same category as the ring. WE went 5 years without a car when we lived at a bus stop.</p>
<p>sseamom, a lot of money RELATIVE TO INCOME. It’s upsetting to me, because of how what I said (or meant to say) is getting turned on its head, and I actually feel very strongly about not marrying a person based on what they make, so it really upsets me when my words are being interpreted as the opposite.</p>
<p>Let me put it another way and make it very clear. While a ring is very important to me (the effort, including monetary effort (as well as time and thought, of course), put into it, NOT the actual monetary value), if the love of my life gave me a ring that did not live up to my standards, I would NOT turn them down based on that. I would NOT choose the person with a better or fancier ring. I would not choose a person who even spent a bigger percentage on the ring. The person matters more than the ring, OF COURSE. It’s just something that I would really hope my fiance would do for me - it’s a big deal, but not a bigger deal than the actual person. Does it make sense?</p>
<p>LOL, sseamom, my parents lived without a washing machine even though they could afford it - so is it really a “need”? Just being difficult, you know ;)</p>
<p>romani, psst, get the ring and elope. Weddings are a waste of money! [Ooops, ducks and covers and runs as fast as she can to escape the incoming flames :D]</p>
Just being difficult, you know ;)</p>