<p>If one of our kids asked for help in buying a ring, if we could manage it without too much financial pain, we’d do so, as we would with any request that is reasonable to us. I don’t see the big deal. “Reasonable” is the operative word here and the mileage can vary from family to situation.</p>
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D1 could afford a rock herself because of her bonus and savings. I don’t think there is any way she would get engaged without a diamond ring. </p>
<p>I have skinny long fingers, so very large rings wouldn’t look good on me. On our 20th, H got a 2 carat, color D ring for me. Later on he gave me an eternity band with diamond all around it. They don’t look big on me, but they do sparkle. I normally wear my rings and diamond studs. They go with suits for work and jeans on weekends.</p>
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<p>I think there might be some selection bias there lol.</p>
<p>I think if my parents even hinted at offering to help pay for the ring, my fiance would be so mortified he’d second guess asking me. He would be heartbroken if he thought my parents didn’t believe he could take care of me himself, and that’s what this would make him think. Even if he were okay with it, I would not be-- I think this is his responsibility and he should be planning and saving to get the best ring he can get, and as a mature adult I am going to be happy with what my own husband can afford to provide me. What kind of precedent does it set for your marriage if you tell your husband, “What you can give me is inadequate, but that’s okay, I can rely on my parents.”</p>
<p>Romani: there is an important difference between being able to provide and actually always doing the providing. </p>
<p>Basic biology still rules the day: women get pregnant and have to take time off from work for bed rest, delivery, nursing, etc. Men can’t get pregnant and don’t have milk ducts, so their job is to ensure that food is on the table. If she makes enough in her job, great, but he should be ABLE to provide if the need arose. </p>
<p>Don’t forget that couples fight the most about money and sex.</p>
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I hope to be able to say this someday.</p>
<p>I deleted my response because I was just repeating myself. </p>
<p>And, well, lucky me, Aries- I likely can’t get pregnant, plan on adopting with a SAHD, so no need to assume I’ll need to be provided for ;)</p>
<p>Also the average maternity leave time is around two and a half months for the women who actually take it (many don’t). That’s not a huge chunk of time in the grand scheme of things. I just think that’s a weak argument.</p>
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<p>Why? I really want to know. I don’t really understand this. (I mean, I can understand wanting SOME token, but why a diamond, and why huge?)</p>
<p>Because that what she wants. As simple as that. I don’t think she owes anyone an explanation. </p>
<p>Why do you even want a token, shouldn’t his undying love be good enough for you? Why would someone even want a wedding with a dress, flowers, food, drinks? </p>
<p>Just because you don’t understand, doesn’t mean it has no validity to someone else.</p>
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<p>Yup.</p>
<p>Some people are joking that they are shallow and that they want something. If they want it, then they want it.</p>
<p>BTW, I’m sure that most of you already know this but guys have laundry lists too.</p>
<p>To add on to what I said earlier, I don’t care how anyone else choses to pay for the ring, rings, or if they make the choice not to have one. Doesn’t really affect me and more power to the couple. </p>
<p>I just think that assuming you will be providing for the women while she’s pregnant and laid up in bed is an outdated notion and a weak argument for why a man should be paying. Frankly, I don’t think anyone has to name an argument at all. It’s whatever works for you :)</p>
<p>To me, it’s all about wearing people’s suffering on your finger - blood diamonds from the Congo. (and yes, your diamond may have come from elsewhere, but it is all part of the same market.)</p>
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<p>I think that you may be assuming that your cultural perspectives are universal.</p>
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<p>Even if what works for the lady is an outdated notion?</p>
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<p>So you’d be okay if you mined your own diamond?</p>
<p>Back to an earlier topic-
My DH has “upgraded” my ring a time or 2, and to me, each one is as special as the first. Still have a channel setting similar to the original, but the center stone is bigger and there are more side stones. In fact, when we first got engaged and married, we didn’t put side stones in at all. We added them later and then, when we upgraded to a bigger stone and setting, I had some of the smaller side stones made into earrings for my niece. I think it worked out all the way around.</p>
<p>[Arkansas</a> Diamond Mine - The Only Diamond Mine in the US](<a href=“http://geology.com/articles/crater-of-diamonds/]Arkansas”>Arkansas Diamond Mine - The Only Diamond Mine in the US)</p>
<p>“This diamond mine is located near Murfreesboro, Arkansas. For a fee of a few dollars you can enter the mine, search all day and keep any diamonds that you find. In addition to diamonds, you might find one of the many colorful gemstones that occur naturally there. These include: amethyst, agate, jasper, garnet, peridot, hematite and many others.”</p>
<p>“The diamonds at the Park occur in the soil and that makes them easy to look for. Some people find them after it rains by walking through the field looking for the bright reflection of a diamond that has been washed clean by the rain. Other people dig in the soil and carefully search through it one shovel-full at a time. You can bring your own tools or rent tools at the Park. Power tools are not allowed, however, the Park periodically plows the diamond field to turn up fresh soil. (See the satellite image at right for a view of the plowed fields of the Park.)”</p>
<p>Mini, that’s why many are turning to cz. That and price.</p>
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<p>I already said I don’t care who pays so, yes. That’s fine by me.</p>
<p>And no, I don’t think there’s anything universal about my viewpoint. I just think it’s an outdated concept. I never presume to think that my viewpoint is universal. I readily admit that it is not and I’ve admitted many times before that I’m likely in the minority about many topics. I don’t make the mistake of thinking my view is the only view.</p>
<p>Every single one of my H’s Army friends has upgraded his wife’s ring. Most of these couples married young on Lieutenant pay. Most are now doing very well in the civilian world. All the wives got BIG new diamonds for the 20th or so anniversary. The attitude is that the ring is a “thank you” for being a military spouse (living on base, moving around, dealing with deployments, etc.). I am sure upgrades in the civilian world are similar. Not my thing, but I get it. </p>
<p>In some areas, the ring really is a status thing. The bigger the better. Perhaps it is the lustre of success and being adored? the whole wedding industry boggles my mind! </p>
<p>I expect that my D will want an expensive ring when the time/guy comes around. She will likely be in NYC or DC where rings are bigger, from my observation. She watched reality TV shows like “Say Yes to the Dress” and my “Super Sweet 16.” I admit that I think money is more wisely spent elsewhere (or saved or donated), but it will be important to her. I don’t get expensive purses, shoes, or cars either! </p>
<p>I love my CZ earrings. Truly, they are beautiful!</p>
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<p>I watch these shows with my girls as a teaching moments.</p>
<p>“Do you see how SYttD normalizes the idea that a cheap wedding dress costs $3,000? Do you suppose that’s to make you not choke at the idea of spending $8,000 on a dress?”.</p>