<p>Even back in ancient times when I got married, some young women contributed to the costs of their engagement rings. I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t today. So, I would give the money to your daughter. It’s her money. She pays part of the ring. Why not?</p>
<p>This will work with down payments, etc. Her money, not yours. Once you give it to her. Does that make any sense?</p>
<p>oldfort = great mom!</p>
<p>I understand the thought, oldfort, but I’d tread very lightly here. The male ego is not always predictable.</p>
<p>The true answer the question is it just really depends on the young man. I don’t think it says anything negative about him if he would be thrilled with the help, nor is it an indictment of his ego if he prefers to buy his own gifts. There are so many ways to look at something like that. I don’t think there is any one right response here. But I agree that it would need to be handled sensitively regardless, which I’m sure OF would do.</p>
<p>I see so many very large diamonds on young ladies these days. How on earth to they afford them? My son gave his girl a very small but great quality diamond and she is fine with it. But she’s a very easy going,sweet and thrifty person anyway, she would never expect more than he could give.</p>
<p>^ Cubic zirconia is very affordable and, AFAIK, impossible to tell the difference from a diamond with the naked, untrained eye. When we met with the CZ jeweler, he warned us not to get anything too big or it’s painfully obvious that it’s CZ and not diamond. (In other words, many of the “diamonds” you might be seeing might not be diamonds after all.)</p>
<p>Gee, it never occurred to me to offer financial help. I guess DH and I could do that. I think I’d rather help with a house down payment, but that’s my practical self coming out. </p>
<p>Bottom line is that DS needs to figure out what his girlfriend’s taste and preferences are and then see what is possible.</p>
<p>OP–my S#1 is also a teacher. If he ever told me that he couldn’t afford the ring his girlfriend expected, I’d be willing to help him. . .I’d help him find a different girlfriend! 
Anyone who marries a teacher obviously shouldn’t be expecting “lifestyles of the rich and famous.”</p>
<p>I have a 1/2 carat solitaire that DH paid for with his $100 ROTC stipend during his last year of college (after a down payment). He got me another diamond in Haifa while on a deployment that I had set and wear on the right hand. He also got some very large nice sapphires there that I had set into earrings. The dealer literally had boxes of stones hidden in his ceiling and would pull them out when ships pulled into port.</p>
<p>I have a lot of 22K jewelry from various countries where deployments and military travel took him. I call it all “jewelry of opportunity” because prices were so low when he bought it all over the last 27 years, otherwise, I would have none of it. </p>
<p>He would have never taken money from my parents for a ring and they (& I) had no idea he was going to propose. I never saw the ring until he gave it to me.</p>
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<p>Oldfort - my father went regularly to Hong Kong on business trips and would come back with jewelry for my mother, sister and me. It so happened that shortly after I got married, he went on another one of these trips and brought home an emerald ring intended for me. My mother insisted that he trade it in for ruby earrings (I already had a ruby ring) because she felt that my new H would be insulted by my parents giving me a ring – that that was a “husband gift,” not a parent gift at that point. Years later, when I told my H this story, he was like - ha, your parents can get you any jewelry they so desire, gets me off the hook :-)</p>
<p>What is “customary” or “legal” in your state regarding the return of engagement rings is 100% totally irrelevant unless the former fianc</p>
<p>No engagement rings here. No wedding rings either. No jewelry of any kind. Makes things a heck of a lot easier.</p>
<p>I have daughters and we have some things around. When D’s boyfriend came to see us to tell us that he wanted to ask our daughter to marry him, H said, “You’d better ask her about that, but… I have a ring for you to give her if you want it.” It was his great grandmother’s. We have one for the youngest, too.</p>
<p>We just happen to have them. So, that seemed to make sense. They aren’t huge or anything too blingy, but they are very nice and the girls know where they came from so they have some meaning. </p>
<p>I hope her fianc</p>
<p>DH and I went out and looked at rings 30 years ago…found an anniversary-type band and he put down a deposit. Changed his mind the next day and didn’t want to spend the $$ (we’re talking about a few hundred $). Applied the deposit to my gold wedding band. I love my band – it is simple and has Hebrew engraving.</p>
<p>For our 25th anniversary, he got me a ring in the same design as the one we had looked at many years ago. I was touched that he remembered the design (though I suspect it was guilt!). It’s three 1/3 karat sapphires, two 1/4 karat diamonds in platinum. I’m now glad I never had an engagement ring, because I’m sure I would have trashed it working in the yard, etc. Both that ring and my wedding ring need to be resized from all the weight I’ve lost, but I haven’t gotten around to it.</p>
<p>S1 and DIL got engagement rings for each other from Gemvara. They are infinity rings with a single gemstone (yes, they are both math geeks). Their wedding rings are going to have an inlaid meteorite band.</p>
<p>I never wanted an engagement ring, but I wanted diamonds in my wedding band. My H and I had a band designed with 5 square Quadrillion cut diamonds channel set. I wore it all the time. I never liked the classic Tiffany style settings - they seemed to be in the way. My only regret is that we set it in yellow gold. I never really liked yellow gold and have no idea why I chose it over white gold or platinum. I love emeralds and my choice was alternating emerald and diamonds in the band. My H wanted all diamonds so I gave in. It gave me leverage to get an emerald and diamond ring later. My D has her grandmother’s wedding band - 1 carat tiffany style in white gold. She could very easily have it reset for her engagement ring when the time is right.</p>
<p>I think the sentimentality is enough to wow the future bride. I don’t think the size of the ring matters because if it’s too huge, it just looks silly when it’s on someone’s finger. People would be more preoccupied with the size of the rock than the beauty or the importance of it. I say, advise him to give her the grandmother’s ring. I think it’s sweet!</p>
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I hope her fianc</p>
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<p>I completely agree. Would never think of it. But of course, I was involved with picking out this ring in the first place and I like it.</p>
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<p>Frankly, I think that’s a horrible idea. Completely distasteful. There must be SOME ring that she and her BF can afford that she would like. It doesn’t have to be a diamond. (Personally, I prefer aquamarines and peridots to diamonds. I also prefer emeralds, but they are even more expensive. 
) She and he can buy her other jewelry later, if it matters to her. Obviously, YMMV.</p>
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<p>Me, too.</p>
<p>Offering a family ring is a completely different matter, to me.</p>
<p>Step into one of the wedding boards, (bee or knot) and you’ll find size matters more than I would have expected to the modern bride, but the type of stone doesn’t. </p>
<p>White sapphires and moisinite seem to be popular with those who want clear stones, but don’t want to pay close to 5 figures for something that looks like a carat. All sorts of colored stones also seem popular.</p>
<p>My late husband gave me a high quality diamond solitaire a bit over 3/4 carat when we first got engaged. I didn’t take it off until he upgraded it to 2 carats at our 20th anniversary. Both diamonds are now in a pendant, along with diamonds from my 10th anniversary ring.</p>
<p>My present engagement ring is a two caret ice blue sapphire, on a lattice pave diamond band. On my right hand I always where my 2.25 dark blue sapphire ring surrounded by diamonds. Before I was engaged again I wore a 5 carat ice blue topaz on my left hand. I really don’t find rings with bigger stones to get in the way with day to day life.</p>
<p>To the OP, you offered the ring, but step back and let your son decide. His intended may want something entirely different.</p>
<p>My ring size is 3 3/4 but when he got my engagement ring, his mother persuaded him to get the “average” size, which was a seven. The way the stone was set, the ring couldn’t be cut, so I always had a stupid guard that got caught on everything, so I don’t think I ever wore the engagement ring after we got married. I am, however, on my third wedding band because I lost the first two. All just plain gold, nothing fancy. My husband has gained so much weight that he can’t wear his ring and I don’t ever wear one, so neither of us ever wears wedding rings.</p>
<p>For our 24th anniversary, he bought me a small anniversary ring with three diamonds totalling about 3/4 carat. No idea why. The jeweler flat out refused to make it small enough for me, putting in the little balls. Needless to say, I don’t wear that, either. I will probably sell it at some point along with the wedding bands that we don’t wear. Since mine is not original, it holds no sentimental value and my husband won’t ever fit into his.</p>