The slow-to-launch young adult

Parent Cafe
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Anyone else have one of these? Any tips on helping him on his way?

My son has mild Asperger’s (super high functioning, so not diagnosed until 8th grade). He had a few summer jobs in high school, but doesn’t yet have any career aspirations. He is now a senior in college, majoring in English, a major he regrets choosing. He has about a 3.7 GPA. His only Bs are in his major.

He has held non-career type summer jobs all through college. He doesn’t have an on campus job because he battles anxiety and depression, which is being treated, and says he can’t manage the schoolwork and a job.

He has had NO career-building internships. When he comes home on break, he just sits in his room, playing Dungeons and Dragons with his friends online. (We moved to a different state during his sophomore year, so he has no friends locally)

He doesn’t have a driver’s license. (Keeps failing the road test and is discouraged.)

He does have a well-developed gift for writing, and for understanding and synthesizing arguments. Excellent critical thinking skills. Very good at dramatic reading and acting. Did so well in a programming class that the instructor wanted him to major in it, but he hated the class.

He is very polite, well groomed, and presents himself well in interviews and with older adults. Mothers of girls want him to date their daughters.

He does not want to go to grad school.

He does not want to live here after graduation (rural area, with few people his age), but seems uncertain about how to move forward. We’ve encouraged him to take the Strengthsfinder course or something similar and to meet with career services, but he hasn’t done this yet.

He is a bright young man, but has no goals. I’m increasingly worried that he will have no place to go after graduation.

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I majored in Philosophy as an undergrad and after much floundering around after college (including five years in grad school), I eventually found my niche working at quirky software companies.

If possible, I suggest he revisit software development. There are many different types of jobs at software companies that require critical thinking skills - writing requirements, doing QA, UX design, user research etc. – and perhaps he could find his way into doing work of this kind.

It seems important that he live somewhere with good public transportation, so that his lack of driver’s license doesn’t restrict him further.

If you can afford it, it might be worth considering helping him with living expenses to take any internship he can find in a city (just to get started), or perhaps see if there is any short course at a place like General Assembly (in Boston) for him to get a taste of the kind of software company related work I suggested.

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https://blogs.microsoft.com/blog/2016/02/09/microsoft-hiring-program-opens-more-doors-to-people-with-autism/
Microsoft isn’t the only company with such program. My friend’s son in a program like that. He lives in a group housing and the company does a lot of mentoring.

My doctor’s son graduated with double majors, English and Chinese. He didn’t have a job when he graduated. What played in his favor was his parents lived in NYC, so he had free room and board while looking for a job. He got a job at a technology company (Yelp or Amazon) related to marketing, with focus on the Chinese market. After few years of it he decided to take a programming boot camp and is now working at either Blackrock or Blackstone. He is loving it. The point here is your son can branch out to do other things after graduation.

I do not have kids with disabilities, but if I did I would do more research to help them launch, and that may include help them find an environment (both working and living) where they could thrive, help them with their job applications and maybe subsidize them until they could be self sufficient.

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Do you feel he can do ok living on his own - as in, if he has a job that can pay the rent can he live independently?

If so, maybe he can figure out what kind of things he likes/wants to do once college is off his plate. Maybe he really needs a narrow lane - to finish one thing before considering the next step fully (a job).

He sounds like he is pretty good socially - has friends, interviews well. He may be able to enter the non-profit world as a grant writer or similar. Something that will allow him to launch, explore and master the routine and responsibility of a professional job - and then…next steps.

Lots of young adults just don’t exit college and enter the fast track of a career well defined. Your son sounds like he has lots of good attributes and is smart.

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As an aside about the driver’s license — we heard via word of mouth which testing center was easiest to pass, and took D2 there for her driver’s test. I’m pretty sure it is the only way she passed.

Even with her, my “on the spectrum” kid, I did at least a small amount of tough love — letting them know that they needed to become self supporting by shortly after college graduation. They could go to grad school or get some kind of job — but had to move forward on “adulting”. Not saying I didn’t prop them up some to varying degrees. But I made it clear that the onus was on them.

My nephew struggled to find a decent job in his field (restaurant and food service management) after graduation. He cobbled together a couple part time less-than-ideal jobs but didnt move home. He finally found a management job, transferred to a new city with the company about 6 months after starting — then got fired a couple months later. :frowning: But… he immediately took a restaurant job to pay his bills while he hunts for another opportunity. Just saying, lots of kids take a while to find a path. But I think a push out of the nest is important.

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If he likes writing and is good at CS but does not want to do it, perhaps technical writing may be something to look into?

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I have a high functioning ASD son who graduated with honors with a CS degree in 2016. He had no internships (due to not taking initiative/using college resources) and no high school or summer jobs. He has poor verbal communication/social skills, but is polite, well-groomed, highly intelligent. It took him almost 10mo to find a professional job after graduating, but he is doing very well now.
I suggest that you “make” your son get his driver’s license. He will gain confidence and independence when he can drive. Not driving is a huge limitation/handicap in most parts of the U.S. Just keep practicing, hire a driving instructor if necessary. (2 of my sons failed/retook their driving tests when they were nearly 19. Both safe drivers now at 23 and 25) Also, focus on his skills/assets and try not to get too frustrated with him. He does have a lot going for him. His grades are good. He IS getting his degree. He HAS held various summer jobs. Interviews well, etc. If he likes dramatic reading and acting, would he be interested in teaching? Would he want to get back into CS/software? Making sure he is using the career center resources at his college is a good idea.( I didn’t really follow up with my son to see if he followed my suggestions.) Many new grads take a while to get going. (My other two sons didn’t have a plan senior year, either. Intelligent, capable young men–but no particular focus/passion.) Be patient. It will come.

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How about a service year after graduation? I know a bunch of young people who have done that. My D did one that was specific to her field and was an incredible boost to her career. My friend’s son is doing one now. He is on the spectrum (very high functioning) and dealing with depression. The organization he is working with has been delighted with his work and he expects to turn his position into a full-time job at the end of his service. This is very common. there are many different service programs, from AmeriCorps to local programs. At the very least, it’s a defined term and involves development of job skills.

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Would he possibly be interested in teaching at a boarding school? The ones that are not so competitive/prestigious hire young graduates, no teaching certificate needed. A good teacher can make a big difference in kids’ lives at a “second chance” type of boarding school. He could also be an advisor to the theater club, or computer club, or a coach. In my experience, they give you room and board, and lunch on campus. Maybe he would need some experience/references at a summer camp or after-school program first.

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A suggestion about the driving test: Our local driving school knows the driving test well - one of their instructors was allowed to take a practice test, and they talk to all their students about how the road test went for them. So they offer a special session where they’ll take the student all around the area where the test is held, showing them the traps (15 mph zone, weird merging areas, RR tracks, etc.). That REALLY helped our daughter. She said she wouldn’t have passed, otherwise. Maybe you could pay a local school to take your son out on a similar session?

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I think this is fantastic advice. Aspies can be fantastic at software development, and they fall into their niche with other similar personalities.

That online D as D that he likes? He could be working for the company that streams that. If he’s a tech savvy, gaming sort of guy, there can be plenty of ways to make money and have a career based upon those interests. Perhaps there was something about the class or teacher that turned him off. He might consider taking a different, simple programming class (maybe outside of college) with a really good instructor. There are so many options in software development where you don’t program, also, as fendrock notes.

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This may not be what he needs and it is expensive–though some fin aid is available—but if you think he might be interested in business, this might help.

http://bridge.tuck.dartmouth.edu/?gclid=Cj0KCQiA8f_eBRDcARIsAEKwRGdlzppZyEXutBDeW5WJEnbojkLBaA-V3WxsI9oRhO3IlhMZ2q8ZimsaAlMVEALw_wcB

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I am thinking that a life coach might be a great investment for you. Getting him out of the house and working asap after graduation would more than pay for the cost of the coach. Get the drivers license over winter break and have a few appointments with the coach while he is at home. Or maybe you can find one at his school that he can meet with right before Thanksgiving break or after (he can uber to the appointment) and then meet with by Skype?

I also think are a lot of great ideas in the above posts!

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A lot of discussions here on driving…D2 is 25 and she doesn’t drive. She lives in NYC. She takes public transportation or taxi/uber. She travels on her own both domestically and overseas.

D1 is a good driver, but doesn’t have a car. Whenever she travels for work or personal, she prefers to hire a car rather than driving by herself. As an example, if she is going out to Princeton from NYC for a meeting, she would get a car service rather than driving herself because she could make calls or work on her laptop.

I know a lot of young people do not own a car.

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^Great, but in 99% of the country it’s important to be able to drive.

I agree with the poster who said to ask around for the easiest place to take the road test.

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And I do not believe it is 99%.

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^I wouldn’t go as high as 99%, but public transport can be awful in the Midwest, including some million plus metro areas.

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My D’s next summer internship in a major metropolitan area specifically requires that all interns have a valid drivers license and a passport. Outside of NYC, I think most need to be able to drive. I also view it as a life skill even NYC residents should have.

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I recall that you live in Northern New England… I think you should help your son get a job in the Boston area, which is close enough if he needs your help, but a major big job area and young. There are hundreds of jobs out there, help him with his resume, help him with the search - push him along. There are entry level project management Jobs, HR jobs, writing Jobs for marketing departments and pharma. Sounds like he needs a helpful nudge - give it to him.

He has great college stats, can write and is presents well.

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I would like to add that D1 travels across US and Europe for work, not just around NYC area. Of course, my kids are just 2 data points.