<p>I guess sometimes we spend more time with friends, is simply because the probability that we won’t see some of them after a couple of years is pretty high.</p>
<p>We are more assured of the fact that our parents will always be there for us, which probably causes us to sometimes act like we don’t care as much (but we actually do :))</p>
<p>I have just returned from my oldest son’s graduation from college. I am sending my youngest off to college in Aug. reading this discussion reminds me of my summer 4 years ago. Since my son was a campcounselor he had been living away at camp for 3 summers before graduating HS. I was used to not hearing from him (no cell phones worked) for a week at a time. I thought this would make sending him to college 1000 miles away easier. NO way. That drive to college felt like a death march. He was upset at leaving (mostly the GF) and I was broken hearted. He was so homesick by Oct. I got him a plane ticket and brought him home for a weekend. He was OK to go back after that. By Christmas Break the GF had dumped him (just after christmas) and sending him back with his heart broken was REALLY tough. We got through that first year some how. In his particular program (Flight major) the semesters were always longer and breaks non existant or shorter due to trying to make-up flying time missed for millions of reasons. We all learned to live without seeing each other and I am amazed at how mature he has become. For him, home is still a very important place and now he wants to return even as I try to encourage him to stay where he is, as there are more employment opportunities. Funny I never thought I would do that! It does get better. The second son will only be 2 hours away and is already rarely home. He does not have the pleasent personality of the older son so I think the swap of the older one coming back and the younger leaving will be good for everone. Who knows maybe the younger will come back more appreciative of what he left!</p>
<p>You know; you just never know how things are going to work out. I offer this example to give fellow sorrowful parents out there some hope. I now have the perspective of being a mother who has one child graduating from graduate school next week and another starting college in August. This week, the older son called to let us know that he has just accepted a job–one hour away from home! So, there’s enough space for him to have his own adult life in his own surroundings, yet we are close enough to see each other even for the smaller holidays, birthdays, movies, dinners out, etc. Life is good, and college is not always the end of the kind of relationship you may want to keep up with your adult child! There’s still hope at the other end of the college process. You just never know. Next fall, my older son will actually be living closer to us than our younger son will be when he leaves home to start college–talk about a weird role reversal!</p>
<p>Good luck, everyone!</p>
<p>i have survived two post high school summers. both times i would say that we had the best summers ever! my boys both spent lots of times with their friends, but they made a point of enjoying the minutes that we had together, too. as a parent, i made a point not to beg for the time together, not to nag about messes and not to nag about late hours. they both worked, they both stayed out later with friends, but our time together was precious–they recognized that, too. in fact, the night before my youngest left he stayed out until about 3 a.m. and then he woke me up and we went swimming together. we had made these plans ahead of time–it was his last night in his childhood home because we moved the week after he left for school. it was very sentimental indeed. but it wasn’t sad, either. he commented “i guess i’ve kind of outgrown all of this…” and that was that.</p>
<p>enjoy the summer. don’t waste your time fighting over petty little things. i had been nagging my son to pack, the open suitcases were in the living room for a week or so, and he packed at 4 a.m. and we left the house at 4:30 a.m. and guess what? anything he forgot could be bought clear across the country–and if he couldn’t buy it, there was ups, fedex and the usps.</p>
<p>it will all work out. relax. enjoy.</p>
<p>I hope things will be better this summer than they are right now. Prom was last night and I asked my daughter is she was just a little bit sad about it being over. She said, " I think you’re the only one who’s sad about anything. I’m just ready for this to be over!" YIKES! I’m trying not to say too much about anything because it always seems to be the wrong thing (but I am a parent, you know).</p>
<p>Dr_Mom, we are in same situation. Oldest son came home to hometown for employment. So we get to see him frequently for quick dinners, etc–I even get to meet him for lunch occasionally. He is able to golf with his dad on occasion. It’s nice to have him back.</p>
<p>Ok, I thought THIS time, my d won’t drive me crazy the summer before college.
This one was the non social one who didn’t care about going out and staying out… I was looking forward to a calm before college summer.</p>
<p>THen it happened. She exempted all finals and was reborn. A different person got out of bed that first day she had no class. ALl of a sudden she had more to do socially than ever before. Went places never obeying the house rule of telling a parent where you are and when you will return. Not answering cell phone, and then showing back up late at night.</p>
<p>WHO IS THIS CHILD???
Is there some sort of switch that goes off in their heads?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH</p>
<p>Or it could be like my D who suddenly is really fussy about her room, I mean REALLY fussy, after years of mayhem, it is now neat and tidy, and if a drawer isn’t closed, or her shoes are out of place, watch out </p>
<p>Pod people is my guess</p>
<p>It seems like things could go either way from this thread. I thought my dd was being more pleasant around us, but we still get into arguments about her spending habits and how she doesn’t want to work this summer.</p>
<p>citygirlsmom, I can’t even imagine my dd all of a sudden becoming fussy about her room. It’s a mess. I feel sorry for her roommate this fall.</p>
<p>CGM: please send some of the tidiness to SpringfieldGirl, PLEASE!</p>
<p>It is just bizarre, actually, but I am trying to get used to actually seeing her floor</p>
<p>Its kind of cute her reaction to anything messy now in her room</p>
<p>She said she is practicing for college life</p>
<p>But, she still gets moody, so I warned the rest of the family to just let that stuff go, she is pretty pleasant most of the time, its that 5% that gets irksome</p>
<p>My son just called to say that he had missed the deadline for graduation tickets and the HS office was telling him “no exceptions. Sorry.” </p>
<p>I calmly said “Go fix it. Today.” </p>
<p>I’ve been lecturing him about attention to detail which is one of the keys to wisdom. He clearly is not grasping the premise. I doubt he will until the consequences begin to inconvenience him in some serious way. </p>
<p>But for now, I’m “pushing on a string”.</p>
<p>From a column in today’s Philadelphia Inquirer:</p>
<p>"I run this feeling we all have of completion by the writer Carol Barkin, and she says it’s too early to roll the credits. She wrote When Your Kid Goes to College, after her son turned into some sort of monster the summer before school.</p>
<p>Typically all’s well through June, she says. Then, “almost all kids feel some kind of stress or apprehension about what it’s going to be like. As much as they say ‘I can’t wait to be out of here away from my parents,’ at the same time they’re worried. ‘What if I can’t do it? What if I make terrible mistakes or make a fool of myself?’ They don’t. But they can’t help worrying.”</p>
<p>The summer before college, she said, there’s an awful lot of regression to less responsible ways. And don’t be surprised, she said, if the boys make themselves scarce, spending all their time with friends they fear they’ll never see again.</p>
<p>“I don’t mean to sound like it’s all terrible,” she said. “It’s not. But I think parents are sometimes surprised by how hard it is for their kids to detach.”</p>
<p>complete column at:
<a href=“http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/daniel_rubin/20070524_Daniel_Rubin___Pain_of_preparing_for_an_empty_nest.html[/url]”>http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/daniel_rubin/20070524_Daniel_Rubin___Pain_of_preparing_for_an_empty_nest.html</a></p>
<p>mkm56–Thanks for the message! It’s nice to experience this new adult relationship with our children, don’t you think? Meeting for lunch–how nice for you both!</p>
<p>barbpol, I feared that no one would be able to tolerate eldest S’s mess when he left for college but he met his match there and the two have been peacefully rooming together for the past three years!</p>
<p>Dr_Mom, I just love having adult children! In just three months all of mine will legally qualify as youngest turns 21 in Sept. However, the youngest two are still on the “family payroll” ;).</p>
<p>John, the son formerly known as WashDadJr, has always been a nice kid. He’s never gone through the teenage defiance thing, and never been a discipline problem. He’s saved his drama for academic brinksmanship, not directed towards his mom and I. </p>
<p>Until June 1, 2007. He graduated on June 11, and turned 18 yesterday. I think it was exactly June 1 when WashMom and I finally turned stupid. Since I’ve been waiting for it, I think it’s kind of cute, and I’m glad he took his time. I think August will be just about soon enough to shove him out of the nest.</p>
<p>He did hug me before going to bed the other day. He’s still a pretty nice kid.</p>