<p>Imagine the time has come to say a few serious words before sending your first off to college.</p>
<p>The kid is a good kid, but you are a bit concerned about him/her having TOO good a time at college. S/he has been a dutiful but not especially enthusiastic student in high school.</p>
<p>What points would you make sure and cover?</p>
<p>I talked to a customer on the phone at work the other day… who was calling on behalf of his mother… they lived in New Jersey… we got to talking and I learned that his daughter actually is a freshman at the school where I graduated. He asked me if I ever had heard of this one particular street… which, I know from being a student there, is a big party street… I told him it’s the first road right off campus… and he told me that his daughter has been getting into trouble there… apparently she was at some party that the cops busted up or something… he said she never got into any sort of trouble before and is a good kid, but that he’s worried she’s having TOO good of a time there. He said maybe once she pays her fine she will realize she made a mistake.</p>
<p>Sooooooooo… if i were a parent whose student was about to go be a freshman… I would tell your kids to be smart… I mean, it’s okay to go out and have some fun… but be smart about it… and honestly… if you’re going to go to a party… don’t go to one on a street that everyone and their mother knows people will be partying at. I can’t tell you how many stories I heard of cops breaking things up on that street. Not that I’m trying to promote underage drinking or anything… but kids do this stuff…</p>
<p>ADVICE: Screw it up and you’re coming home. That and make sure you know where the health center is and what services they offer.</p>
<p>BTDT. Turns out the long term lectures about responsibility and not wasting your time sunk in after all, so the last minute lectures are not the source of their strength, your solid parenting over time is. One thing I found useful for both S and D was ask them if there was anything they felt unprepared for and help them with those things over the last few months before college (managing money, managing time, relationships, etc.)</p>
<p>I told them both to “Have Fun. Learn Stuff. Grow.”</p>
<p>I’d say:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Never let <em>anybody</em> take any pictures of you with your clothes off. Those photos will live on the internet forever.</p></li>
<li><p>If you must make an outrageous personal style statement, make it with your hair and not your skin. Haircut mistakes are reversible;tattoos are not</p></li>
<li><p>Never go anywhere or do anything that, if it was reported in the newspaper the next day, would cause reasonable people to exclaim “What was s/he thinking?”</p></li>
</ol>
<p>
</p>
<p>I hope that is the case, but I guess I feel a last minute clarity about expectations (see OaksMom “screw up and you’re coming home”) is not amiss.</p>
<p>Never drink anything that you didn’t see mixed or open yourself. Don’t drink the punch. </p>
<p>When I told younger child this, older child chimed in with agreement which made me feel good since his advice was sometimes more valued than mine.</p>
<p>I’ve been telling my son that I have expectations, advice, and tips.
Expectations are things like: Go to class. Don’t flunk out. Don’t take drugs. Protect yourself against STDs.
Advice is stuff like: Eat meals in the dining hall, including breakfast. Try not to procrastinate. Get involved.
Tips: Soft drinks are very expensive.</p>
<p>Don’t do anything you wouldnt’ want your grandma to know about.</p>
<p>Work hard, play a little less hard, and don’t drink anything from a red cup.</p>
<p>I’m sure my kids have done some things they wouldn’t want their grandma or their mother to know about and their mother has definitely done some things she didn’t want grandma to know about 
I didn’t deliver any big lectures to son…just little ones along the way.<br>
<p>Now that his younger sister is leaving in the fall I will reiterate the red cup lecture.
We have had lots of talks, particularly because her friend is very nervous about going to school and the parents are not helpful. I have given my “how to make friends” lecture, my “how to go to a party without drinking” lecture, etc.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>I first told my son that it is a lot easier to get INTO college than to FINISH college, and that half of all Americans who start college don’t finish. I let him know that intelligence isn’t enough, but hard work is also involved. </p></li>
<li><p>I then told him NOT to go out onto rooftops or balconies if he has been drinking. </p></li>
<li><p>Finally, I told him that I expected him to call me at least once per week, and tell me what was going on in both his classes as well as with extra curricular activities. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>He took all three of my points to heart, and followed through on my advice. :)</p>
<p>Wow–we never had “the talk” and I guess we’re more of the “lots of little talks” vs. one big one family. So far, our kids have made us happy & proud & we hope they will continue to do so!</p>
<p>Kids started taking college courses in their mid-teens so they know a lot about what goes on in a college campus and they’ve seen kids screwing up and the consequences. For our son, it wasn’t a huge transition. I don’t think that it will be for our daughter either.</p>
<p>Lots of great stuff here. I especially like the thoughts about all the little talks as they’ve been growing up sinking in.</p>
<p>As far as the classwork goes, here’s what I always say:</p>
<p>These first two might seem easy, or obvious, but…</p>
<p>1) go to every class (90% of success is just showing up.)</p>
<p>2) do all the homework. </p>
<p>(If you do those things then the tests will <em>almost</em> take care of themselves. It’s no guarantee, of course, but you’ll have seen everything that might be on the test at least once. Then, your studying for the test consists of refreshing old stuff rather than cramming new stuff.)</p>
<p>3) when it comes time to choose electives to satisfy core requirements, get in the long line. That is, look for the course(s) that are popular for the right reasons. I bet most everybody here has a story about a favorite course that was way outside their major. Ask around, a lot. Find those courses.</p>
<p>Sounds like a kid who needs concrete, in writing, expectations. Tell him the GPA you expect for continuing support. Have him sign the form that allows you access to grades. Any money given over tuition payments should have strings attached.</p>
<p>We’ve done all of those things for our most responsible kid!</p>
<p>I agree with above notes, point out to your kid that the profs usually do not take attendance and that their friends will tell them they do not have to go to class and this is true, they don’t have to go, but they are paying a large price (money and/or time) to attend college and they are their for the education, so plan to go to every single class, it’s the only way most people will ever get an A.</p>
<p>Sometimes a genuine reason to miss class will happen, but avoid it. My DD planned knee surgery around not missing class as ochem does not forgive missed classes.</p>
<p>Also, in making decisions, keep your options open, take GE courses that will work for the most difficult major you might take so that when you decide you can still finish on time. If you want to try classes in many different areas, make sure they fulfill a requirement. Know the requirements and keep track of your plan- no advisor will plan for you!</p>
<p>As a parent decide what is acceptable and what is not- we decided that as long as our kids grades were on track to graduate, we would continue to pay. Our logic is that we were paying for a BA/BS; the grades affect their future and that is their business.</p>
<p>DDs with merit awards would have to take loans if they lost the award. This was very low key, we did not want to be checking their grades all the time, we wanted them to do it for themselves, but we wanted them to be aware of consequences in life.</p>
<p>So far, it seems to be working, they are earning their grades for themselves not to make Dad proud.</p>
<p>ahh the listening to other kids “no attendance taken you don’t have to go”
D was in an 8 am Calc course, she said 3/4 of the kids never showed up.</p>
<p>Professor got ticked, decided mid way thru the semester to give quizzes randomly. Those 3/4 of the class that did not show, failed the course.</p>
<p>This is a great idea for a thread. I’m learning things to get worried about I didn’t even consider, though. Thank god for smart worrywart parents.</p>