<p>Of course this topic shows up every year. I excerpted my favorite posts last year, put them in a letter, and mailed it so that my DS would have it waiting for him after move-in. It is SO true that the important part of the parenting has already happened. Some excerpts of my excerpts:</p>
<hr>
<ol>
<li>College is hard.</li>
<li>Don’t get in trouble with the police. If you choose to drink alcohol, don’t get caught. </li>
<li>If you choose to have sex, use protection.</li>
</ol>
<ul>
<li>College is fun. Make sure you take advantage of it.</li>
<li>some of the fun involves things that have legal consequences, like alcohol use.</li>
<li>some of the fun can be life threatening. Think about it.</li>
<li>your parents survived. You can, too.</li>
</ul>
<p>I’ve told both of my sons that during the first few weeks of college many kids drink too much, smoke too much, and have casual sex, and my words of advice were ‘don’t do that’.</p>
<ol>
<li>Don’t have children until you’ve finished your education.</li>
</ol>
<p>Never drink the punch! If you are going to drink, always do so from a bottle, NEVER the punch! Who knows what they put in it nowadays??</p>
<ol>
<li>Get ready for the biggest mind expansion of your life.</li>
<li>We love you more than you could fathom.</li>
<li>We will be there if you need us.
________________________________</li>
</ol>
<p>Then I asked him to go re-read #s 4 and 5 from the above post.</p>
<p>Emeraldkity, (post #10…) funny that you mention grandparents…I have a friend who swears that’s why his kids stayed out of trouble. The family had a ‘rule’ that the kids always had to tell g’parents about any trouble they’d gotten into. He firmly believes the fear of disappointing Grandma/pa kept his kids on the straight and narrow! Nice to have extended family nearby…</p>
<p>My ‘theme song’ is that their mistakes—of course, there will be mistakes—should be ones they can learn from, not ones that have ‘permanent’ consequences!</p>
<p>Some of you mentioned grandparents. For my son, a college freshman who has been dating the same young woman since midway through high school, it is, “Don’t do anything you would not want **the GF’s father **to learn about.” (He has a reputation for being rather strict. Very nice guy, but son would **not **want to be on the wrong side of him.)</p>
<p>I also tell my kids that with all the surveillance stuff around these days, they should live their lives as if they are on a nanny cam. Would they feel comfortable if the world knew what they were up to? If they feel uncomfortable with that idea in some situation, they should ask themselves why.</p>
<p>21 shots will kill you.
Your blood alcohol level continues to rise 90 minutes after your last drink.
You or your friend can choke to death on your vomit.
Don’t count on your drunk friends to know if you need help.</p>
<p>Jyber, don’t you just love the GF’s father for being the heavy? I love when teachers/other adults are tough so that I can just say, “hey, go ahead, but that’s not going to fly with Mr. so and so.” </p>
<p>The whole punch/drink from the bottle thing is kind of scary. Wow, I did not think of that.</p>
<p>"I hate to be the idiot here, but what’s the deal with the red cups?</p>
<p>Red cups are cheap and seem to always be the cheapest when there’s serious drinking going on. In fact, the manufacturers and sellers may know what they are advertising…</p>
<p>What’s more important is you can’t see what’s in the cup. My D1’s sorority asked them to pull down every picture with them holding a red cup on FB. Most people just assume it’s alcohol in the red cup.</p>
<p>I lol’d yesterday at the first mention of the red cups. I had forgotten that. I went home last night and told S about this thread and the red cup issue. Of course I had to explain about the frat parties with garbage cans full of Hawaiian Punch or Koolaid and a lot of alcohol. His reaction: Ewwwwwww. (Hmmmm…I hope he continues that reaction for the next few years.)</p>
<p>1) It’s illegal to underage drink. If you get caught you could really screw up your life. Stop and ask yourself, “Is it worth it?”
2) Offer to be the designated driver. This gives you a good reason to JUST SAY “NO”.
3) If you choose to try alcohol: don’t drink the punch, don’t drink from a cup or bottle you’ve left unattended for even 1 second (just get a new drink), it’s okay to nurse just one drink throught the night - you look cool without getting drunk.
4) Drugs aren’t cool.
5) Don’t have sex with anyone you wouldn’t want to have children with.
6) USE A CONDOM.
7) Get your school work done first, then you can play with a clear conscience.
8) GO TO CLASS.
9) Don’t procrastinate on the big papers/projects. Get them done early. You never know what’s coming down the pike.
10) College is fun. You’re going to meet super interesting people in all sorts of fields.
11) Join some sort of group - community service, school government, etc. - It’s a great way to meet people outside your field of study.
12) Say “YES” to new experiences that aren’t illegal or dangerous.
13) I Love You.
14) I’m here if you need me.
15) Call me once in a while. (Okay, I’d really like to say, “Call me everyday to let me know how you’re doing”, but I realize this is just a pipe dream.)</p>
<p>I was thinking more about the advice to go to class: I told my son that if the choice was between going to class and doing all the reading, go to class. (I never did finish reading “Democracy in America,” but the prof’s lecture pretty much told me what he thought was important about it.) Of course, it’s better to go to class AND do all the reading…</p>
<p>Red cups = disposable cups of any kind, really, that are used to serve “punch.” More often than not the cups are red plastic. </p>
<p>Not to be alarmist, but…</p>
<p>What those cups contain at a college party is anyone’s guess. If it’s a fluid, or can be dissolved, I would not be surprised that at some point at some college it has made it into the “punch.” </p>
<p>Even if a liquor bottle has a label that says Rum or Tequila or whatever, unless you actually saw that bottle opened you can not really know what is in it either.</p>
<p>My boyfriend’s dad gave some of the best advice:</p>
<p>Do crazy things! Have stories to tell! Just make sure no one gets hurt, nothing goes on the permanent record, and you can forget about it later if you really want to.</p>
<p>That covered jail time, illegal drinking, drug use, poorly planned tattoos, having pictures taken you’d rather not have others see (or have pop up 10 years down the road, or on the internet), crazy stunts… ;)</p>
Sure do! I will use any weapon at my disposal but this one, I suspect, is particularly effective. Son has actually reported back to me that **GF’s dad **is very happy with son’s choice of housing situation for next year (a particular interest group floor). Mind you, we did not even know about this choice until it was a done deal! I tell him to make sure he gets grades he will not be embarrassed to share with the GF’s parents. </p>
<p>And yes, when I caution son about relationship “complications,” I tell him to imagine the face of GF’s dad staring him down in reaction to any news he might not like. I figure that image is at least as effective as a cold shower LOL! IMO that will keep son well in line! </p>
<p>Son happens to treat his GF beautifully, and is quite responsible re personal behavior, but parents do always worry, and having the more strict parents be the other set is a position I like.</p>
<p>undecided, My FIL told his sons in high school to not bother calling during the weekend if they got thrown in jail for doing something stupid because he was not going to ruin a good weekend by bailing them out. </p>
<p>When they left for college, he told them as far as the criminal justice system was concerned, his responsibility to them was over. So before they did something they needed to ask themselves “Can I afford bail and a lawyer?”</p>
<p>His boys were all good kids, but I think it was his way of telling them he loved them enough to let them pay for their own mistakes now. Naturally, we tell our son the same thing!</p>
but this one, I suspect, is particularly effective. Son has actually reported back to me that **GF’s dad **is very happy with son’s choice of housing situation for next year (a particular interest group floor). Mind you, we did not even know about this choice until it was a done deal! I tell him to make sure he gets grades he will not be embarrassed to share with the GF’s parents. </p>