The "Tommy Hilfiger" Award...on atypical h.s. girls, clothing, and confidence.....

Parent Cafe
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<p>Small triumphs…aren’t those what life is made of? :)</p>

<p>My middle daughter is a high school freshman this year, and she is a gorgeous young lady, despite the fact that she is not your typical, slender h.s. gal. In fact, she is rather tall for OUR family (5’8") and not small boned. </p>

<p>In the past, she has become somewhat frustrated because she felt she could not wear many of the teenage fashions and look good in them…you know, the mini skirts, the short-shorts, the tiny tops, etc. I did not face these challenges as a teen, and it was a very difficult thing for me to see my daughter struggle with this issue. She’d often wear jeans that didn’t fit her properly in an effort to buy a smaller size.</p>

<p>Last fall, I decided to do some school shopping for her by myself…I scoured the cool stores for the larger junior sizes (on SALE, of course! <em>LOL</em>) and just bought them and brought them home to her. I handed them over to her with a quick, “Here sweetie, try THESE on…I ran across a GREAT sale…” without ever talking about or referring to size. OMG…she was STUNNED! Clothes that FIT and looked GORGEOUS on her. Instead of the tiny, short shirts, we looked for stylish ones that covered a bit more…ones that came over the tops of her jeans. We searched for jean skirts that were a tad bit longer and put stylish leggings under them. And we ACCESSORIZED majorly…THIS is where her being a bit bigger than the average girl really paid off! She could easily wear the big, bold necklaces and thick bracelets and look AWESOME in them! (Please know that I know NOTHING about style…everything I know I learned from this D!!!)</p>

<p>As the school year wore on and she received more and more and more compliments on her “style,” she became more and more confident! She put that little extra effort into dressing each morning and used make up and accessories to her advantage. BIG, darling sunglasses, cool metallic heart necklaces, the whole shebang.</p>

<p>One of the most triumphant moments of the year came in a conversation with her best friend who lives down the street. Now, her best friend is the POLAR OPPOSITE, physically, of my D…tiny beyond belief (size 00), blonde, and with an endless clothing budget <em>lol</em>. But one day, she turned to my D and said, “_______________, I am SO jealous of you! You look GREAT in stuff I could NEVER wear…I wish I were built like YOU!” You’d have to know the history of their 8-year relationship to know just how flattered my D was by this, but trust me, it made her YEAR!</p>

<p>Fast forward to this week at school. D is in choir, and the choir kids were handing out the end-of-the-year personal awards to each kid. Choir is a rather large class with kids of different grade levels in it, and D was fearful that no one would know her well enough to give her any type of meaningful (read: we really KNOW you) award. But, when it was her turn, what did she get???</p>

<p><strong><em>THE TOMMY HILFIGER AWARD</em></strong> for the MOST stylish dresser!!! This, to a girl who does NOT look like your average h.s. skinny girl <strong><em>AND</em></strong> who has to shop on the most limited budget EVER!!!</p>

<p>I <em>KNOW</em> how inconsequential this is in the whole scheme of things, believe me, but to HER, it was NOT…to her, it was the BIGGEST of triumphs…you know, the stuff that life is made of! :D</p>

<p>Thanks for reading this!</p>

<p>~berurah, proud mom of a super stylin’ gal!</p>

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<p>that is pretty cool berurah- props to your D!</p>

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<p>What a wonderful story!</p>

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<p>Berurah:</p>

<p>Way to go, kid! Er, I mean <em>your</em> kid :slight_smile: .</p>

<p>(Who’s Tommy Hilfiger, anyway?)</p>

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<p>That is an awesome story and it is so cool that the kids recognized her for that. My daughter jokes about going into Express and how the larger sizes are placed high up on the wall (jeans etc) and you have to go up to a salesperson and say, “Excuse me, could you help me reach the Size HUGE up there?” (anything over a 6). It takes a lot of maturity (which your D has shown) to get past the “look” that works for the Size 00 kids and find your own style.</p>

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<p>optimizerdad- Tommy Hilfiger is Ralph Lauren’s tennis partner. (only kidding)</p>

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<p>Berurah, that is a great story. Congratulations to your daughter, and a big “great parent” award for you for taking the initiative!</p>

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<p>B-- I LOVE it! Thanks for sharing! :)</p>

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<p>AWESOME story. :slight_smile: So happy for her!</p>

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<p>Berurah, I think that is great! Two reasons…
One…those kinds of awards that your peers come up with mean a LOT. I’m sure this did.
Two, considering your D has had thoughts about self image (what teen girl doesn’t?) with regard to so many girls, including her best friend, who wear skimpy little outfits in size zero, which so many girls cannot wear (including your D) but is all the rage anyway, to be singled out for her clothing style means a lot to her self image in that area! </p>

<p>Lastly, while lots of teen girls want to dress alike based on what is “in”, often the girl who has her own style is admired. Your D fits that image.</p>

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<p>From someone who is sartorially challenged…congratulations to your D, what a nice story and what teenage girl can’t use a boost like that!!! </p>

<p>2400 is nice, so is a 4.0, but Tommy Hilfiger award? Now THAT wins hands down!</p>

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<p>berurah, props not just to your D, but to you for using diplomacy and tact to resolve what could have easily become an intractable conflict that spanned several years. I know; I’ve totally been there. I was a v. short, v. curvy size 6 from age 11 or so on. My mother was 5’8" and 105 lbs until she had me, so she had no clever suggestions for me, and firmly believes that “harsh, unguarded criticism is love”. It wasn’t easy at all, and I really applaud you for helping your D come up with an innovative solution that boosted her self-esteem.</p>

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<p>the conundrum is that when you are unhappy with your body image, clothes shopping is the worst; however, i’ve found the best fix for body image blues is a new, well-fitted, flattering outfit! </p>

<p>yay for your daughter, and yay for you being a very aware mother! my mother could never buy me clothes that FIT and were FASHIONABLE. :)</p>

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<p>To each and every one of you who have read this post and responded, I thank you SOOOOOOOOOO much! You truly understand, don’t you? And I am so very grateful for that understanding.</p>

<p>emeraldkity and SuNa~ Thank you so much!!</p>

<p>OD~ Hmmmmm, odd coincidence–one of my very favorite people has given me the nickname “kid”!!! And I love it…makes me feel young, ya know?? :slight_smile: And thanks for your thumbs up for my D!</p>

<p>MOWC~ Your D is SO right about having to look a bit higher for the size “huge”!!! <em>lol</em> And it’s kinda frustrating because a lot of the places my D loves to shop don’t even CARRY larger sizes, and we have to hunt and hunt for the larges and extra larges among the extra-smalls! We even asked one time in one of those places, and they said, “Well, we only GET one or two ‘larges,’ so you might not find any…” <em>sigh</em> D has certainly developed her own personal style…she used to be afraid to be “different.” Now, others are wanting to emulate HER, including her older (but six inches SHORTER) sister! :D</p>

<p>kluge~ Thanks so much for reading this and responding…I so appreciate your support. I’m not sure I deserve the “great parent” award, but, ya know, well, it would just be outright RUDE of me to turn it down, huh?? ;)</p>

<p>momof2inca and aries~ So glad that you two could both share in and appreciate D’s little victory!</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>berurah, Thanks for sharing that heartfelt story! I really do admire your approach to a situation that might have ended up much differently. The beauty of your subtle method is that it worked while being very sensitive to your daughter’s feelings at the same time. </p>

<p>I do a little of the same thing when I see something that I know would look good on my D. She is very independent minded and likes to pick out things herself, but if I tell her I found something that was a “good value” AND that I’m happy to take it back if she doesn’t like it, I can get away with a making a few purchases on her behalf here and there!</p>

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<p>soozievt~ You make some excellent points. One of the things that DID mean a great deal to my D is that the “award” came from some of the most “popular” and well-known girls. She was truly flattered that THEY had noticed and complimented her sense of style. Whereas she still likes to wear what’s “in,” she has just selected the “in” styles that flatter her more, like the bohemian skirts and long, layered t-shirts. Oh, and you’ll like this one…we found this DARLING little layering t-shirt that is screenprinted with the saying, “I’m an Actress. Can I take your order?” <em>lololololololol</em> :D</p>

<p>

<strong><em>ROFLMAO</em></strong> Now, 2231clk, <em>YOU</em> really GET IT!!! ;)</p>

<p>

Oh, pip-pip, {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} to you. I’ll bet that you were just stunning beautiful…just as you were, and I’m so sorry if no one saw fit to let you know that at the time. My older two D’s are both built very differently than I was at their ages (and besides, I’m 5’5" and one of them is 5’ 2" and the other is 5’ 8"!!!). I really do try to help them both look and feel like the beauties they are. My third D??? She’s pretty much a clone of how I looked at age 11! <em>lol</em> </p>

<p>raindrop~ Your conundrum is RIGHT ON! Totally! And about this:

My older D’s razz me endlessly about how I “dressed them” in elementary school…my fifth-grade D is the most stylin’ kid around, but ONLY because her older two sisters have shown me (and HER) the ropes! :D</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>WOOHOO! Congrats to your D - and you for obviously good style in picking out the clothes. What a boost for your D to be recognized as the best dressed - I would have cut off my right arm when I was her age to get such a compliment!</p>

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<p>

Hey roshke, thanks! The approach that I usually try to take is to, as you say, subtly guide them in a direction, and then let them take it from there. For example, after I bought those first sets of jeans and shirts, my D was the one to say to me, “MOM! I can’t BELIEVE that I was so worried about what SIZE the tag said last year! These clothes FEEL so much better and LOOK so much better…I can’t believe that I did what I did last year!” So, yep, after the initial move, she took over and has been making great clothing choices since then! </p>

<p>It sounds like you have a great system down pat with your D too! I think the hardest part is figuring out the best approach for each individual child. Some of mine respond to one thing, others to different things…the ONLY thing they all have in common is the same independent streak that YOUR D has!!! :D</p>

<p>MagsMom~</p>

<p>Thanks for your good thoughts for my D and also for your vote of confidence for me, though I must admit, I’ve take my fashion cues from my D…just tweaked them a bit to suit them to HER! Had to laugh at this:

I certainly never would have gotten that award at her age either…though by college, I had pretty much figured out my own personal style. Some of us are late bloomers, I guess. :wink: This particular D??? She was changing clothes about every 30 minutes as a THREE-YEAR-OLD!!! And hasn’t quit since…<em>sigh</em></p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>Berurah, I’m like your daughter in terms of size I think, and since I grew early and then had to wait for the other kids to catch up with me, I’ve been sensitive about my body for years. I’m finally starting to get more comfortable in my own skin and I’m dressing better for my coloring and shape, but I’ve realized that I sort of used to do the opposite of your daughter and buy a lot of too-baggy clothing in darker colors that don’t suit me. I was trying to hide my shape but it backfired. I still like black for its slimming qualities, but I’ve learned that brighter colors really look best on me, especially in the right forms, and getting dressed is more fun now. :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Major props to your daughter to finding a style that suits her body and her tastes. Now I wish I could see pictures for inspiration! :P</p>

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<p>Berurah, you’re so funny. Congrats to your D - but - can you send those of us who are a bit more fashion challenged some pictures either in PM or linked via Skype so we can imitate lol :)</p>

<p>BTW I love Tommy Hilfiger - own several pieces, and even a couple of pair of shoes - one being a pair of bright red loafers, which my D absolutely HATES - she whines at me when I wear them (maybe because I mix them with the wrong stuff) - but I wear them anyway. </p>

<p>(If I’m not off to some important business issue I tend to wear whatever falls out of the closet, regardless of the relationship of various pieces of clothing to each other. I’ve been known to appear in public wearing two completely different shoes, mismatched hose, dark undergarments under white fabrics, and so on…it’s really quite hopeless, and endlessly hilarious - at least to me - D would characterize it more as endlessly appalling lol).</p>