<p>We are at the crossroads and will soon be facing our very toughest test as a family. The test is which families and kids will stick by us and our chronically ill D as she is forced to drop out of the ubercompeititve school due to her chronic health issues, get a GED (via testing) & start community college (later to transfer to a 4-year college & perhaps even attend grad school). This is so far removed from our extended family’s experience and indeed the experience of most of the others on this forum & the HS she attends that it frightens her that she suspects many “friends” will no longer communicate with or include her since she’s been “derailed” due to health from the original plan of graduating from her HS with everyone else.</p>
<p>I urge those of you who have children who confront these issues–either due to knowing someone who has had to chose the alternate path or has had a child who has had to go on an alternate path to really think about how you can help make this transition better for all involved. </p>
<p>I hope that my D will continue to be accepted and welcomed by the friends she made in HS, but we are all preparing for some loss of some/many friendships by parents/families who may fear our D will be “a bad influence.” This has been an extremely difficult choice, especially since we do not expect to get much support for taking it, but it seems to be the best path for our D at this time.</p>
<p>I really feel for you, HImom. Often, filling in the parents and friends can help, so they understand <em>why</em> she has to take this path. With her permission, having a few lunch dates or other get-togethers with the other families to explain the situation may go a long way to dispelling their misconceptions.</p>
<p>Also, having your daughter do outreach will help – making the step of phoning someone to come over, having a movie night at your house (or whatever activity fits her group), rather than waiting to be called . . . or not.</p>
<p>I am so happy that you are able to make the decision that is going to be right for your family. I agree with Moominmana that you and your daughter should, if you feel comfortable doing so, inform people why she’s getting a GED and going to community college instead of going to a 4 year school right away. She may grow apart from friends due to the fact that her circumstances will be different than their’s, but if she makes an effort to stay in contact with her high school friends, I think it will pay off.</p>
<p>I was worried at the end of my senior year that one of my friends from high school wouldn’t be able to go to college. She struggles with a chronic disease that will eventually lead to a premature death, and at one point took a turn for the worse. Thankfully her health took an upswing, and she has been able to continue on to a top-20 school. I do not know the considerations of her or her family, but my friends and I recognized the difficulties she could face at a conventional 4-year college far from home. We all would have made an extra effort, I think, to keep in contact with her and get together with her while home. It depends, of course, on the relationship between your daughter and her friends. Some of her close friends will fade away, while other friends will become closer. If she puts in an effort, I feel that it will be rewarded by the efforts that will be put in by others.</p>
<p>Aww HIMom, that can be quite a worry, especially for a teen. Hopefully you can share your concerns with the close friends who matter to her, and it should not make a difference. Most kids go off in different directions anyway, but still get together during breaks, so the good friends will still stay in touch via facebook, IM, etc.</p>
<p>Her health comes before all else, and it is great that she has such strong loving support that will see her through this.</p>
<p>It is important that she not develop a complex due to her inability to go away to a 4-year program at this point, because it could make her withdraw from her friends, who may not realize the reasons behind it. So she will have to make a strong effort to stay connected.</p>
<p>Her friends are aware that chronic health issues have caused her to have frequent and extended absences from school over the past three years (60+ absences/year). I think everyone is actually surprised she’s been able to continue at the HS in spite of the absences. She will talk with the kids over the summer about her plans and we shall see how things evolve.</p>
<p>We will have to wait & see which friends remain in touch and which ones drift off. Undoubtably, she will make new friends at the community college, but these friends she’s made in HS are folks she hopes to cherish for life. Time will tell how this all sorts out.</p>
<p>What a truly, completely AWESOME parent you are. {{{{{{{hugs to you}}}}}}} Instead of forcing your daughter to go a route that will be detrimental to her health simply because it “looks good” to others, you have done the right thing for YOUR kid–something that is best for HER. That is a brave and RIGHT decision from a loving and caring parent, and you should be very proud of both yourself <em>and</em> your precious daughter.</p>
<p>Her REAL friends will continue to love and support her as she takes the educational path that is best for her. My own D will go to a four-year local university next year, but her bf, whose parents are completely unsupportive of his college education, will attend a community college for financial reasons (not that they CAN’T do another school…just that they WON’T). We have supported him fully and will continue to–the school he attends is of no concern to us with regard to his “worth” as a person or as my D’s bf. </p>
<p>I truly admire your D. It would be so easy for someone with chronic health problems to just “give up” and not continue with school at all. Instead, your D (and you) are looking for the BEST, most workable way to make higher education possible for her. And you are doing an excellent job.</p>
<p>Those who would stand in judgment of your D or your family because of this were never real friends to begin with. My son left a small town and went across the country to Duke University. Most of his friends have stayed in our hometown, a couple at a four year school, some in community college, and still others not attending school at all. He is still friends with ALL of these people and would never think to stand in judgment of <em>any</em> of the people that he loves. That is how it will be for your D too. Her real friends will be there for her throughout, encouraging her and applauding her efforts. Anyone who doesn’t is not worth having as a friend anyway.</p>
<p>So, be proud of yourself, HImom, and your D too. I truly admire you both.</p>
<p>Intellectually, we know we are making good choices that will allow D the flexibility to have later classes and choose her classload rather than the stamina she doesn’t have for HS, but are sad that she is being forced to make this choice.
We explored some on-line HS alternatives that were not attractive to her and she’s truly ready to move on.</p>
<p>Berurah, I admire you and your D & S. It sounds like they value people for whom they are. I hope the same will be true for my D’s friends & their families, but we never really know until these challenges present themselves. I’m grateful that my parents understand and support us, as does my sister-in-law (whose S is actually in the same grade at the same HS). No one in my extended family has gone down this path, as we have all graduated from HS & gone straight to college, where all have graduated from in 4 years, often followed by grad school. </p>
<p>Compounding the issue is her older brother, who graduated from the same ubercompetitive HS last spring with the same chronic health condition, but by pure grit & a lot of talent was a NMF with great merit awards & has just completed his freshman year with honors n engineering at USC (which is now her dream school)!</p>
<p>My D will not “blame” kids who decide not to associate with her as she believes it will be due to pressure from their families, but we will all be sad to see it happen, as she has become very close to a lot of very nice kids. This will probably be a very difficult issue for many of these families, whose kids are aiming at ivies & similar (which is what their HS prepares kids for).</p>
<p>We can all know intellectually about “true/real friends” but to experience the loss is always painful, especially in the teen years, where acceptance and friendships are so crucial. As a parent, it’s heartbreaking to see/experience the choices my kids have had to face with chronic illness. Yes, it makes them stronger & tougher, but “normal” sure looks attractive but ever so distant.</p>