<p>My sister had a challenging wedding decades ago, but our family ended up actually being closer over the years to her in-laws than to her. They mostly all passed away within a few months of each other three years ago, but they were the loveliest people and such a blessing to know.</p>
<p>Add me to the PM as well. I sometimes (often?) do things that irritate others without realizing that will be the case. The kind of thing where I wouldn’t mind if you did it, and don’t expect you to mind, but people do. Reading these threads helps me anticipate expectations and step on fewer toes.</p>
<p>Personally, I think how is often as important as what is said. Being told ahead of time “we are going to need some help and do you have any suggestions for XYZ or would you mind doing RST?” Is much better than being handed a list of rules and jobs. I am also a firm believer in asking myself before taking action whether this thing is actually any of my business. When we got married, I thought the song my MIL chose to dance with her son was weird but it was none of my business so I stayed out of it. They selected tuxedoes for him and the other men without me because it was none of my business. However, when she asked me to pick up the dress she was wearing to my wedding from the shop where she bought it and I saw that it was almost identical to my wedding gown, it was my business so I did say something. But with years comes wisdom, so it amuses me that the song my D wants to dance with her father to is, well, weird, but I will never, ever attempt to wear the same dress as my son’s bride at their wedding.</p>
<p>"-My son is a very laid-back even keel kind of kid. He certainly doesn’t get that personality trait from me, LOL. His bride, he tells me, is a very stressed out kind of person all the time,"</p>
<p>@momof3sons - As a mom of 3 yet to be married sons this statement kind of scares me. I hope that your DIL really isn’t stressed out all the time. Even if DIL is a really nice person I can’t imagine what that would be like for any future grand kids. </p>
<p>I’m assuming you are kidding about the PM but if not please put me on the list too.</p>
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And then what happened? Did she get another dress?</p>
<p>Her daughter got married six days before I did and she switched to the dress she had planned to wear to her daughter’s wedding. Neither of the two dresses she purchased looked anything like her daughter’s dress, so it was fine. Of course, she talked about me yet again, but the dress was remarkably similar to my wedding gown. She would have looked like a fool if she had worn it to my wedding.</p>
<p>I don’t understand all the “you will never have to see them agsin” comments.</p>
<p>Ideally you will get to know the inlaws better and come to appreciate and enjoy their quirks. I see no reason to avoid them or be frosty. You all may end up with common gradnschildren after all. </p>
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<p>Me neither. They obviously handled the wedding poorly, but that may be mostly because planning and running big events is not one of their strong points.</p>
<p>In circumstances where they’re more comfortable, they might be very pleasant people.</p>
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<p>That is a wonderful idea. I hope I remember to do that when my two Ds get married.</p>
<p>My niece was married a couple of years ago. My sister has mental problems and her ex is an old hippie stoner, so the parents of the bride basically just showed up for the wedding and everything was planned by and paid for by the bride & groom, with a bit of assistance from the groom’s parents.</p>
<p>It was a sweet wedding but I have regrets about the pictures. I was afraid that my mother would make a scene trying to get certain family pictures, but she was very laid back (or intimidated). I knew that we weren’t getting any of the family pictures we wanted but I thought it wasn’t my place to exert any type of control. The one picture of the bride’s family is of the whole crowd, terribly composed (looked like my niece and my sister were the happy couple), with the most prominient spot taken by my nephew’s GF that he broke up with a couple of weeks later, etc. My father (who officiated) is sort of lost in the back row. You probably know where this is headed…he passed away a few months later so there was never another opportunity to get those family pictures.</p>
<p>After our wedding, my parents and in-laws never saw each other again. They lived in CT, and my parents in TX. We lived in the midwest. There was just never another occasion to see each other. Both sets of parents have been long ago gone (ten years since the last one died), so there will be no grandparents at our Ds’ weddings.</p>
<p>D1 and her SO live in LA. We live in the midwest and SO’s dad lives in northern CA. After the wedding, I don’t know when we’d see each other again. We wouldn’t specifically go to northern CA just to see them and I doubt they’d come to Chicago just to specifically see us. If we’re going to travel to CA, it’s going to be to see D. Now, if D and SO eventually move up to northern CA to be near his family there, then perhaps we would see them when visiting D.</p>
<p>So yea, I can see lots of circumstances where in-laws might never see each other again after the wedding.</p>
<p>Is there still a PM list? If so, please include my name! </p>
<p>I love a good horror story.</p>
<p>Well, I’m quite late to this party. Somehow I missed seeing this thread yesterday.
Two of my children have gotten married somewhat recently and I still have (hopefully!!!) 2 more weddings to go, so I find these threads very interesting. Add me to the PM list! </p>
<p>Weddings do seem to bring out the crazy in some people. But then hosting a large event can be very stressful for many people. </p>
<p>Please include me in the PM as well. D is likely to be engaged in the next few months, the wedding likely to be across the country from us, and will be our first immediate-family wedding. I can use all the heads-up I can get. </p>
<p>OP I agree with so many others that I hope you do not regret your post and will please share with us additional information. Clearly you have a captive audience…so many of us want to learn from you! Your grace under pressure is good inspiration for me, along with the “bite your tongue” attitude. I’m not always so good at that:)</p>
<p>Thanks again for sharing and congratulations to your son and his bride.</p>
<p>Glad the mil switched her MOG dress out, zoosermom. </p>
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Exactly. There is a chance that there will be some overlap because of grandchildren. Or is the rule going in going to be that grandparents will never have to share their grandchildren time with the other set of grandparents? </p>
<p>And there are often problems during the holidays…</p>
<p>Well if they live across the country, they probably won’t share holidays and grandchildren visits except for major life occasions.</p>
<p>I am always amazed at the number of families with small children who take the time and spend the money to travel long distances at holiday time. </p>
<p>The families with children wouldn’t be traveling to both sides of the country at the same time, and how likely is it that one set of grandparents would go to the other grandparents’ house without a major life event to pull them? We used to see my sister’s in-laws all the time because we lived right near each other, but I have never met many of my brother’s in-laws because they live across the country from us and when my brother would visit them we wouldn’t be included because we don’t know them and vice versa. That brother’s kids had small weddings so distant relatives didn’t travel to attend, but if they had we would have met then.</p>
<p>I’m always happy to get more details too. My parents ended up seeing a lot of my in-laws. They lived in the same town for quite a while and had a lot in common. In fact, it’s surprising their paths had never crossed before! </p>
<p>The only thing I specifically remember being helped with at our wedding was dh’s best friend (but not in the wedding party) picked up scads of sushi for lunch the morning of the wedding and everyone who was around spent the morning of the wedding filling up helium balloons.</p>
<p>I have two sisters, and I see their in-laws all the time, at least a couple of times a year, often more. One sister and her in-laws live close to me (within a hour a way), but the other sister lives 400 miles a way and her in-laws live across the country. It probably helps that that brother-in-law is an only child, that both my sister’s home and my home are in desirable tourist locations, and that everyone gets along. </p>
<p>We see them (sis’s in-laws from across the country) every Christmas for multiple days, at least once every summer for multiple days, and then for one-off occasions in addition to that. It’s nice. </p>
<p>My sister will call my mom, my other sis and me and say, my MIL will be in town for a couple of days next month; want to come up? So it is planned that we all get together at the same time. </p>
<p>Well, no, the families with children wouldn’t be traveling to both sides of the country at one time, but sometimes the grandparents might all decide to go to the children’s/grandchildren’s home for the holidays, and then they might be there at the same time. And families can still be far apart (even within the same state), yet not be across the country. Not meaning to be argumentative, but I really think it is probably not the norm that sets of grandparents never meet again after the wedding.</p>