On our local grade school fb page a few people have been complaining because the school banned during PE class dodgeball and “Red Rover” and picking teams for sports out loud. The complaining parents insist that these games teach kids that “ not everybody gets a trophy” and that “there are winners and losers in real life.” This was brought on when a substitute teacher was disciplined for organizing these activities after being explicitly told to stop it.
Why does it not dawn on them that in REAL real life, no one is required to participate in an activity where people get to hurl objects at you because they don’t like you or where if you aren’t athletic you are likely to get hit? Or that in REAL real life you don’t have to stand there and have others watch while people call out others they want, making it clear you aren’t one of them?
When these facts about real life are brought up the complainers go suddenly silent.
There was also a situation where my niece failed a class project ( middle school) worth half the grade where her only error was to forget to put the teachers name on. As this occurred in a place where middle school grades are critical for entry to good high schools, the parents talked to the teacher. The teacher insisted that this was necessary to teach the kid about real life consequences. My brother in law pointed out that he was an attorney and had accidentally forgot to place the judges name on a brief he recently filed and the only consequence was that he had to file a corrected version. He also point out all the real world things where minor errors only have minor consequences, allow for corrections and are not treated like you never did the thing at issue: tax forms etc… The teacher refused to give in but the principal relented in the face of this argument saying only 5 points could be deducted.
I will preface my answer by saying that I despised dodgeball as a kid and was not “popular” so red rover was not my favorite either. That said, I think the small disappointments and failures in childhood teach us how to handle the bigger ones that everyone eventually faces. It’s up to the adults to frame the little challenges our kids deal with into something positive. Shielding them from every potential negative outcome doesn’t allow kids the opportunity to develop grit and resiliency.
I wouldn’t call the process of kids picking teams, if it’s done repeatedly, a “small disappointment.” Rather, it’s a routine humiliation. In real life, people usually don’t have to subject themselves to repeated humiliation.
As I said nowhere in life do you have to stand there where people fling objects at you. That’s not about “ disappointment “ it’s about cruelty. Nor do you have to stand in front of others and have them listen while you are not chosen. As adults in the real world we can choose if we want to participate in activities.
Kids at our schools can choose to play these games at recess. They just can’t be forced to participate. If you like them. Go ahead. Have fun. But to force kids to do this doesn’t teach them a good lesson. You can still have teams and winners and losers. This is not the same.
No work place woukd allow managers to line everyone up and call out only those they wanted while everyone watches. There is no life equivalent to these things and pretending there is a failure to recognize the very real differences between disappointment and cruelty.
What was cruel to ME was making me participate in gymnastics, a sport in which I have NO ability. Our school had two sets of uneven bars - a large one and a small one. I was petrified of those things and wanted to use the small set. My PE teacher said, “Nope, you’re too tall - you have to use the large one.” I wonder if the teacher noticed me going into the equipment closet to cry.
And then there was the time Ms. Loomis pulled me aside in 7th grade and told me, “You know, if you lost a little weight, you could do gymnastics better. You can see that the girls who weigh less do OK.” Looking back at my middle school photos, I still can’t believe she said that - I wasn’t heavy at all.
@MaineLonghorn. There was so much cruelty by gym teachers like this growing up. You’d almost think that they screened job candidates in favor of sadistic qualities.
Kids very publicly get cut from sports teams starting in middle school, don’t get roles in the school plays, don’t make honor roll, get dumped by bf/gf, don’t get into the colleges they want, don’t get a raise/promotion, get fired, etc… We need to prepare them for these disappointments. They are part of life.
Nope. You are not required to stand there when a cut list goes up orally and have everybody hear that happen. Nor are you fiorced to stand there and have everybody watch while it’s announced that you don’t get roles in the school plays, don’t make honor roll, get dumped by bf/gf, don’t get into the colleges they want, don’t get a raise/promotion, get fired, etc…
And cut lists don’t happen if you choose not to participate.
If you don’t understand these crucial differences between that and what occurs in a mandatory P E class you best give it some more thought.
@momofsenior1, were you one of the kids who was routinely, daily, humiliated by being picked last? Did it help you prepare for the disappointments of life? 'Cause let me tell you, I was, and it didn’t. Being humiliated AGAIN and AGAIN is not a disappointment, exactly. By the fiftieth time, you know what’s going to happen. It’s just an unpleasant ritual to endure.
I’m waiting for the person who was repeatedly picked last, or whose kids were repeatedly picked last, to come forward and say, “Yeah! That was great! Really helped me/my kid in life!” I don’t think there is going to be such a person.
Well, I was picked last a lot and it didn’t bother me. I would say it DID help me. It finally dawned on me that the kids who were struggling in math really WERE trying, just as I was really trying in PE. Before this epiphany, I thought they just weren’t trying.
You do sometimes get picked last, or not at all - although usually not publicly. College admissions denial or waitlist anyone? Job hunting that go on for months or years. Your colleagues getting promoted over you (that one’s pretty public). Getting passed over at bonus time or for a desired company trip. Getting turned down for a date.
But getting picked last in PE for a team does absolutely nothing to prepare you for those disappointments in life, IMHO.
The kids who are routinely picked last may be “prepared for these disappointments” but what about the kids who are routinely picked first? or those who are always the captains? How is this preparing THEM for life’s disappointments? Or do they not have any disappointments, given their superiority?
@maya54, I am in absolute agreement with you on this. There is no reason for it.
I’ve just had an awful flashback to 6th grade, when I was picked last for dodgeball (of course) and then hit full in the face with that heavy ball BY THE GYM TEACHER, who had been trying to nail one of the class jerks during the game. Jerk he was, but the kid was quick and moved out of the way. Broke my glasses and hurt like hell.
Did I learn anything from phys ed back in the day? I learned I wasn’t an athlete, which had an impact on my fitness and activity level for years. I didn’t even learn how not to cry when I was picked last and ridiculed for it. I already knew how to be empathetic, so sorry, gym teachers - thanks for nothing.
No one publicly announces GPA from highest to lowest, thank God. One year in grade school our classroom seating was determined by how you did on the weekly math quiz, highest scoring kid in the first seat front left, last back right. I can still remember the name and face of the kid who was consistently in the last seat, although I never had another class with her and I can remember little about the rest of the class. I imagine she remembers that classroom setup too, and not fondly.
The picking of teams by peers is, and has always largely been, a popularity contest. Everyone learns just where you land in the pecking order. Popular, athletic kids get picked first, the athletic or popular (but not both) kids go next, and the both unathletic and unpopular kids get picked last. Who needs to feel like an unpopular loser in 3rd grade?
