Did you get reminded every single day in grade school that you were an unpopular loser? If so, did this help you? Do you think anyone else in that situation benefited? I’m sorry to say that being an unpopular loser did not teach me empathy. It taught me fear and bitterness; it taught me not to trust other people. I don’t imagine that repeated humiliation builds character in most people.
In “real life” experiences with being targeted in dodgeball and never picked for a team taught me never to reach out for fear of rejection. Taught me to assume no one would ever want me so I ended up with an abusive husband.
Small defeats do teach us to handle big ones but these examples by the OP are different. They are cruel.
“It finally dawned on me that the kids who were struggling in math really WERE trying, just as I was really trying in PE. Before this epiphany, I thought they just weren’t trying.”
Along these lines, I did have a mom complain to me once on the sidelines a game that both our sons were playing in that her son was getting a very mediocre grade in a mandatory arts class (one could pick from fine arts, music, dance etc. He chose fine arts). She whined that didn’t the teacher recognize that he was trying really hard and shouldn’t his grade be based on effort? He couldn’t help it if he wasn’t talented in drawing. As a mother of a child who struggled with math (and had the very mediocre grades to reflect it despite much effort and extra help) and excelled in art, I calmly asked her if the same grading concept should apply to my kid’s scenario. Of course she didn’t think so and it was like watching a cartoon light bulb flick on over her head.
Maybe I’m an anomaly, but I use it quite often in my home improvement projects.
We had this in my school. But I remember the teachers would mix up the “captains.” So the kids who where “picked last” got to pick the teams as well. It’s the old kids can be cruel thing – but I think it is much better (not perfect) these days.
Dodge ball is fun. Athletic or not. It’s more about being competitive. And, “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.”
As for gym class, it should be a lot different these days. Should be more like a health club – different fitness activities for different folks. Some will do yoga, some more hard core athletic training, some lift weights, some run, etc. Two or three times a week. Other activities, basketball, softball, gymnastics, etc. on the “off” days. Then of Fridays, Dodge ball. 
And finally, gym uniforms. Get something more athletic looking please. Tight shorts and heavy cotton shorts are so 1950s. And don’t excuse those that don’t want to wear the uniform. Make them work out in their regular clothes and sit in their sweat all day. I guarantee they’ll change next time.
My 7th grade History teacher, Mr. Temple, posted on the classroom wall the results of every test, ranked highest to lowest, complete with students names. I’m not saying that was the right thing to do, but it was a great motivator for me.
I thought Red Rover and dodge-ball were banned a long time ago because they were deemed dangerous. My guess is a few lawsuits convinced school districts they were better off not playing those games than taking the risk (even if minor) of having an injured student and facing financial ruin. I recall in high school gym class there was a variation of dodgeball called “murder ball”, and kids did get hurt. I had a lot of fun with Red Rover, but I will not mourn its passing.
I didn’t realize not picking teams was a thing, but sounds like a good thing to me. One of my major pet peeves - and I think this is a related issue - is neighborhood, rec department, YMCA type, sports teams that are clearly not traveling type highly competitive teams, where the coach has a system of playing starters and stars while the reserves ride the bench for much or all of the game. I endured this crap when my son was SIX years old! I didn’t go to these games to watch my son sit on the bench. Is the program designed to be educational, skill building, and participatory? (everyone plays more or less equal?). Or is primary goal to win games? Anyway, you get the idea. Gym/phys ed class should be about learning skills, getting exercise.
Actually I was picked on a lot, often chosen last for teams, and actually tormented on the school bus by older boys for years throughout elementary school. My daughter had a ton of struggles through middle school with mean girl stuff, kids ditching her, etc… So, yeah, I do know how it feels both from the receiving end and as a parent.
Still doesn’t compare to the pain of losing a job, relocating, immediate family members becoming ill, death, etc…
It’s about the conversation around the pain.
What does this even mean?
The conversation around that kids/people can be jerks (and there will always be “those people”), that life isn’t always fair, that sometimes we have to do stuff we don’t want, but that doesn’t change a darn thing about who you are and what you can accomplish. There is also conversation about standing up for yourself, doing what’s right, and befriending others who may also be in pain. I firmly believe that we grow the most through times of adversity. Obviously many disagree with me. That’s OK.
Who is having this conversation? The child victims of these abusive practices are not involved in any such conversation. Do you imagine that when the kid is picked last, again, and she gets to see the sneers and hear the snickering comments, again, and the kids turn away from her as she walks over to her team, again, someone then has some conversation about this with her, or with the other kids? Hahahahaha. No.
@momofsenior1 I think that works for a once a semester failure to be chosen for a team or make the play, both of which are normally voluntary activities, but not really for an activity you are compelled to participate in multiple times a week, particularly at such a young age.
“Still doesn’t compare to the pain of losing a job, relocating, immediate family members becoming ill, death, etc…”
It is likely it does - from a fifth grader’s perspective. This stuff OP is talking about is akin to sanctioned mild hazing or bullying. Kids need not be raised as pansies, but purposely subjecting them to humiliation because of their physical ability or looks should not be a part of the educational process. There are other ways to make them learn that life is unfair.
I’m also thinking that even if there is some benefit to allowing a young child to be rejected and humiliated in front of all her peers, probably the first fifty times are enough, and the fifty-first painful humiliating public rejection probably isn’t teaching the kid anything you want to teach the kid.
In case you’re wondering, Yes, it was over fifty years ago, and Yes, it was painful then although I quickly learned how not to show it, and Yes, it still hurts when I think about it so I try not to. People sometimes mention going back to their elementary school. I usually think to myself, I’d only go back with gasoline and a match.
Picking teams that way on the playground, fine. Kids who don’t want to participate can opt out. Frankly, even letting the kids who are usually picked last pick first only shields them that one time. It doesn’t mean they’re going to pick the other kids who are normally picked late first.
As for the illness and death analogy, every person who has had cancer has had to hear some version of the “It teaches you valuable life lessons/helps you to be a better person” speech. As far as I’m concerned it was pure hooey.
What does being picked last on a regular basis teach kids? That life’s unfair? Does anyone need a constant reminder of that fact? I appreciate that @Mainelonghorn learned to appreciate the struggles of other kids in math through being picked last but I wonder if it was the team choosing activity that taught that lesson or just experiencing being on a field where a lot of other kids were better athletes.
Dodgeball–our PE teachers thought lining up basketballs down the middle of the gym with girls on one side and boys on the other then yelling “Go” was great fun. The boys thought it was too. I did not. I’d simply pick a spot on the side and exit as soon as “Go” was shouted. I would’ve happily banned the game.
Gymnastics-- I was horrible at it but had a sweetheart of a high school PE teacher. She asked for volunteers to go on the balance beam (we were being graded on our routine). I went first (nothing to lose since I was so terrible) and she gave me an “A” just for volunteering when no body else would. She also had a list of at least 50 tricks (like handstand, cartwheel etc) that she’d award 1-3 extra credit points. So I did them all no matter how badly just to get the points. I got an “A” for the class while some real gymnasts did much worse. First time I ever thought PE was fun.
(Later she became the university’s tennis coach and I got to take tennis as a college PE class from her–she was the best.)
In middle school gymnastics my strong sense of self-preservation allowed me to run up to the “horse” and go right around it. No jumping for me, thanks. No grade was worth getting hurt in my book.
I was obviously not a great athlete but managed to be chosen as captain of the flag football team (just for PE class) because I was the only one who had read the rules…
I honestly don’t remember in grade school that we chose teams–I remember it as A-J are on one team and K-Z are on the other (and then they would re-divvy for numbers). Or the old line-up and call red or blue and reds were one team and blues the other.
Social exclusion from your peers is always painful. It lowers self-worth, can cause depression, and ultimately may turn to anger.
There are plenty of ways to create teams without letting one or two kids pick.
We only did it at recess and there was a clear pecking order. The kids who were picked last had at least opted in so I do think that was fair. If you wanted to play you had to go through the exercise. The majority of kids liked to play (4-square, wall ball and the favorite, kickball) but a few would wander off to do their own thing and that was okay too.
We didn’t do this in gym. Some kids found gym hard enough, particularly in middle school when a lot of kids are awkward and self-conscious as they grow into their bodies. I remember the rope climb being somethings a lot of the kids dreaded already, as was the President’s Fitness Challenge (or whatever it was called back then.)
To my mind, having the kids choose teams for gym is akin to weighing kids in health and calling out the numbers. It’s easier for the teacher, and satisfying for the kids in the best shape, but not a lot of fun for the kids who fall on the wrong end of the bell curve.
In real, real life, there’s lots of jobs: military, police, firefighter, logging, fishing, and others where you wish the worst that could happen to you is getting hit by a dodge ball. The main difference is you can quit, while we don’t let kids drop out of grade school. Except the military, where you don’t even have that option.