Indeed, it is much larger than being picked last for a team; the social isolation and peer rejection often carries over into the classroom and can escalate as you described. Thank you for sharing your story, @psycholing
I was physically hit and bullied and insulted from 2nd through 8th grades. I really found attending school a miserable experience. The teachers and my parents did nothing to stop things; my older sibling was hit and bullied as well.
The ultimate was when they fought a gang war over me—fortunately I didn’t know where or when so didn’t show up.
I would have much preferred NOT to have endured the repeated trauma, but didn’t really feel I had any choice.
I do prefer where teams are randomly formed for sports and it’s not a popularity or athleticism contest and games are fun and require collaboration rather than brute strength.
I am fine with these games being banned and schools paying more attention to bullying—there’s a lawsuit just filed on the front page of our newpaper over kids being badly beaten on school bus.
“@marvin100 I think the point being made is that there are some things that children are forced to bear that adults do not and would not put up with.”
Exactly. As adults we are never forced to have others flig objects at us. If we don’t want to play a game like that we never have to. Making kids do so is cruel. Period. The fact that some kids are good at the game or don’t mind being bad at it is no excuse for forcing those who don’t want to, to have to endure it.
Devil’s advocate: as adults we are never forced to take geometry tests or write research papers, either…
Many adults in college, grad school, or professional schools are required to write research papers or demonstrate geometry skills. Outside of schools, young lawyers write research papers, and I expect other professions do as well.
Sure, @roycroftmom , but all of those are voluntary. Nobody has to go to college, grad school, or professional school, and nobody has to be a lawyer.
You need your local public school to create artificial, painful, humiliating situations for your kid so you can talk to them about the challenges life can present? I wonder how people got by before dodgeball was invented.
If the goal was truly to teach children to deal with adversity, the schools would pick activities other than those which let the same popular kids be the winners all of the time. How is that teaching them to deal with adversity? Or is the lesson only for those we’ve already determined are the “losers” in life?
There’s nothing wrong with letting children be children. If you don’t think they know how to deal with adversity go volunteer at your local food bank, women’s shelter, or your own school’s guidance office. I promise you that you don’t need to create painful situations to teach the children about how difficult life can be. They already know.
I was extremely athletic but very unpopular at my Catholic school (in large part because I was the only non-catholic). I still have issues over the bullying and exclusion I have from that.
It prepared me for absolutely zero in life. The only thing it did was make me hate the church who always took the side of my catholic bullies.
You can teach children about disappointment and loss without subjecting them to repeated rejection.
And that’s really the point. Okay, if you’re picked last once I suppose it could be some kind of preparation for the real world. But if you’re picked last every time for years, what does that do but reinforce the phony hierarchy that is elementary school, over and over. Which teaches what, exactly?
I think there is actually point to be made that grades in non academic subjects like PE, fine arts, music, drama etc should be on effort, personal improvement and learning how to enjoy an enriching, physical and mental health enhancing activity for the rest of their lives.
By middle school, you can pick competitive for those activities.
Even if you keep those classes competitive from the start, there is no reason why one shouldn’t expect fair and decent behaviour from everyone, including the teacher. I do vividly recall my son saying that if he were ever allowed to behave about maths the way the other kids were allowed to behave about athletic activities in PE and recess, ritual humiliation included, everyone would be down on him like a ton of bricks. 7 year olds know hypocrisy when they see it. Not something schools should be in the business of teaching.
Good PE teachers really made a difference. Unfortunately, I can only recall having ONE such instructor, which Is more than many. We got to sample many sports with her—soccer, golf, bowling, football, basketball, as well as gymnastics, relaxation and ballroom dancing. She didn’t tolerate bullying and I believe most of us enjoyed class, regardless of athletic ability or lack therof.
Does anyone else remember the New Games Book? I loved Blob Tag.*
My kids’ K-8 school taught life sports like yoga and orienteering. AFAIC the idea behind gym should be to get kids into shape and encourage lifelong fitness. Doing things that will result in kids feeling shamed are likely to result in less physical activity, not more.
*The New Games Book, and its follow-up, More New Games, were late-60’s collections of kinder gentler games. They were often cooperative, such as the game where people stood in a circle then slowly sat down, the idea being that everyone would end up sitting on each other’s lap in a big circle. Other games had kids switching sides. In Blob Tag once the blog tagged you you joined hands with the tagger and became part of the blog, tagging other kids, who in turn became part of the blob. There are no winners and losers because in the end everyone joins the blob. The book also contained competitive but non contact sports like Ultimate Frisbee.
If disappointment is so enriching, shouldn’t these people in the OP’s original post be cheering for the chance their kids have to be disappointed in not playing dodgeball or RedRover?
We always said it was “red” rover because you played until someone bled. My mother (a rec director) forbade it on the grounds of " in good games, the point is not to hurt someone". That was decades ago.
I think real life is plenty full of difficulty and disappointment. The chances to teach resiliency abound, and maybe we would all benefit from additionally teaching empathy and kindness, although there will always be those who consider that being weak, or a loser, or sad.
@Sue22–I still have both those books!
I was always picked last. Uncoordinated and not so hot at sports. Pretty much bullied. Try having a red rubber ball thrown as hard as humanly possible straight for your gut - on purpose.The grading was on how well you did, rather than on how much you tried. Again, couple bullying with teachers purposely selecting these sorts of games, well, I believe there’s a special place for them.
It has nothing to do with trophies, rather with the sustained, teacher- and parent-approved humiliation I and others were subjected to throughout school years.
I went from being a smart, active, decent kid to one with little self-confidence and a fear of people. Much of which persists to this day.
It’s not getting over disappointment-I can do that. It’s subjecting children and teens to humiliation and downright torture at the hands of classmates. A lot harder to get over, believe me.
People who think it’s all good and a prep for life in general no doubt never had to worry about any of it. I can laugh at you now. Fifty years ago I cried.
There are some things we need to endure simply because they’re necessary-- vaccinations is one example that comes to mind.
So, yes, our kids need to be physically fit.
But that does NOT need to take the form of a game where a group of people can choose to make a target of the person they consider the weakest. I realize it’s an easy choice for a Phys Ed teacher… set up the teams and sit back. But why Dodge Ball over, say, volleyball or basketball or softball or a billion other choices? Why does this game appear to be the go-to game?
I’ve spent a lot of time prepping for the start of classes on Tuesday. I have my first lessons all laid out, my testing calendar in place, stuff sent to the kid’s Ipads, my supply list ready to put up. My lessons are intended to make the math courses I teach as enjoyable as possible-- I want my kids to learn what they need and perhaps to learn to love math. I want to teach them the skills they’ll need in life, including resiliency and compassion and determination. But my lessons are not intended to make anyone feel “less than.” They’re intended to reach my students where they are and bring them to a better understanding of the material.
I would expect no less from every teacher in my school, and in my kids’ s schools.
And I simply don’t see how the teachers in the OP are attempting to meet that standard.
PE classes are mostly a waste of time. They’re not going to make one bit of difference in fitness outcomes. Kids who want to be active, outside and physically fit will be. Those who don’t, won’t be. A few hours a week in gym class isn’t going to matter in the end. Just a waste of time.
Make the day shorter or just let the kids do what they want in some unstructured time - it won’t make any difference either way in the long run.
^I agree with that! I wish more kids could participate in no-cut sports such as cross country. That’s a wonderful sport. The slow kids get cheered for as much as the fast ones. In one HS 5k race, my oldest son came in first and my middle kid came in dead last - no kidding! And kid #2 got lots of applause for finishing.
Race walking is another good one. Since it’s not very popular yet, it’s easy to excel, ha. Our friends’ daughter got a scholarship and is participating in national meets in college.
Track and cross country have a great culture in our school system, @MaineLonghorn . And they manage to be very successful despite no cuts!
Bullying and exclusion, like racism or sexism, may be part of real life, but should not be encouraged or accepted by schools by being part of the curriculum or officially sanctioned school practices.
But I disagree with the anti-Phys Ed sentiments here. Properly taught, physical education can help lead to a lifetime of good healthful choices. It is our duty as educators to select and grant tenure only to those teachers who have a vision of improving fitness for ALL students and the desire to support, scaffold, and differentiate so that all students may experience some success… not the teacher-bullies who want to elevate some kids and diminish others.
Sports can be competitive in the extracurricular arena, and should be. Competition is part of the fun for many kids! But competitive sports and physical education are not synonymous.