<p>We entertain more than most of our neighbors and friends. We also have a very small family. We have found though the years that, in general, people (especially those who NEVER reciprocate) are bad about responding. For my son’s recent graduation party, I did not even put an RSVP on it. I figured I would have enough food for whomever showed up, and it did not matter to me how many people did come. It was one of our best parties ever…probably because DS is a nice kid.</p>
<p>I would also add that we went to a VERY nice wedding this past weekend and the father of the bride was talking about how bad people were about responding. With the cost of weddings, you would think people could check the box and put the stamped envelope in the mail. I just don’t get it.</p>
<p>Regarding online invitations such as evite and others, I used one of these services for our graduation party. Much to my chagrin, several people never received the invitation even though I had the correct email address. Once I discovered a few people hadn’t received them, I went and checked and emailed all those who “had not viewed” their invitation to find out that, indeed, some had never received them. I mentioned this to others who said they have had a similar experience. And there I was, wondering why my sister-in-law had not responded. She, in turn, was wondering why she was not invited.</p>
<p>Some evite invitations land in a spam folder. The great thing as a host is that you can double-check and reach out before it’s too late and everyone has hurt feelings.</p>
<p>Regarding evites- I don’t know why but I have found that on my computer it doesn’t let me respond. Also I have some older relatives who only check their email every few weeks. I even have a couple of 50 yr old friends who have not embraced electronic communications.</p>
<p>This is indeed becoming a widespread phenomenon, and you really shouldn’t take it personally. People often delay responding because they have to check family calendars, then put the RSVP card somewhere and forget about it. We hold events through work for which we have to chase people down by email or phone, and even then there is what we call “melt” from the list of people who have said they were planning to attend.</p>
<p>Just call. Say firming up numbers. That’s it. No drama. No need to embarrass. Life is complicated. </p>
<p>If you want you can say, hey hadn’t heard if you are coming to the grad party…trying to figure out food and such.</p>
<p>I find the most annoying grad party invitations are the all day open house type ones. I understand the supposed logic behind it, but I have ended up at a couple and it’s me and the grandparents. And all the cool crowd comes much later.</p>
<p>Parties that go from 2pm till 8pm are just irksome.</p>
<p>Just call or text them that you may have missed their rsvp and tell them youre trying to firm up a headcount so you know how much food to purchase.</p>
<p>Not that you did miss it as they didn’t send it but it might make them feel less bad if they forgot about it.</p>
<p>I have given many parties for our kids which required RSVP due to the fact we had to pay by head. Some people are very good at RSVP and some are not, and more often than not they are not trying to hurt your feelings, they are just too busy.</p>
<p>What we have done is to send out an email to everyone to say, we need to know by this date, and if we don’t hear from then we are assuming you are not coming. Usually after such email, most of them will respond asap. Of course, we always get some last minute “Oh my god, I forgot, could we still come?”</p>
<p>Congratulations. Don’t let these people ruin your D’s graduation.</p>
<p>Actually, any written invitation should get a response, whether an RSVP is noted on the invitation and a reply envelope is included or not. </p>
<p>Personally, I think the followup should be done by phone if at all possible - you can leave a message on the machine. An email or a text may be subject to being interpreted too harshly, especially because the implication is that you are calling someone to task for not doing the appropriate thing. A phone call can soften the message and better convey by tone of voice that you are not annoyed or irritated (even if you are).</p>
<p>You have gotten great advice here. Call people if you have time and can do so without getting angry or bursting into tears, but e-mails are fine too. Try to not take it personally.</p>
<p>So glad someone posted about this; I’m still “smarting” over the HS grad party we threw in 2008…we invited 60, 20 showed up…many, many didn’t respond or even acknowledge…</p>
<p>You know what is even worse than not RSVPing, is the people who call an hour before the party starts to tell you they are not coming. I don’t want to know then. I’ve already made enough food for you (or not if you didn’t RSVP before) and the last thing I need is an interruption at that point. I am always so tempted to say, “And just what do you think I am going to do with this information at this point?” It’s not as though I had invited them to a sit down dinner.</p>
<p>Around here, graduation parties are casual. Often there is overlapping times, and people move from party to party. Usually there is no RSVP requested. So maybe it was an honest mistake - call and ask.</p>
<p>I do think that when people see RSVP, they feel pressured to not reply until they are SURE they can make it. Then time slips by and they forget. I usually put, “Responses helpful, but not required”. That allows folks to come by if they free up last-minute. Another option would be to say, “RSVP… or bring extra food” ;)</p>
<p>OP, I hope you have a great turnout at your party. I’m in your boat right now after sending out D’s grad party invites a couple weeks ago. I’ve had only a few responses from 30 mailed invites. Luckily, I learned years ago that H’s side of the family does not rsvp. I always have tons of food and I know we’ll have fun with the group that is coming. We will be pleasantly surprised to see whoever else shows up.</p>
<p>I’ve noticed the same issue with thank you notes. We always write them. Some others we know never do.</p>
<p>I’m stunned that some of you invited 40 or more people and only a few showed up. Just stunned. </p>
<p>As I’ve gotten older, I have an appreciation for the very small social graces that really make everything run smoothly and make everyone feel better.</p>
<p>Do not be hurt by this - it is not at all personal! Society is changing and what we were brought up to consider good manners are becoming obsolete. Enjoy your daughter’s special day!!!</p>
<p>I could start a thread on lack of thank-you notes for a $350 wedding gift, but my expectations are not as high as they once were…</p>
<p>We had a college graduation party for D1 last year. We invited 40+ kids and their parents (no extended family). D1 was responsible to do the head count. It was an outdoor barbecue. I told the caterer to have enough food for 120 people because I figured maybe 70% of people would come. I think we had over 150 people. Good thing not all of them came all at once. Many people were just going to stop by to say hello, but the weather turned out to be beautiful and the party was by the lake, so people stayed much later than expected. A lot of people brought wine and beer for the party, or we would have been out.</p>
<p>We did something similar for D1’s high school graduation. It was for D1’s 16 best friends and parents, plus few family friends (very few). it was very nice because we got to spend time to reminiscing our kids younger years, we sat around telling stories about our kids. Many of our kids knew each other since K. I didn’t have to be bothered tring to entertain people who didn’t really want to be there.</p>
<p>When it comes to kids’ celebration, I would normally not invite our friends, except if there was a special relationship between that adult and my kid. Even family members don’t always like to attend kids stuff, except for grandparents. So I don’t bother. I didn’t invite any friends to our kids sweet 16 even though both were formal events - more room for people who really wanted to be there.</p>