<p>My son wanted to go to an after-prom party, but we heard there was going to be drinking, so we told him he could throw one at our house, instead. We gave him a pretty good budget for food and party supplies. He also spent some of his own money from his part-time job. Ten of his friends said they’d come. He walked in alone after the prom and we asked where everybody was. “A couple of them said they were too tired, and the others said they decided to go to a different party.” He was just devastated. He’s a very social kid and had really talked up the party. He has mental health issues, and this threw him into a tailspin the next week. I am so mad at those kids… A friend pointed out that they probably decided to go to a place they knew alcohol would be around. Sigh.</p>
<p>At that age, you can’t compete with alcohol. Sorry to hear that.</p>
<p>I was surprised that so many parents openly provided alcohol for high school graduation party. We had wine and beer for adults, but not for the kids. We had a bartender serving and he was warned beforehand.</p>
<p>I wish we’d revive a manners class requirement! Its just common courtesy to rsvp. ANd if I can get my s to get his )W(#%<em>W#$%</em> thank you notes out, life would be good.</p>
<p>It may not be the best manners, but when we get no response from rsvp invites, we usually call the non-responders with this:
we call and say we’re sorry they can not attend. Evidently, (we say), since they chose not to respond they are not coming. With that said, we usually get an answer. If someone then says “yes we’re coming” then we respond with- “great! we’ll count on you”.</p>
<p>Mainelonghorn: that is why I haven’t had kids in my house the last 4 years…I built a new basement; big TV etc…but nobody will come here because we do not allow underage drinking in our house…</p>
<p>The kids definitely migrate to the houses that are more lenient; the advantage here will go to the next owner of my house; brand-new basement…!! Lol</p>
<p>mathmom:
</p>
<p>I know what’s even worser* – having people call once the party’s started! Yes – maybe they count on you being so busy or it being so loud you won’t hear the phone, but I logged three messages on my phone from 8 pm - 11 pm from people who’d been invited, who hadn’t responded, then who called during the party to say they were sorry they couldn’t come.</p>
<p>*yes, I know that’s not really a word, but sometimes, worser is the only word that fits.</p>
<p>It’s a very good reason to put them on - never invite list.</p>
<p>Classof2015, I agree that definitely is worser!</p>
<p>My suggestion is to call and simply pretend that you’re concerned they may not have received the invitation–after all, it could be true.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to contact them, you could take the number of “yes” answers already collected, add a third and make that your working number.</p>
<p>Buy food that won’t spoil and keep lots on the pantry shelf to open during the party, rather than tear open every bag or unscrew too many soda bottles.</p>
<p>If you’re cooking, try to do recipes that will freeze well or donate to a food pantry afterwards. Try to let it go. People have terrible RSVP habits. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about you, it just means they are careless about RSVP’s.</p>
<p>I actually have more angst over arranging chairs for the crowd than the food, as I find it sad to look at opened-up chairs for too many. Adaptation now is I don’t even open chairs until I see “the whites of their eyes.”</p>
<p>Keep it happy for your D, and appreciate all who come. I now give parties without any concern about exactly who shows up, but it’s taken a long time to get to this. I only chase down RSVP’s if I have to pre-pay a caterer by-the-head, which has happened at B’nai Mitzva and weddings - not for grad parties or shivas where food was buffet.</p>
<p>As far as I know graduation parties are ptretty much “open house” with not that many people coming to them and very small gifts. I would not be paying too much attention to who is coming and who is not. It is NOT a wedding by any streach and not even bar mitzvah. It really only as big of a deal as one think of it.</p>
<p>^ That’s not very nice, Miami. It is obviously a big deal the the OP, and she has every right to feel that way and plan accordingly.</p>
<p>Even if it were an open house type event, you still have to let the host know if you’re going to attend.<br>
Its one of my biggest pet peeves and why I don’t entertain except for close friends and family. With the technology we have today there is no excuse why someone can’t send a quick message to host.<br>
Here is an idea about contacting guest who haven’t responded. My 8 year old daughter was invited to a birthday party for a child whose mom I don’t know. I emailed our response as soon as I got the invite. A week before the party I got another invitation, almost exactly the same but saying something like RSVP ASAP. I guess my email went to her bulk mail–but I really liked her idea of resending the invite…Just a thought. (oh and check your junk/bulk email!)</p>
<p>Also, many respond to this type of events that they may show up. You will not have an accurate head count, I guess, that is what I am trying to say.</p>
<p>Hrrrumph.</p>
<p>I don’t buy the “hey, people are busy” concept. If you have time to pee and blow your nose, you have time to call or email and say “yes, thank you”, or “we’d love to, but we already have a previous engagement.”</p>
<p>Not RSVP’ing, <em>especially when specifically requested</em>, is just plain rude.</p>
<p>It’s a wonder people even attempt parties. I hosted the wedding reception for my sil. Her guests managed to make hotel reservations, but couldn’t manage the response card with a stamped envelope. I’ll never forget how anxious and nervous I was over this when i realized way more people were coming than I planned. I cried on the way to the wedding worried about it being ruined, it was all I could do to not tell the people who didn’t respond to get on the back of the buffet line.</p>
<p>Hey Miami, how then, do you plan a party when you have no clue who is going to show up?</p>
<p>I don’t have time to read the whole thread today, but I have a comment that I hope will help.</p>
<p>At 51, I am old enough to be able to spot a cultural trend, and here is one: a large number of people nowadays believe that responding to an invitation is optional. Years ago, the social standard was that every invitation deserves a response, whether or not it said “rsvp” or “regrets only” at the bottom. I still try to do that, but many people do not. This is one explanation for the popularity of online invitations that allow people to check yes, no or maybe.</p>
<p>I recently saw friends who had been out of the country for several years. They mentioned that they had tried to get in touch with others while here for a short time, and hosted two get-togethers. They were extremely disappointed in the lack of response, and felt crushed that many people didn’t respond one way or the other. Our (older) host and hostess at the first party agreed–things have changed.</p>
<p>Please don’t take it personally.</p>
<p>It’s very hard not to take it personally.</p>
<p>How does one differentiate between today’s cultural norms and “no one likes us”?</p>
<p>To me, a bigger issue is the total lack of reciprocity. Not that I entertain so that others will invite me, but around here, no one entertains. And I do think that is part of the problem: people do not entertain, so they do not realize why they need to respond.</p>