<p>I entertain. Our biggest form of entertainment is having people for dinner. We have about four groups we rotate – folks from the dog park, folks who are parents of S1’s friends, folks who are parents of S2’s friends, and folks I’ve gotten to know from a former job.</p>
<p>But when I invite them, it’s not via written invitation; it’s via email or phone call. So I get an immediate response, or an “I’ll let you know tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Those small groups do tend to work better. We, too, have gone to smaller groups.</p>
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<p>Nothing whatsoever has changed in that respect. But I think that part of the problem is that this generation, and older people, as well, are no longer in the habit of writing and mailing letters - it’s inconvenient and out of their routine. An acquaintance of S who did quite well at a a USNews top 20 university actually asked him how to address an envelope. Post grad. :eek: This generation doesn’t communicate much by email or phone much, either - they text, twitter and do Facebook.</p>
<p>I remember in grade school having a lesson on how to address an envelope. I don’t think they do that anymore.</p>
<p>My son is writing thank you notes for HS graduation gifts and just wrote Aunt Agnes across the envelope, which will make it rather difficult to address. I told him that I thought the mail man in Maryland might have trouble finding Aunt Agnes in New Jersey. :)</p>
<p>My telephone number is on the invitation. They don’t need to write a letter. I agree the cultural norms seem to have changed, but that doesn’t mean I like them.</p>
<p>Amusingly, I had this conversation with my Mom recently. I assumed things were much better in her day. She said even they sometimes had trouble getting responses and it was much worse since they gave a lot of sit down dinner parties seating charts etc. One time someone came with both his wives, they didn’t realize he had more than one. There had to be a lot of shuffling and of course their male/female numbers were then uneven.</p>
<p>I agree it is inconsiderate not to RSVP.</p>
<p>I must also add that even with an exact head count, it difficult to plan precisely the right amount of food. Often the guests are attending multiple parties, so they won’t all eat. At our graduation parties, I had a huge supply of hot dogs and buns on hand in case we ran low on food. The unused stuff got thrown in the freezer. What we did run out of in very hot weather was bottled water.</p>
<p>"Hey Miami, how then, do you plan a party when you have no clue who is going to show up? "</p>
<p>-You guestimate. D. even refused to have HS graduation party by herself so she ended up having it with the friend. It still cost us whole ton of $$ even after splitting. Well , most people just did not show up, we had lots of food left. but those closer friends who came still made it memorable. We did not have college graduation party, D. straight refused, she had better things to do.</p>
<p>^to each his own. I guess we each have our own tolerance level for wasting time, money, and food.</p>
<p>^Food fwas not wasted, we eventually ate it all, time was not wasted as graduates enjoyed their close friends and even parents had some close friends coming. So, I am not sure what was wasted. I am saying that you will not get the accurate head count for graduation party, it is more or less open house type of party, it is not a wedding reception and it is not even a bar mitzvah and should not cost as much per person either. Food should not be that fancy, although we had catering people, we did not want to do it ourselves, but it is up to each family.</p>
<p>When S was in middle school, one of his teachers assigned her class to hand write a letter and address an envelope. He thought it was nuts. I thought it was a great idea. I sent him off to college with a “book” of stamps and some stationery. When we picked him up 4 years later, one stamp had been used.</p>
<p>There are many families that do not have a bar/bat mitzvah, a sweet 16 party or a confirmation party. For them the graduation party might very well be a big event. To minimize it or mock it is insulting to the families of any and all who choose to celebrate this joyous occasion with a party that requires planning for food, space, beverages, decorations, etc. Please stop insulting the families who might choose to celebrate in a bigger way than you chose to.</p>
<p>If the food entails chips and pretzels that can be saved for later use. If it involves freshly prepared foods, well they have a brief shelf life. Wouldnt want to be eating a ton of those leftovers, and fruit/vegetables dont freeze well.</p>
<p>It has never occurred to me that it is rude to call and ask if someone hasn’t rsvped. If your husband really thinks it is, when you call, just say, “I am afraid you might not have gotten your invite, just want to make sure you did.” That usually does the trick.</p>
<p>Also, EVITEs often end up in people’s spam folders. A friend just gave a surprise party for his wife and I made some phone calls to my friends when I saw they hadn’t responded. They had never gotten the invite. </p>
<p>People really are just ruder these days about rsvping.</p>
<p>As a guest, it really irks me when people only serve chips at parties, especially during meal time. Sounds judgemental, but if I am taking few hours my time to go to your party, I want real food. </p>
<p>I went to a party few months ago ( not in the States), given by a British colleague. D2 baked a sheet of brownies, we brought few bottles of wines. There were 50+ people, and D2’s brownies were the only “food” besides chips there. But their refrigerator was packed with beers, vodka and wines. Luckily, there was a supermarket across from their apartment, so I ordered some prepared food to be delivered. I was going to pay for it, but the hosts did come to their senses. People still talk about it. </p>
<p>I have also been to some parties where the host has spent time to prepare some lovely food. Maybe it is just me, but I always remember a party by food, not people or conversation.</p>
<p>When I said about non-fancy food I did not mean chips. We would not have catering people if we served chips, c’mon. I meant that it was not as fancy as wedding reception food. Frankly, I have not been to single party ever when the choice of food is chips and nothing else.</p>
<p>Miamidap - my post wasn’t directed at you. I was just speaking in general about my pet peeve.</p>
<p>Interesting oldfort, I wonder if there was a cultural divide. Are we are Americans more likely to expect food at a party? Or was this couple just clueless? </p>
<p>I try and RSVP but I find that lots of times for things like graduation parties I don’t read the invitation. I just assume that they are regrets only and if I’m going I show up. Close family I assume that they know I’m coming unless I’ve told them otherwise. Weddings are different but I have a completely unorganized mess of a relative who can’t even get that together.</p>
<p>When my stepdaughter got married last year, she and her fiance had a reception after the rehearsal. I was out of the loop in terms of planning so I was mortified when we arrived and all she was serving was lovely, but skimpy hor dourves. Many people had traveled to attend the wedding, so after going to the rehearsal they must have been starving by 7 PM. I know some people left early (some returned) and I am sure they were going somewhere to EAT.</p>
<p>Her actual wedding reception was wonderful - but I was embarrassed by the lack of food at the rehearsal. </p>
<p>OFF topic - sorry - but getting back to RSVP issue, she did have to call people to nail down numbers.</p>
<p>The food vs. alcohol thing is cultural, but not just across the Atlantic. I was shocked many years ago to attend a small family funeral reception (not my birth family, obviously) where there was nothing served but hard alcohol.</p>
<p>When I entertain, it’s for good friends or family, so then I have no problem calling to see who can come. Sometimes I call with a sort of “save the date” conversation, even before I schedule the date, just to be sure it’s convenient for most people, especially around the holidays. I still like the telephone. </p>
<p>I realize the OP doesn’t know a lot of the parents on her list of guests, so it does make calling a bit more awkward. In this case, with a buffet, I’d talk to those who haven’t responded that you know well, and then make your best estimate. If it’s a time like graduation, you have to expect that there will be competing parties.</p>