<p>MommaJ and ColdWind, I think where you are geographically, the strength (or lack thereof) of the application, and the quality of your local schools and universities play into this.</p>
<p>If your student is from a Northeastern state with a weak public university, and not that strong of a student, I believe that he/she will have better chances of acceptances at better schools which are not close to home.</p>
<p>The increasing competition to get into schools really plays a role in this.</p>
<p>I really think the biggest difference is financial boundaries. I think there were more financial boundaries in the 70s. It feels to me as if the kids and families think that “any” school is open to them regardless of cost and that the schools will “pick up the tab” if the kids are “worthy.” This is vastly different thinking than families and kids had decades ago. Personally, I think the best things parents can do is set the boundaries either financial or geographical early. Within those boundaries the kids will find a school they can like/love if they are decisive kids. Some kids like some adults, will never be content with a particular decision they have made.</p>
<p>Financial boundaries were significant for us, too. Also, the “every kid is different” maxim really is worth remembering. My S (a freshman) has been dead-set on a particular goal for quite a while, and that drove his college choice. It didn’t drive my own choice back in the dark ages, and some would argue that it’s a risky path because students change their minds five times while in college. But for my particular kid I have a feeling it’s going to work. He did a good job of looking at what schools would offer him in his major, and that’s how he knew his school was the one. In our world, it was an outside-the-box choice, and on the surface, the environment couldn’t be more different than what he was used to. But he found like-minded friends right away and is quite happy. Tune in again next year, and the year after, etc.</p>
<p>There was a funny thread last year about things that turn kids off about schools they’re visiting. I wonder if anyone can find it. It explains the total randomness of the 17-year-old brain.</p>
<p>I’m really worried about this. D2 has been perfectly fine with one school (a school that is theoretically way below her stats and maybe might not be the greatest choice for her career aspirations, but that’s another thread), but hasn’t particularly liked anything else. She despised Stonybrook, which makes a lot of sense on paper, but will not consider applying. Didn’t like Binghamton very much. We’ve seen a couple of others and none has really tickled her fancy. Partly it’s personality, partly it’s . . . God only knows. what happens if a student doesn’t particularly like any colleges?</p>
<p>MommaJ – I totally agree with you.</p>
<p>My D has had three “you had me at hello” moments on campuses, and three “this is wasting my time” moments on campuses. The former are naturally her top three choices at the moment, but also the three highest price tags, and only one has guaranteed merit aid so far, she would be just as happy at any one of them. The latter three all took 4 hour plus drives to get to (one we had to FLY to), so she had to “cowboy up” and do the whole tour/interview thing. Something tells me though that, for financial reasons more than anything else, she will end up at one of the four “in the middle”…</p>
<p>My son’s school was the second school that we visited. We had driven up to Stanford for a tour and to meet with a girl that we knew that was a sophomore. The campus was beautiful but my son did not get a warm and fuzzy from the student body. Everyone seemed stressed out. We then flew to the East Coast on the day after the huge storm of Valentines Day 2006. We got to his school of choice and there was 2 feet of new snow and the sun was out. The tour was great and then he was able to meet some students and fell in love with the campus and student body. We went back in September of 2007 and got the same feeling. I remember my wife sitting in the motel room after the visit and she started to cry. She got so emotional as she knew this was the place for my son and how much he would fit in. I asked her why she was crying and she said “What if he does not get in?” Well, he applied ED and was accepted and now is having the time of his life with his classes, new friends, clubs, and the newspaper. My son knew the minute he saw the campus.</p>
<p>zoosermom, mathson was a bit like that. I took him to see four colleges spring break junior year. He said they were all fine, but didn’t seem to love or hate any of them. When he was actually accepted and we went to accepted students events he was much more focused. He still had his major as his number one priority. He really didn’t care about size, location, amenities, school spirit or all those other things that are so important to some kids. He’s happy with his decision and is doing very well.</p>
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When my daughter and I made our campus trip last spring I tried to NOT ask a lot of questions of her after visits … to let her form her opinion … .and to answer any questions she had of me. Mid-week we visited a school (about the 10th we had been to including drive throughs) and that evening, before talking to my daughter, I emailed Mom3togo … “given everything our daughter has told us she is looking for in a school I have seen her future and it is School X (assuming she can get in)”. Since then we have visited about 10 more schools … and a week ago she submitted her ED application to School X. Location, academics, politics, diversity of students, students themselves … it all fit. Is the only shool which would provide my daughter a great experience … absolutely not … but when she said it was a clear #1 not only could I tell it was in her eyes it also was in my eyes.</p>
<p>S1 had the “I could see myself spending four years here” moment with two schools. With one of them, it was during a snowstorm on his first visit to campus. He developed that feeling about one other school over the course of senior year.</p>
<p>He spent a lot of time making a great list of schools and would have been happy at any of them, but those were the ones that captured his heart. I don’t think it’s a conincidence that those are the places he was accepted, too. The fit was exquisite at all three.</p>
<p>My D is a junior but she’s been interested in colleges for a long time and we’ve been doing college visits (sporadically, here and there) for over a year now, most of it attached to other travel we were doing anyway. IMO the process has been very valuable in clarifying for herself just what aspects of college life are important to her. I think there’s no such thing as the perfect college, and while I agree with those who say kids can adapt to a variety of settings, D has developed a sense of priorities as to which of their varying imperfections she most wants to avoid. In short, she’s gotten to know herself better in the course of her search, which I think is a healthy part of the maturation process. </p>
<p>She’s currently got three schools on her “dream” list, and another 6 or 8 in the “more than acceptable but not quite magic” category. Both lists contain schools of varying degrees of selectivity. The “dream” schools were all judgments that she made very quickly upon visiting, but in each case she’s able to articulate clearly and passionately what it is that makes the school special for her. And for the most part, they’re not trivial factors, either; they reflect informed, considered judgments about the school and about herself, her needs, preferences, desires, and academic ambitions. For schools in the “not quite” category, it took a little longer for her to reach that conclusion, but ultimately she’s been able to identify one or more areas in which the school compares unfavorably to her “dream” schools. There is also a growing list of “no way” schools; in most cases these were also quickly formed judgments, but also well articulated, and I can’t say I disagree with any of them. (Well, except for a deep geographic bias against the Midwest).</p>
<p>We still have plenty of time to sort through this and perhaps add some schools and subtract others. But I’m feeling pretty comfortable right now about the way she’s approached this. I don’t think she’ll put herself into the box of having one “must have” school and then being disappointed if it doesn’t happen. Nor will her preferences, nor her ultimate decision about where to apply and where to attend, be based on trivialities.</p>