<p>When my kids were in high school we had the rule that the car was not allowed a sleepover.
I don’t serve my over 18 kids alcohol at home. They don’t ask. Last Thanksgiving at a relatives my 18 yr old was offered a beer by his uncle. Son took it. I did not make a big deal out of it since he wasn’t driving. I don’t think he even finished it. If he asked for a glass of wine or beer with dinner (if we were drinking) and he was not driving I would let him have it. He has no desire to drink with his parents. My oldest is sober so it is not an issue with her. She does not mind if we drink around her or if we have alcohol in our house.
I have had big issues with my son on respecting my boundaries. By the end of his freshman summer I was so ready for him to go back to school. I had reached a point where I dreaded him home again. We both did some growing up on the issue and his breaks were much better. He is just home a week and we are discussing rules and guidelines for living in my house. Big issues were cleanliness and letting us know where he was. Also an issue last summer was some late nights and overnights by his girlfriend. Something we had forbidden. Him saying she was getting picked up or them coming home after we had gone to bed.
Boundaries this summer of this is my house and I expect him to keep his bathroom clean and to keep his room decent. When it begins to smell and the dirty laundry is piled high I expect him to wash and clean. Also to keep the car decent. No drinking or smoking any substances in my house or our cars. Let me know if he is not coming home at night or if he plans to be home for dinner. If his friends come over late at night to move the X Box to the other end of the house so I don’t hear it all night. Also if they eat something they need to clean it up. That includes washing the counter. Also to have his friends sleep on the futon in his room. Last summer his friends would often sleep in my guest bedroom. A room that I prefer to keep clean for my guests.
Another rule- No job, no using the car!</p>
<p>I’ve been offline for several days. Justamom–thanks for the advice, although this particular kid is very easy, has never had a problem letting me know where he’s going. </p>
<p>LMNOP–thanks, as always, for the smile.</p>
<p>Re: drinking, I’d actually love to be able to sit down with a glass of wine (beer for him) with DS#1. This boy did not drink in hs, did a little last summer, has drunk “less than anybody I know” this first year in college, but still maintains he could never drink in front of his parents. (Here in the Old Dominion it is also legal to serve one’s own children alcohol in one’s own home.) Seems odd to me, although it has made me stop and think about how easy it is for my siblings and me to drink with our parents. We did drink as a family growing up at holidays, special occasions, . . . , probably beginning when the kids were middle-school aged. (I still squirm, though, if I’m sitting at a movie with my mother and somebody swears. Or has sex–heaven forbid!)</p>