This Awful Feeling of Dread

Parent Cafe
41

Yes, for many of my friends and family members and work colleagues, this is the first time in our lives we have feared for the end of democracy and all that we hold dear and believe to be the ideals of the United States of America.

However, if you need antidepressants to deal with this anxiety, probably it would be a good idea to visit a therapist to help you develop effective coping strategies. While you cannot control the world, you can take what actions you can. The most important actions to take are those that will keep your own life functioning well for yourself and those whose lives you most intimately touch. Then, you might also consider if you are up for taking action to make a difference to help the world (e.g., joining a political or social organization to counter the things you think are wrong). That may help alleviate your sense of helplessness.

The counseling is much more worth your money than the antidepressants. The function of antidepressants is to make you able to function well enough in the short term to be able to engage in and benefit from therapy in the long term. I believe that any psychiatrist who prescribes meds without requiring the patient to undergo therapy is irresponsible.

Best wishes… and concentrate on doing what it takes to be fully “there” for those you love. Focus on their well-being each and every day, living in the present.

42

I know the OP is not alone as I have seen anxiety build in family members and friends. While not a popular option on these threads I have found a resurgence this year in my religious beliefs which has greatly mitigated my fear of what the future holds.

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I have a lot of psychiatrists in my network. All report clinically significant setbacks among their patients. People in long-term recovery from various issues have had relapses in the last 12 months.

I agree that turning off the news and social media is healthy. Following the latest developments in real time hurts you without making you more able to be a positive force. Watch some classic black-and-white movies.

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Or read some good literature. Or maybe some history, to get perspective. The world has always been in turmoil, this nation has always faced threats.

Fear sells, and the media outlets have been going gangbusters, and it is working. Tune them out, take back control of your thoughts.

45

I am also feeling a gnawing anxiety. Turning off the television or radio, or ignoring the newspaper, are not viable options for me. Rather than being blissful, ignorance can lead to the things we don’t want to happen to be able to happen. I don’t know the answers, but I am hoping to find my place in making things better for myself, my children and my future grandchildren. If it is to be, it is up to me … every me who cares. My Christmas wish is that the people who care will eventually affect enough positive change that the things I worry about will get better.

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@MomofJandL , I like your advice about reading history as well as tuning out the fear mongering media. I find it very helpful.

I also find it helpful to remind myself of the stress faced by so many of my ancestors, including the relatively recent experiences of my dad during the Great Depression and as a POW in WWII. Dh and I have talked about how most of our relatives exuded quiet optimism about the future and didn’t get bogged down by worrying about things over which they had no control. It’s a lesson I try to apply to my own life, with varying degrees of success.

Even though I’m no longer a practicing Catholic, I still take comfort in some old lessons learned. St. Therese of Lisieux spoke of doing small things with great love, and that just a smile or kind word can make a difference in the world. When I find myself getting enveloped by a black cloud, it helps me to commit to doing one small nice thing for someone else that day. It’s often not easy for me to think of what to do and by forcing myself to focus on those acts instead of my anxiety, I am often able to push through the darkness until I wake up one day feeling better. (Clearly, this is not a substitute for professional help, Rx meds, etc. in more serious situations.)

47

I feel the same way. My wife feels the same way, even more than I do. I have a couple of suggestions, most similar to what others have said:

  1. Reduce your news intake. I’ve been trying (with little success) to get my wife to do this. She is reading the news obsessively, even on the phone while we are in the car. This isn’t helpful. Spend the time talking to family about something else.
  2. Realize that as dire as things are, they are reversible. We are not about to become an autocracy. We are very, very unlikely to see a world-destroying nuclear war (the risk of a South Korea-destroying war is a lot greater, sad to say).
  3. Consume benign media. Pixar movies. Peaceful anime series like Non Non Biyori or Flying Witch. YouTube videos about cute babies, animals, and exotic food markets.
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@keslmom

It’s impossible to do a complete news blackout in modern society, unless you’re in the woods with no reception, y’know? But taking a big step back can help a LOT.

When doing this, in my experience, the most important messages get through, in a way that doesn’t necessarily overwhelm. If one wants to be politically active, it’s possible to take action via some group’s action email, without following the play by play, day in and day out. I’ve found it brings down the level of alarm.

I have a coworker/friend who is active in animal rescue. Her volunteer efforts & monetary donations are admirable. However, I’m not sure what use it is for her to read and read and read about animal abuse cases. She shares some of these stories at work, which she receives from Facebook or via her animal rights groups, and they are indeed heartbreaking.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, it seems she could continue to do good in the animal rescue world, without torturing herself with these stories she reads online, which are clearly drumming up a lot of anxiety and despair inside of her.

Does that make any sense? For example, I can support efforts to reduce sexual trafficking without reading article after article in graphic detail about the pain and suffering. I think there is a way to navigate this world, and contribute, somewhere between paralyzing despair and blissful ignorance.

It’s not easy, but it’s possible.

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I second reading history. It will provide much needed perspective. Or engage more with the elderly, whose resilience will inspire you, or with children, whose optimism is contagious. Volunteer work is also very helpful. You are unlikely to change the North Korean leadership, but you could make a life-changing difference to a needy person in your community.

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I have long suffered from several medical conditions, and depression is just one of them. Some days are much worse than others. I agree with @kelsmom in that I am not the type of person who can easily ignore the events going on in the community/country/world around me, nor do I think I have all the answers.

I have long lived with the advice given to me many years ago, that the best way to get out of a funk is to do something good for someone else. I know my volunteer work matters, in its small way. Despite my own heap of problems, I know I am blessed and better off than many of my fellow citizens. I do believe that education/knowledge and experience can help people to make informed decisions, which are generally better than purely emotional or impulse decisions.

There has always been a huge degree of anxiety among the less fortunate in our community. The struggling poor, especially the minorities, who are working to overcome the obstacles that poverty creates. Every day they are faced with unimaginable non-choices, programs are cut or unfunded, and the public education system that has failed them as teenagers doesn’t give them much hope as struggling adults. These are people conditioned by the system to believe that nobody cares about them. I decided years ago that I would not just worry about this as a problem, but I would try to do something about it to help - because I could do something locally. Even if the problems exist on a larger scale, I can only do so much to make a small difference.

But the growing anxiety I sense more and more of lately comes from educated women. But to me, this can actually be very positive step if it actually leads to more involvement.

I can only hope that there will be more people who care enough about the problems we face, even just recognizing them as problems is a huge step towards finding solutions.

OP, I hope you find peace, and an understanding that a part of your anxiety might just be you telling yourself that while there are loads of problems that need to be addressed, and they may be overwhelming at times, you are only responsible for doing what you can. It can be hard to start, especially if you try to solve all the world’s problems yourself. You don’t have to do it all, or worry about it all. If more people would think globally but act locally, as the bumper sticker says, we’d still have LOTS of problems to solve.

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@poetsheart Not to proselytize, but if you want to find a community that will help you tend to your spiritual needs without subscribing to a particular theology or a particular view of “god” I suggest you check out some Unitarian Universalist churches in your area. They are also likely to have ways that you can participate in working positively in the broader community. Each one is different, but perhaps you will find one that suits you.

On the news front, I’d advise strictly avoiding the TV and listening to NPR podcasts instead. Try Joshua Johnson’s 1A and, for a shot of human warmth and positiveness, Sam Sanders’ It’s Been a Minute. One of the things I think you in particular might appreciate about both of them is that they are African American men who don’t shy away from race matters at all but who also see their shows as being created for an extremely diverse audience.

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Cutting the cord is not that hard. We lived without TV for 6 months… It freed up a lot of time and saved us some serious money. We just got a $25 antenna to pick up the local channel and some other free junk. Can’t say we miss cable that much.

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I’m sorry, but I think so many are waiting for others to save us, our lifestyles and our sense of security. I don’t see the white knight riding up.

I’m looking for that Pied Piper that corrals us to not just speak our concerns, but make them heard. Not finding him or her. It’s too quiet out there.

The point of this thread may be avoiding overt depression. But frankly, shutting down your news input doesn’t fix anything. (Right, you don’t need to hyper-focus, as @Midwest67 described.) But what are “we” doing? Just trying to hunker down?

I console myself that my attention to my kids, house, and friends, my volunteer work, my role in education, etc, are good. They are. But?

We can’t get political here, but I think it’s safe to bring up “Me Too.” Already quieted down.

So I do think it behooves us to join some action, take a harder look at whether we’re “part of the problem,” as the man said.

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My daily work exposes me to creative people whose work comments on many aspects of society. in this job, my eyes have been opened in ways I could not have imagined. It probably also contributes to my growing feeling of unease with the way I perceive things to be headed. Yet I am so grateful to be exposed to these issues, ideas and ways of thinking. Art is powerful, and I think I will take some pride in the fact that I am part of the system that supports contemporary art in our society.

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^^^“Me Too” has quieted down? There is still the steady stream of harassment/abuse claims coming out weekly - and those are just the ones we here about because of notoriety.

Back to OP. As I have become more aware of true anxiety condition, it’s not as easy as saying “turn off the tv”. Not that simple for anxiety sufferers.

OP, do you work? Have other hobbies? Family members you are responsible for caring for or are involved in daily routines with (kids still at home, cooking to be done, etc.)

What works for anxiety management in other parts of your life? (like work or relationships) Perhaps some of the tools in your toolbox for those areas can be structured to help you in this area of news doom.

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I’m working up the courage to cut the cable too, BB.

The quantity of reporting on NK is way out of proportion to what it has been. It’s to manipulate our fears.

Two of my favorite, proven methods for improving moods, in addition to unplugging:

  1. Exercise to the point of tiredness, and
  2. Spend lots of time in a natural setting.
57

To be honest, I feel like I’m bearly able to get through each day with any semblance of equalibrium. It’s like I’m standing in an overcrowded life boat that’s rolling and rocking in rough surf, trying not to fall overboard. It’s taking all my energy. I have to force myself to do basic things, maintaining household cleanliness, meal prep, even personal hygiene. I see how things have slipped, and it makes me feel guilty and useless. This is not a new phenomenon for me, as I’ve battled it off and on since I was a teen, but the fact that I’ve not gotten much better at managing it is demoralizing. I can bearly work up the energy to go to the grocery store, much less volunteer in a soup kitchen or shelter. I wish I could work up the energy to exercise, but I don’t know how. I’m already aware that, compared to untold numbers of others in the world, I am extremely blessed. I know this objectively, but somehow I can’t manage to make that translate into gratitude, happiness, or joy. Only guilt and lassitude.

It occurs to me that part of my alarm over all that’s happening politically, on the domestic and global front, is an attempt to feel something strongly enough not to give into just sitting and staring into space. Additionally, someone who matters to me a great deal, someone I loved, just committed suicide yesterday. I do not feel suicidal myself, but I know what that has felt like in the past, as I tried to kill myself when I was 16. I still have a to do list to prepare for the holidays, but just the thought of it makes me tired. I’m trying to find meaning to life, but really, I just feel dead inside. Without the outrage I manage to work up from time to time, there’s little else.

I have an appointment with my primary care physician this afternoon, and will discuss these things with her, but aside from a referral to a psychiatrist and counseling service, I know there’s not much she can do. Medically speaking, I’m already a significant drain on our budget, what with the amount that’s already being spent on some of my medications and medical equipment copays. Soon, my individual yearly deductible will reset. I won’t even be able to get a break on the initial consultation fee, or for several visits afterwards. We can’t afford it. It’s not fair to my husband, who already stresses over finances, and simply has no existential reference for understanding how I feel. I feel sorry he doesn’t have the wife he deserves.

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poetsheart, there’s clearly a lot going on with you, and political worries appear to be just one part of an overall picture. I think a lot of self-help might be needed here – and clearly you know that. Avoiding media and news is definitely one of the things you can do right now as you try to regain a sense of equilibrium. It sounds facile… but you need to focus on what ails you before you can begin to work on what ails our country. Scale down your psychological wish list. Focus on getting through the day… the week… in a healthy way. It will take time. Of course you know that. I wish you the very best.

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@poetsheart, I intimately recognize what you describe. That is depression. I hope a medication change might help you start taking tiny steps to dig out of this. It is a long struggle. Isolation makes it worse. I’m glad you are seeing your doctor today.

I am terribly sorry for your loss.

Never say this, never think this about yourself. You are valuable and worthy and deserving of love. We all know this from yours words here.

I send you biggest possible virtual hug. You are valuable. You are loved.

60

@poetsheart

I’m so glad to read you are seeing your PCP this afternoon. I hope you are able to be as open with your PCP as you are in Post 56, and that your PCP will have some good suggestions for you.

Will you check in with us later today? Please?