poetsheart, your primary doc may surprise you. I went to see mine two weeks ago and spilled my guts. He got it. Nailed the source of my anxiety and his approach is exactly the way my DH views the world – though it was really helpful (and frankly, therapeutic) to hear it from the doc rather than with the emotional layers and years of hearing it from my DH.
That said, I have found therapy to be immensely helpful. I see a LCSW (cheaper than a psychologist or psychiatrist and my primary manages my antidepressant). You might try to see if you can find someone who will work with a sliding fee scale or who might offer small group sessions.
The seasonal angle is another good thing to pursue. Vitamin D helps people battle SAD. I seem to recall that you live in VA, where days are longer, but still.
Chronic depression is a complex thing, and tiny adjustments up and down make a difference.
Very true. But when one is in the grip of depression, summoning the energy to do all of those things one knows, intellectually, would help seems insurmountable. It doesn’t do any good to suggest to a person who suffers from depression that they just need more willpower. That just feeds into a lifelong pattern of self-denigration. Trust me on that one.
@poetsheart just checking in with you - I hope you were able to talk honestly with your PCP and that he/she listened and helped you with a bit of a game plan.
Thank you, everyone, for the support and suggestions, even the ones that urge me to do things I don’t yet possess the gumption/willpower/courage (whatever you want to call it) to do. I did take your suggestion and showed my PCP the posts I’ve written here, and she was very understanding, very helpful. She’s been my Primary for well over 25yrs. and knows me pretty well. I broke down and sobbed like a baby right in the exam room, something I haven’t done in years. I generally try to be stoic where tears are concerned because crying embarrasses me and makes me berate myself for being weak.
She has added Wellbutrin to my Zoloft because of the anxiety component to my depression. She also did refer me to a psychiatric and counseling practice, which I will look into. Even though my husband is a pretty binary thinker, and has no reference for comprehending clinical depression, he says we will do what’s necessary in the budget to professionally address the issue.
I also have a pretty significant Circadian Rhythm Disorder that’s only gotten worse over the years. This started in early adolescence. I’m usually not able to sleep until the wee hours of the morning, and I eventually end up going to bed so late, I might as well be called a morning person because I’m heading to bed as late as ten the next day. It’s like stretching the rubber band of a slingshot. By that point, I’m so exhausted and discombobulated that I go back to bed at around nine that same evening. That’s when the rubber band is released, only to start the stretching phase again. It’s crazy, I know.
@poetsheart, I’m so glad to hear your doctor heard you and is very understanding. I hope this is the beginning of getting to the bottom of your issues. I’m glad your hubby is understanding too and will do what is necessary so you can get the help you need.
And crying is good for you! It’s very cathartic, IMO.
@poetsheart, I’m just reading this thread now and I am sending virtual hugs. It sounds like it’s been a very tough time but I’m so glad you shared what was going on with your PCP and s/he was helpful. And that your dh is also being supportive. I wish you peace.
And, in terms of your deductible starting over January 1, you may want to check out goodrx.com for your prescription meds. Sometimes they are less expensive than through insurance. If you go that route, what you pay won’t go towards your deductible so you’ll want to consider that but it’s worth checking on the website.
poetsheart, so glad to hear that your visit to your PCP went so well.
I think that many of the suggestions made here could be helpful, once you start feeling a little better. (But I remain puzzled by the suggestion to go to Beirut, and then you will appreciate how good you have it – what?!)
Tai Chi and art have helped me a lot- any exercise helps really. Before meds some hospitals used 20 mile walks for treatment!
Many of us are anxious about world events right now and we all have different strategies. But when it interferes with functioning, it is clearly a problem and I am glad you are starting new treatments and hope they help.
This is the suggestion that CTTC refers to: “Try living in Beirut, Lebanon for a few months. You will feel much better when you move back to the US! That’s according to our son who is here for a month-long visit. He said we have no idea how good we have it.” (Post #60)
This may have been meant to address the general theme of feeling anxious about what is going on in this country, but the placement of the post followed discussion of a specific person’s depression, so it would appear to be a somewhat disturbing suggestion to buck up and be grateful to live in the US, as a treatment for mental health.
If the post was indeed a response to the “dread” felt by many of us, versus the daily dread of living in Beirut, it is more understandable. Some people actually like what is going on here.
As a kid I would sometimes get worried about impending doom–Cuban missile crisis, invading fire ants or killer bees, pollution, etc. And my parents, who had been poor during the Great Depression & had been in the Army during WWII (seeing bloodshed in the infantry & as a nurse) would scoff and say they had seen too many doomsday threats come & go to give them much thought.
Read about the history of just about any country at any time. There was always turmoil and fear. You just have to learn to ignore it or accept it.
I’m the one who posted about Beirut. I didn’t mean to be insensitive about depression - that’s a totally different subject. What I’m talking about are the people complaining about horrible the political situation is in the US. I wish those folks would go to Beirut, where the government can’t even provide consistent power or water.
The fact that things are even worse elsewhere does not mean that we should accept or be complacent about the destruction of our democratic society. At all. The US has served as an anchor and alternative to such dysfunctional chaos and tribalism. That is what is being destroyed.
@moooop – I agree that reading history is a great antidote to worries about today’s crises.
@Consolation – Hear, hear. And the one good thing in all of this is that growing numbers of people are politically engaged, looking critically at our racial and economic realities, and are backing more women/minorities to run for elected office.
