<p>Thats what my youngest daughter said today when I set them back to college. Its been a rough ten days since my husband died but we have been together through it. Now we start on our seperate paths, both back to different colleges and me and the dogs at home. It was very hard to kiss them goodbye this afternoon. They were waffling about staying home longer, so was I, but it felt right, this timing. They have great networks at school, both young friends and adults. </p>
<p>Since everything happened over spring break, they only missed a week of classes. Should be manageable to catch up, I think the structure will be good for them. But what do I know, I certainly have no experience with this. I have all roommates cell numbers, they have mine. Everyone has been warned to watch out and call me if they see anything concerning. Both Deans of Students and Chaplins are aware of the situation. I will be in regular contact with the girls. They will be home in three weeks, another visit, me to campus at the end of April. </p>
<p>Those that have been through this, any other suggestions??</p>
<p>It does suck monkey butt. I don’t have any suggestions. but just wanted to reach out with a cyber {{{{hug}}} for you and your daughters</p>
<p>Remember to look after you as well. This will probably hit you a little more now that your girls are back at school and you don’t have them to take care of. {{{{hugs}}}</p>
<p>It is really tough for all of you. I believe that between the structure of classes, homework, exams, ECs, and the support of roommates, profs, RAs and deans, your Ds will be fine. They also have you at the end of their cell phone or email. Focus on your own needs. Do you have friends and/or neighbors you can call on to help out, whether to vent, to make a hot meal, or whatever may require your attention? don’t let yourself be overwhelmed, take care of yourself. Take one day at a time. Hugs to you.</p>
<p>With so many husbands dying, I should be more considerate to DW. I took a roll that was left in the microwave last night. She remembers where she left it, and shames me into contrition. :(</p>
<p>Sistersunnie, my father died suddenly at the beginning of my second quarter in college. I think I was home for a week – certainly no longer – and then went back. With the quarter system, missing more than a week is hard to do. I dropped one class (from four to three) which I think was wise. It was good that I went back. My friends were very considerate and supportive and being in school helped me to see that life goes on as so much was always happening. I think with the advent of e-mail, cell phones, skype, etc. that it will be much easier for your girls to be in touch with you and for all of you to support each other. In other words, I think you were right to send them back – just stay in close touch.</p>
<p>Sister sunnie, no advice here, I’m with Kelsmom. Wishing you some peace and the strength to get through one day at a time.</p>
<p>I was much older than your girls when I lost my Dad, but still felt like I had lost my best friend. I got into some counseling, after I realized I was crying for a good portion of the day. It helped a lot.</p>
<p>I was living in another state when my mom died. I think it prolonged my grief because it was so easy to pretend everything was normal and that she was still there.</p>
<p>I agree with others who want you to find a way to structure your time for awhile. The girls will be looking to you for a lead and for strength. They will need you to be okay. So gather your friends, grieve and put one foot in front of ther other for now.</p>
<p>sistersunnie, I agree with those who say you need structure to your day. Do you work? If so, that’s great; that gives you structure. Make sure your evenings also have some purpose or activity.</p>
<p>If you don’t work outside the home, I strongly suggest you organize and schedule your time – exercise every day, meet a friend every day, read a book every day. The schedule and the routine will help you get through the tough times, and eventually you’ll build a new life for yourself.</p>
<p>I work, in fact I started back today. I’ve given myself permission to take it slow. If I feel overwhelmed or need a break, I’ll take one. Its early in the day so we will see how it goes. </p>
<p>I am ever so sorry, Sistersunnie. We went through this nearly 30 years ago when my father died. My youngest brother was in his first semester at college. I don’t even remember how he came home. The other brother was in his last year of college. The older one did fine in terms of getting back into the swing of things, but the younger one flunked a number of his courses that term. The week of calculus he missed was just too much. He also failed some other course. One of the profs was kind enough to give him an incomplete and he made up the course over winter break. I tutored him in Calc 1 and he continued on with CAlc 2 the following semester. But he did have a very difficult year. </p>
<p>I don’t know what advice to give you or your daughters given that people react in so many different ways to these situations. Hopefully they go to counseling at the college. That is usually free of charge and can be a valuable resource for them. A trained counselor may be able give good personalized advice.</p>
<p>If you can find a group or counselor or both, it may help also. Having had some travesties in my life, I have found that friends,neighbors, community are all very understanding for a while after the news, but life tends to dilute the intensity of the situation much quicker for those who were not as close as you and your daughters. It’s good to have a specific outlet for your grief even as you try to blend back into life. My prayers have been with you.</p>
<p>I’ve just read about your loss and want to add my condolences. I am impressed with your strength and with your children, too. I hope you find comfort and peace in the days ahead.</p>
<p>sistersunnie, this will be a tough day for you. Everyone at work will come in to express their condolences and give you a hug – so they’ll keep reminding you of your loss and prevent you from losing yourself in your work! They are being nice, of course, and they are doing the right thing, but it’s hard nevertheless.</p>
<p>What are your plans for when you get home this evening? This could be another bump. If you can anticipate it, that will help lessen its intensity.</p>
<p>You know you can always come here for some good conversation!</p>
<p>well very happy, the list is something like this:</p>
<p>Walk the three dogs, read the mail, watch the news. Fix dinner, check in with daughters, straighten the house. Find something creative to do for an hour or so (read, sew, wookworking, etc. Take 2 tylenol pms, walk the dogs again and go to bed. </p>
<p>sistersunnie, I’m not surprised. It would have been lovely if you had had a wonderful return to work, concentrated mightily, and started your new life with new evening activities.</p>
<p>And it would be lovely if we all looked like Angelina Jolie and could sing like Madonna, but we’ll take what we can get.</p>
<p>Today will be a better day. A very very slightly, incrementally better day. You’re getting used to your new reality, and that won’t happen overnight, or in 10 days, or probably even completely in a year. But you’re on the right path.</p>
<p>Thinking good thoughts to get you through the next few days.</p>