<p>sistersunnie, I’m reading this for the first time - and I’m very sorry for your loss. It sucks.</p>
<p>If I can make a suggestion - go to ■■■■■■■■■■ and look into meetup groups in your area. If it is like mine, there will be hundreds of groups, on religion, hobbies, politics, book groups, cooking, dogs, walking - just about any thing you can think of.</p>
<p>It took me a little courage to go to the first one, but if you can force yourself to do so, I’m pretty sure you’ll find a very welcoming group of folks for you to spend some time with. </p>
<p>sistersunnie,
Every work situation is different, of course. Here is what I did when in a somewhat similar situation: I sent an email to the people with whom I work on a day-to-day basis. I thanked them for their concern and support, told them that work was the only place where I could feel almost “normal,” and requested that they not treat me any differently than they had before. They couldn’t really do that, but it did cut down on those disarming hugs and the awkward -to-answer “How are you doing?” said with a furrowed brow. It helped me a lot.</p>
<p>Whatever you do and however you choose to handle life’s challenges and opportunities, I am sure it is right for you at this moment. </p>
<p>Yes. Monkey butt. I think that sums it up pretty well.</p>
<p>This is the first I’ve read of your loss. Please accept my deepest sympathies. </p>
<p>You and your daughters sound like 3 strong, wonderful women. I’ll be praying that returning your routines helps all of you find peace and comfort in this sorrowful time.</p>
<p>sistersunnie, how wonderful that you have a place to come & unload your feelings. Please make sure you use this thread to sort through your feelings. We are good listeners!</p>
<p>As my SIL said, she who lost a son a few years before I lost my DH, “Plan plans, not results.” Especially now of all times.</p>
<p>What I have found to be true in my widow-life, is that there is the head life and the heart life, and the 2 were pretty separate during the first year or so. My head rarely knew what the rest of me was experiencing. I know this sounds weird, but it is really true. An example: At some random point, I went through a month of getting lots of things done and having lots of energy and not being tired much. It finally started to sink in that I was sort of manic–which started me viewing the previous couple of weeks as not exactly healthy. Then my head asked, “Why am I being manic?” THEN I realized that there was some big anniversary happening, like the anniversary of DHs diagnosis, or something equally horrid. The mania immediately ceased and I went into feeling in my head what the rest of me was experiencing. Deep sadness. Had to feel it, had to go through it. After that, when I noticed hyperactivity, I knew to ask myself what I was hiding from. There was always something. This kind of thing happened so many times that I eventually was able to recognize the pattern. My head being the last to know what was going on inside me was the story of my life for a couple of years. </p>
<p>So your head had a nice plan for yesterday. Probably about 1/20th of your true reality. Didn’t last long, but don’t see it as a failure or anything like that. In alot of ways, new widowhood is so tumultuous that your head is just along for the ride most of the time…and definitely NOT in control of much of anything…</p>
<p>makes as much sense dsc6 as anything does right now. How has the rest of my week gone… well I made it from 8-3 every day at the office. I have been marginally productive here. I think the routine of getting to the office gives my day structure. Without it I fear I would still be in my sweats… Need to keep my door closed and my social interaction to a minimum. People ask how I am doing, that makes me cry. Or they dont ask and THAT makes me cry. So there is regular leakage… I keep a roll of T paper in my desk drawer…</p>
<p>Had a meeting to lead yesterday, made it through it. Major success right now. Find my composure, tolerance and patience all at a minimum level these days. Concentration and focus, forget it! All and all I had a plan and I’ve succeeded in getting out and getting on to some degree with work. </p>
<p>At home I make a list of 10 things to complete each evening. Give myself credit for the littlest things… Eating okay. Dogs are fed and walked. But these thank you cards are killing me. Get 3 or 4 done and I’m a big sobbing mess at the table and have to stop. Started waking up several times during the night… guess reality is sinking in. Have been numb until now. </p>
<p>Somebody please hit the erase button and make this go away…</p>
<p>Believe it or not, I think you’re doing great. Congratulations on running the meeting. That must have been a challenge to keep it all together.</p>
<p>There’s no rush with the thank you cards – maybe for a few people who really went out of their way, but for general “thank you’s,” don’t kill yourself to handle those right now. And if you absolutely feel you must send them right now, just write the same message to everyone – “Thanks so much for your sentiments during this difficult time. My daughters and I appreciate it very much.” – and sign your name.</p>
<p>I think eating and dealing with the dogs at night are some major tasks. Congratulations!</p>
<p>I’m hoping you have some plans for the weekend. If not, get thee to a movie.</p>
<p>Then let that go. You can let that go for months, or if you need to, forever. I can’t imagine that anyone expects you to be able to write thank you notes now. I wouldn’t expect one from somebody in the throes of grief no matter what I’d done for them. And if I did, I would certainly not be bothered if it came in three months time.</p>
<p>^^Or you could send a group e-mail out saying you are just not up to writing individual cards but wanted people to know how much you appreciate their support. I think people would understand.</p>
<p>as far as thank you notes, keep the very important ones for yourself, they are theraputic to write. the rest you could have a thank you printed, and friends can address and send them. this is what we did for der friend whos H passed away.</p>
<p>Sounds like you are amazing!! the thing you are getting done are clear evidence of your tremendous strength.</p>
<p>it sucks monkey butt, BIG TIME.<br>
Condolences,
4giggles</p>
<p>You’re doing great…the list of 10 things to do is a great idea, and keeps you moving.</p>
<p>I agree with VeryHappy on the thank you notes. Sometimes you can get the preprinted notes and just address them and send them off. It tells people thanks, which is a nice touch, but NO ONE expects you to write personal thank-you notes to everyone.</p>
<p>An idea is to buy some pretty printer paper (with the borders, etc) at Staples, and write a short note on your PC. You could include VeryHappy’s note, or if you want to make it a bit longer, you add a sentence or two about how it was everyone’s thoughtful actions helped you make it through the process. Talk about how your daughters have gone back to school, and that you have returned to work, and working to establish a new routine. This will assure people that you’re NOT sitting around home in your sweats with the shades drawn… You could end the note with your email address or phone number and let people know that you’d love to hear from them.</p>
<p>Hugs to you. It’s a cliche, but take it a day at a time. Dsc’s note about the head and heart was striking. Don’t hesitate to seek out support groups if needed. You can get a chance to talk about and work through the issues you’re dealing with, without feeling that you are “unloading” on friends. (of course, your friends really wouldn’t mind, but sometimes it’s easier to do an emotion-dump on people who are going through the same thing you are.) Hang in there.</p>
<p>Astrophysicsmom makes a good point. Ask your church if they know of a widow(er) support group in the area.</p>
<p>(“Oh great,” says sistersunnie. “Something else I’m supposed to do now. I can barely get out of bed, and now I’m supposed to find myself a support group?” No requirements here! Just do what you can!!)</p>
<p>Actually Hospice just followed up with me about a support group that meets weekly with different events, lunches, memorial services, music therapy, etc. I will go once and see how I feel. </p>
<p>Good for you to get through 2 weeks. That’s a lot of taking one day at a time.</p>
<p>Do you have something interesting planned for the weekend? I forget what part of the country you are in, is spring on the way? or maybe fresh snow? </p>
<p>Wishing for some peaceful moments for you today…</p>