<p>No tree yet Karen, but we will. We have always done that for loved ones. In fact we plant in honor of loved ones still with us. Both the daughters have trees/shrubs named for them, the early years , the later years, etc. My youngest always had a prickly personality when she was younger, she has a Hawthorne tree for her early years. Its a family joke… We often wander around the property and check in on “Lil” or “Mimi” to see how they are growing…My husband who was always the “strong place” for us all had a popular planted in his honor many Father’s days ago. It stands large, tall and strong shading us all… watching over us. We have just now started thinking about what to plant in his memory, any suggestions???</p>
<p>hmm… I’m remembering the story of your DH smiling (laughing?) over the puppy when you stopped to visit the pound-- maybe a dogwood?</p>
<p>I feel like this is the survey for college students: “how would you describe your H in three words?”. maybe that will help pick the right tree.</p>
<p>Forgotten that story, he always loved dogs…We always had several, he brought home strays, homed dogs that others couldnt keep, was a sucker for a breeder that had a pup that needed attention… I had never had a dog until he and I moved in together. I was a cat person, but now I’m firmly in the dog camp also. I used to get upset over the assortment of dogs throughout the year. They were never easy or easily loveable dogs, we always ended up with a great pet, through work, time, etc. And we always loved them despite their less than loveable starts. His way with animals was one of the first things I loved about him… And the last time, the story you mentioned, we sat him down, and layed a tiny beagle puppy in his arms… that smile!</p>
<p>Maybe a dogwood would be good. Thanks Karen for reminding me.</p>
<p>No problem, the puppy story was easy to remember- I loved reading it.</p>
<p>Sistersunnie: A dogwood tree would be lovely. Another possibility would be a Japanese maple tree. Start small and see it grow. During the year, watch its leaves change in color intensity. Or create a serene Japanese rock garden in your H’s memory, somewhere you can come to sit quietly, remember him, gather your strength, recharge your batteries. Whether it is a tree or a corner of a garden, his memory will live on and keep you strong.</p>
<p>Yesterday sucked big time. For several reasons had to go through some of his things, put it off as long as I could. That hurt! </p>
<p>Also started attending a bereavement group. Dont know if I will continue long term, will go a few meetings then make up my mind. I am the only female and younger by 30 years from the others. </p>
<p>There is so much paperwork to take care of, its overwhelming. AND it wont stop raining here, enough already!!</p>
<p>I’m sorry you had such a bad day. There are probably other groups out there. Each group is different. If this one doesn’t feel right, there might be another. I really hope today will be better for you.</p>
<p>hopefully today will be a better day for you. definitely look for another group if this one is not feeling right.</p>
<p>I am so sorry. So many things conspiring to make you feel crummy.</p>
<p>ENOUGH ALREADY!!! (shaking her fist at the sky)</p>
<p>4Giggles, nothing feels right these days. But I have a rule of three. I will attend 3 meetings before I decide. Well its sunny today and that does help. Thanks mafool your fist shaking (or did you shake somewhere else?) worked.</p>
<p>Plant some mint, sunnie. It will always be there no matter who does what. </p>
<p>I would also vote for buddleia, attracts interesting creatures day and night.</p>
<p>Sistersunnie -</p>
<p>I read this thread for the first time last night. I was so overwhelmed by your courage that I could find words that would adequately convey how deeply sorry I felt for what you are going through. </p>
<p>My DH and I have been friends with a couple for over twenty years and the four of us were so very, very close. In February, after years of battling cancer, “Lance” passed away. So much of what you have said echoes what my dear “sister” has expressed. In fact - she just attended her first grief session and said something similar to you in that she is going to give it a couple of tries. </p>
<p>Like you, she has days that are bearable and others that are not. She gets up, puts one foot in front of the other, goes out the door and pretends she is okay. Sometimes she even forgets for a little while and IS okay. </p>
<p>A story that you will understand. Over the last two years, she was able to get out of jury duty twice because of Lance’s treatments. She was told the second time that she would EVENTUALLY have to fulfill her duty. On the Monday following Lance’s death (on Saturday) what do you think she got in the mail? </p>
<p>Yep, her jury duty notice. She called me and just broke down. It was as if someone read his obituary and said - well, she doesn’t have any of her old excuses now!</p>
<p>Long story short - I knew someone who could help out and get her taken off the darn list for a very long time. And, we have actually laughed about it. But the lesson is that the proverbial straw can happen at any time and most unexpectedly - so just do the best you can and rely on friends - both in the flesh and on the internet - to support you.</p>
<p>Hi Sunnie, I hope you are having a good day. I can’t believe it is almost the weekend again. Hope that the dogs have some interesting activities planned for you.</p>
<p>Wish we could help you with the paperwork, that sounds awful. I am the worst procrastinator in that department.</p>
<p>It’s supposed to be an absolutely gorgeous weekend. The sun will shine on your garden, where you’ve put in so many hours. The sun will make all your hard work come to fruition. Enjoy it, and keep those @#$%*& dogs out of the garden!! Take a picture and send it to your daughters.</p>
<p>I have to laugh at the many references to the dogs. They do keep me busy and company. Actually most times they are the only ones I can bear to be around, they ask little of me, offer much and are content with me as I am these days. I’m doing okay. I do believe we are in for good weather this weekend, the sun always helps. My strawberries are in full swing and its warm enough to put the annuals out. Time to get the house in shape for the return of my daughters from college for the summer. Bittersweet, this is my oldest daughter’s last summer at home. She closes today on a small townhouse, off campus. Dont expect to see her much this summer as she will be back and forth (about 3 hours away). Looking forward to helping her in this new transistion. </p>
<p>Been nearly 6 weeks since he died. Tackling the paperwork slowly. Still have to force myself out of bed each morning, but I do it. Have to force myself to work each day, but I do it. Actually worked all day yesterday. Have to force myself to not climb into my PJS at 6pm each evening, and crawl into bed, but I do it, manage to stay up till 9-10pm. Still cant remember anything, but notes and lists are magical things…</p>
<p>I continue to be thankful for your words and thoughts. It helps.</p>
<p>Sistersunnie:</p>
<p>I hope the sun continues to lift your spirits. When my S moved into his own apartment, I spent many hours looking at things to purchase for him. It was a huge distraction from what I was supposed to do. Perhaps it might be a distraction from your grief.
In some societies, the dead are never gone. They continue to be with their loved ones in spirit, to be part of their lives. Perhaps you could take comfort in your husband’s unseen presence.</p>
<p>‘but I do it.’</p>
<p>That is all you can ask of yourself.
You are an ispiration to all who read this thread.</p>
<p>Happy weekend!</p>
<p>Mint is great! But if you plant mint, may I suggest you do so inside a plastic pot and then sink that pot into a hole in the ground so that the top of the pot is slightly above ground level? Otherwise the mint, given the slightest chance, will take over completely!</p>
<p>sistersunnie, I hope you are giving yourself a lot of praise for all the “but I do it” going on right now. </p>
<p>What we do without our dogs? They are just furry healing machines. I’m glad you’ve got yours.</p>
<p>I agree about the dogs. They will accept you in whatever place you’re in. (Was that grammatical??) If you’re sad, they’ll understand. On a good day, they’ll want to share it. They’re OK with wherever you happen to be, healing-wise.</p>
<p>Can you imagine if you didn’t have them right now??!!</p>