<p>But what if you marry a MN girl and never come back? ;-)</p>
<p>I’m not a parent, but I think my experience might help here. I am from Denver, but I go to college in San Francisco, about a two hour plane ride from home. My parents never had any doubts about sending me away (they actually encouraged me to leave Colorado). I was in a similar situation as you, in terms of my tuition being cheaper to come out here than to go to school in Colorado. I have a scholarship to go to school here, so its about 3000 dollars cheaper to go to school in SF than Denver. </p>
<p>My parents actually made some good points about leaving the state (not that I had to be persuaded…). They said it’s important to learn how to be an adult, and they thought that I had an excellent opportunity to live in a great place. They could see that I wanted to live in a big city, and San Francisco gave me that chance. It sucks sometimes that they can’t visit a lot (although Southwest is really cheap to fly- we used their free bags to get my stuff out here), but it’s part of growing up. We use skype to keep in touch. I had a health problem freshman year, a long bout with bronchitis. I visited the health clinic, and got better (my mom was worried, but she helped out how she could). It took about four months to get better, but I survived. I know they are concerned that I will get sick or something, but in the end they trust that I’m an adult and can take care of myself I guess. Good luck!</p>
<p>MomfromKC, “meeting a girl in MN” was my concern too (or any far away place) because you know if this happens, your son will never move home. Of course, your kid may move for a job too and now adays everyone has to go where the job is.</p>
<p>Clarification…we were thrilled that our kiddos did NOT go to college in our backyard. We just felt that having a safety net…just in case…was a good idea.</p>
<p>College is an EXCELLENT time to experience a different part of the country.</p>
<p>What if their first job out of college takes them to Singapore?? Really, you do what you have to do and hope they end up in a place that is fun to visit :).</p>
<p>My 4 siblings and I went off to colleges in different states, and subsequently took jobs and spouses in different states. Now, 40 years later, we aren’t a close family because there has been too much distance for too many years. My children have stayed closer to home for college and I never tried to dissuade them otherwise. I think they have the perspective to see the downside of asserting your independence from family, and they want to do it differently. Just a different perspective on this topic.</p>
<p>My in-laws jokingly said that their “retirement plan” was to have each of their kids move to a different corner of the country and spend part of the year with each child…I’m thinking that doesn’t sound all bad 
if you have the means to travel that much. </p>
<p>We have lived away from family most of our adult lives and actually saw family more when we were farther away because we planned to go see them. Now it is just too easy to let things get in the way of that.</p>
<p>I understand what you’re saying, screener22. If you do have a far-flung family, it takes conscious effort and planning vacations around family reunions, etc. to keep up ties.</p>
<p>If you have a close, good relationship with your parents when you are 18, you will always have it, even if you go “away” to college. That’s because you will care enough about the relationship to maintain it. I am so glad my parents didn’t lay a guilt trip on me when I decided I wanted to go 1200 miles away from my home for college. If they had, it would have damaged our relationship.</p>
<p>I’m not at all concerned that my kids will move away - acitvely encouraging it actually - that RV and a couple driveways to park in sounds good to me. But the OP’s mother might be terrified of just exactly that. Not that OP couldn’t meet a girl from MN or Hawaii at Delware and end up gone or take a job in ND or TX and get gone! I’m just pointing out that she may be thinking about more than the next 4 years!</p>
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<p>Ironically, that is exactly one of her fears. No matter which school I go to, she pretty much wants me to move back home (not literally “home”, but within a short driving distance). Truth be told, even if I didn’t meet a girl in MN as you said, I’d still want to live there (or anywhere in the Midwest) when I’m older. Of course, revealing this to my mom would start a firestorm (and ruin my chances of ever attending U of M), so there’s no way that I’m able to honestly go about expressing the fact that I’d much rather settle in the Midwest than on the east coast.</p>
<p>Ah–it is good that you have an "escape’ plan. Stay strong, I imagine you’re just starting to see the tip of the iceberg on this and related issues.</p>
<p>Has she indicated how often she expects to talk to you or have you come “home” once you are in college? This is antother area where her control/anxiety may manifest itself.</p>
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<p>I’d expect just the standard breaks are when I’d be expected to come home. Also, she’s said that she’d want to come visit me on campus, although I can’t see the feasibility of doing this. Considering that it would either be a long drive to Delaware or a flight to MN, I doubt she’d do this very often. Also, is that a normal thing to want to do for parents? I’ve never heard of parents visiting their kids on campus, unless it’s an emergency. Maybe once a year, but I have a feeling that she would want to visit more times than that</p>
<p>As far as the “you might decide to settle in some far away place” goes, that may be affected by where work is for graduates in your major.</p>
<p>Wait, did I miss something? </p>
<p>Asking your kid to call home on a regular basis, or visiting your kid on campus is suppose to be a symptom of some psychiatric problem?</p>
<p>I know I am over reacting, but is it possible that we might be scaring the OP, more than helping him?</p>
<p>OP, is there anybody in real life you can get to help you discuss this with your parents?</p>
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<p>I know parents of performers and athletes may like to visit the college campus to see their kids in concerts/shows/games. There are also parents’ weekends and whatnot. That’s one of the things that parents wistfully forfeit if their kids choose a far-away school.</p>
<p>If you go to a state school, I think you can anticipate that many of your classmates will have parents relatively nearby, and that most will have visitors during parents’ weekend events, a cheering section at the games, etc. </p>
<p>I will also note that a preference (not a stipulation; just a preference) that my kids stay nearby is not terribly limiting, in that where I live, there are many extraordinary options within a 4 hour drive. I believe that were I to have raised my children in Wichita, I would have had to be more realistic about the way that my preferences limited their options.</p>
<p>I know, Shrinkrap, It’s pretty bad when a kid is asking if it’s “normal” for a parent to want to visit their child on campus.</p>
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<p>@Shrinkrap…not really, because no one I know has really dealt with this kind of thing. Most people at my school stay in-state, so it’s not like any of the teachers would have experience with this either. I don’t know, I’m not trying to sound all ungrateful or anything. I didn’t mean that I thought it was abnormal for parents to visit kids on campus…what I was getting at was whether it was normal to do it regularly, as I’d imagine that my parents would have to spend a lot of time for a road trip/flight. Plus, I’ve really never heard from any of my friends in college (who are in-state, mind you) mention that their parents visit them a lot; in fact, the ones that I’ve asked have said no when I asked them. That’s all…not trying to imply that it’s a mental disorder to want to do that.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t tell your mother that you want to settle somewhere else at this point. Keep the focus on the academics and the features of the school, not its location, that you prefer. Neither one of you knows what the future will bring so I don’t see the point in putting the idea that you want to settle in the Midwest into her head. You may even change your mind. Most people go where they can get appropriate work anyway, so it’s all kind of moot at this point. </p>
<p>You are not a “bad child” for wanting to go away. Don’t let people talk you into feeling that it is somehow “ungrateful” to want to put some distance between yourself and your parents. It does not mean that you do not love them or that they are not good parents. I felt a huge urge to get away at college time. I’m glad I followed it. I think I would have been very frustrated had I not. Good luck to you.</p>
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<p>Thank you for the kind words. I know it wouldn’t be a done deal settling there; rather, it’s something I would contemplate. But yeah, I definitely don’t think it’s relevant to the discussion at this point, I have many other reasons for wishing to go to school there.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap–there was a mom on orientation day at our oldest’s school that was having a difficult time letting go. She asked at least 20 questions about various letting go things, one of them being, “So, do you think calling my child 8 times a day is too much”? Just be prepared.</p>