“The only reason there hasn’t been an accident is that she doesn’t drive frequently. She probably only has 7000 miles on a car thats 10 years old”
That again describes half the drivers here. 
BTW, around here those make fantastic used cars for teens when the older people finally sell them. 10 year old four door boring car with 7000 miles on it - safe and not tempting to race…
Sorry you’re going through this. I’m not meaning to make light of how hard it is for your family.
Thanks @milee30 no offense taken 
@doschicos They live in a major city so I’m sure uber/lyft are available, however I doubt I could ever convince her to use Uber. She would scream about how expensive it was even if I was paying.
Can you call her doctor and discuss your concerns with her/him? The doctor may not be able to say much other than to indicate that you have been heard. If the doctor agrees with you then their office can call the dmv and have the license revoked. Make the doctor the bad guy instead of you. And if the doctor thinks your grandma can still drive, then agree to back off for now.
How is the public transportation where they are? Taxis? Senior shuttles? Seems like, even at the higher end of the costs, they may not be as expensive as keeping a car (including maintenance and insurance) for 700 miles per year.
Well, if you add up car maintenance, gas costs, insurance, and the money she could make from selling her car, calculate out for her how many Uber rides that would pay for. I bet it wouldn’t be inconsequential.
If they can come up with safe, totally self-driving cars, I think it would be a wonderful thing for reasons like this among others.
@ucbalumnus honestly I worry about public transportation because her hearing is so bad.
Some states allow family members to request what’s called a “medical evaluation” from the DMV if they’re worried about their loved one’s driving ability. The DMV sends a notice to the person in question requiring them to come in for an interview and vision test and possibly a written test or road test. You may want to see if your state has a similar program. It’s designed for situations like this, allowing the DMV to be the bad guy instead of the relatives.
Whether there is good public transportation has no bearing on whether a dangerous driver should be on the road. Likewise, driving dangerously only on the occasions that the driver is driving is also not an excuse to allow a dangerous driver on the road.
Someone upthread asked, Is this for you or for her? Neither-- it’s for the rest of us, who don’t want to be killed because a dangerous driver is not taken off the road even when the dangerous driver’s family could take the keys away.
Take away the keys. Do you want to be the one explaining to the dead cyclist’s five year old daughter that dad isn’t coming home because you didn’t have the guts to take away your grandmother’s car keys?
I don’t think the fact that an elderly person will feel isolated or upset should remotely figure in the decision about whether they are a safe driver. I think those things need to be considered in the course of taking away the keys, but they really are irrelevant to whether or not this person presents a danger.
I think partyof5’s grandmother sounds as though she should not be driving. And yes, it only takes once, as someone in my area found out when they lost their 18 year old daughter when an elderly driver ran a red light in city traffic and t-boned the student on her way to her last high school final. The woman swore the light was green, in spite of the testimony of numerous witnesses at the scene who insisted she ran a red light.
Driving Miss Daisy. You can hire caregivers who can drive your grandmother and great-aunt wherever they need to go. It won’t be easy long distance, but you can do internet searches for agencies in the area, and maybe your one responsible relative in the area can make the final selection. Uber may not be easy for people who have trouble learning new things, but if they need a driver they probably need more help, so just plan to start providing it. Not easy, but better than most of the alternatives.
You are worried about public transportation, Uber or Lyft, and her driving herself. But you don’t seem to have any concerns about the 91year old who will be driving.
It’s very hard for folks to give up their means of getting around…even if they seldom drive.
I’m not sure there is a good answer for you. These two women have been living together independently for years, right? Trying to take away a piece of their ability to be independent is going to be very very hard to do.
Maybe go in baby steps…and have a conversation about limiting when and how far she drives. Like…no dusk or dawn or after dark trips. No driving in rain or snow…or ice. No highways. Only to familiar places. Maybe a call when she leaves and gets home.
My MIL is a horrible driver…but the notion she would up driving…well…let’s just say…to not going to happen. And like you…none of her kids are willing to take this on.
Public transportation typically has readable signs so that deaf people can use it.
It seems that the only reason that this decision seems difficult for both the senior citizen and family is the perception that all of the other transportation options are worse (than the risk of a marginal driver causing a crash), even though the apparently undesirable aspects may not actually be much of an issue.
From what you have mentioned in this thread, the other options are:
Really, it does not seem like she will be devoid of transportation options if she stops driving. So it should not be that difficult a decision. Or maybe the problem will solve itself if she loses the last key to the car.
“Whether there is good public transportation has no bearing on whether a dangerous driver should be on the road.”
Nobody said it was. However, to make the decision more palatable, I wouldn’t broach the subject without having those facts at my fingertips and presenting them to one’s relative. I think it would be an easier pill to swallow if they are reassured that they won’t be housebound and that there are options to carry on their tasks, errands, and social outings.
There seems to be the impression that neither of them should drive. Actually I have no worries about her sister driving. She is much more outgoing than my grandma. Yes she is 91 but her driving is fine at least it was the last time I was there. They pretty much do everything together, banking, hair appts, church etc. However my aunt doesn’t always feel well and may not feel like driving my grandmother to an appt. Ultimately my mother needs to pull the trigger, though I have power of attorney so I could just literally sign the car over to my name and take it.
In reply #8, the OP mentioned that she may now have difficulty finding her way to familiar places.
No, you can’t do that. That’s a breach of your fiduciary responsibilities to her. You can take her car and sell it and give the money to her, but you can’t just keep her car or her money for herself. I’m sure you didn’t mean it the way you said it, but I figured it can’t hurt to be absolutely clear that you have to be pristine in keeping her money and assets separate from you, and you need to keep good records any time you touch her money.
But you might really be getting ahead of yourself. Take her to the doctors first and see if there is anything temporary going on.
And ideally, if it’s time to take away the keys, try to get her buy-in. No one wants people stepping in and taking away your rights and your things. That’s why talking with her doctor can help with that too, and he might be able to recommend a geriatric social worker to help you get a good discussion with her about all the next steps that will inevitably be coming down the pike.
And, don’t forget, if she doesn’t buy-in and you act against her wishes, as long as she is mentally competent she can take away your power of attorney.
Two things helped us. Friends or caretakers driving depending on the need. Second, my grandmother’s driving became so slow, erratic and very, very scary that no one would ride with her ever, anytime, anywhere. So she had drivers or passengers which sorted fun from unnecessary trips. Instead she spent hours on the phone with friends to visit and plan joint trips. That third alternative helped too.
@melvin123 I’m quite aware of my duties and I didn’t mean I would keep it. Heck we already have four cars, so many that I can leave one at my mothers as an extra. If I took her car of course I would give her the money for it.
She would never take away my POA she just doesn’t have it in her nor would she even think about it. I do want her to come to the conclusion she shouldn’t drive but that’s probably not going to happen.
@zannah unfortunately no one ever drives with her. She literally does everything with her sister and if they are in the car together it’s normally my aunt’s car.
We took my Fathers car away when he was around 80yo. The car seemed to always have a new ding on it (he blamed other drivers) and he got very lost a few times. When we took the car away we hired someone to take my Dad out for lunch and errands 6 days a week. I would take him to doctor appts and out several times a week at night. He was not happy at first, but became very attached to the person we hired to drive him around. Though there was public trans where he lived, my Dad had not taken it in years and probably could not have figured it out.