So all you wonderfully experienced wedding parents, my D is getting married in about a month and I am trying to keep ahead of all the details. My latest thought is who and what to tip. If you go on sponsored sites like the knot they obviously want you to tip everyone that says hello at the wedding. I would love to hear advice from you all and get a general idea of what is normal.
Ugh, the tipping! You are already playing premium for services. Wait staff and bartenders get auto tipped by the venue, so I don’t see tipping anyone except the hairdresser and limo driver.
Except that not all venues arrange the wait staff and bartenders…our S’s venue this summer still required us to hire the caterer, bar tender, DJ, etc. - it was a unique venue not your typical wedding hall.
From what I know, S had “envelopes” for the organist, soloist, cantor and priest at the church. I guess that wasn’t “tipping” but paying them for their services nicely.
Our bartender had his own tip jar (S paid for all the alcohol, so not a cash bar). We tipped the servers that came from the caterer. Paid the photographer his regular fee - don’t think they tipped. Same for the DJ. But have been giving plenty of good press and recommendations for them since S and DIL were so pleased! In fact, two friends at the wedding who are planning weddings ended up hiring the photographer and the DJ!
I feel like there was at least one more person we tipped but I can’t seem to recall!
If I was paying for a bartender/alcohol, etc. I wouldn’t be too thrilled with the bartender having a tip jar out.
He did an amazing job and was a really nice guy who appropriately interacted with all the guests when they came up for a beverage. I’ve seen this before in our area. I didn’t think twice about it. The jar wasn’t front and center.
I wish I got a tip when I did an amazing job at work
Suzy, I hope your job does not consist of a bunch of random gigs. 
Hmmm. We paid for two bartenders and all the alcohol, but I have no idea if there was a tip jar out… I never went to get my own drink. Good question for H.
We tipped the hair stylists and make-up artists, the string quartet, the pastor, the servers, the ‘day of’ wedding coordinator, the DJ, and the delivery / pick up crew for chairs and linens. We did not tip the florist or the photographer. I do not think we tipped the head of catering.
At the events I’ve been involved with, there are strict instructions that there are to be NO tip jars at the bars. Bartenders try to get around this rule but we have very strict penalty clauses in our contracts if they try to put tip jars out. When the host is paying for service, there should be no suggestion to guests that additional tips are warranted. Technically, the bartenders and valet parkers etc are instructed that they are NOT to accept tips from guests but that is very hard to police. But, in Southern California at least, tip jars are a BIG no-no and the bartenders know it.
My daughter will be getting married in October. She and her fiancé have worked for more than a decade for an entertainment company in the Philadelphia area that does life event parties such as weddings and Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. My daughter has also worked as a day of assistant for a wedding planner company. Here’s the guidance we’ve received from our “industry pros”:
- Wait staff and bartenders - tip, unless catering contract has specified gratuity listed in the contract. Even then, you may want to tip the maitre d or captain of the wait staff who supervises the catering functions. No tip jars at the bar if the hosts are providing their guests with an open bar. Bartender tips are the responsibility of the hosts.
- DJ, MC and party musicians - tip. Most entertainment contracts do not provide for the gratuity. If the owner is working as the MC, no need to tip the owner but tip the company's employees. Also, something often overlooked - feed them! They are busting their butts for 5-6 hours to make your party great and getting a meal not only enables them to work at their peak but is also much appreciated. When entrees are served to our guests, the DJ,MC and party musicians will also get an entree to eat on the fly as they continue to provide music during the main course.
- Photographer and videographer - no tips, are usually the owners of the company. But feed them!
- Wedding planner and "day of" assistants - if not the owner of the company, tip them. They usually depart once the reception begins so a meal is not usually necessary but if they stay to oversee the flow and functioning of the party, then feed them.
- Musicians who have a limited engagement i.e. for ceremony or cocktail hour - tip usually not customary. Their fee is not structured around gratuities and usually one of the musicians is the "employer" who contracts with the other musicians for a flat fee.
We rented an essentially vacant hall for our wedding, It had tables and chairs and it cost us $500. The owner got us a bartender, who we paid by the hour and did not tip. It was 25 years ago and I don’t recall tip jars being as ubiquitous as they are now; there wasn’t one at our wedding. The food was provided, as a gift, by a friend who owned a restaurant. He provided the staff and we paid them an amount that compensated them for their work and for the tips they missed by working for us for 6 hours. I paid the DJ and his wife, who decorated the room for me, but did not tip them. I did allow them to bring their children to the wedding, since we were already having about 40 other kids. The hall had a parking lot and we did not hire any valets, it was park yourself. There really wasn’t anyone else involved in our wedding. I didn’t have a planner other than myself.
We contracted with the hall that we held the wedding at for open bar, and with an outside caterer for the food. Both included tip in their pricing, so we didn’t tip on top of that. DJ and photog were friends; neither would set a price, so we paid each more generously than they expected, I think. Didn’t think of it in terms of tipping.
The venue insisted that their incompetent rep be there on day of, caused more problems than she helped with. Would not have thought of tipping her, i have to say.
Our wedding planner helped us with who to tip as well as suggested amounts. That was another benefit of having a wedding planner. And yes- we tipped him, too!
Tipping is out of control in this country. Why would the DJ or table delivery people need a tip? How is the DJ different than the photographer?
The DJ at D’s wedding worked for an entertainment company, not self-employed, so he was in a tipping category, but I left that one up to D and her new H. The photographer was a sole person, so no tip required (same theory as hair dressers, if they own the business they don’t need a tip since they set their own prices). Same for the day-of coordinator, she was a sole person, so no tip needed. The minister and church wedding coordinator were given a cash gift, amount at our discretion, but the organist had a fee. (It was a steep fee, I guess because the organ was an old pipe organ?) There was no tip jar for the bartenders, the food and all servers were from a private caterer, and they did a fantastic job, so we did give them a cash tip at the end of the night, which had to be split among all the catering help, although I would have preferred it go to the hardest working ones (they also had to set up and take down all the tables and chairs).
Because the DJ is often an employee of a company and the compensation structure anticipates there will be tipping… If the DJ is the owner of the company, different story. Also, there needs to be some clarity on terminology. The DJ is the one who operates the music delivery system and keeps the right music cued up on time and in sequence with the flow of the reception. The MC is the one with the microphone and coordinates with all the other event service providers and the structuring of the event as requested by the bride and groom. Different functions. With very small operations, the MC may serve both functions but with the better more professional operations with more polished production values, you have a separate DJ and MC.
What were some of the problems she caused?
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What about an independent hairdresser who rents a chair in a salon? I was surprised that owners of salons can also expect (and get) tips, at least in my area.
Definitely. I know this has been discussed before, but I do not understand all the tip jars everywhere.
Independent hairdressers who rent chairs in salons pay a hefty portion of their proceeds to the salon and must charge agreed upon rates. And one of the reasons tip jars have proliferated is that many service related jobs pay such a low hourly rate that no one can put food on the table for what they get. It’s one of the reasons that increasing minimum wage to $15/HR is getting traction. But that’s another discusion for another thread.
Thank you everyone for the great advice! I spent the morning reading all your answers to the bride…while watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone for the hundredth time. =) It was a lovely morning of bonding time with my D before she marries. I will miss our early morning Starbucks and chatting time.
In terms of providing food to DJ, photographer, musicians, etc., I assume you work out a deal with the caterer regarding the cost of that? I assume one isn’t paying the same exorbitant per plate charge one pays for invited guests?