All the confusion or anxiety about tipping could be avoided if vendors charged an amount that included paying their employees fairly. One reason I always wanted my kids to choose hotel wedding receptions (which none did, of course) is because the package pricing almost always included the gratuity. Yes, it looked like a more expensive event that way, but once we plowed our way through the catering contract ins and outs and added the gratuity, it was usually very close in price to what the hotels wanted.
My nephew who worked as a cater-waiter during college told me that he often got only a few bucks per hour from the caterer, and the gratuity was what made the difference between being paid less than minimum and receiving a nice night’s pay (for what, let’s face it, is an important but thankless job). We didn’t want to start off our kids’ marriages by stiffing some of the workers involved - seems as if it would be bad karma.
My issue with tip jars at the bar isn’t that I expect the bartender to work for nothing, it’s that I don’t want my guests to have to pull out their wallets. So I’ll tip the bartender. And when the caterer’s own contract specifies “no tip jars,” I feel their employees should be bound by that.
If I paid several thousand dollars for a band, it would not occur to me that I should tack an additional amount on to that for each band member.
Yes, I agree frazzled…we tend to base our take on tipping off our own experiences. Anyone who has ever waitressed or bartended (raised hands on both here) tends to be a better tipper later in life. When relatives (especially our own kids) are toiling away trying to make a living at one of the wedding provider services, we might suggest, based on their experiences, that tipping would be welcome. Heck, when my poor D couldn’t find a job anywhere else but Wendy’s after her freshman year of college (a promised internship fell through), I thought SHE should be tipped for all the headache she endured at that job! (just kidding)
I also agree, though, that guests at a wedding shouldn’t have to open their wallets AT ALL. (I think the original question was about what those paying for the wedding would tip). So no, no bartender tip jars.
As someone upthread said, every region and circumstance and wedding party is different. And if anything changes the expectations of the service providers and what THEY contracted for, and they make adjustments on the fly which ultimately results in “above and beyond” service (see my post #48), maybe that’s where you think about tipping where you might ordinarily not have. I think that is the point of tipping, no? It shouldn’t be an expectation, for sure, it should be a reward for exceptional and maybe unexpected excellent service.
Exactly. The customer shouldn’t have to do that kind of research (and I doubt many would). It’s not up to the customer to police the band’s hiring and compensation practices.
The comparison between retail sales of a product and the service industry is ludicrous. And if you’re spending $3200 for a band, wouldn’t you want to know if the musicians are part of a standing band that plays together regularly with the band leader and are invested in the same musical production values or are from a pool of random extras who play on an ad hoc basis. Wouldn’t you want assurances that the band you think you are getting, that your cousin raved about, is the band you are actually getting. Forget about the tipping issue for a moment. All musicians are not interchangeable pieces. All bands are not the same simply because you have contracted with the same band leader. If you don’t ask the right questions, instead of getting the band of seasoned, polished professionals who play together regularly that you saw at the last wedding you attended, you could end up with a band filled with music students from the local music college because the band leader wants to maximize profits on your job. But hey, what do I know, it’s not like I’ve been around this scene for 38 years. Do what you want. It’s not my party. Either do your due diligence or spend $3200 with your head in the sand and take your chances.
Going to totally tone police here: condescension is not required to make your point (which is outside the scope of what the poster was saying, anyway.)
For most people planning a wedding, their due diligence is going to mean looking up vendor ratings on weddingwire, theknot, and maybe yelp. I’ve learned something about how wedding bands are put together on this thread, but previously it wouldn’t have occurred to me to investigate a band’s hiring/payment practices, and I’m glad I never had to. None of my kids entertained the possibility of hiring a live band, as it’s such a large expense and they preferred to spend that amount in other areas. Folks who do decide to spend that kind of money should get what they think they’re paying for, certainly.
See my prior posts on tipping bands. My point is this. The questions I posed are questions that should be asked anyway as part of doing due diligence in selecting a band. The answers will also be informative on the question of whether tipping is expected or may be appropriate under the circumstances. There is no hard and fast “rule” but know what you’re getting into before you sign the contract and make a decision about tipping based on real facts, not some preconceived notion that you do or don’t tip a band.
Well, in our case, the band was a group of jazz musicians who regularly played together, were friends of someone I worked with who was also a jazz musician (and software developer), and had recently played at the wedding of a person we all knew (another software developer) that was attended by other colleagues who vouched for them. We went to hear them at one of their regular gigs, and they were obviously very good, albeit playing jazz on that occasion. (We liked jazz, but we wanted something more along the lines of Cole Porter and Gershwin.) We talked about them playing at the wedding, what kind of music we wanted, and they said sure they could do that–they played at plenty of weddings, usually adding a vocalist, which is what they did with us–and we agreed on the hours and the rate.
At one point during the reception, they started to play “New York, New York,” a song that I truly hate. (This was 1985, and it had been overplayed with a vengeance for years before that.) I stopped what I was doing and said "Stop! I HATE that song! Play “Someone to Watch Over Me” instead!! The band all cheered. They were also very nice.
So it was a totally direct deal. Different from hiring an established band leader and whoever he chose to bring along.
I have to be honest here. I tip waitstaff at restaurants, valets who retrieve cars, and people who provide personal services (hairdressers, etc). That’s about it.
If I contracted with a photographer, florist, caterer, or musician for a wedding or similar event, I would expect to pay whatever the contracted amount was and it wouldn’t occur to me to tip. If they’re not being paid enough, then they should reflect that in their contract prices. If I contract with a gardener to come trim the bushes, or a repairman to fix my roof, I’m going to pay the contracted amount. I’m buying a new front door and I plan on paying the contracted amount and not a penny more (unless of course the scope changes). If someone gives really fabulous service I am more than happy to tell them that I will serve as a positive reference and/or recommend them to others. But tipping? Nope. Wouldn’t occur to me.
The last big event I threw was a bar mitzvah 10 years ago. I don’t recall tipping the DJ, florist, photographer or caterer. The bartender fee was baked into the catering contract and I would not have allowed a tip jar.
This thread makes me realize - D is moving in a few weeks. She has movers for a very simple move - a few pieces of furniture from a garden apartment to a 3rd floor walk up a mile or two away. We are doing the bulk of the moving ourselves - she is just hiring the movers for the furniture that we can’t do under our own power (we did last time and nearly killed ourselves). I should warn her to have some cash on hand. What’s the going rate?
A friend of mine moved out of a 3rd floor walkup a few years ago, and tipped the movers $400. Then he tipped them the same amount a couple months later when they moved his stuff into his current apartment, a second and third floor walkup.
Personally, I thought that was far too much, since he was then living on social security and really could not afford it. (I lent him his first month’s rent, or he couldn’t have gotten the apartment, something that I could barely afford to do.)
He said “They worked hard.” I said, yeah, but that’s their JOB. Tipping them is nice, but $50 each would have been plenty in your situation.
I would think that for just a few pieces of furniture $10 each would be fine. (I’m assuming that by “a few” you are talking maybe a sofa, a chest of drawers, a table, a couple of chairs? About an hours’ worth of work, all told?) What you are describing is much, much smaller than the typical moving job.
Consolation - yes. Two sofas, a small kitchen table (the tall kind that you perch at) and her bedroom furniture. I was thinking $10-20 per person and of course offer a cold beverage if it’s a hot day.
I just texted D to remind her she will want some cash on hand for this, and told her I expected a tip too for my moving services. She told me to buy low, sell high. I told her “thanks, Warren Buffett.”
Oh no, the tipping the mailman question! This could definitely get us pretty far off topic. No, I don’t tip the mailman and I have a philosophical aversion to the practice. I do not think that government employees should be permitted to accept tips from the public they serve. Period. I’m sure there are strict limits on the amounts they are permitted to accept, but in my opinion the acceptable amount should be zero.
My mother tried to tip the mailman, but he declined as he told her it was against policy to accept. She recently had a washer delivered and installed (a tricky install) and she tipped each man $20.
My husband works for a large food service company and regularly oversees large scale events where he is responsible for all staffing (including bartenders). These are not inexpensive events and do include weddings. The bulk of what the client is paying for is not service. Most of his staff makes minimum wage or a bit more and quite a few of them are students. Yes, that is built into the cost of the event but it is very rare that the client does not give my husband a gratuity to distribute among the staff and they definitely appreciate it. I can’t speak to hiring and tipping a band, but I think that’s been covered pretty well.
I agree! And I don’t see the great service from USPS, anyway (misdelivered mail, lost mail, etc.). If we tip mailmen (and some people tip garbagemen?), then why not tip the policemen, firefighters, first responders? How about the military members?
“All postal employees, including carriers, must comply with the Standards of Ethical Conduct for Employees of the Exec¬utive Branch. Under these federal regulations, carriers are permitted to accept a gift worth $20 or less from a customer per occasion, such as Christmas. However, cash and cash equivalents, such as checks or gift cards that can be exchanged for cash, must never be accepted in any amount. Furthermore, no employee may accept more than $50 worth of gifts from any one customer in any one calendar year period.”
I worked as a catering waitress in the mid 70’s in high school in an upscale restaurant in small town America. Pay was in the range of $10 to $12 per hour because you didn’t get tips. The upside was that the shifts were much more predictable than most food service jobs. The downside was your total number of hours per month was unpredictable.
My friend has a catering business where many of the functions are in private homes. She pays $15 per hour to her servers. I don’t know what she charges the hosts, but tipping is expected. A typical tip is $100 per server for a 3 to 4 hour party.
As I said above, the caterer I used included the tip in the per plate price, so I did not tip the servers again. I had assumed that was the norm, but maybe all-inclusive banquet halls don’'t include the tip in the pricing?
Many years ago I was a bartender and I did a wedding–got paid tipped minimum wage. fyiI Tipped minimum wage is about 75% of minimum wage and it was about 2 and change an hour and was stipulated in the contract. The parents of the bride said they’d “take care of me” at the end and not to put up a tip jar although that was allowed. They gave me $10 for a 6 hour wedding
