Maybe it’s regional re tipping the bartender? We live in suburban Philadelphia. I bring a small clutch purse to weddings and always have some $5 bills and some $1 bills to tip the bartender, coat check person, valet, etc. I realize that the hosts are paying, but I do not mind supplementing a bit (a chunk of one kid’s summer income comes from tips, but this has been our custom for years).
Also, as the parent of two former altar servers, please give at least $10 to each server. They are spending 2 hours on a Saturday afternoon (minimum hour long Mass, arrive early and clean up after, plus mom or dad is driving them) and it means a lot to them to be tangibly recognized.
@CTTC --the venue rep was the person who handled all the booking details, and she continually got things wrong and gave me bad information, held up paperwork and in general made the lead-up very stressful.
We did not ask for or want anyone “running things” the day of the wedding, it being a pleasantly unstructured event. But she said she needed to be there. Mostly not a problem, but she took over the dessert line and held people till they gave up trying to get a dang cupcake. Basically, she commandeered the description of what decoration meant what flavor cupcake, so she could read it to each person and “help” them make their choice. Picture that scenario over and over while people waited in a longer and longer line. Eventually my H gently but forcefully took the card from her so he could send it down the line so people would be able to get up to the table ready to get their cupcake.
At weddings H tips bartenders after he gets a drink. He hands it to them directly.
We just had a party in our house with servers and a bartender provided from the catering company. I would have keeled over if the bartender put out a tip jar, we tipped her well afterwards.
I’m with you. I thought the only person you slipped extra money to was the minister…you learn something everyday. Perhaps ministers charge more than they used to…
Maybe tip the band because they play longer than contracted for (that happens a lot), because something unexpected happens (weather) and they must reconfigure set up and break down, because drunk guests knock over or damage their expensive equipment, because they made over and above special efforts to accommodate the bride & groom, because you got an amazing deal because they are a younger band starting out, or maybe just because they were completely awesome and got old Aunt Petunia up to dance (never thought you’d see that) and/or they just very much changed the entire reception experience.
Not a requirement, of course, but these are just a few reasons I would tip the band (and I have a close family member who makes a large portion of his living this way).
Look, you can tip anyone you want. But I don’t think that everyone involved with a wedding should be there with their hand out, especially if the hosts contracted directly with them for their professional services for which they set the rate. I would never expect them to play for longer than we had agreed and be dependent on a tip to compensate them fairly.
The implication is always that you’re a cheapskate if you expect professionals to do the job they were hired for. I used to make wedding favors. I didn’t expect anyone to tip me because my truffles were excellent and the packaging was pretty. That was the expectation they paid for. (And I’m willing to bet that the waiters and the musicians were making 3X per hour what I was!)
WHY tip anyone then? You didn’t contract with anyone or any service for “our service will cost this much, plus we count on a tip at the end”.
All kinds of scenarios, all kinds of income, all kinds of regional practices, all kinds of family traditions, all kinds of levels of services - why measure your circumstances with someone else’s??? More importantly, why judge someone else’s circumstances against your own?!
Great when you share your experience (which is what many in this thread are doing). No need to judge what someone else does. Assume they acted on what felt right for them and their situation. Done.
@abasket, not judging anyone else. Tip away, if you are moved to do so.
Just want to point out that there is a difference between a professional one has contracted with for services, and a person who is a low-paid employee of someone else in a job that traditionally makes up for it with tips. I think the expectation of taking care of the latter is pretty much an obligation, just like we wouldn’t go into a restaurant with the expectation of NOT tipping the waiter.
Here’s my take on the musicians, again based on many years of professional experience negotiating musician contracts in a major east coast city. Professional musicians who play life cycle events do so as part time musicians for the particular band leader and must cobble together a living income by working a broad variety of jobs for various music employers and by teaching. Some musicians are regulars part time employers for a band leader and get paid prevailing scale or better. Some musicians are ad hoc employees who get paid below prevailing scale. Some band leaders use regular part time musicians from a standing list and fill in with ad hoc musicians as needed, some just use ad hoc musicians with no assurance of regularity of their employment or of cohesiveness as a band. Some band leaders pay prevailing area scale, others do not. If a customer pays a gratuity to the band leader to be distributed to the musicians, some do so and many others just pocket it for themselves. It can be a very confusing situation for a customer. Just because you hire the XYZ band doesn’t mean there is really a standing band of that name. Very often, you are really paying for the bandleader’s name and reputation and there’s no way to know where the musicians come from and whether they are regulars or pick up ad hoc players. So, I would ask the band leader up front questions so that you know what you are really getting and whether the musicians get paid Union scale or not. You can even call the local office of the American Federation of Musicians to find out if the bandleader you are using pays scale or better. Understand your contract, understand what you are getting and then make a decision of whether to pay a gratuity based on the circumstances and whether there was some special level of attention and service given that makes doing so additionally appropriate.
If I’m paying, say, $3200 for a four-piece band to play a three-hour gig, I will feel that I’ve paid handsomely for the professional services provided, and I will likely not feel the need to tip on top of that. I don’t feel the need to research the labor practices of this particular bandleader, any more than I research the labor practices of the independent book store before buying a book or the printer from whom I bought the invitations.
On the other hand, if a group of college students offers to play at my event for free or at a very low cost for the exposure, and they do a fantastic job, sure, I’ll tip them. But that’s a rare circumstance, and not what most people mean by hiring a band.
