Tips and Advice Needed from Parents of Successful Students

quopoe · January 14, 2007, 10:20am

I have been coming to these boards for some years now, and I really value the information you all willfully share with each other and with lurkers and sometimes posters such as myself. My question today is how can I assure that I am exposing my 7th grader to the tools that he will need to continue to be a successful student? Did you purchase specific books, calculators, computer programs? Did you place your child in special enrichment programs? Did you provide a tutor? Did you help your child choose volunteer opportunities or did your child volunteer at all? Was your child a go getter from the start, or did you have to push a bit and if you pushed, was it a hard push or a nudge? How did your child spend their weekends, (studying, enrichement programs, sporting events, etc.)?

Thanks for your input!

latetoschool · January 14, 2007, 10:43am

Hmmm…let’s see - first, read to her at bedtime every night, nearly from birth on, and always provided LOTS of books. It didn’t matter what kind of books as long as everyone was reading. Spent money on books even if it meant there wasn’t quite enough money left for food. I’m not kidding. Also brought home LOTS of newspapers, even some in foreign languages, which of course neither of us could read but it was fascinating pouring over the pages together and trying to work out the words based on the pictures, and the advertising. Didn’t have a television until 9th grade, and I only caved then because homework assignments required some TV programs. Bought her a computer and internet service BEFORE TV.

Then, just spent LOTS of time with her - outdoors, playing, cleaning house - whatever we were doing - lots and lots of interaction. I don’t believe in playpens, swings, and the sorts of infant furniture that lends itself to the function of “putting the child away” when the parent is too busy, so, lots of human interaction. So I never owned any such thing. This goes back earlier than seventh grade of course but anyway…I also never, ever allowed negative language in my house. For example, I didn’t allow phrases from friends such as “terrible twos”…I made them change their vocabulary to “terrific twos” etc. To this day we do not accept - in fact do not tolerate - statements and attitudes such as “can’t” or “too hard” or “impossible” etc. I also forbid it from employees.

Once in school, I simply insisted she take full advantage of all opportunities. I insisted she try a sport - didn’t matter which one, and I told her she didn’t have to stay with it if she hated it, but I insisted she at least try. 6th grade, she was very clutsy and had no real athletic talent; she tried out for every sport the school had and couldn’t make ANY team, finally found a sport where anyone could participate regardless of talent, went from that sport to three others, now is a very accomplished D-1 athlete with many, many medals and even some (limited) international recognition.

I never pushed, because I believe the person either has the internal motivation or they don’t, but, I do insist on (1) living life with intention, and (2) avoiding negative attitudes, negative people, negative situations like the plague that they are, and holding a mindset of great, great faith in all things that are good, and a positive outlook.

She did volunteer a LOT - the catholic schools I sent her to required it, she choose all of her activities though. I didn’t care what she chose - ended up being mostly church-related; she’s a eucharist minister now, and she makes me go to church every Sunday regardless of what else I want to do.

I did enroll her for one few summer in the gifted program in the public school system, but, it was mostly a total waste of time - the program was silly and she was bored. Other than that one year, she spent her summers playing, outdoors, etc., and once into high school spent them training in her primary sport, and working part time in a restaurant.

She will graduate in May with two very different degrees, four minors, four years in her sport at the varsity level, four years of work experience at the same job on campus, three years of student government in officer position, two elected, one year of coaching experience, two years of research experience, one year as TA.

But most importantly, she is very, very happy, and she seems to make solid decisions about matters, which to me is the ultimate indicator of success.

KateMac · January 14, 2007, 10:51am

I “own” 2 children. One is a very, very “successful” student as the world of academia measures it. The other barely graduated from high school, so he would not have been considered “successful” by some standards. He is, however, very happy in his chosen profession (that of a horse shoer), so although he didn’t immerse himself in books and studies, he has carved out a niche for himself that works for him.

My other child, a daughter, is everything a parent could look for in a student. Not only is she taking all advanced classes her senior year, she has been accepted to a very prestigious college. She is actively involved in music, church, volunteering, and friends.

Did I do anything different with the 2 of them? Not that I can remember. In our home we never had video games, don’t even own one. Kids did not have a TV in their room. They have a horse, a canoe, bicycles, skateboards, etc. I mention that because I happen to teach 6th, 7th and 8th grade math & social studies and what I notice about my students is that they NEVER get outside to run off steam. How can we, as a society, expect our children to be able to sit down and study when their young bodies are telling them to go outside and run? They have so much energy at that age. I do remember my son did much better at school during football season. Could it be that the extra exercise was good for him? Go figure!

In my opinion, being “successful” comes down to the child. You could have put a paper bag over my daughter’s head and she would have learned; the desire is within her. My son did not possess the same desire so was not as successful in a school setting. He has talents and abilities that are not measured by our current educational system.

I guess my point is, you have to define what successful means. Are you looking for straight As? There’s truly not much a parent can do, again my opinion, if such is not important to the child. Are you looking for a fulfilling life? Then exposure to many activites,until one is found that “clicks” is an option. How can a child choose if they have no exposure to choices?

SpringfieldMom · January 14, 2007, 11:02am

I echo much of what latetoschool has said above, but I’ll add a couple more things:

<ul>
<li>address any problems that prevent learning as soon as they become apparent; for my D these are things like bullying (she was the youngest and smallest in her class for most of the elementary years, so she was frequently the target of bigger, older girls) and sexual harrassment (experienced this in eighth grade). I can remember poor DD coming home in second and third grade crying because some group of girls had decided to exclude her from something. Your kids may not agree with my tactics, but I always let the teacher(s) know what was going on. If the problem is not addressed right away (some teachers practice what I like to call “selective oblivion”), go above their heads and tell the principal. The principal of DD’s grade school and I got to be great friends over the seven years she was there; she knew I would never complain about anything trivial.</li>
<li>keep an open line of communication with your kid; talk to them every day, get to know their friends, what they do when you’re not around. Don’t accept any negative attitudes towards you or any other adult. This takes a lot of effort, especially with an adolescent who may not want to tell you everything.</li>
<li>make sure you child eats healthy. One of my tactics is to prohibit soda or sugary juice drinks in my house. DD got to prefer bottled water at a very early age and avoids soda like the plague. Also I keep lots of fruit and fresh veggies around. As a result, she is a healthy, fit, if somewhat thin 17 year old who has no trouble eating what she wants. Unfortunately, many of her friends are not so lucky, and some have been battling weight problems for years.</li>
<li>watch the time wasters. Kids have no idea how much time they waste glued to the tube. Again, one of my somewhat controversial rules is no video games will sent foot in my house. Also, DD has no TV in her room; she prefers it this way (I offered to buy her a TV for Xmas so she could take it to college, but she declined. She doesn’t want a TV in her dorm room, either.) I’d seriously think twice about putting a computer in a kid’s bedroom, also. I’ve seen how much time gets wasted IMing and on Myspace!</li>
</ul>

I’ll probably think of more, but this may give you an idea.

binx · January 14, 2007, 11:09am

I have three children, so I have three different methods! :)

Really, trying to know each child as an individual, rather than squeezing them into a one-size-fits-all mold, has been my goal.

My answers to your specific questions:

Our financial situation has improved over the years, so kid 3 has had a lot more resources than kid 1. Difference is that kid 1 is now a thrifty economist for the US Government, and kid 3 is a princess, or thinks she is.

We never hired tutors for SATs or anything like that. Kid 1 tutored others. All three kids had private music lessons, but that’s probably not what you meant. I would hire a tutor in a heartbeat if I felt a kid needed more help than H or I could give, but we’ve not been there yet. I would only hire a tutor if kid was giving it all him/herself, and not getting results. I don’t pay for laziness.

Yup. There is an Old Testament verse that says, “Train up a child in the way he should go…” We looked hard at each kid to determine the way they should go. That meant recognizing their needs, wants, and talents, and providing opportunities we could afford (monetarily and time-wise). My second kid played soccer for years, because he was a very physical kid who needed more of an outlet than we could provide. Kid 1 asked, “How come I don’t play soccer, too?” I answered, “You don’t like to run.” He said, “Oh, yeah.” My kids did summer camps in areas of their own interests, and by choice.

Our whole family volunteers. Our kids came to us with ideas; we never said do this or that. The time spent volunteering, and the commitment, varied from kid to kid. Sometimes we did encourage our kids to step in and help when they saw a need. It was usually, “You have the time. You have the ability. They have the need.” The oldest two were in honors programs at school which required a number of hours. The kids saw these as the most wasteful, useless projects which kept them from doing any real good.

They like what they’re good at. I did fall into the trap of pushing for things I valued. I’m glad I had three kids so I got a second and third chance!

Studying. Honestly, all three kids spent way too much time on homework, IMO. Kid 2 was in a youth orchestra which took up a great deal of weekend time. All three of my kids are perfectionists, and I think they overdid it on school stuff. My youngest is the least perfectionistic, and actually has a bit of a life. My oldest is enjoying working a 9-5 job, and playing the rest of the time. Company softball, church ultimate frisbee, etc. I think he’s making up for his lost childhood.

quopoe · January 14, 2007, 11:13am

We went to an information session on yesterday for students interested in attending the North Carolina School of Sciences and Math. One of the speakers provided the parents with information on ways to help children become “more of” in their communities and school. The speaker explained that it was a part of resume building and would help in getting them noticed for this particular program and programs like this. My son is a good student. He, however, does not have a “hobby,” unless you count video games as a hobby. He is not a lover of sports. He reads, but usually assigned books, or if it’s something he loves, (Lemony Snicket and Harry Potter). He participates in a few academic clubs at school, and takes a karate class on Saturday’s. He is also a part of a state program for students interested in math and sciences, (a Saturday Academy program).

After hearing the speaker, I wondered if there were things other parents were doing that I was not or had missed? Did their children seek out interests or did the parents guide them, which led me to my question, because I think you all are great parents, (at least you post great information, lol).

Marian · January 14, 2007, 11:14am

Make sure your kid makes some Asian friends. Or highly academic friends from some other ethnic group.

I’m not kidding.

I have two children (well, not children now – they’re 20 and 17). They are, in my estimation and their own, of approximately equal academic ability. Yet one is dramatically more academic and ambitious than the other.

How did this happen? As far as I can see, it was a matter of peer pressure.

Early in middle school, the one who now has high academic aspirations drifted into a crowd of kids that included several Asian-Americans. Those kids all did very well in school and took it for granted that doing very well in school was important. My child, who had never particularly cared about school before, felt a need to keep up with them. So she did. They took honors courses; therefore, she took honors courses. They got As; therefore, she felt a need to get As. They applied for high school magnet programs that require much more work than the standard curriculum does; therefore, she did that, too. Their values became her values, and the results were rather spectacular.

My other child made many wonderful friends in school. Great kids, from a variety of backgrounds. But they weren’t overly academic and thus, neither was he. He’s in college now and doing fine, but he has never achieved at his sister’s level, even though he could have if he had been motivated to do so.

Of course, you can’t choose your child’s friends. But if you see that your child is associating with academically oriented kids (or even just kids from academically oriented ethnic groups), it wouldn’t hurt to encourage those friendships.

quopoe · January 14, 2007, 11:18am

Marian, The speaker on yesterday told the kids that if they were the smartest kid in their group of friends or the most successful, it was time to seek out new friends. I thought that was good advice, however, I added to my son that he not ignore his old friends if they were positive people. :)

Allmusic · January 14, 2007, 11:21am

Look at your child’s special gifts, talents or areas of interest. We have let our kids drive their own activities, and we have supported them at least 110%. For one, it is performing arts (including multiple lessons of great expense, in two instruments, as well as ferrying to all kinds of lessons, ensembles, performances, etcetc), and the other it is gmnastics, skating and visual arts, which have their own share of practices, meets, etc.

No tutors for my kids. They haven’t needed them, but I wouldn’t be opposed. DS will be lucky to open the book for the SAT the night before. I may sit on him to do that.

My kids spend their weekends pursuing their interests. Son spends all day at a conservatory on Sat, and has a band practice on Sunday, after teaching lessons. D has meets, skates, plays with friends. They both read and do homework too, but neither spends the weekend on homework, unless there are project deadlines. Both are good students regardless.

I think it depends on your child. Some kids do well with less structured time, some need more academic intervention, some need help finding an area of interest. There is no “one size fits all” in this parenting business!!

momof3sons · January 14, 2007, 12:11pm

We have three kids. We did lots of reading from an early age. I NEVER talked “baby talk” to them. Even though people would often comment about the way I was speaking to them, you know what? They understood the vocabulary in context. Like some others who have responded, we never gave in to the pressures of having video games in the house. We have none. My kids rarely watch TV. We have computers which they use for school work and socializing, although I will not allow computers or TV’s in their rooms. My oldest is an absolutely naturally brilliant kid who really never studied much for anything. He was exposed to chess at school and grew to love it and played competitively. We started him on piano lessons at age 6 and he plays to this day. (Now a senior in college.) We sent him to the Johns Hopkins CTY program for 6 summers because he had more fun there than anywhere else. At CTY they move through coursework at a lightning fast pace. School moved too slowly for him. “Learning” floats his boat. We also sent him to a performing arts camp so that he could take advantage of his love of theater and music. We have two more sons. They see their older brother involved in certain activities. They idolize their older brother. They learned to play chess, they took piano lessons from age 6 and each play a brass instrument extremely well. One has been to the same performing arts camp his older brother used to attend and the other goes to a “regular” sleepaway summer camp where he can participate in athletics, act in a play and generally have a good time. Probably the most important thing we did, and we realize that this is an option for relatively few families, was send all of our kids to an outstanding independent high school. They are surrounded by high achieving, highly motivated kids. This is a big deal, IMHO. They can’t help but have some of that rub off on them.

Did we guide them or let them seek out their own interests? I would say that we guided them into things we thought they would enjoy, but never forced them to stay involved in anything they didn’t like. They have done volunteer work in a nursing home facility. They were uncomfortable interacting with the elderly at first, but they became more comfortable as time went on. I guided them into that volunteer opportunity. They knew that it would be “easier” working with children, tutoring them, etc., but that volunteering with the elderly wouuld be more of a challenge for them. I kept telling them about their grandparents and how their grandparents would enjoy having young people such as themselves helping out in such a manner.

In high school, truthfully, they spend lots of time on the weekends doing homework. That’s just a reality that comes with their high school. The fact that they learned the art of procrastination from their world-class procrastinator older brother probably has something to do with why it seems like they are always doing homework. When they have vacations from school, they seem to be true homework-free vacations, and they spend that time hanging out, socializing with friends, etc.

Hepstar · January 14, 2007, 12:15pm

I’m not a parent, so I am certainly not the prime authority on this issue. However, I feel that there is no uniform way to raise each child. I have a brother and sister and the 3 of us are different.

I am the academic one in my family. My parents placed me in all sorts of science-related activities when I was younger. While I enjoy watching & playing sports, particularly baseball, all of my trophies pertain to academics.

My brother is more of a jock. He gets decent grades in school, but needs to be “pushed” into doing so. He is 12 years old and was on of the better players on his little league team. He is also more independent than me. for instance, this year, his school is having a 3-day trip to Washington DC. My brother has no qualms about being awa from home for 3 days. When I went on the sam trip, there was a point when I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be hundreds of miles away from home for an extended period of time.

As for my sister, she is too young to make a proper guess. So far, she seems to be very artistic. She is VERY good with scissiors, almost always cutting around the lines. When she was 4, she spelled out her name in band-aids. She is also very rebellious, often refusing to do what my parents say.

Well, that’s all for now. My point is that every child is different. I think that the best way to ensure that you’re child is successful is to make sure that you foster his/her interests. One kid’s idea of fun might be a trip to a museum, while another’s idea might be a trip to the batting cage. If you are unsure of your child’s interests, try different things. My parents had me enrolled in many things and I stuck with the ones that I liked.

binx · January 14, 2007, 6:04pm

Hepstar, it’s funny - you could be describing my kids, except mine are older. You are right, as many have already also said. Every kid is different, every family is different. If there were a cookie-cutter way to raise kids, all our kids would be perfect, and all would be the same. Boring. (And we wouldn’t need CC!)

For example, I suspect Momof3Sons’ kids and mine would get along great. They sound very similar. But we used different methods. I DID talk baby-talk to them. On purpose. Because I learned in nursing school that it is instinctive for parents to assume babies high-pitched, sing-song cadence and that babies instinctively tune into it. My best friend was appalled, and she didn’t do baby talk. Her kid went to Cornell. Mine went to UPenn. Was it a contest? Who won? (Those are rhetorical questions!)

Another difference is that I did “force” my kids to an extent. They got to choose their activities, but once they did, they had to finish them (or stick it out a pre-agreed upon length of time.) They could play any instrument they chose, if they wanted to, for example. But once they started, they had to play for 3 years, had to practice, and were not allowed to complain. No discussion. Some would call that forcing. Except, since there was no discussion, there was never any complaints, so I don’t know if they minded or not. None of them played less than 11 years.

I think it’s a valuable exercise to see what works for other parents. I love hearing other folks’ ideas. Evaluate them against what you know of your own kids, and family dynamics, and choose what seems to fit. But don’t stress over it. I have a friend who tries very hard to be “teachable” - she tries every formula, discipline method, suggestions from teachers, books she reads on child-rearing. Every time I talk to her she has a new “method.” Her kids are so confused!

OldinJersey · January 14, 2007, 6:14pm

“How did this happen? As far as I can see, it was a matter of peer pressure.”

a favorite story of mine about peer pressure. DS misses 3 months of 8th grade and due to fear of contagion wasn’t tutored. Being stupid back then 15 years ago I let the guidance counselor put him in some middle track classes for 9th grade. (also was LD without classification)
Progress report comes home and he’s failing English but getting an A in Honors Spanish II. I ask what’s up and he says well…if I hand in homework in English my friends ask “what’s your problem” but when I don’t hand in homework in Spanish the kids look at me and ask “what’s your problem?”

mathmom · January 14, 2007, 6:19pm

Probably the biggest influence on my kids was that both dh and I love to read. There are books on every surface in every room of the house. I read to each of them until third or fourth grade. My older son taught himself to read at three, the younger one struggled until the fall of 2nd grade. Both were reading well above grade level in third grade. I encouraged whatever they were interested in. My older’s sons math abilities were apparent from early on - so he got lots of math puzzles and games. When he got interested in his father’s computer programming projects we taught him the basics of programming. (I think he was in 2nd grade at the time.) We also started playing board games with both boys as soon as they were able. Older son played Monopoly regularly at 4 and used to insist on being the banker. Card games like cribbage and SET were also popular. We also had a lot of open ended toys. Cardboard boxes, legos, blocks, art supplies. My younger son loved military history. Since he was a late reader - a lot of that bedtime reading was about World War 2 battles! Ugh! They both started playing chess and did it competitively and in afterschool classes for quite a while. We took advantage of a number of good PTA after school classes - nature, cooking, art as well as chess. My older son went to CTY summer programs for three years. For a precocious somewhat quirky kid who likes concentrating on one thing intensively they were a wonderful opportunity. My younger son - likes going to an old fashioned outdoor sleepaway camp.

Mostly we’ve just tried to respond to their interests. My older son who is probably highly gifted begged for enrichment. Our younger son is moderately gifted - but probably has some LDs - no one knows exactly what, but there’s a fair amount of scatter in his IQ test subscores. He’s always had to work harder at school than big brother and his grades are weaker in subjects that require a lot of memorization. (Latin and Chem this year.)

Oh and they both starte musical instruments in 2nd grade.

katwkittens · January 14, 2007, 6:31pm

I was the “mommy cat” to 5 very naughty kittens! Am now “The Mama”. I am glad they managed to survive childhood, learn to tie their shoes, not wet the bed, scalp each other, not break too many bones and somewhere in there learn to read, scribble and never, never color inside THE LINES!

As a single mom to 5, the youngest now being 16, the oldest 22…1 a grad student, 3 undergrads and 1 lonely high schooler my primary goal was for them to be happy, healthy and know that foremost I would always, always love them, no matter what. Anything else was just gravy.

We managed to enjoy many years of football, baseball, swimming, diving, gymnastics, cheerleading, summer programs, volunteering and spending as much time as physically possible with each other. If they weren’t at practice, then they were at the other siblings practice or game. Took the homework with them. Made dinner ahead of time and took it with us, picnics were always/still are fun.

We only have 1 vehicle so I was taxi driver, coach, nurse, confidante, best friend, laundress,butler, chef and “The Mama”. We didn’t have the financial resources to have more than 1 computer (my second-hand, very old laptop, also known as “frankie, short for frankenstein, mouse doesn’t work and we have an old keyboard sitting on top of the laptop one because it died”), a tv or video games. Kiddos would rather have had their pets (3 dogs, 2 cats, 1 bunny- cats are now 14 and 16).

Do I think they are successful? Time will tell. But do I think they are happy now? Yes, and living up to mine and their expections. Each and everyone of them knows “to whom much has been given, much is expected” and that they have been given much. So it follows, much is expected. Very, very much.

They attended public schools, were in the gifted programs, later some opted out of them for varying reasons. But took rigourous courses in high school and did reasonably well. Each has their own strengths and weaknesses, but they realized a long, long time ago they are much stronger as part of the whole than they are on their own. That would account for them talking to each 10+ times a day even though they are scattered all over the country!!

They each at an early age came to the realization on their own what was really important in their lives. This has carried them through some difficulties and served them well in their successes.

Can you tell I miss them so very much??? They have all gone back to school after break and I am counting the days til they all head home again.

Kat

ps they did manage to color all over the walls, and break much china playing football in the house (the naughty list was extensive)

mkm56 · January 14, 2007, 6:36pm

kat, your post brought tears to my eyes. I say your kittens were very, very lucky to have you and each other. Give yourself a pat or should a say a nice comforting groom?!!

cheers · January 14, 2007, 6:45pm

We read to them non-stop for the first nine or ten years of their lives. H read so many chapter books out loud–I don’t know how he did it! We used to get annoyed because youngest boy would read another book right along with listening to the story being read. But you could stop at any point and quiz him and he really was following both plots very well. Go figure.

I bought a ton of books which I then gave away. I was determined not to let them lose their interest in reading and I accomplished that by buying amazing books that I knew they wouldn’t be able to put down. I put a few hours into this every week. I would make an excellent reviewer of boys’ books, I tell you what.

It wasn’t easy during the 10-15 year old period. There aren’t many new books for boys. So many give up reading that the market dwindles and the publishers repsond with fewer books. Swell, huh?

I had to hunt through the history, biography and military sections of the bookstores. I gave away most of the books to schools afterwards-- establishing small libraries as I went. Now 18 and 20, both boys are voracious readers. They both have an astonsihing knowledge of self-taught history. The 20 year old hardly gets his nose out of a book in the evenings. He’s right where he should be as a university student, in my opinion. I’m reading things he’s recommended! That’s saying something.

We didn’t own a TV until they were teenagers–and we have never owned a video playstation–but it didn’t matter. They both fell in love with computer games. I got smacked by media obsession despite my early attempts to avoid it.

I put time limits on the computer until I decided that they were using it to avoid certain difficult precarious social situations. I loosened up time restrictions at the age of 12. My older son quit playing when he went on Gap Year at 17. At the age of 15, my younger son started teaching himself how to animate his own games. He ended up producing some amazing stuff–all with the help of online talent and info. He still does short periods of playing–but again, I think he uses game playing to make difficult transitions. I think it will dissipate altogether when he gets to uni and finds out that smart stunning coeds think computer playing is for nerds, heh heh.

All in all, I managed to navigate the gaming fairly well–but I know many parents who were not as lucky. My sons always knew that I hated the games–especially the first person shooters (one son played those). I don’t mind the civilization games as much–but I still voiced continual disapproval if too much time was spent in front of the screen. I definitely worried that they would turn into 35 year old hacks. Books may have been the redeeming factor. I’m not sure.

We hired tutors at various times–paritcularily for Physics and Calc–because the teachers weren’t that flash and I wanted them to actually learn the material. I hired a PR SAT tutor for one son but the best thing he got out of it was a vocab list which boosted his socre by 100+ points. Just used the vocab cards for the second one.

We never pushed official volunteering. One did it on his own and one didn’t. We did emphasize the importance of generosity and tolerance within their immediate communities. Both boys were social leaders in their wide group of friends–promoting tolerance amongst their peers by example. Both boys nurtured peers along the way and both earned the admiration of their peers. We emphasized the importance of building strong and diverse communities of friends and peers. We sponsored all kinds of kid events while they were growing up.

We pushed travelling as a means of understanding the world and preparing for lives as global citizens. Both boys went away to camp at very early ages. Both have travelled extensively. Both will do immersive language programs. We offer summer abroad programs if they want to do them during college. Both have done/will do a Gap Year abraod.

We are currently teaching them how to apply for and get amazing jobs that will lead into amazing careers. One is applying for venture capital. We’ve taught him how to prepare a business plan, how to make presentations to VCs. We put a few hundred dollars into his venture to get him started. He’s turned out to be a spendthrift which has shocked us to no end.

Both boys were encouraged to do team sports and both excelled at one sport. One of us went to nearly every game. We were loud. Now, we encourage life-long sport–surfing, wrestling, running, biking…things you can do into your seventies.

We took the boys to many art galleries and theatre events. Even though neither has decent fine motor skills, they both were given sketchbooks to take into museums. When we travleed as a family, they were naturally dragged into many improtant pieces of archtiecture. We did learn to seek out the secret chambers and passages up ino the domes of churches. We all love theatre and film.

Both boys have been encouraged to plan for graduate school. I think one may go for a Phd.

In my dreams, I would like to see both happy with happy and loving families around them–and a great set of friends too. I do set out my expectations for my grandchildren, LOL!" I think we will always share a love of books and learning–and a love of travelling and theatre and film. I’m not sure where they will end up on the globe.

mkm56 · January 14, 2007, 6:59pm

Like many of the above posters, I read to the kids from birth onward and set an example by reading myself (I panic if I don’t have 4 or 5 books ahead stacked up). However, unlike other posters, none of mine enjoyed reading past about 6th grade. Two though were diagnosed as ADD at 18 and 19, so maybe that has something to do with it? All are coming back to reading for enjoyment in their twenties.

Mainly we made experiences available to them so that they could find what they liked and what they didn’t. All found at least one sport at which they excelled. And we were always at the game, the meet or the horse show to cheer on and/or console as needed.

We allowed them to choose their interests, but did make a one year/season requirement of “stick with it”. D. went through a lot before she found her passion. She made the mistake of trying what everyone else was doing first and none of that suited her—thus she has dabs of training in gymnastics, dance, tennis, swimming, piano, etc–before she found her love of horses.

We offered camp opportunities, but the kids rarely took them–much preferred to spend their young summers at home with family, friends and outdoor activities locally.

Are any going to be wildly successful–don’t know. But I think they are all doing what they want and are happy–so isn’t that success?

latetoschool · January 14, 2007, 6:59pm

Q, I think the best answer to your original question, especially for a 7th grader, is think of life like banquet with a huge, unlimited menu. Not one of us will ever live long enough to try out all the things we might like to do and be. So, consider just encouraging him to try whatever he wishes - try a little bit of everything from the menu - and - give him permission to quit at any time; if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to finish eating it. I think that’s really important, especially at a young age. Sooner or later he’ll likely hit on one or several things that he just cannot give up - and - it’s o.k. if it takes a while for him to discover what they are. Just make sure he has access to the fullest possible range of activities and environments - and know that most of them will not be very interesting to him - and that’s o.k.

I think it’s also important that as parents we don’t impose our worldview on those fresh, new eyes. My D is active in two sports I never would have recommended, getting two degrees in fields that I never would have considered or thought of, and pursuing some career path that I never would have suggested. But she said “no, I am not interested in that” to 1,000 other things while growing up, on her way to discovering these four or five things that she dearly loves and passionately pursues.

I think Kat hit it the nail on the head in her post - the best thing to do is spend LOTS of time with them, support all of their activities even if they don’t make a lot of sense or seem very profitable to us, and, in short, it probably makes sense to try to make sure we don’t get in their way.

latetoschool · January 14, 2007, 7:05pm

Cheers, I’m a HUGE fan of sports you can do until your 70’s - 80’s and 90’s, even, if one can get that far. :)

mkm, I never imposed the one-year time frame. I didn’t need to, really, but, if she would have wanted to quit, I would have let her. Mine turned down - wouldn’t even try actually - music, dance, camping, etc. She did try gymnastics, but, was disastrous, and after two lessons she was miserable, so I didn’t insist she try a third lesson lol. Tennis? Too uncoordinated. Horses she loved but was sort of afraid of them; they’re very big, you know. And so on…there’s a very long list of stuff that was tried once, or made available that she simply refused to consider. I was o.k. with that though.

Tips and Advice Needed from Parents of Successful Students

CONNECT WITH US