<p>I have this question… If your daughter comes home one day and says she’s pregnant and she wants to keep the child, would you try to convince her otherwise?</p>
<p>No
But I’d cry when she couldn’t see.
18 is borderline adult. In fact I know a 25 year old who (through much family support) is working and happy with her 6 year old. But oh so very hard in between. So very hard.</p>
<p>I would try to help her figure out what options were available and to discern which was the best option for her, given all resources available.</p>
<p>I would hope that if she was that young that deciding what to do & discovering the pregnancy wouldn’t be that close together in time.</p>
<p>But I would really discourage it.</p>
<p>I’m not a parent, so I obviously can’t fully realize the situation, but I don’t think I would try to discourage her, as long as she had considered the decision carefully. I would be sure to discuss all possible options with her and would encourage her, if appropriate, to talk to the father and possibly a trained counselor (especially if she’s questioning or we don’t have the closest relationship) about the decision. In the end, though, this is way too personal an issue for me to feel comfortable making a call about.</p>
<p>I hope I would try to support her in whatever her final decision turned out to be. If that’s abortion, I’d make an appointment at a good clinic and go with her. If that’s adoption, I’d help her look at different options to find what’s best for her. If that’s keeping the child, I’d help her find a good doctor, share my own experiences, assist financially if possible, help take care of the child if possible, and do whatever I could to make sure my daughter can give my grandchild the best life possible (which may involve providing extra childcare or financial assistance while my child attends school).</p>
<p>It’s not an optimal situation, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be handled well and can’t end happily. One of my friends is nineteen and has a one year old. She lived at home in a separate apartment and took care of her baby while her husband was in Iraq. He returned home this past fall, and they moved to his new base. They don’t have a lot of money, but last I heard (a few months ago) everyone was happy and doing well. She’s looking to have another child in the next few years. My cousin ran away as a teenager for a couple of years and got pregnant when she was 19. Her son is now 19 himself. She’s happily married, with three step-children, an adorable home, and her own company. Her son is working and has his own apartment. I have other stories, too. So, while it’s not ideal, and I’m sure I’d cry about it and mourn my daughter’s loss of freedom and opportunity, I hope that I’d support her in making her own decision.</p>
<p>Time for abortion. End of story.</p>
<p>I know adult couples who tried for years to have children then went through the long process of adopting, being disappointed several times and finally getting their beautiful daughter in another country.
I would surely want to make sure that adoption was at least considered…there is no cut and dried answer in my mind (sorry gottaloveucla).</p>
<p>I understand that perspective corranged- but from my 50 year old viewpoint, I was too young to choose to have one at 24- once you have a child, everything- everything needs to be considered in a way that takes the child into consideration.</p>
<p>An 18 year old just got their drivers license two years earlier, they are barely old enough to vote and to assume legal responsibilty for their debts.
IMO they are much too young to fully understand the responsibility of raising a child.</p>
<p>Back in the “old country” nobody would find anything extraordinary in having a child at 18. May be a little early, but certainly not outrageous. At this age one would have finished high school( at 17) and be in college or working. Grandparents would usually help with babysitting.
If my S comes to me and says that his GF is pregnant( hypothetical, he is single at the moment) , I would encourage her to have a baby and would help with everything( empty nest at 41, not quiet brave enough to have another kid at this age so grandkids are my only hope) .</p>
<p>I would offer my support for childcare and other needs.</p>
<p>I would talk to my daughter about those things, EK4–but it’s not my call, nor should it be. My job as a mother, I think, would be to help explore options and then support her decision. It’s her job to actually make the decision, though, so as long as she’s reasoning clearly I hope that I wouldn’t try to convince her one way or another.</p>
<p>Parabella, foster children? Besides babies and small children, there are many older children and kids with serious medical problems out there who need homes. Any kid would be lucky to have such a caring, loving parent.</p>
<p>I didn’t say it wouldnt be her decision- but it should be her decision not to assume that she could depend on other people to raise her child for her.
If only more parents of teens would try and impress upon their kids the long term implications and responsibilities of raising a child to adulthood.</p>
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<p>I would do the same thing if I had an 18 year old son who was volunteering to go to Iraq- I think that 18 year olds in some cases- don’t think about how they will feel in 10 years-</p>
<p>Are these 19 year old parents able to support and care for the child? Afford health insurance and have stable jobs and child care?
If they are depending on their own parents to care for the child, then they aren’t ready to have kids.</p>
<p>^^Ditto, Ek!</p>
<p>emeraldkity,
I agree with you in theory, but my heart would break knowing that some strangers will raise my grandchild. I would throw the principles to the wind and help in any way a can.</p>
<p>It makes me so sad to hear all of you jump to abortion. I’m not a parent, so obviously I can’t understand the full weight of the situation, but if my daughter came home and told me she wanted to keep the baby, this is what I would do:</p>
<p>Discuss options. Adoption, abortion, keeping the baby.</p>
<p>Discuss how she’s going to support said baby, because, like others have said, it’s an important issue and you can’t depend on others to raise your child (although it does take a village ^_^).</p>
<p>Discuss the father’s role, if any. Will they be getting married?</p>
<p>I, for one, would be proud that my daughter was taking responsibility for her action.</p>
<p>And even if my daughter did come home and told me she wanted an abortion, I would still support that, even though I personally don’t agree with abortion. It’s her decision, not mine.</p>
<p>HGFM - what posts were you reading? Most people said they would discuss options - not jump to abortion.</p>
<p>but my heart would break knowing that some strangers will raise my grandchild.</p>
<p>My heart would break to think about young people who are moving right from their parents house- to their own ( paid for by taxpayers as in teh case of the military couple)
Id be curious if they were married and he joined the service before they concieved or after.</p>
<p>I think children deserve to have parents who won’t feel like they are missing out on their young adulthood.
Who have parents who won’t have to worry about health care or college & who have had the opportunity to get their own education so that they have something to teach the little whippersnapper.</p>
<p>I think couples deserve to have some time as adults, to be able to be in love and enjoy their youth without all night shifts of walking the baby .
To be able to afford decent good child care or to be able to support a family on one income so that one parent can stay home with the child.</p>
<p>I don’t agree that jumping on the bandwagon of increased teen pregnancy and romanticizing the responsibilities of raising a child, is taking responsibility.</p>
<p>I think the responsible thing to do would either to have an early termination or to find an adult couple who are ready to raise a child without leaning on their own parents.</p>
<p>Having sex and giving birth doesn’t make you an adult anymore than smoking cigarettes makes you look grown up.
:rolleyes:</p>
<p>I had my S at 21, just out of my teens. I was done with school, I was working, I was married. I wouldn’t change anything( well, maybe have more than one child). I don’t think it’s for us to decide what is best for young couple( of age), as long as they are happy. Yes, it would be ideal to have a baby just at the right time but if the unexpected happens I would offer help before offering termination/adoption options.</p>
<p>As said before, STRAIGHT to the abortion clinic. End of story.</p>
<p>I hate to say I’d head straight to abortion, but it’d be close. Having been privy to the process of adoption (dad and stepmother adopted sisters when I was 14), I know about all the issues that go along with it. The most worrying is the fact that so many mothers (especially teen mothers) recant after birth and decide to keep the child. It is agonizing for the people who thought they were about to adopt a child, and it makes things very difficult on the family of the mother.</p>
<p>Adoption has a set of emotional issues surrounding it even more complicated than abortion, and in my experience the emotional scars are often much deeper. Abortion might seem distasteful to many, but let’s not pretend adoption is something it isn’t. If all mothers who set their baby up for adoption carried through, it would be a great option (there are always more parents waiting to adopt than there are babies to adopt) but the mothers don’t, often. And the results can be tragically sad.</p>