<p>POIH - You just don’t get it. Do you see how incredibly offensive your post is? You are insinuating that parents have to live with guilt if their child chooses Rice, Olin, USC, et al, over MIT/Princeton/Stanford. </p>
<p>We have some dear friends whose son scored perfect on the ACT and is a wonderful young man and an accomplished musician. He chose a lesser-known outside the midwest, relatively small LAC, that recruited him heavily. He had incredible summer research opportunities at global medical centers, one of which allowed him to win some award which paid his expenses to travel to Sweden for a week last year, culminating with the Nobel Prize ceremonies.</p>
<p>He applied to many M.D./Ph.D. programs, mostly Ivy league, and I believe was accepted to them all. He chose Yale. </p>
<p>But based on your standards, his parents should be feeling guilty that they allowed him to attend this undergrad (and triple major) and not an Ivy league school? You’ve got to be kidding. The school was incredibly nurturing and empowering, which allowed him to push the envelope. I doubt very seriously he would have gotten many of those opportunities at an Ivy undergrad school.</p>
<p>Are you just making this stuff up as you go along poih? There are students at many schools who get wonderful, well paid summer internships, that may include housing and transportation too. Your perseverative ignorance is really tiresome.</p>
<p>Because it’s offensive to suggest parents are making decisions that you judge inferior to your view, and by insisting that some parents might be able to ‘live with the guilt’, you’re assuming there’s guilt to be had.</p>
<p>I hope you’re sitting down, because I’m going to thrown another shocker your way… the above young man I was speaking of, the school he attended isn’t even in the league of Rice or Olin. Yet, look what he has accomplished. His parents about burst into tears when you ask them how proud they are of him and to consider what his potential is. Not one iota of regret… not one. Oh, is your daughter able to triple major (two hard sciences and one social science) and graduate in four years? That’s what this young man was allowed to do at a small, not very well known outside of the midwest, LAC.</p>
<p>With 14+ APs under her belt with a score of 5 she would have been an advance standing even at Princeton i.e. able to graduate in 3 years or double or tripple major. She could have done the same at Rice/USC too.</p>
<p>Instead she chose a college where she would not only enjoy the experience but also gain the knowledge. It was never a goal to graduate in 3 year or with double or tripple major.</p>
<p>She still could do double major or a minor with a concentration.</p>
<p>I don’t know why my doctor keeps telling me to lose weight. I explain to him that after all, I’ve only got 10+ pounds under my belt. For some reason, he looks bemused when I say that. :)</p>
<p>Suggest POIH hit the “IGNORE” button for all these baiting posts… It is really getting out of hand. I thought we were all adults… no? What would you all do if this “debate” were by your kids? You’d say they were immature, won’t you?</p>
<p>Please stop this. I enjoin a Moderator to simply lock this thread. Enough already!!</p>
<p>Being the OP I have to say that I neither find the recent “conversations” helpful nor pleasant to read. </p>
<p>I wholeheartedly appreciate the wealth of advice, information, sharing of experience, and kindness that so many of you bestowed on me. I would, however, ask that you please try to refrain from any hurtful remarks that bring no added value to the discussion.</p>
<p>ParentOfIvyHope - I believe that we all understand the message you’re trying to convey. You have all the right in the world to maintain your beliefs and hold on to your viewpoints, though at this point I would truly ask that you try to target the issue at hand rather than target individuals, groups of individuals, types of colleges, or the like. It is not only hurtful, but it is based on generalizations (which are very often incorrect, as they categorize people/institutions/events) rather than relating to them individually.</p>
<p>Once again, thank you all for being so generous with your time and goodwill (as well as to the many who sent me informative and kind PMs). I look forward to any further constructive communications.</p>
<p>A factual correction here.<br>
(1) Princeton does not allow double majors
(2) Advanced standing for that many AP’s at Princeton normally shortens enrollment by one semester, not a full year. </p>
<p>As to parents feeling guilt (or supposedly ‘should’ feel guilt, etc.), that is a projection of yours, based on your personal standards and assumptions of what is optimal for any child of yours. Others legitimately do not feel guilt because those same standards and assumptions are not operative for them. They do not perceive more than a negligible difference, necessarily, for their particular children in choosing to forego Ivy enrollment until grad school, professional school, or to forego it altogether depending on the particular field of the student.</p>
<p>To the OP…there are many many colleges out there where your student will thrive. I told my kids to make a list of characteristics they liked in schools. This is what they did…and we looked for schools that would meet as many characteristics as possible. In both cases, our kids were able to find several schools where most of their desired needs were met. Some would say this is a silly way to pick a college, but we figured the KIDS were going to college, and we trusted that they would make good choices.</p>
<p>DD’s list was simple…she wanted a college with about 5000 student, nice weather (i.e. no snow), and she wanted to be able to play in the school orchestra (not a band) and take private instrument lessons but NOT as a music major, and she wanted strong sciences. I can tell you…the music thing was the hardest criteria on her list. BUT she was able to find a number of schools to look at, and had three she felt met all her criteria. </p>
<p>DS’s list was different…he wanted to be in a major metropolitan area, wanted a conservatory type music program (didn’t care if it was conservatory stand alone or a conservatory type program in a major university), and a private instrument teacher who he connected with personally. He also found a number of schools and applied to seven.</p>
<p>In the end, they both graduated. They are both happy with their decisions. We felt they both made good choices and will benefit from them for many years.</p>
<p>The OPs child will be able to do the same. It’s amazing how many truthfully wonderful colleges/universities there are in this country. We found some real gems that don’t get mentioned much. DD went to a school that NO ONE in our town had ever heard of. </p>
<p>Good luck in your journey…it really can be a lot of fun. My bet is there will be more than one college that piques your child’s interests…and where he will thrive.</p>
<p>Good grief, what a lot of blathering.
I’ll just say this: there are a heck of a lot of good choices out there that have a bit less ‘sticker appeal’ than the most famous ten or so schools in the US.<br>
Paying attention to costs, particularly BEFORE you get too far into the college admissions process is a very important thing to do.
You are not failing your child by making a reasonable financial choice. In fact, you are modeling some good behavior.</p>
<p>be careful about thinking you can make up $120,000 for your kid’s education by working more years and delaying retirement. You never know what is going to happen to you.</p>
<p>There is always a chance that a child may feel over burdened when a parent sacrifices too much for a child. When a parent have such a strong believe of what a schoold could do someone, and if a student couldn’t live up to that expectation, it could cause a lot of damage to a student’s feeling of self worth.</p>
<p>I would feel guilty only if my kids in any way felt pressured to select a school because they thought it was where I wanted them to go. That ignore option is sounding like a better and better idea.</p>
<p>jym626 - I totally agree with you that the college decision should be made by the child (assuming financial considerations allow for such selection). My dilemma is, that in case my child does manage to be accepted at his dream school (an Ivy school), we wil be able to make this possible for him (financially speaking) without “sentencing” him (and/or us) to years of loan payments.</p>
<p>The question never really changed, poetgrl - am still not sure if an Ivy education worth the debt or not (in case he gets in, of course; but even he doesn’t, he will most likely be accepted at another private prestigious college that doesn’t offer much/any merit money).
I wasn’t expecting a financial advice (am married to a guy who’s very good with numbers, especially as it comes to finance).</p>