<p>My estranged husband and I never agreed about the subject of paying for graduate/law school/med school for our children.</p>
<p>My husband attended grad school as a TA and thus it cost $0. I attended medical school and by the end (35 years ago) I had $100,000 in debt which we paid off over 11 years. My parents did not have the funds to help me pay for medical school. </p>
<p>We have one son in law school and one who is doing graduate school at night while working during the day. Neither has any college debt. Both are responsible kids doing well. </p>
<p>We are fortunate in that we could afford to pay a substantial portion of their current educational costs. However, because my husband did not want to (and because at the time we made the decision he was siphoning off money without my knowledge and thus our current accounts were artificially low) and I ‘agreed,’ both boys are taking out substantial loans. </p>
<p>His contention is that once HE finished college he never expected to get another cent from his parents and he feels that this is their responsibility. I feel it is a joy to help your children and that we can improve their quality of life by reducing their debt load by 50%, for example. </p>
<p>This topic is now arising in our marital therapy. It is an example of what happened that was not effective in our communication and of our differences in thinking. Because of where our money did go, it is VERY touchy. </p>
<p>So, here is the question. If you can afford to do so (i.e., your retirement is funded, you have have no debt, etc), do you think parents should help fund post graduate education?</p>
<p>Not particularly. I don’t have a ‘good’ reason, except to say from my POV I think that grad school is a bonus, and that by that time these adults should be prepared for the cost. I’ve read where people would prefer to save it and perhaps later provide help on a down payment for a home. I don’t really know how I feel about that either. With healthcare costs skyrocketing and such, I think I would rather know without a doubt that I can take care of my needs, and should, when I leave this earth, there be money left over those adults can have everything I leave behind. </p>
<p>But that’s me, and I don’t have the means to even help pay down my only child’s college expenses. I might feel very differently if I actually had money.</p>
<p>I am probably not as well-heeled as you. H had many business reversals and is now just getting back on his feet. I am a college professor, but I do adjunct as well as teach full-time to maximize my income.</p>
<p>DD has no debt from UG. She went to law school. She got offered at $30K scholarship at one and one was a public interest law school so tuition was only $10K. She chose that one, but incurred almost $20K in living expenses (NYC.) She lived very frugally. Really.</p>
<p>Now both she and my son are going for PhD’s. Each is having to pay for the master’s year. That’s what the economy is doing to PhD’s – slashing fellowships. If they continue, the rest will be fully funded.</p>
<p>I am paying for daughter’s but not son’s. She already has debt; he doesn’t. I am going to try to pay half her law school debt for her when I can. Right now I am paying tuition for new degree.</p>
<p>Both are going to live at home so no loans will need be taken for living expenses. Both will work part-time for car insurance and personal expenses.</p>
<p>My H is on board for this, though it does mean more belt cinching. So be it.</p>
<p>Oh, and no one paid a dime for me. UG and Graduate school were fully funded – I have a PhD, too, and got full rides for everything, ever room and board and an UG.</p>
<p>I want my kids to have a good life, period. I could put more away into retirement, and I’ll probably have to work more years than I’d planned, but things are tough, housing is expensive. I just couldn’t enjoy my life if they didn’t enjoy theirs.</p>
<p>Both worked summers and work/study in college for all their books and spending money so I don’t think they expect to be taken care of. I just feel happiest when they’re happy.</p>
<p>I try to refrain from telling others how they should spend their money but my H and I are fortunate enough to be in the above-noted position, and have fully funded the education, both undergrad and post-grad, of our 5 Ds.</p>
<p>I agree with "Just"aMom. It’s not planned right now. I think my kids need to learn that enough help is enough and be thankful that one is graduated debt free and the other one will most likely be as well. Some of my relatives can even afford undergraduate tuition.</p>
<p>Son had the option of private or inexpensive public. He chose public so I didn’t have any problems funding graduate school. I have a friend with two kids. One chose a pricey private while the other is choosing an inexpensive public. He will fund the graduate school of the kid that chose the inexpensive public.</p>
<p>I know parents that have funded five years of college because their kids didn’t finish in four. I would think that they would be on their own for graduate school. Our son’s place of work will pay some or all of his part-time graduate costs so he’s going that route to finish up.</p>
<p>One aspect of funding graduate school is the kid’s attitude. Is it an attitude of entitlement where it is expected and not appreciated or is it one of appreciation and will the education be put to good use?</p>
<p>My younger d. finished both her undergrad and graduate degree in four years. Since we agreed to fund four years, that’s what we did. We don’t have the luxury of considering more (but money is just money, and I don’t attach a lot of weighty significance to the question).</p>
<p>We fully funded UG for both sons at private schools. They both knew that grad school was on them. S1 is fortunate to be a research assistant in his grad program so he incurs no tuition/fees and makes a salary he can support himself on. S2 is currently working, but planning to go back to grad school at some point to get his master’s. He may have to go back part-time so he can continue to work or take out more loans if he chooses to attend grad school full-time. He’ll have to decide.</p>
<p>We could afford to help with grad school (and would if some emergency occurred), but don’t plan to. Who knows how much we’ll ultimately need in retirement so we’d rather not shortchange ourselves.</p>
<p>Personally, as a student, I wouldn’t want my parents to pay for my graduate education unless they were very wealthy. I don’t mean rich, I mean wealthy. As in they could lose their job tomorrow and maintain the same standard of living for the rest of their lives with some left over. </p>
<p>I would just rather they save that money so that I wouldn’t have to support them as much in later life when I have my own family and expenses. At least in grad school, you’re usually young and single and therefore have very few expenses. I’d rather have debt then than pay later, so to speak, by helping my parents.</p>
<p>Disclaimer: I’ve done undergrad without parental help (minus a very things like insurance) and I’ll obviously be on my own in grad school.</p>
<p>I want to add that we can afford graduate school if we want to but I think that’s take away the ability of your kids to strive to be independent and do well in life. They are forever gettting help somewhere. Let them struggle a little bit.</p>
<p>This is not a case of “should”, this is a case of “it is a wonderful gift if you are in the position to offer it”.</p>
<p>It appears to me that the OP and her husband have many things to get onto the same page about before they even get close to the issue of helping their kids pay for grad school. If they ever do reach a consensus on that issue, that would be the time to decide how to help their kids out. Options could include everything from paying down the kids’ grad school loans outright, to simply tossing the kids a few dollars on occasion for the kids to use as they see fit.</p>
<p>Thanks. Some of you definitely see things the way my husband does. For what is is worth, I have medical school friends who graduated with no debt, for a variety of reasons. They have always worked just as hard as I do! My own children are hard working, doing well, do not feel at all entitled and never asked us for money for grad school. I honestly do not think that debt will make them more ‘independent’ then they would be with no debt. </p>
<p>I suspect it will come down to whether or not we feel we are vulnerable if we give them more $$…</p>
<p>Happymomof1, you are right, this is one of many issues and not the key one by any means…</p>
<p>Our goal was to get the kids through undergrad with no debt for either parents or kids. Mission will be accomplished in 2013. We’ve always told them that post-undergrad was on their own dime. </p>
<p>If they had gone to a much cheaper undergrad, I think we would have paid for grad school. The money would have been there. But having been full pay for two expensive colleges, we really need to move on with our lives and start padding our own little nest.</p>
<p>My parents couldn’t really afford to help me much with college. They helped with a good LAC education so that I graduated with no debt but I worked summers and during school a lot and had a scholarship. It was understood that I would pay some of that money back, but what we ended up doing was that I got a smaller portion upon their deaths than my B&S who did not go to college. H went to college in a country where it was free. We did grad school together in the US and with half and 3/4 time TAships, we got through very easily with no debt.</p>
<p>We paid for local state u for S1. He did 1 sem. grad school with a TAship so no debt, but he is not really interested in continuing. We continue to help him as required although he is pretty much on his own. </p>
<p>We paid for expensive undergrad education for S2 who also got a good scholarship. He knows what he wants to do, is pursuing it diligently and is not extravagant. We are helping finance grad school, but he also got a nice scholarship, small assistantship and part-time job on campus that will cover more than half the cost. As long as he maintains his grades and work ethic, we will continue to help.</p>
<p>Then again, we can afford to help and we are happy to spend out money this way. We have and do everything we want and would rather help them now than save it up for them to inherit.</p>
<p>Seems sensible to offer any savings from a “below budget” choice of undergraduate to the student’s graduate or professional school study – especially in giving the student incentive to take cost considerations into account in a major choice event like choosing a college.</p>
<p>My siblings and I all graduated from undergraduate debt free; my parents paid the full bill. My parents made it clear that they would not pay for graduate school, although they would co-sign loans if we wanted them to. None of us took advantage of that; I got an MBA though a night program at the state university where I lived, paid for it myself. I know I worked harder on that degree than on my undergrad degree because it was my money paying for every credit hour.</p>
<p>My kids have a similar deal, although they cover their own books and spending money. They know they need to major in something where they can make a living after four years of undergraduate education, or get into a grad program that is paid/covered by stipends. Or they have the option to do things like work for an organization like the Indian Health Service to pay off loans for something like medical school (I have two cousins who took that route, and ended up happily making a career in the IHS).</p>
<p>I believe pretty firmly that 22 year olds are adults, and it is good for them to take reponsibility for themselves financially at that time. D1 graduated this spring and has a good job lined up. She was aware that she needed to plan to support herself, and hustled on her grades, internships, and started her job search last September. I think most kids (most people) will take the easiest route to support themselves. But I don’t necessarily think it helps them become responsible adults. </p>
<p>When we got into our mid-30s, my parents started making annual financial gifts to all their kids. By then we were all well launched in careers, raising kids, and full fledged adults. If we had had student loans still with us, we could have used that to help pay them off. But we had all very much grown up financially before they started doing this; we never counted on that money to survive because we were already financially independent. I can see how we might have taken a lot longer to become financially responsible and independent if my parents had continued to support me/pay for my education through my 20s.</p>
<p>So while it seems like you are doing your kids nothing but a favor to pay for their graduate education, I do not necessarily agree. There is a positive side to self sufficiency and making your own way as well. If you have covered their undergrad education, you have already given them strong tools to function in society.</p>
<p>There was an entitlement issue too; first son felt entitled to a private school education and felt that the parents were responsible for providing it. You can imagine the discussions (putting it mildly). Second son was looking at the programs, logistics and costs. The aspect of entitlement with the first son was due to peer pressure.</p>
<p>First son’s major generally requires grad school work to get a job.</p>
<p>Peer pressure can be very expensive in your life.</p>
<p>I know a guy from a wealthy family with undergrad, grad and Phd in fine arts. He’s a well-known composer and director and has worked on well-known projects in the US and around the world. Did his parents do him a favor? Well, the world has certainly benefited from his work.</p>
<p>Sure… but he might have been a great composer or director without having his parents pay for the extended education. Or he might have gone down another path that could have been equally productive for society. Like you said, you can never know how it would turn out. But I think giving incentive to young adults to become self sufficient adults is important, too.</p>
but my H and I are fortunate enough to be in the above-noted position, and have fully funded the education, both undergrad and post-grad, of our 5 Ds.</p>
But I think giving incentive to young adults to become self sufficient adults is important, too.</p>