<p>We offered the boys the ‘incentive’ plan as well. They went to private undergrad schools but had merit offers from other schools and we told them that if money were saved, they could have it for grad school. Neither took us up on the offer (which is why I would not pay full costs for them now, but would likely pay half… ). One of them later said he wished he had. Both worked before grad/law and one is in night school and working days. The law student found great internships this summer, one of which is paying very good money and he will be a mentor at school next year and make money from that. I wouldn’t consider them as feeling entitled. They worked all through college as well. They had a lot of nice perks growing up because of benefits from my H employer (travel,etc) but are pretty grounded. </p>
<p>I appreciate that many of you are making sensible comments that echo what my H has said about them needing to take responsibility etc. I need to hear this. Thanks.</p>
<p>We feel very strongly that grad/professional school should be on their tab. We got them an undergrad degree. A debt-free undergrad education is a wonderful gift in this day and age! We agreed to co-sign loans, if necessary. Fortunately both kids chose fields that will allow them to fund grad/prof. school debt in fairly short order. </p>
<p>It’s the social services types that I feel bad for. If my kid wanted to get an MSW, for example, it’d be tough to stand by and watch him/her accumulate debt, knowing they’d never make enough money to pay off the loans without huge sacrifice. Great respect for those who are in it to help others. It’s just too bad our society doesn’t see the ‘value’ in service-oriented fields…</p>
<p>Are there world famous composers and directors without degrees?</p>
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<p>I think that the vast majority of people that succeed do something that they love. It’s pretty clear that he loves what he does and that doing something outside that may not have given him (and us) the success that he enjoys.</p>
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<p>It takes a lot of things to become successful and there are more things that can derail that then there are things that provide the route to success.</p>
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<p>This guy manages his family’s wealth now and he is a superb market technician. I don’t know where he learned those skills but they are publicly available and I’ve posted the link to his site on technical analysis (and his music and productions site too). I think that he’s more than self-sufficient.</p>
<p>As we continue to evolve here in the US, this question will come up more and more. We push for higher education and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. But more and more students are going to go get that Masters or possibly start looking for even more. </p>
<p>I’m starting my Masters in the fall. It will be done mostly online and I will continue to work full-time. I’ll be able to pay for it out of pocket. I think this is what you’re going to start seeing more and more of the online programs. It’s just too expensive for someone to try doing graduate school while making $10k or less a year…</p>
<p>My masters was paid for by my employer at the time and this was a popular perk back in the 1990s. There are still many employers that provide this benefit (my current employer paid for a part-time MBA for a former co-worker and my son’s employer provides a tuition reimbursement program).</p>
<p>30+ years ago, my own parents paid for my UG education and for that of my three siblings. I was the only child to attend a private college, but they graciously paid the higher costs without complaint. My husband’s parents paid for his in-state UG education and helped him with medical school expenses. Our parents were not wealthy and it was a sacrifice for them to foot the bill, but they happily did so because of their belief in the importance of a college education (none of our parents graduated from college).</p>
<p>H and I like to say we have one “cheap child” and one “expensive child”. D1 went to state U, got lots of scholarships, graduated as one of 10 Chancellor’s Scholars (out of 3,700 seniors graduating). All four years of her education cost less than one year of D2’s private UG college. D1 was accepted to a top ranked college in her area for graduate school, finished her Master’s, and will soon start year 2 of her PhD. Her tuition, insurance, and travel expenses are paid by the school. She receives a generous stipend and makes more money by teaching summer and on-line classes.</p>
<p>D2 chose to attend a top ranked private UG school. She received some small National Merit scholarship money, but otherwise, we paid the hefty UG bill. She will soon begin year 2 of medical and we are also paying her medical school expenses. </p>
<p>We saved from the day they were born to be able to pay for college (and it helped alot that both kids didn’t attend private school). Upon the death of 2 of H’s relatives, he inherited a share of a family business and receives a yearly check. It is not a huge sum of money, but just about covers D2’s yearly medical school tuition and living expenses. Since the receipt of this money started the same year D started medical school, we have never “seen” the money and we just pretend he doesn’t get it. He will feel like he has received a big raise when D2 graduates! D1 is married now, but we try to send checks now and then to try to ‘even things out’ just a little.</p>
<p>H and I have always had the philosophy that we want to help our kids now, so they can get an education and make their way into the world without any debt. We’d rather give it to them now instead of leaving it to them in our will.</p>
<p>The incentive we gave our 5 Ds by funding both their undergrad and graduate programs was to provide them with the education they needed to be productive and contributing members of society. A teacher, an actor, a lawyer, a social worker and a med student, not a one felt a sense of entitlement. The four who have finished their education are all financially self-sufficient. I’m not sure why being in debt is necessary for a young adult to learn to be financially self-sufficient. That certainly has not been our experience.</p>
<p>We earmarked money for undergrad. We expected that if the kids went to grad school, that they woudl probably either pay themselves or get TA’s or something. Younger s had considered med school so attended an undergrad that didnt’ use but maybe half of what we had saved for college, and we had fully planned to pay the “leftover” funds towards med school, but he changed direction and isnt pursuing med/grad school at the moment. </p>
<p>Older s is talking about an MBA. He has been out in the working world for 4 years and is fully launched, so I don’t believe we have any plans to fund grad school. Dont knowif he’ll leave work and go to school fulltime or pursue an executive or pt time MBA. If he leaves work and goes fulltime, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, but that would be an expensive choice for him to make. While we had no plans to pay for grad school, if push comes to shove and t he needs financial help, we will probably contribute to it if its in the budget. We are strong believers in education.</p>
<p>I think it totally depends on the families financial situation. For some, to fund undergraduate is really stretching it. But for others, it’s not that much of a burden. I don’t really think having the student pay 75K+ for graduate education is teaching them lesson in responsibility, but it is more a factor of what a family can afford, and what they cannot. Parents should absolutely not sacrifice their savings or go into debt to pay for graduate education, but if they have the means, if they are willing and it’s not a huge sacrifice, why not? Much easier for a wealthy family to pay out of current income, than for their kid to take out huge debt.</p>
<p>That said, our oldest may go to graduate school in a year. In his field, it is really worth it, and if he gets into his current school’s master’s program, it is rated top in the nation. It’s not a big deal for us to pay (though sure, we’d like a new car and nicer vacations), but it would be a huge burden for him to take on the debt. So we said as long as we don’t have any financial disasters, yeah, we’ll pay for it. We’re happy he’s considering it, as it will be a huge amount of work, but will benefit him in the future.</p>
<p>As well as financial situation of parents, attitude and experiences make a difference. </p>
<p>Having lived as a grad student on a NSF grant, I know what it was like to share living quarters with lots of people and eating cheap food. Now, the worm is in grad school with NSF. I gladly offered to supplement him if he wanted a nicer apartment. He doesn’t ask for anything, but he knows he could. </p>
<p>So much depends on the young adult’s attitude. If he/she is working hard, being thrifty, I would be pleased to help out financially.</p>
<p>We never planned on aiding DS for graduate school.
But an opportunity presented itself to him to continue with masters directly after bachelors.
With tuition covered, we supplied rent. He worked for food, gas, pocket money.</p>
<p>He lived frugally and immersed himself in study. We enjoyed being in a position to help.</p>
<p>He’s on his own now, employed in his field and happy. We are too. Each family and student is unique.</p>
<p>Agree that every family is unique. In our family it is generally expected that kids will get a college degree. We have been able to send our 3 to private UG institutions, where 2 have graduated and the youngest is 1/2 way done. We have always told them that we expect to be able to pay for their undergraduate education, but that if they want to go on to graduate school they need to do that on their own. We did offer a scholarship incentive - if they won a merit award, the amount of the award would be available for them from the bank of Mom & Dad for grad school IFF they went to grad school. Our oldest has just collected on that deal. Both D1 and S1 have won fellowships and used their own savings for grad school.</p>
<p>Of course it is difficult if parents can’t agree. In most circumstances I think it generous for families to be able to pay for UG education - options for the young graduate are less constricted if they are not paying off a mountain of debt for their BA. Our kids understand that many of their peers are taking on debt for college, and appreciate the fact that we are able to get them through college without debt.</p>
<p>Retirement planners always advise that parents fund their own retirement before paying for their kids college education. The rationale is that loans are available for college, which you can pay off over a working lifetime. No one is going to give you a loan to pay your retirement expenses if you have no income to repay the loan.</p>
<p>Since the OP and her H did not send a consistent message from day one that they would pay for grad school, if OP feels able to fund grad school from her own assets she could certainly do so, but I think it would be in the nature of a personal gift rather than a familial entitlement. That is how I would view things for our family - if we were somehow 10x as wealthy as we are now we might well offer to fund some of our kids’ grad school expenses. But we (and they) would view that as an unexpected gift rather than what was expected.</p>
<p>I have not read every single post, though I am of the same value or philosophy as alwaysamom posted. </p>
<p>I don’t judge what others choose to do. Education is very important to me. My parents paid for my undergraduate and graduate schooling and I strongly believe in providing this for my children, no matter what it takes. It is how I wish to launch them. They know they must support themselves in summers when they have chosen to live away from home throughout their college and graduate school years (and they have) and also starting graduation day (and one who is out has done so). I don’t feel my kids feel any entitlement. They appreciate the gift of their education and have taken full advantage of the opportunities afforded them. They have won scholarships, fellowships, and also qualified for need based aid in undergraduate school. One of my kids went to an undergraduate program that was a professional degree program and so that was the end of her formal education. My other kid is attending four years of grad school (one more year to go) and she will not be paying for any of it. </p>
<p>My financial situation is much different than alwaysamom, but even though educating my kids is a financial strain and I have many loans for their education, I would never have my kids pay for their UG or graduate school. It just is part of my values about providing an education for my kids and then expecting them to support themselves once out of school. </p>
<p>Some parents continue to support their kids once they are done with education. My value system is that no matter how much money I may have, I would not do that. I expect them to support themselves and they have. </p>
<p>I guess there is a range of what I observe on CC with parents. Some want their kids to have “skin in the game” and pay for part of UG school. Some want their kids to pay for grad school. Some pay for all their kids’ educational expenses. Some continue to support their kids once they have graduated. I suppose I fall in the middle of this spectrum as I do not want my kids to fund any of their education but I will not fund their lives after they graduate.</p>
<p>Maybe a compromise of sorts where instead of paying for the grad/law/medical school you could help them when the time comes with down payment money for a house?? We fully expect our kids to pay as much as they can for their UG and any grad/medical schooling they may want. That will mostly be through scholarships. We expect them to have jobs in the summer to save money as well, we will help after that. Neither DH nor I believe in handing kids money for college so we are on the same page there. So far our older 2 have gotten by with minimal debt, under 10K and have paid most of that off in just a couple years. Our next 2 are looking at substantial merit aid (DS) and a combo of merit aid/athletic aid (DD). They should graduate with little to no debt. DD wants to go to medical school. We will help some, probably living expenses. She will have to take out loans but she will also be expected to live within her means when she graduates to get those paid off quickly. Whether she does that or not will be up to her then though:D.</p>
<p>Previous posts have brought to mind another point. Although we are paying for S2 grad education beyond what he can do with part-time jobs and scholarships, he is pursuing a profession that is typically precarious. He also wants to get a Ph.D. We have strenuously encouraged him to go straight through to get the Ph.D. He will be done with his education by 26 and pursue his profession as he wishes, having the Ph.D. to go back to if it doesn’t work out or if he prefers. It is much harder, and we have strongly discouraged him from doing as several of his friends–take the time off now, because we know how hard it is to go back to school after a lapse, particularly if it’s long. So helping to pay is incentive for him to follow that advice.</p>
<p>I guess that depends on the individual and on the profession. I am currently working full-time in my field and will be starting my Masters in the fall. I graduated from UG in December 2010 so there will be about 18 months between graduation of UG and beginning of GS. When I graduated from UG I had no interest in taking more classes. But now that I’ve taken over a year off, I can’t wait to go back to class. It really showed me how much I have to learn still! And it has made me crave more learning experience!</p>
<p>After getting D through undergad without debt, I was more than ready to assist her in grad school. However she decided that if she didn’t have the talent or drive to finance her own post graduate education then she had chosen the wrong field of study(music). In her search for the perfect grad program, fit meant money and opportunity. Practically every cent of her tuition was covered by grants and her living expense were covered by part time work within her field of study . Consequently, the connections and experience she garnered those two years by constantly scrounging for funds have served her well. She is now working for many of the professionals she worked for in grad school. And she does not have to work outside her metier.</p>
<p>Our son’s plan is to work two years in a field that is relevant to his grad school interests. He’s publishing a bit in the field and cultivating some recommendations from fairly prominent researchers. The plan is to either go to the cheapest possible in-state med school possible (Maryland looks good and that is where he has managed to get himself transferred) or try to get into an MD/PhD program, which is very hard in that his PhD interest would be epidemiology or economics vs a lab science. He is absolutely debt averse but we would pitch in if he needed it. He works really hard and has nobility of purpose. We’d rather invest in his endeavors than a nicer car or big vacations. Will be paying for second child full freight at a private college for a few years of overlap – which is why we are so glad we stuck funds into the 529 back in the day. Somehow we’ll muddle through. When my kids work hard and love learning I don’t mind so much sacrificing for their educational dreams.</p>
<p>My son took the path that Hops Scout did, with time off between. His first job out of UG paid really well. He planned to work and save for MS or whatever. It didn’t take long to realize this wasn’t his career route. </p>
<p>I know several fields were working and gaining experience is very helpful in planning a future. Son’s friend just started in Peace Corps. That doesn’t pay well, but is a valuable experience.</p>